When we broke apart for air, I was practically lying down on that damn counter, his forehead pressed to mine as we caught our breaths. His orbs swirled with misty silver and white, so intense on my brown ones that I wanted to squirm and look away. 

“This is the reason why,” He whispered tenderly, before reaching up and pressing his lips lightly to my forehead. 

This thought kept on haunting me for days on end. Why would he do such a thing? What did it mean? Most importantly, I just had this urge to know whether he was still hooked up on his previous mate. Trust me, I hadn’t come to this sudden resolution all by myself. A few days after our discussion, I’d found something of Luhan's that quite troubled me. I had woken up to the sleeping silver wolf by my side, practically taking up all the space on the mattress when he had a perfectly decent bed to use. There was not a day where he actually crashed onto his bed, arguing that he was tired from his shift and that once he returned he didn't feel like climbing up such a long distance.

Such lies since it was just a few inches away, I had replied wittily with a roll of my eyes.

Shrugging off the arm curled around my waist, I had proceeded to climb onto his bed and take his place instead since he wasn't basking in its comfort. 

As I tumbled through the bed covers and snuggled up on his pillow -- granted Luhan's scent did wonders for me-- I accidentally hit his bedside table with my elbow, causing objects to crash to the ground. I held my breath still for a second before taking a peek at the boy. 

Luhan had cracked one eye open and was watching me wearily, "what did you do?" He asked in a soft murmur. 

"Nothing!" I said a little too quickly, "go back to sleep" 

"Should I be worried, sweetheart?" He lifted a teasing brow. Unlike other times, using an endearment instead of my name made my blood boil with embarrassment, "go back to sleep before I knock the ing lights out of you myself" 

He complied, and I took this as my chance to gather up the fallen objects. Something suddenly caught my eye, causing me to freeze in mid-action. 

I furrowed my brows. What's this? It looked like a faded out photograph. My fingers itched with curiosity, and seeing that Luhan was already knocked out and snoring softly, I quickly dived to the other side of the bed and grabbed onto the small frame. 

Covering myself with the blanket and making as if I was asleep, I cautiously took it out and smoothed it over, surprised to find that not Luhan's but a beautiful stranger's face staring back at me. 

Who in the world?-- my train of thought froze when I caught sight of the name written at the bottom left corner of the wrinkled paper. Vivian, it read, and instantly I put two and two in my brain. 

Was Vivian the girl that he had been so in love with? The one that had rejected him and who had burned him with a cigarette ? 

Slowly taking my time to absorb all of her features, it dawned onto me that she was very beautiful indeed, a rare catch. Small, pointy nose, big almond shaped eyes that were enough to give her a pleasant aura, full lips that resembled cupid's bow, and soft russet locks that had been blowing in the wind when the shot was taken. 

So Vivian had been his mate before I was. I thought that Luhan hated her for rejecting him, for not even giving him a chance to prove himself. I remembered how in love he was when he'd told me about it, and maybe that was the reason as to why her picture was still on his bedside table like a permanent fixture. Maybe he prided himself in gazing at it whenever he couldn't sleep at night. Maybe that was how he dealt with his insomnia, or comforted himself of her presence after every night shift.

Fear and anxiety rolled within me, causing me to bite my lip. 

I hadn't really taken into account her presence when I was first introduced as Luhan's new mate. I hadn't been interested enough at that time either for I thought that I wasn't about to establish any relationship with the silver eyed wolf in the first place. But now that it was made more or less official that we were in the process of becoming mates, this insecure part of myself always questioned whether I was good enough or worse off than her. Seeing her pretty face heightened my sense of competition, even when I knew deep down, that physical appearance did not count at all when it came to relationships. It was the least of my worries, but girls will forever stay girls right? We all had that time where we thought of ourselves as ugly, and it was a pretty normal stage to go through, an aspect of ourselves that we got to accept with time. 

Nevertheless, I couldn't keep the thought out of my mind. If she didn't matter to Luhan anymore, why had he kept her photograph, framed on his bedside table? 

It wouldn't stop bothering me, wouldn't go away. I kept kidding myself that she was the past and that she stayed there, no matter what the circumstances. But what if we crossed her again on the streets? Would his heart start beating for her again? 

I trusted him, I did. 

