Sleep doesn’t come easily, tossing and turning, thoughts making the aching in my chest worse.

It’s already four in the morning and honestly it’s too late to sleep but too early to start getting ready. I play with the thought of skipping school, pushing it away when a pair of faces flash in my head.

Jeez I have two hours until I have to get ready what to do. I look around my room, searching for anything to occupy myself. I almost give up when I catch the site of my old sketchbook under a bunch of books. Picking it up and bringing it back to the comfort of my bed, and flipping through the pages.

I smile at the wrinkled pages, memories flooding in. My fingers glide over the portrait of my cousin Yongguk hyung. I remember staying up for hours just to get the dang eyes to match, I was so excited to show it to him.

I get the urge to draw all of sudden so I reach over and grab some pencil turning to a black page. I end up drawing for an hour and the finished product shocks me. It’s a wolf, but not a wolf I recognize or at least shouldn’t recognize. Something about it though is familiar, I don’t get the chance to think too much when my mom is coming in my room talking about going to work early so no breakfast.

“Don’t worry umma Jin hyung will probably bring me something.” I wave her off.

“Okay Jungkook-ah, oh are you drawing again?” she ask peeking into my sketchbook. “You haven’t done that in a while.”

“Yea I know”

“Who is it?” she ask, face confused but there’s something else there.

“I-I don’t know” I confess looking down at my drawing. She frowns for a second then it’s gone and she’s waving goodbye.

Well that was weird. My stomach rumbles, and I quickly think of messaging Jin hyung. It hits me we are not talking right now.

I guess I have to feed myself. They should still be coming though, they always come no matter what. The thought soothing my nerves.
 

The more time goes by the more confidence I lose that they are actually going to show. My stomach is a mess by the time I have to start leaving for school. Never have I walked to school without Bangtan, but there is always a first time for everything.

Making my way down the steps I see Woohyun hyung walking out. “Hyung!” I wave excitedly, happy I don’t have to walk alone.

“Oh hey Jungkookie” he smiles ruffling my hair when I reach him, “Where is your pack?” he looks around nervously.

My previous joy crushed with the mention of my pack, “Uh they woke up late.” I whisper.

He looks at me for a second before nodding his head. Thankfully he got that I don’t want to talk about them.

“Did you hear about the killings?” He changes the subject.

“Huh? No what killings?” the conversation interesting enough to take my mind off my pack.

“It was two guys, they were brutally murdered. They still don’t know whether it was a human or a… wolf.” He says carefully.

I nod my head for him to continue, “Well apparently there was tearing of the bodies, pointing toward a wolf. But the bodies had also been completely cleaned out, their insides found in a bag tied to their wrist.” He finishes, my nose scrunching in disgust.

“That sick, why would anybody do that?”

“I don’t know but let’s talk later got a test in math and I haven’t studies yet” He says waving and running into the school.

I didn’t even realize we reached the school. I kind of just stand there confused, because I was actually really early.

Well it’s now or never.

I start walking toward the tree and again find my pack and yet again find them with the twins.

What is going on? it. I need to talk to them, they’re my pack and I’m not going to let the twins stop me.

I walk closer trying to make as little noise as possible. The minute they spot me all their laughter stops and they all just stare at me. Well this is awkward.

“H-hey.” I say never looking up from the ground. Why am I feeling so nervous and unwanted?

I look up when I don’t get response, but I wish I hadn’t. Taehyung, Jimin, and Hoseok hyung just look awkward and nervous. Jin is not even looking in my direction and Yoongi hyung doesn’t even open his eye. Namjoon is probably the worst, his eyes are piercing through me with what feels like hate. And I can’t forget the twin with their match set of smirks.

Man do I want to slap them.

The atmosphere getting a bit to uncomfortable so I decide to just get on with it. “I just wanted to say I-I’m sorry about yesterday, I-I didn’t mean to blame you… I was just… angry and I know you would never do that but…” my voice fading away, feeling like I was going nowhere with this.

Before I could speak again Namjoon spoke, “Look Jungkook you are the maknae which means you don’t disrespect us, but it seems that’s all you’ve been doing lately.” Namjoon looks at me sternly. My head going down immediately.

“And it needs to stop, just like our willingness to forgive you. Jungkook you have taken it too far and we are not just going to sit here and let you get away with it.” His face not showing a hint of backing down.

His next words sending me into shock. “So I think you need to leave us alone until we think it over and we are ready to forgive you.”

Now my world is crashing and burning, as I stand there rejected by the few people I can actually call family. At this point I can’t even see because the tears are clouding my vision.

