A/N:: I AM SO SORRY

I am horrible. My time management . I should study. 

But... after not updating in so long... I decided to finally finally update...

Hakyeon had never been one that liked comforting crying people. He had never really understood how to do it properly. Gayeon had once said the best way to comfort someone was to sit them down somewhere comfortable, wrap your arms around them and their hair. But it was now obvious to Hakyeon that Gayeon’s method of comfort didn’t always work. Especially when the reason behind Taekwoon’s tears were – to Hakyeon – a complete utter mystery.

One minute he was talking about how he thought he could sort his head out if he watched with Hakyeon and the next he was crying. Hakyeon had thought that maybe he might understand it if Taekwoon explained it better, so he had taken him all the way to his house to sit in the privacy of Hakyeon’s bedroom. But when Taekwoon attempted to talk it just came out as garbled nonsense that was made worse with Taekwoon’s tears.

So, instead of asking a crying Taekwoon to explain, Hakyeon simply let him cry. Prepared to wait it all out and let Taekwoon tell him what he wanted in his own time. Hakyeon just hadn’t expected that to take an hour…

In his mind, Taekwoon was slowly going over how to tell Hakyeon how he knew he felt. He had come up with several scenarios. The majority resulting in either getting kicked out, losing Hakyeon and being run out of town. None of which help him calm his tears.

Taekwoon had never had to confess to anyone before. He had accepted his fate in never feeling anything for anyone. Having to not only accept his own feelings while also telling his best friend that his feelings towards him weren’t exactly innocent…That just made the tears flow more. Every time he attempted to speak to Hakyeon he would be confronted again by rejection and the possibility that Hakyeon wouldn’t accept him anymore.

However, Hakyeon’s soft cooing in his ear, and repeated whispering that ‘whatever it is I am sure it will be fine’ did manage to sooth his worries eventually to the point where only a few stray tears managed to escape his eyes.

When Taekwoon had finally calmed down, he sat up and shifted away from Hakyeon slightly. He refused to look him in the eye and Hakyeon knew that whatever Taekwoon had to say was serious. Not only serious, but Taekwoon obviously felt ashamed by it himself.

Attempting to lighten the obviously tense atmosphere, Hakyeon laughed saying something about how they could watch now if Taekwoon still wanted to. And although it made the younger lift the corner of his lip ever so slightly, it didn’t help much.

Taking a deep breath in, Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon for the briefest of seconds before he decided that it was now or never. He could either laugh it all off and never accept how he truly felt, or go at it head first and deal with the consequence later.

“Hakyeonie…” He whispered, twiddling his thumbs. “I… I’m sorry…”

Hakyeon is stunned. Why was Taekwoon sorry? Was it for suggesting that they watch ? Or for crying for over an hour? He didn’t ask because he knew if he waited long enough he would get an answer. Becoming friends with Taekwoon had taught him patience and he was grateful for that.

Breathing in again, Taekwoon’s stare becomes fixated on a single fibre of the carpet at his feet. “I… am sorry because… well… there are many things really.”

He starts picking at his nails. A habit Hakyeon had only observed once or twice before in the past few months. Often happening when Taekwoon brought up something that he regret.

“For crying… For suggesting we watch for one… That… that was stupid… Sort of… You’ll understand why in a minute… and I feel like you will hate me and I don’t want that… I really don’t…” Tears well up in Taekwoon’s eyes and as much as Hakyeon wants to reach out and pat Taekwoon’s back he feels that it wouldn’t be very welcome right now.

“I wanted to watch… with you… because…” Taekwoon sighs, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. “I think…” he shakes his head. “No… I don’t think that anymore… I know it now…. I know that… I am in love with you…”

Taekwoon’s wordsmade the world freeze for Hakyeon.

He saw everything in slow motion.

He saw the way Taekwoon’s eyes finally gave up and let the last tears flow free.

He saw the way Taekwoon bit his lip slightly, before releasing it.

He saw the glistening tears drying slowly on the back of Taekwoon’s right hand.

He saw the fear more brilliantly now, behind Taekwoon’s tears.

As he watched Taekwoon move in slow motion, he didn’t realise that the rest of the world continued around him. That the rest of the world was still moving at a normal pace.

Taekwoon, Hakyeon’s silence was terrifying, his chest is tight, his hands are clammy and his tears are already starting to stream back down his cheeks.

Looking over at the elder, he sees the others mouth gaping, his eyes unblinking. He can feel his chest tighten more, almost to the point that it is hard to breath. He is definitely being rejected. That’s definitely what’s going to happen if he stays any longer…

“I’m sorry Hakyeon.” He says, standing up. He bows at ninety degrees, hands clenched into fists at his sides as his tears flow more regularly now. He had never thought that he would cry so much about something like this before.

Finally, he rises, and picks up his bag. “I’ll stay away from now on.” He whispers, before pulling the door open and leaving Hakyeon’s room for the last time.

The sound of his heartbreaking is deafening but he ignores it, because leaving Hakyeon like this is a thousand times easier than having to hear Hakyeon say I’m sorry.

It doesn’t take long for Hakyeon to catch up to the rest of the world once Taekwoon is gone. The sharp pain in his chest helps him regain reality, and before he even has a coherent thought, he is running out of his room and down the stairs because what Taekwoon said is wrong.

A/N(continued):: Thank you all so much for being so paitent with me. By now I am not sure if you have forgotten this fic exists or if you have actually unsubscribed cause I actually am the most horrible person on the plannet when it comes to updating. But! I have several - very good - excuses.

1. Writers block, or at least something of that sort. This chapter was an absolute b***h to write. I had so many emotions and words that I wanted to get into it and every time (in the five times I attempted it) I wrote it, I just didn't like it. Even this update I have deemed as "you just need to give them something no matter how utter crap it is"...

2. My cat ran away for 5 or so days. He came back smelling like old people but when he was gone I just felt so lost... I am too attached to him...

3. Univeristy assessments. This one could have sort of been avoided... if I managed my time well enough. I originally planned on getting all of them done two weeks before the due date. But I ended up starting them a week - a week an a half at most - before they were due. And in actual fact, I wrote a few hundred words on this chapter before writing 2000 words on the Differences in Developmental Expectation for Indian-Australian and Australian Children. But that was before Christmas.

Which brings me to 4. Christmas/New Years. Why are two holidays in the same week?! I barely have time to get over the fact that I had to deal with family and extended family then I had to organise how to spend the 6 hours before 11pm with my friends... While doing three near 2000 word assessments...

So yeah. Legit reasons for not updating in forever. I guess.

HOWEVER

On the 29th of this month (the same day my baby Ryeowook releases his solo album) I start my month long holiday. Well... Month and a half I guess. (so long) so inbetween my drama binging I plan on finishing this fic. I promise (cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye sort of promise) that I will update until this is finished to the point that I feel acceptable! 

ALL MY LOVE YOU GUYS~!

Also -- this is so shameless of me -- feel free to check out my twitter, I update a fair amount about my daily life and it kind of explains why I don't update a lot: @PippiTayla