To be honest, I was just being an insecure . 

As a result of my overthinking, I was set on edge, always drawing away and flinching at his lightest touches, exiting the room when he came in, wishing that I wasn't being so moody with him. I was frustrated with myself, but had no clue how to go on about it, how to tackle my own anxiety and set it free from my thoughts, calm down my nerves. 

Haerim must have noticed my restlessness, because when it was her turn to go out and get groceries, she insisted that I come along with her to help out. 

I mentally prepared myself when she buckled in her seat and finally swiveled around to face me, gaze practically burning a hole through my skull with its intensity. 

"So," she said, "Are you going to tell me what the is wrong with you?" 

I flinched at her bluntness. Trust Haerim to curse when she was pissed. More and more I realized how much I resembled her. 

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, looking away. There was no use in beating around the bush with her, for she could see straight through me, "I saw a framed picture of a girl called Vivian on Luhan's bedside table. Vivian was his mate before, right?" 

She nodded, "pretty girl, rotten soul" 

"What do you mean?"

"She tricked Luhan. She made him believe that he actually had a chance when all she was interested in was to play around with him," Haerim stared off into the distance, as if a movie was playing on fast forward before her very eyes, "Until the very last moment, she thought that what he was saying was just some sick joke to catch her attention. We didn't kill her because Luhan ordered so. He loved her so much it broke him when she was gone. It took him years to finally get closure about the fact that she wouldn't be coming back." 

I felt like a pile of rocks had suddenly been thrown at me. I'd known about his misadventure with his previous mate, but he'd always close off and be moody whenever I asked him about it. I never realized their situation had been so grave, and though Sarang had told me how he'd been deeply hurt by it, I always took his pain for granted because he barely mentioned it. He was so unpredictable and so cold at times that reading him drained me of my emotional energy. 

"You're scared that she'll always be the one he puts first, the one that has that spot you can never reach, the one he'll love the most" she peered over at me, and in my peripheral I felt the warmth of her gaze full of comfort, "is that it?" 

She nailed it right on the spot. I could not have explained my feelings better. 

"I'm just scared, and confused--" I broke off as my rant sounded childish and immature. 

"I know" she replied, "But if I can tell you something about Luhan, is that once he commits, he keeps it and nothing will be able to pull him away. If you think that Vivian will make him waver again, you're dead wrong on that one because he's not like that. At all" 

"And also" she added with a sparkle in her eyes, "I don't know what's going on between you two, but what I can tell you is that he's incredibly, foolishly, madly in love with you." 

That statement caused my breath to halt and hot embarrassment to crawl across my skin, rising through my neck to make me flustered, "S-Shut up!" 

"I'm only stating the truth" 

"Shut up!" 

"Hey, I'm trying to help you out here." 

"You're doing a damn bloody mess of it" 

"Emphasis on the word "trying" she laughed, "Luhan's just as worried as I am, you know that" 

"Worried?" Luhan and worry? please. That kid couldn't even see a red bus if it were coming straight at him. 

"Duh" she rolled her eyes and threw me a pointed look, "the kid's been depressed and confused for ages. It's not healthy, and he's so grumpy during his shifts" 

"Damn it" I raked a hand through my hair, "that just makes everything awkward" 

"Just tell him" 

"No" I frowned, "that would just boost his ego. He's already got enough of that" 

"Or it's 'cause your pride won't allow you to" Haerim smirked, "Seulmi, there's one thing you should realize-- we're more alike than you think" 

I brushed it all away from my mind for the time being, thinking that now that things were more cleared up in my head, I could start planning how I was supposed to approach Luhan once again without making it so obvious. 

That night after we returned from grocery shopping, I tried my best to give in a little more to Luhan's advances even though I didn’t feel totally confortable with it being so publicly displayed. Haerim had suggested it might not only soothe his worries about our relationship but also give him pride in front of the pack. It was a Friday night, and that meant movie night. They had this weird tradition going on that every Friday night there was to be a movie playing and they all assembled in the living room to watch, whether it was Comedy, or Romance, or Thriller, depending on whose turn it was to choose. This time was Sarang’s turn, and we had the privilege to watch a Tearjerker that she had obviously been raving about for weeks and had probably already read its book twice, thus knowing exactly what was to happen.