“I see… I’ll be going then.” My voice choked, and with that I turn to walk away trying my best to hind the tears ready to spill.

I walk but not toward the school but out the gates, and right now I could care less about my grades or teacher or anything. Right now everything hurts and I just want to leave, run somewhere safe.

I can’t understand what’s happening, no matter what I have done, they always forgive me. Is that selfish to say? Am I a bad person? I just can’t grasp why they are acting like this. Sure I was wrong, but to go as far as to tell me to leave them alone. Was it really that bad?

No Jungkook you are going to be strong. This has happened before; people always turn their backs on you. But I can survive perfectly by myself.

I’ve been abandoned before.

I’m alone.

But I’m better off that way.
 

“Namjoon I can’t do this. I need to go to him.” Jin frantically stood up heading toward the maknae. I tried to stop him but I was beaten to it.

“NO!” the twin shout reaching out toward Jin.

“If you go to him now, what is he going to learn?” the twins try reasoning.

“I don’t give a ! I need to go to him. Namjoon this is not right and you know it!” Jin is losing it.

“Enough! Jin you need to stop babying him. He is never going to learn. Let him be, he’ll be fine.” I decide to intervene.

Now having no choice but to obey he sits back down, “Namjoon right now I don’t even know who you are. This is going to backfire on us, I know it.”

Some part of me knows I need to listen. The same part is also telling me to run after Jungkook and envelope him in a hug and kiss away those tears; so it can’t be that right.

I honestly cannot believe that boy! Does he really think we would be so stupid as to tell people his secret!

“Hey” a voice calls out from behind me. Can’t they see I’m not in the mood?

“What” I spat, spinning around to glare at the annoyance.

“Whoa there just wanted to make sure you were okay.” It was one of the twins, I can’t tell which is which.

“Yea I’m fine” I quickly answer just wanting to get away.

“Is it you maknae?” he questions. My head snaps back in shock, his knowing smirk pissing me off.

“What the ! Have you’ve been stalking me?!” I step closer ready to punch this fool in the face.

“No” he chuckles. I really hate this guy. “But you have the face on.”

Okay I really don’t like guy, “And what does that mean?”
 

“Well whenever that boy is involved you all get this face of distress and I just feel bad.” He give me a sympathetic face.

I want to punch it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking but I would really appreciate it if you minded your damn business.” I say harshly.

“Okay whatever you say I just feel bad when I see people being manipulated.” He shrugged walking away.

I know this is bait but I can’t help but become curious. “What do you mean?”

His smirk confirms that I have just taken the bait, “Look I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to you. I almost lost my brother because of someone like Jungkook.”

He continues when I nod, “Don’t take this the wrong way but you all cater to Jungkook, bending at his will. I use to be the same way with my girlfriend, she had a way of manipulating people just like Jungkook. I can see the similarities as clear as day and if it doesn’t stop you’re going to lose someone and it might just be him.”

I wasn’t really seeing what he was talking about, “I don’t know what you’re talking about but I assure you we are perfectly fine.”

"You are mad at him right now right?” I nod in response. “And you were going to just forgive him after he apologizes right?” I nod again this time more slowly.

“This is what I’m talking about, you let him have too much power over you and he may think he can do whatever.”

“Listen I don’t need your advice.” I walk away, having enough.

“Hey why don’t you at least make him realize that he can’t manipulate you?” he offers.

Curious I turn toward him eyebrow raised, “Its easy just don’t let him walk all over you. That means when he does something wrong don’t take it lightly.”

“Look guys you don’t think things have been getting out of hand with Jungkook?” the collective shake of their heads didn’t have me feeling any better.

“Hyung I don’t get why we are doing this to Kookie? Did you see his face?” Taehyung spoke his eyes getting watery.

“Look if we don’t stop catering to him he will continue to push us around.” I try reasoning with the rest.

“Namjoon I don’t know where you got this idea from but it’s stupid and makes absolutely no sense.” Yoongi says something in his face telling me ii ed up.

“Hey guys I’m going to need you to leave okay we as a pack have important stuff to handle.” I say shooting a quick look at the twins. They oblige, though they looked hesitant and worried.

“I want to know right the now what was going through your mind that you thought it was a good idea to treat Jungkook like that?” Jin spoke his voice low.

“I don’t ing know okay I’ve just been… confused and I don’t know what’s going on with me but it always seems to revolve around Jungkook and I just wanted it to stop!” I breathe, feeling lighter now that I can get this off my chest.

