I looked down at my soaked black dress then back up at the sky. It was raining. How stereotypical. My dad would have hated this. I don't mean the dead part, that's kind of a given, but that everyone is so dark and gloomy. If he were given a choice, we'd all be dressed in brighter colors, singing the latest pop song on the radio.
 
I'm not exactly sure if I'm crying or if it's just the water droplets dripping off my chin and streaking my cheeks. My mind was too far away to care anyway. I just kept replaying the memories of him, both good and bad. I thought about how he would explain how he would dance as he walked me down the aisle at my wedding, I guess I would never get that.
 
A hand entwined with mine and I unknowingly squeezed it. I didn't have to look to see if it was Jr, I could recognize his touch anywhere. He moved his arm to around my shoulders and I leaned into him, almost as if he was the only thing supporting me as my legs turned into jelly. I haven't heard any of the speeches, too occupied in my own thoughts to listen to others. I knew I would have to go up and say something soon. I'd forgotten it though and the paper in my pocket was most likely disintegrated by the rain.
 
"You okay?" Jr whispered next to me. He honesty didn't need to whisper, the thunder was so loud we could barely hear the speaker.
 
I shrugged and attempted to make a joke even though I knew it wouldn't be funny, maybe a little depressing but not funny, "I'm kicking myself for not bringing an umbrella." I wiped my cheeks and confirmed I had indeed been crying judging by the mascara smears on my fingers. I just wanted to go home and cry in the shower for a few hours. But I couldn't, we'd flown to Seattle for the funeral this morning.
 
"Kali?" I searched the crowd for my mother and found the whole ceremony was staring at me. "It's your turn, honey." I nodded and weaved my way to the front of the grave where a podium had been placed.
 
I cleared my throat. I was going to have to improvise, "My dad was the most cheerful person you'll ever meet. If he were here now he'd be shaking his head at this black dress. He would complain it's too short and I look like I'm in a cult." I let out a shaky laugh with the rest of the people."My dad used to send me little stars in my birthday cards or gifts so when I opened them they'd go everywhere. He changed it up every year though, putting them in different spots. I'd have to be so careful or they'd just go everywhere and Mom would flip. And somehow he always knew what to get me even when I didn't say it." I traced the wood on the podium and smiled, "I guess it wasn't that hard though. It was always a video game for me."
 
I gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat."I remember watching movies and whenever the daughter would graduate, the father would have stars in his eyes because he was so proud of his little girl.That will never happen for me now. I'll graduate in two weeks and he won't be there to smile or hug me. My dad won't be there."
 
I knew I couldn't go on. If I did I would start screaming so I did the first thing that came to mind, escaped. Escaped from the horrible ceremony with everyone dressed in my father's least favorite color. I had to just get away from everyone and their sympathy and all the pain. I just needed to get out of there. 
 
Why couldn't I just go back to being Isabelle? Happy, carefree Isabelle with the perfect life and perfect boyfriend. I was stuck in the dead center of Seattle, attending my father's funeral and crying my eyes out. 
 

"Kali? Are you okay?" Jr voice spoke besides me.  I looked around, I was standing in the middle of the graveyard. I must have walked here without realizing it. Oddly enough I didn't trip over any of the headstones. "Bad question. Here's another, do you want to talk?"
 
I lifted my shoulders in a half attempt to shrug and motioned to a bench not too far away. I sat with my legs crossed and smoothed out the skirt of my dress, "Hi."
 
"Hey. How you holding up?" He was seated a safe distance away from me.
 
I tilted my head towards the sky and saw that it had stopped raining. I must have been wandering for a while, "Eh. It'll get better. Thank you for coming by the way. You know, here." I waved my hand in the direction of the graves.
 
"That's my job. What are best friends for if not to help the other through traumatic things?"
 
I scooted closer and put my head on his shoulder, "Remember when things were simple. When we had years of school left and didn't have to think about the future. When we didn't pretend to be someone were not."
 
"Kal, what are you going to do about Mark? He's going to be mad that you pretended to be someone else. You can't be Isabelle forever." He started petting my hair which I found comforting.
 
I sighed, "I know that. He'll have to make his own choice when he finds out. I wasn't really much different than normal around him. I knew from the second he asked me out that I was just complicating things." I let my eyes drift to Jr's face, "Are people going to hate me?"
 
"I'll never hate you." He turned so he was facing me and he seemed zoned in on my lips, "Never." I felt my breath stop as he leaned in. I was kissing my four year long crush. Is this cheating? If I was Isabelle I would be. But I'm not Isabelle. Plus Mark is going to break up with me anyway when I announce the truth. Who wants to go out with a liar masquerading as a popular girl when all she is, is a nerd. 
 I felt Jr's lips touch mine and I just lost myself. I've been waiting forever for this, why couldn't I enjoy it?
 
Oh wait I know, because I was cheating.

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Sorry for not posting many chapters! Finals have been keeping me so busy! I'm actually updating this chapter in class lol. Summer is coming soon so I'll definitely be updating more for you guys! Don't forget to comment and subscribe! :)