Twenty-One
Shin Hye

I slide down with my back pressed against the door until I reach the floor and only there I hug my legs. My chest hurt, it hurts so much even after I said those things. Maybe I am overreacting, maybe I should let him explain more clearly but I just… can’t think clearly now. He say those things I’ve seen in so many dramas and I’m just reminded he is, or was, a player, I don’t know. I hear him and I can only think he’s also playing me.

Why can’t he be honest? I don’t know if his feelings for me have been nothing but a game but I know he’s hiding something and that is probably what makes me snap. There’s something he’s hiding and he’s scared to share it with me, and because he isn’t able to speak those words I can only imagine the worst.

I think this is why people say trust is so important in a relationship and it is key to be honest and transparent with the person you decide to be with because when you discover the other person is hiding something then all trust is gone, and a relationship without trust is doomed. And right now I can’t trust Yong Hwa. I need time to cool off and put my thoughts in order, to calm my own fears. But he seems so desperate and scared and that only looks suspicious. Why can’t he listen to me and just give me time? Right now I can’t just calmly listen to his explanations without snapping. Why doesn’t he realise that? Isn’t it obvious?

I run my hands through my hair because I’m just frustrated, confused and heartbroken all at once and it seems I can’t even breathe properly. I know I said game over but the idea of being apart from him hurts me more than I imagined possible. I didn’t think this was possible to feel this deeply attached to someone. Objectively thinking, we’ve barely been together for a few weeks but I’ve never felt like this for anyone before. Since the moment I saw him for the first time it was different, the chaos he caused in my heart was something that only happens once in a lifetime and he keeps doing it.

What am I supposed to do? I miss him already but I can’t even think of being with him right now if I can’t trust his words or his intentions. I feel so torn because a part of me wants to open the door and run after him and the other wants to stay in my room, crying. But instead, I stay here with my back pressed to the door until this opens and I fall backwards.

“Shin Hye-yah? What are you doing here? What happened?” Appa asks, helping me back to my feet. 

My eyes look past  him to where Yong Hwa would’ve been but he isn’t there anymore, he really left and I don’t know why I feel so hurt when it was me who asked him to do so.

“I was— I just—“ I mumble, not making sense and Appa frowns.

“Were you crying? Why?” he asks next, cupping my face and brushing my cheeks with his thumbs. I blink in surprise, I didn’t realise I was actually crying. I just felt like it but never felt my tears fall. “Daughter, tell me what’s wrong? Who hurt you?”

I honestly don’t want to tell him what’s wrong because I’m scared he might even fire Yong Hwa and even if that could be better for me in order to deal with this, I can’t even fathom the thought of him not being around. But it feels like I have a lump in my throat and it’s choking me, so I end up blurting out all my feelings.

“Yong Hwa-yah and I broke up,” my words practically explode from my mouth and now this time I feel the tears falling down. “And it hurts so much but I was the one who broke up with him but I already regret it but I can’t just tell him that because I can’t trust him right now and I really don’t know what to do, Appa.”

His expression is priceless because he looks utterly confused and shocked, a bit angry but overall overwhelmed and that is probably because I’m speaking too fast.

“You were dating Jung Yong Hwa?” he asks and I only seem to break when I hear that, so he panics, not knowing what to do and he ends up hugging me and I cry harder in his arms.

“I don’t want this,” I cry and he keeps patting my back, trying to comfort me.

“Then try to solve this. I don’t know what he did but it seems it is not as big as to cloud your feelings for him. Why don’t you calm down and talk to him about this tomorrow?” he offers but I can’t reply yet. “Now I understand why he was so frantic before. He looked scared and desperate, Shin-ah,” Appa tells me and I try to think when this happened. I guess between the moment I left him in the bar and when he showed up at my door. “I think he was really scared to lose you and he’s probably suffering as much as you do right now. You know you’re my princess and I don’t want anyone to hurt you, but if not being with him hurts you more then you should do something about it.” He grabs my shoulders and pulls me back so I can look him in the eyes. “And if you get back together you bring him to me. I’ll have a talk to him so he never hurts you again.”

A small smile comes to my lips when I hear him saying that and for a moment I imagine him and Yong Hwa drinking until one of them passes out, just to see who wins. Like a scene taken from a drama, but a scene I wouldn’t mind seeing.

Appa takes me to my room and brings warm milk with honey to help me fall asleep, but even then it’s hard so he stays with me, softly patting my tummy to lull me to sleep.