As we settled down comfortably in our seats, I caught sight of the silver grey wolf lying down on one of the numerous loveseats scattered around the corner of the room, where I followed his cue. Settling myself beside him and cuddling up with a blanket I had brought downstairs for the occasion, I didn’t miss his stare that burnt through my skull, as if drilling a hole could help him read what was on my mind. I concentrated myself on the patchwork found on the blanket, adamant about not letting him find out what I was thinking exactly. 

The movie started and popcorn and drinks were distributed. Most mates had taken up the loveseats, while the rest had scattered themselves using bean bags and their own pillows and blankets, snuggling up together as the opening credits rolled in. I caught sight of Suho and Krystal, with their heads nestled together as they took a nap. The poor couple had had it worse than others for both were wolves, meaning that both had different night shifts and thus rarely saw each other. 

But seeing them now, they looked so content, so at peace their own presence. I somehow envied that comfort, that protection, and I realized with a pang that I did bear similar feelings whenever I felt Luhan’s warmth. 

Talking of warmth, I felt his arm slide around my waist in a very subtle manner, unknown to the eyes of other’s due to the blanket. Glancing at him, a frown slowly scrunched up my brows when his fingers skimmed underneath the large t-shirt I’d worn as a pyjama. 

Usually, I pulled away and plummeted rain upon rain of insults while trying to hide my growing red cheeks. That was my usual behavior.

 But for the past weeks, I had attempted to wriggle out of his grip and make up excuses about wanting to sleep in early so that I could avoid him. 

This time was different. 

This time, I wanted to let him know that I didn’t mind what he did. I didn’t mind it one bit even if it meant that I was a little bit uncomfortable. 

It was worth it. For once I wanted to put him first. 

But how to do it without seeming so desperate was the real challenge. 

Urgh! This was so frustrating! 

A few seconds after he realized that I wasn’t going to protest, his fingers curled around my hip, palm emanating heat to my waist and thumb slowly grazing unknown patterns onto my skin. I gulped unconsciously, not wanting him to stop but not wanting to admit the fact that I enjoyed his touch either. 

When I still did not showcase any sign of disapproval, he took it a step further by gradually pulling me in his hold, closer to his body. There was so much heat that I felt wrapped in a cocoon of warmth, but basked in the tingles that ran up and down my spine. I felt like I was suffocating, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. On the contrary, my head was lightheaded; swirling with sparks of electricity and heat. 

He was gazing at me with a curious, somewhat confused look in his eyes and I couldn’t blame him because if I didn’t know what I was planning in my head, I would’ve found my behavior just as bizarre. But I kept my gaze focused on the screen, not wanting to give my game away. I was pretty sure that once I’d cast him a glance, my wall would crumble in seconds.

I had not realized how much he’d pulled me to him until I was glowing with heat from the warmth of his chest radiating off his skin to mine. Shocked at our closeness, I managed to send him a quick glance. Big mistake, for he had been expecting it. Brown orbs swimming with specks of silver blinked down at me, a question in the depths of his pupils, a question that I myself would not be able to answer straightforwardly. 

His hand suddenly slipped towards my stomach, spreading his fingers wide as if he was trying to take in as much flesh as he could. Though it was somewhat a seemingly innocent action, my heart was a hummingbird beating loudly through my chest and I hadn’t realized that all this time I’d been holding my breath until Luhan’s mouth pressed against the side of my ear. 

He murmured, “Breathe, Seulmi” 

As realization hit me in the face, I released the air I had kept within my lungs for so long, wanting to squirm due to his intense gaze pinioning me down in place. 

Was it just me? Or did it suddenly get boiling hot in here?

A chuckle burst my thought bubble. Luhan was laughing softly to himself, probably amused by the spectacle I was making of myself. By then, I was feeling very frustrated and more than a little confused at the turn of events. Haerim hadn’t mentioned anything about losing control or trying so hard to keep a straight face when all this was happening. It was a detail that had slipped her mind entirely and was now resulting in horrible, horrible circumstances. 

I made a move to pull away, biting my lip, but Luhan seemed to have other things on his mind. Locking his hand into an iron grip, he pinned me down in place before his lips came to a rest at my temple, it’s heat travelling all the way down my body and sending pangs of excitement dancing across my flesh like goosebumps. 

