Myungsoo woke up to arms wrapped around his waist in an unfamiliar bed. He held back a smile remembering how right the previous night was, and he snuggled into the elders arms more, closing his eyes again. A light kiss was pressed to the crook of his neck. “Morning beautiful.”

Myungsoo turned his body to see the sleep face of the other, pressing a kiss on his nose. “You have to get up soon. Remember, you're an idol.”

“But I'm also your boyfriend,” he replied as he planted a kiss on Myungsoo's lips, receiving a shove in return.

“Where's my phone? Where did I leave that thing...” Myungsoo stood up and threw on the clothes he found on the floor and wandered around Sunggyu's apartment until he found his phone on the kitchen counter.

Hyung?? Have you seen the news?

Where are you?

Are you with Sunggyu???

Please tell me you're not

Look at the news, the news hyung it's not good

Myungsoo furrowed his eyebrows as he read the texts from his brother.

What are you talking about...?

It's about your boyfriend, apparently he was caught kissing his co-star

He had to kiss his co-star, multiple times, it was in their musical

No, hyung, recently like right before debut, right before you came to Korea. I can't believe that guy! Hasn't even been dating you for that long and is already cheating

Arms were wrapped around the composer's waist and a chin rested on his shoulder. “Who are you talking to?”

“My brother, he says you're cheating...”

Sunggyu's arms lost strength and he shook his head a thousand times. “I'm not I would never do that...”

“So that explains you being caught kissing your co-star from Dracula offstage..”

“That was before I met you, when we were practicing for our actual shows we had a thing but it never... it never got further than simple kisses.”

Silence.

“Do you not trust me?”

“Honestly, do I? I gave my heart to you only days after meeting you and we've only been dating for two months and I gave you my ity. I hardly even know you...”

“You know my heart. I've never been so sincere until you... I gave you my heart too.. You need to trust me.. I'd never.. It's you and me only. Us only.”

“How did you get caught if you didn't even debut?”

“My costar.. She's an actress.. When we went on small dates we never really thought people would be following us but I guess that's a dumb move.” Sunggyu trudged over to one of the bar stools at his kitchen counter, messing and pulling at his hair followed by groans of frustration. “I just barely debuted and they're already trying to ruin my career. Not only my career but my life.”

“How does this ruin your career and your life? It gives you good publicity, doesn't it?”

“I'm a rookie, when you first debut it's all about making a good impression, not trying to see who's really good at threatening an entire fan base of a female icon. And things like this makes you not trust me and that means I could lose you... I went through with this because of you... I'd be losing my whole life if I lost you.” Sunggyu turned away so the professor wouldn't see his glassy eyes.

“Moonsoo says that her company confirmed that you're in a relationship.”

Sunggyu felt his heart burst, he clenched his fists, nails digging into his skin as he stormed out and slammed his bedroom door behind him, breathing erratic as his hands searched for his cell phone. “Deny it. We're not dating. I don't know what she's up to but we're not dating period. Please.”

He abruptly hung up the phone and sat against the wall, trying to calm his anxiety and regulate his breathing.

“A-are you okay?” A soft voice came through the door and Sunggyu felt himself relax.

“F-fine.” He replied between tears and deep breaths. “I'm fine.. fine...” He repeated it more to himself, than to the younger on the other side of the door.

“You don't sound fine.”

Sunggyu hesitated for a bit before a small, “that's because I'm not,” escaped his lips while he let out another sob.

Myungsoo seemed to have heard the faint confession, knocking once again. “Let me in...”

“It's not locked...”

Myungsoo's heart dropped at the sight of his lover in the fetal position with tear stains on his cheeks and clenched fists. “What...”

“Panic attack..”

“Why didn't you tell me you had anxiety? I'd be more careful with my words..”

“I don't want you to see me as weak. I've dealt with anxiety all my life. I never thought I'd be triggered either... I haven't had an attack in a while...”

“Ugh... dummy.” Myungsoo sat next to Sunggyu and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together, kissing the back of his hand. “I'm sorry.”

After sending Myungsoo home, he sat in the car on his way to rehearsal for his third music show. His phone rang in his hands and he groaned at the caller ID. “Yes, noona?”

“Why did you deny it?”

“Because we’re not dating… we went on two dates and kissed aside from rehearsal twice.. I never asked you to be my girlfriend..”

“Oh come on, Gyu, we had something real.”

