Twenty-two
Yong Hwa

For a second I think I’m still dreaming because there wouldn’t be any other reason for Shin Hye to be here, in my living room, telling me it’s time to talk. But I blink and blink and she doesn’t fade away, she’s still here, watching me carefully.

She looks exhausted and broken, but she’s still beautiful, and my heart is just racing after seeing her. It’s been just one night, everything crumbled less than twenty-four hours ago but it feels like I’ve been in agony for months. I think she really took my heart the moment I first saw her and I’ve been living without it so far, only feeling well when I’m near her and feeling miserable when I’m not. And when she said game over, she didn’t give me my heart back and I felt like dying every second after that.

But she’s here now and I finally feel like I can breathe.

“If you really have something to say, Yong Hwa-ssi, now is the time,” she pushes me and I shake my head, trying to wake up from the stupor.

“Deh. I have. I just… give me five minutes to wash up and make sure I’m not dreaming. Please, sit down. I’ll bring some tea with me,” I hurry to say and she sighs but doesn’t refuse. 

I stare at her until she sits down on the sofa and then run to wash up and change so I look half alive instead of half dead. I said five minutes but I only take three and then I’m back in the living room, after putting the kettle on for some tea.

I breathe hard, trying to catch my breath as my eyes scan her, still not believing she’s here. Shin Hye looks uncomfortable under my scrutiny but I can’t help myself. I’m itching all over just to touch her, but I’m afraid that if I do so she’ll leave. I’m also trying to organise my thoughts, figuring out how I will explain all this to her without making it sound like someone else wrote it for me.

“So?” Shin Hye urges me and I sit down next to her and the few centimetres between us feel like kilometres. 

“I do have a reason, I really do and it’s not what you think. I’ll try to explain the best I can, you just listen, okay? Don’t interrupt or assume anything until I finish. Can you promise me that?” I ask in return and she heaves a deep sigh.

“Fine. Proceed,” she agrees.

Now I’m the one taking a deep breath. “Okay, so it’s true I was a player. I mean, there’s no other way to describe it. But I never did it consciously, I just never said no. If a cute girl hit on me I would go along with it. It was never serious, I never invested myself. It was always ephemeral,” I start explaining and she nods slightly, just to let me know she’s listening but I can see her tensing with every word I utter. “It’s because I didn’t want anything serious but I wasn’t up for celibacy either. The reason why I didn’t want anything serious is my appa. You met him, right?” she nods firmly this time. “Well, the story is that my mother left him when I was really small. She left him for other and yes, I know that’s not such an uncommon thing and it happens all the time, and I don’t even resent her or anything, but my appa took things differently. He never moved on and even today he waits for her.”

Shin Hye looks a bit confused so I take a few moments to clear my thoughts and look for better words to explain the situation.

“They always talked about falling in love at first sight, so desperately that nothing else mattered and I guess I was scared of something like that because I saw my father being so pathetic after it ended. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I thought falling in love was just a time bomb and I wanted to avoid that. That’s why I just had flings.”

“Then why didn’t you did that with me, too? Don’t get me wrong, I would hate you more if you just did that but I guess I would’ve understood, being that your MO,” she says and I sigh.

“Because I fell for you at first sight,” I finally confess and her eyes widen in shock and disbelief. Her lips part forming a perfect circle and I chuckle nervously. “I did and I fought so hard against it. I didn’t want to be like my appa, I hated the idea of ending up like him and I feared that if I gave in to what I felt for you I would end up so madly in love that I wouldn’t be able to move on after it ended.”

She still can’t utter a word, she just stares at me with those beautiful big eyes.

“But I couldn’t fight it for too long. I tried so hard but I was weak. That’s why it was such a pull and push at the beginning, because I was struggling. Wanting to be with you and wanting to protect myself. Finally, when Appa told me that it didn’t always have to end and if I did my best to keep you always by my side, then I wouldn’t end up like him. He explained to me the real reason why Omma left and why he keeps waiting for her and that finally pushed me to make my decision. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to give in to my feelings. That’s when I stopped pushing you away.”

She opens and closes and her face reflects all her confusion, how she seems to be putting all the pieces together and trying to make sense out of what I just explained. I take advantage of that moment I grab her hands, pulling her a bit towards me.

“You understand now why I acted like that? I know I was a fool, and we are fools when we’re scared. And now you need to understand I’m terrified that I might lose you. I can’t even fathom that idea. Please, tell me you understand, Shin Hye-ah.”

She looks at me, her eyes still uncertain and conflicted, so I pull her even closer, cupping her cheek with one of my hands, her cheek with my thumb.

“Please, Shin Hye-ah. I love you, I really do. More than I even realised. We can’t be over because of this misunderstanding. How I was in the past has nothing to do with how I am now, or how I feel about you. And it’s true I’ve never felt like this before, no one ever made me so conflicted and managed to make me actually take a risk. I love you, I love you so much.”

She closes her eyes and seems to be really struggling. I get scared, so afraid that this might mean nothing to her but I don’t dare to believe that. I honestly can’t believe she doesn’t feel the same, that this connection is unilateral. It can’t be like that. And she can’t give up on us that fast.

I put our foreheads together and I also close my eyes, just waiting and hoping for the best.

“You’re a fool,” she mumbles then. “You made it so hard from the beginning when you should’ve just been honest with yourself and with me. Why did you hide this? I asked you many times why you were being like that.”

“I’m a fool indeed. I was also embarrassed, I guess,” I confess and I can hear her sigh. I open my eyes and notice she has hers still closed. “I promise you that whatever happens now, whatever confession I have, I won’t be embarrassed anymore and I’ll be open with you.”

She stays quiet and I’m scared that not even my promises will get to her. I’m about to say something else, keep pleading my case but she moves first and in a heartbeat her lips are on mine, surprising me. I don’t react for a second, too shocked to even think but then my body moves automatically, without even realising what I’m doing and I just kiss her back. The hand that was holding hers leave her and goes to her back, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her towards me as my other hand tangles in her hair, tilting her head to the right so I can kiss her more comfortably. Shin Hye wraps her around my neck, leaning on me even more, pressing her body so close but still not close enough.

I kiss her so hungrily, desperate as if it’s been years without her instead a few hours. And she replies with the same intensity, making my blood boil and my mind go numb. I just know she’s here, with me, in my arms and with this misunderstanding hopefully behind.

I drag her until she ends up sitting on my lap and my back resting comfortably on the sofa backrest. My hands wander all over her back and thighs, trying to get her even closer as my mouth decides kissing her lips isn’t enough and stay travelling her face, the jawline, her cheeks, her eyelids, her ears and down her neck. I can only hear her sighing in pleasure and that seems to ignite something primal inside of me.

I’ve been with plenty of women but no one else has ever made me feel like this, so desperate and hungry. I can’t stop and I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of her, not when my hands sneak under her tee and at the contact of her skin I feel something going wild inside me.

“Yong Hwa…” she whispers in my ear, breathing hard and making it all more difficult to me. “Your appa… he’s downstairs.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, cursing under my breath for that fact. 

“Aish,” I mumble, my hands still under her tee, but I’m not taking them away. She pulls back a bit, enough to look me in the eyes and the sight almost drives me insane. Oh, screw this. “He’s all day in the shop. He won’t come upstairs, not when he knows you're here.”

And with that I just pull her for another kiss, forgetting everything and just enjoying her.
 

So... did you like it? *grin* I don't think I'll have more than two chapters left for this story so you are cordially invited to my other story, a fan fiction of Who Are You: School 2015 that I already started posting. It's called Requited. And I might write another Yongshin story in the future so stay tuned ;)

Fighting!
Bel, xx