Seulgi sighed.

She stood still and tense in front of the door that separated her from the rest of the world.

The world that was on the edge of the universe she gave her.

Seulgi didn’t understand why she could only stare at the door that only seemed to mock her. She didn’t understand why it mocked her in the first place. All she wanted to do was turn the doorknob and walk out of her dorm room that she had hid herself away in for a little over two weeks.

Little do you know

 How I'm breaking while you fall asleep

 Little do you know

 I'm still haunted by the memories

 Little do you know

 I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Seulgi stared at the doorknob and felt an uneasy feeling in her chest.

What was stopping her?

The more her eyes focused on the door and the more her mind dwelled on the action, the stronger the uneasiness became.

She wondered if Wendy was uneasy too.

If Wendy felt the pain too.

Seulgi wondered if she would. She wondered if Wendy would care if she watched her slowly deteriorate into something she wouldn’t have recognized. Wherever Wendy was, Seulgi wondered if the former would just stay there.

Maybe it would be hard to leave Seulgi seeing her in such a lost state.

But it wouldn’t be impossible.

And maybe Wendy, even if it was hard, would be able to turn the other way and leave Seulgi lost.

Would it end up like that?

Seulgi looked at her hand that hovered in front of the doorknob and saw how it was covered in paint and ink.

She looked back to scan her room, her works of art that all lead back to Wendy somewhat organized, but still extremely messy.

Did Wendy wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air like Seulgi did?

Did she look around frantically for something, anything, to bring her back to reality as tears streamed down her face?

Did she pull her blankets in tighter, desperate to feel any warmth, but only to fail every time?

Did the words Seulgi’s gone resonate through her till her bones shook?

Or did good sleep come to her?

When Seulgi let herself slowly collapse, drawing and painting, letting memories of warm coffee dates and even warmer kisses eat at her, did Wendy sleep soundly?

When Seulgi told herself that Wendy was gone enough times that her hands shook, and burned, did Wendy simply wake up peacefully?

When Seulgi was desperately trying to pick herself up and get herself together, despite the fact that she still had to fly more paper airplanes, did Wendy go through a day finding smiles grace her lips easily?

Seulgi sighed once more.

She had to open this door.

She had to walk out of her dorm room.

It’s not like the dorm room was much.

It was just a mess.

What in that room held Seulgi back?

“Her,”

Seulgi scanned the room one last time.

She remembered how Wendy would barge in with her guitar on her back, late at night, smile on her face bright for someone who stayed up extremely late for assignment and project submissions.

“Let me sing you to sleep,” she would say, and Seulgi would only smile as she shook her head fondly.

Despite Seulgi’s protests, because she knew Wendy never got any sleep, (that’s how art students worked), she found herself falling asleep on Wendy’s shoulder as the latter sang softly for her, and waking up, lying in her bed. By then Wendy would be gone, but never without leaving a little post-it note telling Seulgi little things.

Seulgi smiled fondly at the memory, the uneasiness in her chest lifting just a bit.

She missed her.

She missed it all.

She missed how her hands fit into hers.

She missed how her eyes would look at her with a certain glow.

She missed her words that she would whisper to her during their late night conversations.

Seulgi missed Wendy.

Seulgi walked over to the pile of paper airplanes, now only ninety-seven left to fly, and picked one up.

Little do you know

I need a little more time

She walked back to the door and slowly opened it.

She might’ve been keeping her back into this room.

But what Seulgi needed was out there, outside of that dorm room she had made into her own world.

Because Seulgi didn’t want a world when she already had her universe.

And there was only one thing getting Seulgi to take that first step—

“Her,”

---

Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside

 I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind

 I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

It was hard.

Seulgi was uncomfortable.

She knew very well some eyes would glaze over her, thinking about what happened.

Word got around.

Of course it did.

The most people thought whatever happened to that Wendy girl and what did she even do to the college’s best artist.

Seulgi thought about all the texts and missed calls Wendy must have on her phone, a huge portion of them being from her.

All of them unanswered.

Seulgi shook off the thought and picked up her pace.

And of all places she could find herself, she found herself at the café.

She sat alone at the table her and Wendy first used when Seulgi first brought her there.

Where Wendy first told her that she would leave.

Wendy told her she would leave.

But Seulgi still loved her.

And she still did.

She loved her as she sat alone in the café, remembering how they would never finish their morning coffee because they just needed each other to feel awake.

Seulgi held onto her cup of coffee tightly, trying hard to hold it all in.

She put her earphones in and turned up the volume, remembering how much Wendy hated her loud music.

Her loud music is why she even got to meet Wendy.

So Seulgi knew for sure her music couldn’t be all that bad if it brought her Wendy.

Whatever she had with Wendy wouldn’t have started without this café, along with its coffee, and loud music.

Seulgi turned up the volume even higher as she took a sip of her coffee.

Because all she wanted was to go back.

Back to her.

---