“Okay I understand it’s been confusing, but that goes for all of us even Jungkook. Which is why we need to be together to figure this out.”  Jin says, his voice soft but his eyes are furious.

“Jin I understand what you’re saying but I also feel like we let the kid walk all over us.” I wanted to just give up but something kept bringing me back here.

“Are you serious Namjoon hyung of course we ing let him walk all over us!” Hoseok yelled, “Did you just ing realize that. It’s not anything new! We do it because we care about him and we promised to never hurt him! But lately that’s all we’ve been doing!” his words were harsh but I knew I had no right in reprimanding him for being disrespectful because he was right.

“Okay! You think I don’t know I ed up!” I was starting to feel overwhelmed. “Then why did you do this?” it was a question of pure curiosity but it made me feel like because I didn’t have a good answer.

“I was just frustrated and he got to me at the perfect time and he said I was going to lose him and my pack and I wasn’t thinking and I just wanted to understand things and he said it would fix things and I ju…“ I couldn’t finish the reality of what I have done hitting me hard.

“Who was it Namjoon who was it?” Yoongi looked so concerned and angry his fingers digging into my shoulders.

“One of the twins b-“

“He was ing right. And this is why we need to listen to him because he is obviously the ing smartest.” Yoongi was pacing which was not normal for the wolf.

“Hyung you’re scaring me. Who was right?” Jimin stopped him from pacing.

“Oh shut up. And Jungkook was right about those twins there is something definitely fishy about them. I heard one thinking about something like how they were so close- and then with Namjoon…” Yoongi started rambling like he does when he is thinking.

“And none of it sounded fish enough to tell us earlier?!” Jin flailed his arms in disbelief. “I thought maybe they were talking about- oh I don’t ing know! I wasn’t really thinking. Hey I’m sorry but I think we’re forgetting who ed up here.” Yoongi pointed to me.

“Oh gee thanks Yoongi” I was starting to get where Yoongi was going with this. Those twins were going to get their necks wrung.

“Okay let’s just get Kookie.” Jin hurried, everyone following.

“What are you doing Taetae let’s go get Kookie.” Jimin offered his hand to Taehyung who was still on the floor with his head down.

“Tae are you okay?” Jimin asked bending down next to the still body. Taehyung lifted his head, his eyes turned their fiery red color but they were… dead. It was like Taehyung’s soul had been out.

“Taehyung are you okay?” it scared me how dead he looked when not minutes ago he was fine. But nothing could scare me more than the words he had uttered next.

“I can’t see Jungkook”

Nothing I felt absolutely nothing.

I cried all the pain away, I screamed all the anger away, and now all that was left was the familiar feeling of emptiness.

If I felt nothing then I couldn’t get hurt.

The clouds started to form in the sky, the drops of rain refreshing, and the breeze freeing. I look down on the school yard and can’t stop the over whelming feeling of just letting go.

“JUNGKOOK!” my body is being jerked backwards, and then I’m being enveloped in warmth. The voice is familiar but I don’t have the energy to even think of who it belongs to. The warmth of this person keeping me grounded even for a little.

“Jungkook what the do you think you were doing?!” the voice is soothing, I know it’s supposed to sound angry but all I hear is the underlying concern and care, and right now that’s what I need.

“Jungkook look at me.” I open my eyes, letting the light in but then the pain is back. “Hyung please don’t make me I just need you.”  

“What happened Jungkook? Please tell me” I open my eyes again letting the tears fall because locked in this warmth feels safe. “I’m alone again hyung. They abandoned me hyung. Why can’t I hold onto the people I love hyung?” at this point I don’t know what I’m saying, just letting the words flow out along with the sobs.

“Shh Jungkook you’re not alone I’m here okay. Look at me.” He tilts my chin up with his finger, and all I need is someone to show that they care, show me that they love me.

“Hyung please don’t move away”

“What are yo-“

I need something.

Anything.

His lips are warm and I can feel the love. I feel bad playing with his emotions, I feel selfish, helpless. Am I selfish for wanting to be loved and cruel for taking it from the one person I know won’t reject me?

I want to fill this empty feeling.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

AN) hey okay this was like a day late sorry.

But here you go. This chapter was a little angsty, but hey who did Jungkook kiss? There are actually two possibilties swimming around in my head but i'll decide later.

Yeah so sorry if this was a little boring but it's going to start getting really crazy from now on. 

So until next time bye...

PS. sorry if there are any mistakes in this chap or the others i just haven't gotten around to checking them.