“What exactly are you playing at?” His whisper caused my fingers to tingle. 

I pressed my lips together, thinking hard about my answer. What the hell was I supposed to reply to that? Why hadn’t Haerim prepared me for that kind of awkward situation?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I muttered back. From the corner of my eye, I caught him scoffing softly at my response, definitely not satisfied. I kept my gaze on the screen until it became a blurry mess, just wanting to halt the sudden pulsating vibration that came from my heart, rendering me mad with panic. 

It didn’t help matters when Luhan pulled me closer still, his hand drumming onto my lower abdomen and caressing the skin next to my belly button in hopes of triggering a response. I wasn’t about to give anything away, that I was sure of. 

It was bad enough he knew just how much his touch affected me, he didn’t need to know all the troubles that I’d been going through. 

A growl suddenly emanated from his chest and before I knew it, I was swooped up once again in his arms. I gasped involuntarily; he needed to stop being so spontaneous in his actions! What the was he going to do with me this time?! 

Maybe I hadn’t well conceived my thoughts. Maybe he’d been reading in-between the lines all along. 

. 

He walked at such a fast pace in the dark that I barely deciphered my surroundings, until he closed the door to his room and tossed me onto the bed. I bounced and cried out a “Hey! What the ?!” 

Luhan threw me a look filled with irritation before he went to lock the door. 

Oh . 

I gulped impulsively, not really liking where all of this was going. That meant trouble, there was something bothering him, and that something had most probably some connection with me. 

As if it wasn’t enough to send my blood boiling like no tomorrow, the boy walked over to the bed before grabbing onto my arms and pinning me down to the mattress, ignoring my protests and halting my kicks at his stomach. I wanted to tell him to get the hell off of me this instant, when my brown orbs connected with his own. He looked like he was in such a dilemma, in such pain that I momentarily froze and lowered my own eyes, not really sure of what I had done that had upset him so much. 

“What is going on with you?” Was his murmur in that deep velvet tone that ignited sparks along around my body and coursing through my blood. 

And that was when I felt him; felt all of him. His pent-up frustration at me, his anger about me trying to keep things from him when he was well aware that something had been wrong all along. I felt everything that was on his mind like a stream of messages passing on to my consciousness, it was almost as if I could manage to detect what exactly he’d been thinking about. 

Maybe it was our closeness, maybe it was the fact that we had both been trying to resist this pull for so long that suddenly it all came like a slap in the face, overwhelming my senses and pulling me down to understand him in a way nobody could. 

“I thought we said that we were going to make this work between you and me” He said, “I thought you wanted to try it out,” lowering his head to the crook of my neck, I felt the heat of his breath rolling over my skin like a tidal wave, “But you’re not talking to me. I feel it. You’re hiding something and it’s tiring me out knowing that it’s something to do with me, with us” 

My eyes lowered with shame. What he was saying was just the ultimate truth I’d been burying ever since I’d found that photograph on his desk. He couldn’t and wouldn’t understand how much it pained me to see it everyday. 

“Seulmi” His baritone was a command this time, an order. He looked up straight into my eyes, “Talk to me” 

“I—“ My voice failed me. I bit my lip with nervousness, “It’s nothing” 

“Don’t give me that bull.”

A beat of silence buzzed through the room, the only sound cutting off my train of thought being the loud pounding of my heart skyrocketing like a wild beast wanting to be set free from it’s cage. The fact that his body was so close to mine was not helping matters in the least. 

“Fine,” I relented, anger suddenly coursing through me at the memory of that very thing I’d grown to hate, “You want to know why I’m not? You want to know why I’m being so reluctant towards this? Fine. I’ll tell you. But let me ask you something first” I jerked my chin towards his bedside table, “What the is this photograph doing here?”

As I watched his silver orbs lift from mine and search for the said object, realization dawned on his face. I continued on, knowing that I’d hit a sore spot, “Yeah, the one and only. Who do you take me for? An idiot? I know she’s your previous mate, I’m not stupid. I get that I may never be able to replace her, or be better than her in any way. But I just want to know—“ I choked up then, tears suddenly filling the corner of my eyes, “do you—do you still love her?” 