At some point I do fall asleep and all my dreams are plagued with Yong Hwa; on stage, playing his guitar to me, singing to me, trapping me in his arms, cupping my face in his large hands before kissing me, making me laugh with his weird dance moves, his eyes warm and loving and also scared and in pain when I told him game over. I dream of him walking away, meeting someone else and moving on, leaving me behind with my heart aching. So when I wake up I’m even more tired than last night and with a bigger pain in my heart. I just want to see him and fix this magically because it just hurts so much and I can’t believe how much I miss him. It’s not like it’s been days or more without him, just a few hours and we’ve been apart for more than that, but before it was with the knowledge I’d see him again and he’d smile at me before hugging me and kissing my forehead.

I feel so miserable and I don’t think I can carry on without fully understanding what happened. I need him to tell me what’s hiding and if he can’t trust me, then I can’t trust him either and it’ll be really game over. But I need to try to understand so I can actually move on if he has really just played with me.

So that’s why I call Min Hyuk and although he asks me what happened I can’t answer.

“I’m sorry, Min Hyuk-ah,” I tell him. “I can’t… I can’t talk right now. It’s still too fresh and not settled. I need to figure out what really happened myself before explaining it to you,” I continue so he can really understand why I’m being like this and doesn’t think I just don’t trust him. “I’ll tell you later, okay?”

“Okay, Noona, but try to fix this. Hyung is so miserable and whatever happened I’m sure there must be a reason,” he reasons and I sigh deeply.

“That’s what I’m hoping for. That’s why I called you. I need to talk to him so I want to go and see him. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to call him and I really need to see him in the eyes when he explains,” I say and I hear mumblings of confirmation that he’s listening to me.

“Okay, he’ll be at the music shop at this time with his appa so you’ll surely find him there now. And even if he’s not there his home is upstair the shop.”

I take note of the address and after getting ready I head there. I’m nervous, extremely nervous and I can barely stand still. I don’t really know what I’m going to do or say but I’m going there and I’m hoping for the best. I don’t know if we’ll be completely through after this or give us a second chance, but my heart is rooting for the latter. I didn’t think my own feelings were this strong and I’m surprised now. From the beginning I had to fight this insane attraction and I think if I had kept doing that I’d be fine now, but I gave in, I trusted him and now I can’t imagine myself away from him. But I can’t just forgive him or forget this issue between us.

When the taxi leaves me in front of the shop my hands are shaking but I still take a deep breath and walk in. A bell chimes indicating a new customer has walked in and soon a man comes to greet me. He’s probably near fifty with a warm smile and small eyes that still look full of life and hope.

“Good morning,” he greets me with a slight bow that I reply. “How may I help you, young lady?”

“I uh…” I look around, trying to find Yong Hwa but I can’t see him. I remember this is his family shop and I freeze when I think that maybe this man in front of me is his father. “I uh… I’m looking for Jung Yong Hwa, is he around? King Min Hyuk told me I could find him here,” I finally say and the man looks at me curiously.

“Are you the Park Shin Hye?” he asks and I’m surprised he knows my name. I nod. “I figured. You’re as beautiful as he described,” he chuckles. “I believe you’re here to talk and clear the misunderstanding, am I right?” Once again I just nod, surprised Yong Hwa has told his father all this. “My son is upstair, please just go inside. He might still be sleeping so make sure to call for him loud enough.”

“Kamshamnida,” I bow, smiling embarrassed before following the direction he points at and going upstairs. 

It’s a small place but it looks cosy and it’s clear there’s no feminine touch, it’s evident only men live here and I feel a bit uncomfortable when I walk in. I don’t know what to do or where to go now so for five minutes I just stand there, like an idiot. If I don’t call, he’ll never come out or know I’m here. So I clear my throat and call his name.

“Jung Yong Hwa?” I say the first time, not too loud so I have to do it again. “Jung Yong Hwa? Are you here?”

I don’t receive a reply so I just wait a bit longer, paying attention to every sound around until a door slides open and from it a very tired Yong Hwa comes. His hair is ruffled and darks bags rest under his eyes which are bloodshot. He looks disarranged and like a mess, when his eyes focus on me these widen in shock and his whole body tenses.

“Shin Hye-yah?” he asks, dumbfounded. 

“I think we need to talk. Properly this time,” I speak, doing my best to look composed and calm when in fact my heart is racing and my hands shaking, itching to reach out to him. To touch him and ease all that worry away. But I stay in place, clasping my hands together to stop myself. “I’ll listen to you this time.” 

Hello there! I'm back in Chile and I wrote this. I hope it wasn't too painful but things are looking bright for this two. They are my OTP, how can I not give them a happy ending? 

Fighting!
Bel, xx

PS: I started a fan fiction of Who Are You: School 2015 because you know me, second lead syndrom is my nature. So question: would you like me to post it here after I finish this story, which will be actually quite soon?