February 19,

I met a new friend, thanks to Suga. Her name is Eunhae.
We played a lot today. It was really fun.
I hope we continue playing with Eunhae.

I flipped through the first page and looked back at the first time we met Eunhae. That was the time when we all had a water fight with the whole classroom. Yoongi was not lying when he said we had fun.

As I looked through his book, I can’t help but notice the similarity in everything he wrote. It simply says that he played and had fun in every page. Even though this notebook was my gift to Yoongi, he’s never let me read them. He always said that he’ll let me read them when the right time comes. I guess- this is what he was talking about. I continued looking, smiling to myself, at every page he wrote, even if it was repetitive. But then, a page caught my attention-

August 20

We had another great day in our secret place
We played hide and seek and I caught all of them in a flash
It was really fun, though she cried because she tripped while running away.
Eunhae looked a bit pretty
I really like her.

Well, I guess this was the first time Yoongi noticed his feelings for Eunhae. Weird because he usually told me everything. Everything – except his feelings for Eunhae. I only found out when he was – well, gone. I sighed and laid down on the bed. Accidentally, I landed on a random page in the notebook. I saw an incredibly long letter from Yoongi. Usually, he’s only write up to three or five sentences. The letter seemed longer than the rest. Again, it was quite weird- Out of curiosity, I quickly read the letter.

January 20

Jin hyung told me something earlier. He told me that Eunhae liked Suga. I think Suga likes her back. This is so unfair. I’m angry at both of them right now. How could they? I’m the one that liked her first! Not Suga! I was so angry. Eunhae was sick so she didn’t come to school earlier. Jin hyung left early because he has a dentist appointment. I was stuck alone with Suga. It’s not like I want to hate him but I don’t really feel like talking to him at the moment. Suga approached me earlier and wanted to eat with me. I declined him of course. I was really just too angry at him.

It was time to go home. It was delayed because the storm was too strong. We were stuck in school for an hour or more. Suga wouldn’t stop trying to talk to me. I kind of felt bad but I was still so mad at him. Finally, the rain kind of stopped for a while and we were able to go home. I sat on our usual seat of course. I sat on the very first seat on the bus. Suga was about to seat next to me but I told him to go away. This was the first time I told him to get away from me. Yes, I did feel a bit guilty but I can’t really do anything. I was really mad at Suga. I took a peek at him and saw him sitting at the farthest seat in the bus. It seems that he was upset at what I did. I ignored him, though. The bus went on as usual. Though the only difference this time was that it was raining really hard outside. The rain becomes stronger as we go. We could not see anything through our windows. I was quite scared. The other kids were panicking as well. I tried to stay calm because I’m a man now but I can’t help it. I just want to go home to mom. I glanced at Suga and he looks really scared as well. I was about to stand up and head towards Suga when a loud crash was heard. I fell down and hurt my knee. I held unto my seat as the bus went round and round. I was really scared. The bus crashed on the barrier at the cliff we were on. I thought we were all going to fall but we didn’t. Though we’re still on the verge of falling. We were a bit lucky that the front was a bit safe on the ground, but the end part of the bus is slowly being pulled down the cliff. Soon, I heard loud sirens and cars approaching us. Many men got out of those cars and tried to make the bus stay on the ground. One kind hyung entered the bus and guided me outside, followed by my seatmate because we were at the very front. My head was fuzzy and I felt really sleepy after crying too much. I stayed in hyung’s car and looked at my classmates going down the bus. I fell asleep. But before I slept, I thought about Suga. I wonder how long it took him to get out.

I should really make up with him.

I felt weak. I was not in my right mind. I remembered this incident as if it was still fresh in my memory. It seemed like this incident simply happened yesterday.

Yes, I remembered this scene far too well. I even saw Yoongi getting out of the bus. I tried not to move too much, as what the rescuer told us. He was the one slowly getting each of us. When my turn was near, one child quickly ran towards the door where the kind rescuer was still guiding one of our classmates. Yes, he was saved. But thanks to his action, the wire that was holding the bus snapped and well- you know what happened next. The next thing I knew, I was screaming when the bus was rolling off the cliff and cold water greeted my body. After that, everything went black.

I died

I heaved a heavy sigh before turning the page. I guess thinking back on that traumatic experience really gets me feeling weird things. Wait- that cliff earlier- so that was the reason why I fainted when I saw that cliff. It’s the same cliff where I took my last breath. It’s that place.

An electric shock ran down my spine, thinking about that place. I closed my eyes, continuously telling myself to forget it. Though that’s quite dumb of me because I don’t think it’ll happen soon enough. As I turned the page, I noticed that it was also a quite long entry. It’s also evident that Yoongi’s writing on this one was quite gloomy since it wasn’t decorated with his usual drawings on each page.

January 21

Dad told me a lie today. He said that Suga is gone forever now. He never lied to me. Why does he have to lie? We were saved aren’t we? I got out safely but Suga- wait,no. I’m sure he got out fine! He just couldn’t find his way home because it’s still raining hard outside! That’s probably it. Suga would never leave me right? I know I was really mean to him. I really really want to say sorry to him now. If he wants to, we can take turns playing with Eunhae. No, he can go with Eunhae if he comes back to us. I’m really feeling guilty. I need Suga here. I want him with me-

It looks like Yoongi wrote more but