“No, we didn’t. I liked you up until we started doing shows together.. Kissing you and acting like you became a chore. It was my job to act as your lover and that’s as far as we went.”

“Go on a date with me tomorrow.”

“No. noona. This is bad for my career that I’ve just barely started, won’t you let me breathe?”

“This is good publicity! And maybe I can get you to fall for me again…”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t? Or you won’t? Or you don’t want to?”

“I can’t and I won’t because I don’t want to.”

“Why? It’s not like you’re in a relationship. You couldn’t be in one so quickly after me. Your heart is probably still set on me.”

“You don’t know me - stop please. This is harassment.”

“So you are in a relationship?”

“No, so please get out of my business, noona. I thought you were better than this.”

The singer hung up his phone and massaged his temples, letting out a loud sigh as he wondered why the world was so cruel to let him suffer like that.

“I’m home..” Myungsoo slipped his shoes off of his feet and closed the door behind him, walking into the living room where his mother and brother sat.

“Thank God you’re okay, did that Sunggyu do anything to you?”

“Other than make me worry, no..”

“But didn’t you hear the news?”

“And he explained all of it to me. I believe him because I trust him..”

“How was he able to explain the obvious evidence that he was kissing someone other than you? How was he also able to explain the fact that that girl’s agency confirmed that they are in a relationship? It’s cold hard evidence, hyung.”

“So was that panic attack he had this morning.”

“What?”

“It was a picture without a story. He told me the story but I freaked out on him and he had a panic attack… I knew he was genuine that way.. you can’t fake anxiety..”

“You don’t know that he didn’t have that panic attack because he got caught, you can’t read his mind, hyung.”

“Won’t you just let me live my life? I know what I’m doing and you may not trust him but I do. And so what if the panic attack was for another reason, I couldn’t just leave him miserable like that. I can’t make that mistake... he’s so far in, Soo, you don’t understand. He’s broken.”

Their mother abruptly left the two brothers alone.

“Far in what…?”

“If he hadn’t met me he wouldn’t have taken up the offer to chase his dreams - to become a singer. He said if he hadn’t met me he’d be dead because he didn’t believe he could make it and there was no one to tell him to make it, he’s broken, I tell you. He would’ve rather been dead than sad. He thought it was all over after Dracula. Music is his only happiness and if he wasn’t able to do music he would’ve been dead.”

“What does this have to do with the fact that he was-”

“Everything. It has to do with everything he’s just barely debuted and there’s already a scandal about him and his career - his happiness could be taken away from him don’t you understand? He can’t even do what makes him happy without it all crashing down on him. Would you rather he be dead? When you start dating Soo, I won’t hold you back.. If they’re hurting you don’t keep it inside. When you met Sunggyu you had faith in him so I want you to keep it like that. Trust me.”

“I’m just worried.”

Myungsoo took a seat next to his brother and patted his thigh while planting a kiss on his head. “I know you’re worried and I’m thankful for that. I’d be the same when you started dating. A worried older brother, depending on which way you swing.” Myungsoo chuckled and watched as his younger brother’s face turned tomato red.

“Why are you blushing? Is there something I don’t know, do you need to tell me something? Tell me!”

“Why didn’t you come home last night?”

“Oh Sunggyu and I kind of-” he slapped his brother’s arm, “you didn’t answer my question.”

“I guess I kind of swing both ways?”

“I knew it.”

“But you and Sunggyu-ssi?”

Myungsoo coughed loudly as he walked out of the room and upstairs, not missing the disgusted look on Moonsoo’s face.

“Ew, gross, hyung.” He shuddered.

Sunggyu walked off stage and flinched when he saw his ex-costar standing right in front of him. She attempted to throw her arms around him but he dodged it right away — “please get away from me..”

“But why, Gyu? Don't you love me?”

“No, I don't, I never have, never will. Please stop following me.”

“You've been weird since that guy from Japan! What is your problem are you suddenly gay or something?”

Sunggyu took a deep breath and shot a glare at the older woman. “This is none of your business. I thought you were really a good friend but you're just clingy and nosy and what we had barely lasted a month. I'm getting sick of you, really.”

“So you are gay?”

“So what if I am, you wouldn't know unless I told you, please get out of my life.”

“But Gyu.... don't you want me like I want you?” She grabbed his collar and twirled his tie around her finger.

