Seulgi held on to Wendy's belongings for the time being since Wendy left the scene of the slapping, screaming, and crying so quickly. She was hoping that Wendy would show up to Sociology so she could return her backpack and books and maybe slip in a word or two with the girl. But unfortunately, Wendy skipped, understandably so. 

        It was perched in Seulgi's lap. The navy blue backpack with the pocket at the front. It even smelled like her. And it somehow looked like her. Dark and plain on the outside as a presentation, but it hold secrets inside that are only sharable to one person- Wendy. Something inside Seulgi's stomach was churning, it was a hunger that urged her fingers to fiddle open the zipper and take a peek at the backpack's inner elements, literally. Well, also in the metaphoric sense that Seulgi wanted to open up Wendy heart and mind, dig out all the secrets that lie within the space. 

        Joy watched Seulgi's eyes, not that there was much point to watching them anyways, they never moved. They remain on the blue bag on Seulgi's lap, growing warm from Seugli's hug. "What are you thinking in that mind of yours?" Joy said with a smile, trying to lighten up Seulgi's muddy mood. Seulgi took a deep breathe in and sighed it out. 

        "What should I be thinking? Tell me, Sooyoungie." Silence fell upon them once again, Ms. Park's voice resonated off the walls of the hollow lecture room. "Was I supposed to answer that?" Joy asked slowly as she felt Seulgi's eyes not leave her for a time much too long to be comfortable for the victim. 

        Joy's slight dorkiness managed to draw a small smile from Seulgi.. And that's something Seulgi needed nowadays, in the midst of all the chaos surrounding her soul. She just needed to smile for once, sincerely and suddenly. Her smile soon fell back to her frown though. 

        "I don't know what to think anymore, Joy. I mean, what should I do? Should I just move on like nothing ever happened? Should I fight for this? I don't even know who I'm fighting for anymore, me or Wendy?" Seulgi hugged Wendy's bag tighter. "Is Wendy even what I want anymore? Maybe this struggle is a sign that I shouldn't push harder." 

        Joy's eye brows knotted together. "Where did the optimistic, determined Seulgi go? She was always the one who had a plan and stuck to it, she never gave up until she got what she wanted, and she was also so sure of herself. Where did she go? Because she would've thought that this struggle was the every reason to push on and fight. You know that Wendy is what you want, but you're letting your insecurities force you to question that; don't."

        Seulgi hated it, but it was true. However, love brings out insecurities and fears as much as it defeats them. "That Seulgi ran away because she was scared." Joy raised her brows at Seulgi's response.

        "Or the' brave Seulgi' stepped down because the 'scared Seulgi' was becoming overbearing?" Joy responded back, Seulgi shrugged and heavily sighed once again. 

        "Class ends in 10 minutes. You can either skip physics and go try to find her, or go to class and let her know that you've let go." Joy suggested and returned her gaze to the front of the class, signalling to Seulgi that their conversation was over and it was time for Seulgi to make Seulgi's decisions because on Seulgi's own judgement. 

        Without Joy as a distraction, Seulgi's attention returned back to the bag in her lap. The bag in it's perfectly openable nature and it's easily attainable secrets. Seulgi started to pull the zipper down, then she stopped, then she started again, then she stopped. "Is this right? I just want to find a note book or diary or phone. I just want a way to find out how she feels. This is justifyable." Seulgi thought. 

        Seulgi pulled the zipper down in one pull and opened up the bag, seeing some books and a pencil case and what not. She reached a hand inside and felt around. "What the hell are you doing, Seul?" Joy eyes widened when she turned to see Seulgi taking out a small journal. "I'm just looking, don't worry about it." Seulgi opened up the journal but she couldn't get much of a look before a hand came and closed up the small book again. 

        "This is an invasion of privacy, you don't want to do this." Joy reminded. "I just want to know how she feels, okay? There may not be anything in here anyways.." Seulgi's puppy eyes made Joy's strict demeanor compromise. "You do what you want to do but when this comes back to haunt you, don't blame me. Just keep this in mind: if Wendy had your diary, would you want her reading about your personal feelings?" Joy was never one to hold people back anyways. 

        "You're right.. I'll read it." Seulgi replied, Joy rolled her eyes and sighed out; sometimes Seulgi could be kind of stupid. Joy just strayed her eyes back to Mrs. Park. 

        Seulgi finally opened the journal and took a peek at the inside. She tried to avoid reading stuff that had nothing to do with her, but it was inevitable. Even just a millisecond glimpse of some words could register as a story in Seulgi's mind. "Death... Parents... Suicide..." Was just a few things that Seulgi accidently read. Seulgi flipped to the last couple pages of the book, the last entry being just a couple days ago. 

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        "Toxic. Toxic is what my relationship with Kang Seulgi is. The more I hang out with her, the more I realize what a great person she is. The more I realize how great she is, the more I realize how horrible I am. I'm horrible for being such a bitter, hating soul. The more I love her, the more I'm hating myself. I can't think of a love that is more poisonous, any more toxic than that. My love for Kang Seulgi is an absolute toxin."

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        Seulgi couldn't read anymore of what was written. She was dumbfounded as to what to do because it was just then that she actually realized how much she was hurting the person she supposedly lived to not hurt. This was where the true sacrifice was at now.

        Pain was going to take it's toll either way, it was just a matter of what would cause it.  

TBC

Hey readers! It's been a while, like a month. Sorry for that.. I have a lot more time now versus before but nonetheless, still struggling with school. Math is just not my thing :/ I hope that you've been having a good year so far and for those who celebrate Lunar New Year, happy new year :)))

Idk when my next update will be but comments will definitely motivate me to write it faster ;) Please leave me feedback! Positive, negative, I love it all. 

That's all for now so until next time, bye :) 

P.S: Sorry for any mistakes from me not editing D: