10

Today was one of those days. One of my bad days.

I'm pretty sure the one to blame for my terrible mood is none other than the beautiful Jessica Jung. The reason why is because I wasn't blessed enough to be able to see her beautiful face today.

I don't know why, but she didn't attend school today and I didn't think it would bother me this much. I couldn't stop moving, I was itching to get out of class and school in general. English was annoying, especially with the brats, gym was traumatic (we played soccer again), math was gross and art was my nap time.

Her absence left an unintentional mark on me and I soon realize that I don't like feeling empty without her. I've grown attached and it's scaring me. Without her by my side i felt like something important was missing from me.

Although, there were some good aspects in my day today because I finally got to hang out with all of my closest friends after school. After I had a serious talk with Tiffany, that is.

Flashback:

As I pack all of my things up and leave the classroom with Sunny at my side, a loud voice calls me from behind and I pause to tell Sunny to go along without me because I recognized who was calling me and why.

I turn around to face the owner of the loud voice and she approaches me cautiously.

"Tae.. You promised to talk remember?" She fidgets and I sigh at her, not feeling like having a talk right now because of my terrible mood.

I know I can't make her wait any longer though so I grab her wrist and drag her to the rooftop where it's much more private. Usually kids aren't allowed up here but since I'm Kim Taeyeon, I can do whatever I want, much to my dismay.

"What do you want to talk about Fany?" I ask as I release her hand and turn to face her.

"Do you... Do you hate me?" 

I sympathetically smile at her and rub her arms in a reassuring way.

"I would never hate you Tiffany, you were my friend before everything happened and that'll never change, okay?"

"B-But before... You were ignoring me... And I-I cheated.." 

I sigh heavily and try to find the right words to say to her.

"I know what really happened Fany and it's not your fault my parents are evil. And about ignoring you I-I was just shocked. I would've never guessed you coming to this school. Why did you come anyway?"

"Your mom... She forced me to come b-but I'll leave if you want me to!" She exclaims nervously.

"Tiffany..." I sigh. 

"Don't leave, you can stop caring about me so much now. I'm better than before, I've changed and now it's your turn to. You need to stop being so selfless all the time, especially for me because I don't deserve it. Be selfish for a change, have fun and meet new people! Live your life now and stop doting on me because I'm better than I've ever been. I promise Fany."

I embrace her tightly when I see that she's about to cry.

"I'm better now.." I coo as I her hair reassuringly, letting her cry in my arms. She grips onto my waist tightly but I don't mind.

I decided not to be so cold towards her because I knew she's probably been through a lot to be here right now and I wasn't a heartless bastard, not anymore. I cared for her before and I still do, just not in the same way because someone else has occupied every single nook and cranny of my mind.

"Are you sure..?" She sniffs as she retreats from me and I let her.

"Yeah... I met someone new. I think she'll be good for me. I'm changing gradually." I smile at her as thoughts of Jessica invade me.

"Really? That's great! Is it that Jessica girl??" She questions excitedly and I chuckle at her.

"Hmmm. She's amazing." I hum.

"I knew it! Your eyes totally gave you away!" 

"Was I really that obvious?" I ask frantically.

"Pfft. I've never seen you so obvious before." She laughs heartily and I pout.

"It's true though.."

"Wah! Do you love her already?" She asks, surprised.

"Y-Yeah.. I don't know man. She's just so... Right." 

"Cutiee! I totally support you guys!" She pinches my cheeks like she's done millions of times before.

"What about you and Kwon Yuri? Huh?" I narrow my eyes at her and she visibly shrinks.

"What about us?" She gulps.

"You're into her and she's into you. So now the question is, are you two together already?"

"What? It's too early for that! I met her yesterday!" She protests.

"So? Ugh, I'm totally hooking you guys up. Come on, were all going to hang out after school and you're coming." 

I drag her away and we both make our way to Sunny's studio where we all used to hang out. 

Flashback ends

I smile up at the ceiling of my town car when I remember my reconciliation with Tiffany. It was great to have a friend like her back and with no harsh feelings either. 

I'm glad that she didn't question me about why I never fought for her.  That showed me just how much she really knows me. She probably didn't want a lame excuse.

"Miss Kim, we have to go to the hospital now."

"My name is Taeyeon, Tony." I roll my eyes and lower my head to give him a deadly glare through the rearview mirror because he's in the passenger seat.

"Alright."

"So, any news about my brother that I should know?" I sigh.

"For now, he's stable but I'm not sure how long that'll last."

"The calm always comes after the storm." I state sadly.

My eyes brim with tears at the thought of my brother and how weak he is at the moment. He was always the strong one out of the both of us, but now I had to take on that heavy role for him.

"Don't think so badly about it, Miss Kim. Have hope." Tony replies as he smiles at me reassuringly through the rearview.

"Taeyeon." I pout playfully, trying to get thoughts of Jiwoon out of my head.

As I ride the elevator up to my brothers floor, I take deep breaths to calm myself down and try to relax my stiff shoulders.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Tony asks as we arrive at our destination.

"No, I can do this."

He ushers to a door with the name 'Kim Jiwoon' on it and I hold the doorknob for a few seconds before opening it.

"Good luck Miss Kim." Tony says as he takes his leave and sits on a nearby seat to wait for me.

I finally gain the courage to open the door after a few breaths but the moment I lay my eyes on the older boy, my breath hitches.

I've never seen him so..weak. He is currently lying down on a white bed while he writes something down on a blue notebook. 

His figure is the total opposite from four years ago. His buff body now looks fragile and thin and his old black tussled hair has disappeared. He's now wearing a hat to cover the disappearance of it.

I step in the room and clear my throat when I realize he hasn't noticed me yet because he's so caught up in writing so writing something in his blue leather notebook. 

He looks up from his notebook and immediately, his eyes turn icy cold and I shiver at the intensity of his voice.

"What are you doing here? Why are you in Korea?" He says with venom clear in his tone.

"I- um... I'm here to see you.." I stutter, feeling so small under his gaze.

"Leave. Go back to LA." He spits and I feel tears forming in my eyes.

I walk over to him but he pushes me back and I fall helplessly onto the floor.

"Leave! I don't wanna see you here!" He shouts.

"I missed you.." I whimper softly, tears threatening to fall..

"Taeyeon, go back to Korea, I'm fine here and so is the company. I'll get better and run the company so you can leave. Didn't I tell you to go have fun in LA? What are you doing back here? Why don't you ever listen to me!?" He looks at me coldly and a tear escapes my left eye.

My brother wasn't always like this, he used to be so kind to me, so gentle and caring, even if we had different mothers. He always treated me like some precious treasure but it all changed when he started helping our dad with the company and he was being trained to take on the role as the heir.

He didn't talk to me after he came from work like he used to and he always refused to play with me. The child I was back then didn't understand the reason why he acted so cold to me so I always cried and cried, hoping my gentle Jiwoon would come back.

I still hope for it, to this day. I thought he would change because of his Leukaemia and I wished for him to see the better in life but my hope was crushed. He didn't change and I feared he never would.

I pick myself up from the ground and I try to approach him again.

"GO BACK!" He yells and I flinch at the harshness of his voice.

Without a word, I turn around and walk away, sobbing silently.

When I exit the room, Tony is on me in a nanosecond, hugging me tightly. I don't speak and he doesn't question me, he just escorts me back into the car and tells my driver to drive us back home.

As we reach my house, I feel worse and worse. Thoughts of my brother can't seem to get off of my mind and I'm just torturing myself even more.

"Oh? You're back from the hospital? How did it go?" a nonchalant voice questions as I walk into the large kitchen.

"Fine."

"Heh. Doesn't seem like it." she states.

"How did you think it went? Fantastic? Why don't you go visit your own son?" I reply viciously but the chairwoman just raises her eyebrows at me.

"Don't talk to me like that young woman."

"Kay sorry." I sigh.

"Anyway, where's your father?" she waves off my apology.

"I don't know, maybe at the company? Where else would he be?" I lie, knowing exactly where he is at the moment. A ing strip club probably.

"Hmph. Whatever, you're just like your father!" She storms off angrily and I sigh at her fleeing figure.

"Yay me." I mumble to myself and then I turn to ask one of the present maids to tell the chairwoman that I'm going somewhere else to eat. I'll probably throw up if I eat in his godforsaken place.

I leave my house, feeling like a dead man and round the corner to a convenient store where I like to eat cheap ramen.
When I finish eating, I still don't feel like going home so I cross the street and sit down on the curb, resting my head on my knees defeatedly. The only source of light in this dark night is the streetlight I'm currently sitting under.