“You know what I want? For you to stay out of my life, please. To me you were nothing but a colleague I found a little attractive. You'd still be attractive if you weren't trying so hard to force me into something I don't want.” Sunggyu began to walk away as other performers made their way to the stage, in hopes of her not following after him.

“How are you feeling?” Myungsoo asked while laying on his bed on his laptop, phone in his free hand.

“I'm okay. She's been harassing me for the past how many hours and it's annoying but I'm dealing with it. What are you up to?”

“Composing.... I finally found some inspiration..” He played with the keys of his keyboard, recording, deleting, tweaking. “I think I might move back here after the semester is over.. That way I'm not leaving in the middle of the year and the kids get some uncool professor...”

“Are you gonna teach here, too?”

“Maybe... I think it would be really cool to like... be your composer for your music and everything but that's just a thought you know you don't have to go along with it.

“I haven't even heard your music, I can't believe you haven't shown me anything.”

“We were so busy going around Japan... falling in love. I'll show you next time.."

“You're hired.”

Myungsoo's laugh emitted from the other end and Sunggyu felt his heart race. “You're busy, go to sleep now.”

“I'm not tired. And I'd rather talk to you.”

“Go to sleep you greasy little , I love you.”

“Pft. And I'm the greasy one. I love you too, baby. You and me only.”

“Us only. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Myungsoo continued to compose until he fell asleep, and awoke when he heard his bedroom door open. He quickly saved his piece and sat up and glanced at the figure in his room.

“Hyung...”

“Yeah, Soo? What's wrong?”

Myungsoo watched his silhouette shake his head. “I can't sleep but there's this thing that's on my mind from before I went to bed...”

“Come here.” Myungsoo scooted over and opened a spot underneath the blankets for his brother to sit. “Talk to me.”

“Well you know hyung how you were saying I should never not tell you anything...”

“Mm.”

“Truthfully, hyung, I'm in a relationship but we got into an argument and..”

Moonsoo didn't continue for a long time and Myungsoo sat there, not wanting to push anything out of him, not even caring if he didn't continue. He felt relieved enough to know his brother could seek refuge in him.

“It's funny how I kept scolding you that your boyfriend was cheating when in reality it was mine...” A soft sob escaped his brothers lips and he felt his heart break.

“Hey, don't cry..” He wiped the tears of the younger and rubbed circles on his back. “He doesn't deserve you. You're so much better than him. If he ever tries to come back don't let him and if he keeps pushing your buttons I'm here....”

“Go to sleep, I'll grab you some water, mm? Just stay here.” Myungsoo stood up from his bed and ruffled his brothers hair, leaving the door behind him open. He came back with a glass of water in his hand, and watched intently as his brother downed the water.

“Sleep, buttface. You have school tomorrow.” He patted his cheek and smiled, letting his brother lay down and close his eyes.

Myungso pulled out his laptop again, putting in earbuds and continued to compose until the break of dawn. He tapped his brother's shoulder around 6am. “Up, up, up, I'm taking you to school today. If that little boyfriend of yours is there I'm killing him.”

Moonsoo groaned and rolled out of bed to grab his clothes and take a shower, allowing Myungsoo time to call Sunggyu before he started his day.

The phone picked up and Myungsoo could already hear the smile on the other end, “Goodmorning.”

“Morning. Did you sleep well? What do you have going on today?”

“Slow down its 6am, so many questions,” he chuckled, “I'm on my way to a radio station because I'm a guest and co-host today, and yes I did sleep well. What about you?”

“Didn't sleep at all. I fell asleep after talking to you last night but I woke up because Moonsoo couldn't sleep and he wanted to talk or something like that.”

“And your plans?”

“I'm being a good brother and taking him to school, I'm probably going to try to catch you on the radio... go visit Woohyun because it's 3 years today. Hopefully his family and Dongwoo won't kill me.”

“Ah, I wish I could be there, but I don't even know him so I shouldn't even be there. Best of luck, don't cry too much and I'm sure they won't kill you.”

“I love you, have fun today.”

“Mm..” The call ended.

Myungsoo didn't waiver at the fact that Sunggyu wasn't using pet names or saying I love you because he is in the car after all and that's dangerous.

Just wanted to say I love you more, baby.

Myungsoo dropped his brother off at school but waited to see if he was going to hang out with his ex. He watched intently as a guy pulled his brother into a hug and attempted to kiss him, only to be shoved away, which set Moonsoo up for a slap.