He was so still for a long moment. Not a word sounded from his lips. His entire body was tense and I feared his answer, not wanting to hear what he had to say about the matter. Turning my head away, I let my teeth sink down onto my lower lip and mentally prepare myself like a solider readying his armor for the knives that were about to plunge through my chest. 

But then he did the most unexpected thing. 

He burst out laughing. 

I was taken aback at his reaction and could only stare at him with widened eyes. “W-What?” I stammered, more shocked than scared now. His nose scrunched up adorably and the urge to suddenly lean in to give it a kiss blossomed through my brain before I could process it. I shook the thought away from my head, outraged at how easily distracted I was in a serious situation. 

“You’re crazy” he gasped in-between laughs, “You’re out of your goddamn mind.” 

The funnier he seemed to make it out to be, the more pissed I became, “Why the are you laughing at me?!” 

“Because you’re stupid” Luhan replied, the grin on his face threatening to get permanent, “Because you’re an idiot” 

I opened my mouth to protest against his sudden declaration, only to be stopped by his lips pressing a kiss onto my nose. I frowned at his action, unable to form any words partly because I was shocked and partly because I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself, for I knew that my stutter was bad whenever I got embarrassed. 

“Why in the world would I still be in love with her?” Luhan shook his head as if it pained him to think about the memory, “Why do you think I’m chasing you, and not her?” 

“But you have her picture on your desk!” I protested feebly, though the argument seemed lame, lamer than when I had conjured it up in my head. 

“Your point being?” 

I looked away with a huff, “Nothing. Nevermind. Forget I said anything” 

“Hey hey hey,” his hand reached up to grasp my chin, turning it so that my eyes locked onto his. His orbs were flashing with a silver light, a spark that I recognized as all too familiar, and yet could not lay my hand on it, “Is that why you’re so upset? Do you want me to remove it that badly?” 

“Yes” I muttered before turning my head. I didn’t wish to see his face any longer, not when he was being so inconsiderate towards my feelings. He was laughing it off like it was just some mere joke, when to me, it felt like everything was being torn apart. Call me a drama queen, but you would have done the same in my place. It hurt to know that the one you liked had a picture of his ex-girlfriend so close to him when he slept, but it hurt even more to know that he cared too much about her to get rid of all the memories they had together. 

"Seulmi, I'm not a player, I hope you know that" He was hovering above me, trying to get a peek at my expression, trying to catch my gaze. I adamantly set my eyes on his wooden wardrobe, knowing that if I were to see those beautiful silver irises begging me to forgive him, I'b be the biggest loser to ever exist. 

He could not understand how easily this relationship could end in ashes, how one single tear could burn out the flame that had ignited between us. 

"Seulmi, please look at me" he begged with his soft baritone sending chills down my spine. I gulped and heaved a breath, unsure of how to control the overflow of emotions struggling to explode through my chest. Closing my eyes and trying to calm myself down, I looked up at him, expression serious as I replied, "I don't like it. I don't like that picture." 

"I'll take it off" He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear out of instinct, "Does it bother you that much?" 

"Yes" i blatantly stated. 

He chortled, "possessive much" 

"I am not--" He cut off my sentence with a peck on the lips, a soft teasing smile curving up his lips when not a sound escaped me after that. Well what had he expected? For me to continue my phrase? it was impossible for it seemed like my brain had been turned to mush, not that I would even think about telling him something like that. It would just feed his already--filled ego and I didn't want that. 

"I'll remove it if you promise that you'll talk to me" He murmured, leaning his forehead onto my own and breathing onto my skin, "Talk to me Seulmi. I don't care if you swear at me, if you're angry, if you're sad or depressed-- Just talk to me. That's the most important" 

I looked at him then, and with a realization that his words were more than right, that this was the key to make this thing between us work, I nodded and tried to manage a small smile of my own, "Okay." 

Updated! :D 
Here's another chapter about Seulmi and Luhan's relationship! I think that they're so cute but they;re both so stubborn so finding out how to make this work will going to be tough for me and for them both! But anyway, Don't you find them really really adorable with each other?! 

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Thanks so much for commenting on the last chapter, even if I haven't been able to reply to them! I will asap and I apologise for not having replied before :S 
I love you all! <3 

- nutmeggu.