Lesson 13

Jessica

His eyes brighter than the star, clearer than water passionately locked with mines. I still remember the corner of his lips relaxed and sighed from worries. Within second he pulled up a wide smile.  Boldly, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pull him near me. He was taken by surprise, but quickly, he fold me into his embrace.

I smell the warmth against his sweater and closed my eyes. I was wishing to be a child again. Wishing to go back in time. Wishing to know what happen to us. Wishing to make the right decision. Wishing to treasure more.

Wishing he was not an soon-to-be angel.

Wishing that I won’t falling love.

“Wishing you will forgive me.” I heard his words again his vibrated chest.

I looked up at up him and felt the tears running down from the corner of my eyes. He looked down at me and burst into tears. His warm tears running down with mines.

“It was a lie. I have to complete a 100 requests for punishment.  Before I disappear, I will bring you to your happiness.” Luhan smiles with the drowning solemn eyes.

I shaked my head while wiping the tears of his face. “Don’t disappear. I don’t want happiness. You are my happiness.”

“No. Jessica.” He pushed me away. “No. I don’t want you to think that.”

“You can’t. I can’t too. I don’t think I can go on without you.” I reply.

“Stop!” He shouted as if he is trying to hide his affections towards me. He pulled himself further away from me. “I ruined your family. I ruined your life.  I was forced to bring you hardship. I took away your brother. I took away your child. I took away everything.”

I took a step closer to him, but he moved back. “Don’t say that. You didn’t.”

“I did! I have been struggling to repay my debt to you, but I couldn’t leave you. I loved you so much. I...”

“Why are you doing that Luhan? Don’t scare me.”

“Jessica. My first request was to choose between you and your brother!” He shouted, but the last sentence came out like an mumble of gibberish. “One live and one dead.”

I felt myself shaking in shock, pain, fear, and hate.

I love this man.

I love him so much.

How could he!  How could he wronged me so many time!

“Tell me you are playing.” I laughed with a shaking voice.

“No. I am not.” He looked down at his feet. “That day when we were running away from the beaters. The members caught us, but they weren’t looking for me. They were looking for you two. After a long conversation, I offered my life instead of yours, but the monsters asked me to play a game.”

“Game?”

“They asked me if Youngji and Jessica were both to be killed who would I choose to replace.”

I feel myself clasped towards the grass. The fireflies stopped their flashing lights.  “That’s enough.” I said to myself. “That’s enough.” I repeated.

Luhan quiet down, but his eyes looked towards the sky.

“I was the one who took your baby.”

“I said enough!” I shaked my head.

“Hate me Jessica. Please, hate me all you can. That way you will feel more at eases. “ Luhan kneel towards me.  I clenched my teeth and raised my hand towards him, but my unstable hand braked as soon it was near his face.

I smooth along his skin, “But I can’t control my heart. It aches me to hit you.”

“Please. Luhan, stop blaming yourself. “ His face shocked by my mixed reactions.

“We can’t blame anyone for things that are happen in the past.” I said to him and myself. “The people around me are all blaming everything on themselves.”

I continued, “I just know that I loved you. I still love you. I felt the heartbeats of childhood, the heartbeats of first love. It’s time to finish the 100th quest for yourself.”

That night we took the last bus back to the hotel. It didn’t take long to convince Luhan for a calm sit by the garden. I told him about his dad and my mom. He seems to have lost himself after hearing about his father.

“My mom gave me this necklace.” I handed him the necklace. He took it over with a bright smile.

He said. “I bought it for you and youngji.”

“So how did my mom have this? Instead of me?” I questioned.

He looked away quickly and took a deep breath. With a more relaxed face, he turned back to me,

“I passed away before I can hand it to you.”