I hate my life and I have reason to. My brother hates me, my mom is dead, the chairwoman loves to torture me and my father doesn't care about me. 

The only thing I look forward to nowadays is Jessica but I hardly even know her. I want to get to know her but I just can't seem to find a way how.

Tears start to flow out of me because of my frustration and I hate it. I hate how all I can do is cry in situations like these. I'm weak and I hate myself for it.

I sigh and lift my head from between my knees to wipe the tears away when I realize that I now have company.
My eyes widen as they meet familiar brown orbs that are staring at me intently. I quickly try to compose myself as I turn away from her to destroy all evidence of my previous actions although my eyes probably look puffy anyway.

"Why do I always see you crying?" She asks gently as she too, puts her head down on her knees and wraps her arms around herself, still looking at me.

"Cause I'm a drama queen." I joke, stretching my legs out in front of me.

"No, you're hurt." 

I look at her and observe every inch of her face like I've always wanted to before answering. Strangely, she isn't creeped out, she's just patiently waiting for my answer. I sigh heavily.

"I'm used to it anyway." I shrug.

"Isn't that sad? Being hurt so much that you can finally just say 'I'm used to it'?" She asks seriously.

I give her a small smile and retreat back my short legs and cross them over each other to make myself comfortable.
"It's the truth though. Sadness is not something new to me, it's become me. Kim Taeyeon no longer exists Mrs. Jung, I'm just a sad, hollow figure." I reply and tears start to flow out of me again but I don't wipe them away, I'm too tired to.

I close my eyes to stop the tears but then I feel soft, skinny hands caressing my face and I slowly open them. Jessica is wiping my tears away and I smile sadly at her.

"I wonder, how can someone beautiful on the outside, be so sad on the inside?" 

She pokes my heart gently and a fresh new round of tears start to flow out of me from the words she just whispered so softly to me. 

I bite my lip to stifle the sobs, threatening to break free.

"The burden of sadness is much heavier when you're alone you know.." She says, looking at me sympathetically.
I hate it, well I used to. Sympathetic smiles like the one she just gave to me usually make me want to throw up from disgust but crazily, I don't mind her smiles.

I want to see every single one of them. Her happy smiles, her soft smiles, her teeth smiles but I never ever want to see her sad smiles, they would kill me.

"I can't do anything about that." 

"Let me have some of it then." she keeps caressing me and it reminds me of the times my mother used to do this to me when I was crying.

"W-What?" I look at her, confused at her statement.

"I want to mend you. I don't know why but I'm drawn to you and I know you feel the same. There's something going on between the two of us and it would take a blind man not to see it."

I don't reply to her, I just stare at her and I place my hand over hers that is caressing my face gently.

"A-Are you confessing to me?" I ask in bewilderment.

She smirks at me and I gape at her. Jessica just told me she's drawn to me. My goddess, my princess is confessing to me.

 Jesus Christ on earth.

"Maybe I am." 

"Huh? Are you or are you not?" My eyebrows furrow and she smiles at me sweetly.

"Close your eyes Taeyeon." That isn't a question, it's a demand so I instantly do as she says.

All of a sudden, a pair of warm lips are on mine and my eyes snap open. I stiffen but I soon relax into the kiss and close my eyes again.

Her lips are soft and warm. She tastes like strawberries.

She breaks the kiss after a few seconds and I groan at the loss of contact.

She chuckles at me and retreats her hand from my face but she leans her forehead to mine and I can feel her warm breath. I close my eyes to savour the precious moment.

"Don't cry anymore. I don't like seeing you cry." And with that she stands and walks away from me.

I sit there, frozen. 

Jessica just kissed me. Holy .

I snap out of my thoughts and quickly stand up to follow her when I realize she's already pretty far away from me.
When I reach her I take her wrist to stop her in her tracks.

"Are you my neighbour?" Is all I can ask and she turns to me and giggles adorably.

"Probably, I don't know. I just moved in. Walk me to my house and we'll see if were neighbours or not." She takes my hand from her wrist and entwines it with her own and I follow her to her house.
 
As we round the corner, she stops me at a certain house and I stare at her blankly.

We live right across from each other. 
 

taengoo was so vulnerable in this chapter :(

kinda how I feel rn bc this author-nim fell in love /sighs/

it doesn't feel very nice though. I guess love is kinda overrated.