Myungso stormed out of his car and shoved the guy (who towered over him, to his misfortune). “Look, kid. I don't know you but you're harassing my little brother and I don't appreciate it. Just end it here, it was your fault in the first place. I don't care how dumb you think it is that an older brother is taking care of his younger brother at least he has someone to actually lengthen his common sense and morals as a human.”

Myungso walked away with his brother. “Don't let him do that again.”

“Myungsoo hyung? What are you doing back in Korea?”

Another tall boy approached the two, Moonsoo's best friend who Myungsoo really really would rather have Moonsoo date.

“Just visiting. I'm glad you're taking good care of Moonsoo for me. You've gotten so tall, Daeyeol-ah..”

“From my brother, I guess.”

Myungsoo laughed and nodded his head in agreement. “I've gotta get going, you should come over some time soon, take your brother too. It'd be nice to catch up before I leave.” Myungsoo waved goodbye with a smile and patted his brother's head before returning to his car.

He was first to arrive at the cemetery, nervously waiting by Woohyun's grave. “Do you think they hate me hyung?”

“Kim Myungsoo?”

Myungsoo's head snapped in the direction of the voice and he saw one of his best friends standing there. “Dongwoo hyung...”

He found himself being jumped on by the older man. “Oh I'm so glad you're okay Myungsoo you just disappeared without telling anyone and your mom or Moonsoo refused to tell us anything and...”

“I missed you a lot, hyung. I'm not completely back here yet... maybe in a year.”

“Where did you go?”

“I live in Japan...”

“Ah and you came to Korea for...?”

“Woohyun hyung.. and my family... and my boyfriend...”

“Boyfriend? Finally moved on?”

Myungsoo nodded his head and there was a comfortable silence. “I'm just glad you're okay. I thought I lost you too.”

Myungsoo's heard light footsteps and turned his head and saw the Nam family in front of his eyes. He pursed his lips and bowed to them.

“Why are you bowing to us, you silly kid? You're here for the first time in 3 years and all you can do is bow? Come greet your family, Kim Myungsoo,” Woohyun's mother scolded him — as always and opened her arms for a hug.

“How have you been, my baby... It's been too long without you we all miss you so much..”

“I thought you would hate me when you saw me.”

“Hate you?” She slapped him upside the head lightly. “Why would you ever think that? You're like a third child to me, Kim Myungsoo, I've known you since you were in the womb.”

He found himself in a headlock — which could only mean that Woohyun's older brother was excited to see him.

“You're back in Korea? If you ever left? You're a sneaky child, Myung, you're one sneaky child, disappearing with no one even knowing.”

Myungsoo's rolled his eyes and his heart felt at ease.

He sat at a table in a small restaurant with the three Nams and Dongwoo, chatting quietly about their lives.

“So how's your life, Myungsoo? What are you doing?”

“I'm a composer, actually. I know when I was a kid I always wanted to do a profession away from the arts but I wanted to do music, for hyung. I'm a professor in Japan for the music majors. My kids treat me well, and I'm glad for that. That's work, at least.”

“And life itself?”

“It's wonderful. I'm the happiest I've ever been and I met someone in Japan but he lives here. I came to Korea for his birthday and debut, but also to come and see everyone I left behind without a word.”

“And this someone is...”

“My boyfriend. He came to Japan for his musical and I met him through there. It's only been two months but within the first week of getting to know each other it felt like a thousand years childhood best friends turned lovers.” The youngest in the bunch chuckled.

“How's your mom taking that? Does she know yet? I swear, Kim Myungsoo, you keep less secrets with me than you do with your mom.”

“She's alright with it. She's not necessarily uncomfortable with the fact that I'm gay, but it's more that she's uneasy that he would hurt me how hyung...” His voice drifted everyone understood as they had just returned from mourning the loss.

“And dad..?”

“Haven't even seen him... he doesn't even know I'm in Korea..” Myungsoo let out a bitter laugh.

Myungsoo stood in front of his father's house (mind you, his parents are divorced), pacing back and forth biting his lips so hard it could bleed. He pulled his hand from his side and rang the doorbell, waiting for approval to come in through the speaker.

“Who is it?” A female voice answered and Myungsoo's heart dropped.

“Myungsoo.”

“Myungsoo... Soohyun, there's a boy named Myungsoo here?” His father didn't tell her.

“Let him in.”

He heard the door unlock and he carefully stepped inside, removing his shoes and walking inside the house he had stayed in various times but was still foreign.

He found the face of the woman's voice sitting on the sofa with his father, who was ignoring his presence. He bowed ninety degrees, only to be returned with a confused look on the woman's face.

“Hello.... I'm Soohyun's son... Kim Myungsoo.”

“But Soohyun only has one son, Moonsoo?”

“I do only have one son..”

“Dad..”

“You've never been my son, Kim Myungsoo, you knew that from the day you left.”

“I'll be going then. Sorry to disturb you...” Myungsoo bowed once again and turned his back only to be stopped by the woman.

“So quickly? Stay for some coffee, at least.. Soohyun may not want to talk to you, but I will.”

“A-are you sure?”

“Of course.” She stood and placed a gentle hand on his back and led him to the kitchen, seating him before beginning to brew coffee.

She sat next to him with wondering eyes looking at all his features in its pure glory. “You look quite like him...”

“W-well I am his son.”

“But Moonsoo-”

“You only know of Moonsoo because my dad only likes Moonsoo.” A sad laugh. “Moonsoo also lives in Korea so he visits more often. Mom and Dad divorced because my dad didn't treat me well and that led to a lot of arguments between them so...”

“Why does he only like Moonsoo?”

He pursed his lips, “mistake child.. My mom's pregnancy with me made him marry early and throw away half of his life. He also dislikes the fact that I don't plan on spending the rest of my life with someone of the female gender, or the fact that I went into music instead of business.”

“I used to come here a lot. When he liked me a little bit more than he does now. But I moved away and I hadn't spoken to him since I came out to him. I thought he might've at least told you he had another son but I guess he's really gotten rid of me.”

She his hair lovingly as if he were her own son (although being quite younger than his father). “I'm sorry. I'll always be here.. as your step mother.”

“Ah, so he remarried...”

She nodded and stood to pour the coffee, placing a mug in front of him.

“Thank you. For once I sit in this house and actually feel wanted.”

“No problem, sweetheart. A son of his is a son of mine, even if he may not like you as much.”

Myungsoo got into his car and let out a heavy breath, deciding to call Sunggyu as a breather.

“Missed me?”

“That and I just want someone to talk to, my day went from great to absolute .”

“Talk to me.”

“I visited my dad today. It was a mistake. I don't even know why I bother visiting if I'm the reason he got divorced with my mom in the first place and the reason he got married to my mom in the first place. I'm only his mistake, not his son.”

“Whoa, baby, slow down.”

“I visited and he didn't even talk to me, his wife was who even bothered to take care of me. She took better care of me in 2 hours than he ever did in 23 years.”

“I'm sure he doesn't hate you...”

“Of course he does, he's said it to my face before Gyu, I'm a mistake to him.”

“But you're your mom's most prized possession and Moonsoo's best friend and role model. You're my sunshine, Soo. Even if he is your father there's so many people that treasure you more than he ever did.”

“Thank you.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Good luck tomorrow, you're amazing my Dracula. I love you.”

“Love you more.”

“How was it today, hyung?”

Myungsoo said nothing and pulled his brother into a hug, wanting nothing but silence which his brother gave him as he wrapped his arms around his older brother.

“Too much today, Soo. The Nams don't hate me and neither does Dongwoo hyung, but Dad, as usual...”

“You met Dad?”

“Yeah.. Woohyun hyung's mom brought it up and I thought it would be worth a shot.”

“Hyung you should've told me, I would've came and made it easier.”

“I can't rely on you, you're my baby brother, you're supposed to rely on me. And I especially can't rely on you to stitch the broken relationship I have with Dad. It's my problem, you shouldn't have to worry about it. How's your cheek by the way? It didn't bruise?” Myungsoo pulled out of the hug and sat his brother on the sofa, examining his face.

“What do you think of Suji?”

“Ah, so that's her name.. well.. she made me feel wanted. Dad ignored me completely but she offered to talk to me and I was pleased by it. She said she'd always be there for me.”

“That's good. I didn't like her at first but she always treated me like her own and she's kind. Not that Cinderella type .”

“That's good to hear. At least Dad treats you well. That makes me feel at ease.”

“I hope Sunggyu-ssi's dad can be like a father figure to you, hyung.”

okay so I totally didn't focuses on the issues but I thought you guys should get to know myungsoo and Sunggyu before I did anything else. this is myung's chapter, the next will be gyu's. I also want to include  a lot of Moonsoo bc he's a dear. here's a long chapter hope you enjoyed