Ally’s POV:

I sit against my bedroom door, my head in my hands. I can’t let him in. I can’t let my step-father continue his sick game. My head throbs painfully. I wish I didn’t drink that much last night, or that I was still drinking. My phone vibrates against my leg and I look down at the text.

From: Chanyeolie

Ally, come to the airport in a hour… Please trust me.

I stare at the message for a while… Should I go? Why did I have to go? He doesn’t know where I am… I hear my step-dad walking up the steps, each thud making my stomach churn. I can smell his sickening scent seep through my door crack. My eyes dart around my room, seeking some sort of escape. The moment my door handle moves, I jump up and run toward the window. With one final glance at the door, I slide out of the window.

With each footstep I feel my heart become lighter. I’m going to see my Chanyeol again. I’ll be able to feel safe again. A smile spreads across my lips as I reach the airport. With my heart racing, I enter the airport, my head violently moving side to side as I look for Chanyeol. Where is he? My heart stops the moment I see him. He looked terrible. His face was pained, dark circles were cutting deep into his once bright and happy face. Was I the reason for this? I take a step forward. If I can just make him smile again, that would be all I need. I open my mouth to call his name, when a cold hand clamps my mouth shut.

“Where do you think you’re going?” A cold voice sneers.

No… I just need a few more seconds. I just have to see him. I slam my foot onto my step-dad’s and frantically run toward where Chanyeol was, but he had already left. I swerve past people, my heart beating erratically.

A hand grabs me by the neck and rams my through the crowd.

“How many times do I have to tell you, that you should listen to me?”

My step-dad glares at me, fire dancing in his stone cold eyes.

“You will do as you’re told” He threatens, his voice lowering.

“How are you going to explain another daughter’s death?” I reply.

I know that I’ll pay for my insolence when I get home, but the fact that I just missed Chanyeol seems to be much worse. That is if he was even here… Should I text him back? I feel so pathetic, why can’t I just stick with something, why do I keep on changing my mind? I’m doing this to protect him, but why does it feel like I need his protection? I’ve been able to fend for myself this long, why do I need him now?

I look over at my phone, he still hasn’t messaged me… He was the only one who didn’t message me as much, he didn’t even leave frantic calls like the others did… Was I really his best friend? Or was I just some game he played whenever he wanted to pass the time? Of all the problems I have, I have to focus on the petty one… how pathetic am I?

I can feel my step-dad’s gaze boring into me, I try to keep my eyes on my hands, but I can see him edging closer to me. What should I do? Why won’t anyone stop this? A strong, cold hand slides onto my leg, and I can feel him smirking next to me.

“Why are you still fighting me?”

I clamp my eyes shut. Drown this out. Go to somewhere safe. I repeat over and over. The psychologist told me that whenever I felt like everything was becoming too much I should do this. I wonder if she ever believed everything I told her, but I guess because of her I wasn’t able to confide in anyone else… how am I supposed to, if no one ever believed me or even tried to help me?

“Tonight, we’ll celebrate your coming home with a masked ball” He whispers into my ear.

It takes every single muscle in my body not to shiver. The urge to jump out of the car becomes greater by the second.

“Masked ball?” I echo

He nods, the sly smile still playing on his lips. He inches his lips closer to mine.

“There’ll be so many people, no one will notice when we disappear” He laughs

My stomach churns uncomfortably. My eyes widening. I can’t let this happen. He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Tonight you won’t be able to get away from me, no one is going to protect you this time”

My heart drops, he’s right. My sister isn’t here anymore… I have no one.

I walk into my room, how am I supposed to go on with life after tonight? My fingertips lightly run across the silky material of my ball gown. It’s so beautiful… If only I could wear this under different circumstances… If he touches me tonight, I’ll end it all. I can’t live with it. A faint smile tugs at the corner of my lips, at least I could be happy for a while… I pull out a box from under my bed, I never thought I would have to do this. I slide the lid off and expose a bunch of pills. I won’t be able to slit my wrists… I hate pain. This will be the easiest way. There’s a light knock on my door, and I immediately hide the pills again.

“So you are back” My mom states.

Her cold gaze washes over me, not a trace of emotion visible on her face.

“Hi… mom” I reply.

She stares at me for a while and then turns to leave.

“Why couldn’t it be you?”

A pang shoots through my heart.

“Why couldn’t it be you?”

I sink down onto the floor, her words echoing through my head. The hurt from the first time she said it, still fresh in my mind.

I run into the house, beyond drunk, I stumble up the stairs. My sister’s goodbye text, flashing before my eyes. She couldn’t possibly be considering suicide. Before I can reach her room, my mother’s scream confirming my worst fear. I stagger into the room, my sister’s limp white body dangling from the ceiling. My mother is desperately clawing at the rope, while my stepdad furiously dials the ambulance. I stare at them, everything too unreal to process. This was some joke right? Or did I pass out in the club? I take a step forward, the floorboard creaking under my heavy footsteps. My mother’s head snaps toward me. Her eyes burning with hatred.  

“Why couldn’t it be you?” She howls, furiously punching at me.

The medics had to rip her off of me, and heavily sedated her, just to stop her attack on me. I always knew she loved my sister more, but I never thought that she’d wish death upon me…

I guess she wouldn’t care if I did overdose. I get up from the floor and walk over to my cellphone. Before I do this, I just have to tell them… I have to… Tears start running down my cheeks, did I really think that I would be able to have a happily ever after? The world is against me, and I’ll never be able to escape this hell hole that is my destiny.

I dial Kris’ number first.

“Ally? Finally! Are you okay?” Kris’ voice is panicked and so unlike his usual self.

“Kris, before you say anything else, please just listen”

“Thank you for everything. I’m sorry about that night at the club. Having you as a friend means so much to me, and I never thanked you for the makeover did I? I wish we could do that again sometime… Thank you, and I love you”

I end the call and dial Kyungsoo’s. I have to do this quickly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep my tears back.

“ALLY, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I AM?!” Kyungsoo screeches through the phone, his voice breaking slightly.

“Kyungsoo… Kyungie, I’m sorry for worrying you. You should take it easy okay? Tell your parents the truth, and be yourself no matter what. I will always love you, and you will always be one of my best friends. Thank you for everything you did”

“Ally, please come back… I know I’m not Chanyeol, but if you could just… I can make you happy, please Ally. I can’t lose you please. Come back. Ally, I love you” Kyungsoo cries, not even trying to muffle his sobs.

I lean against the wall as I end the call. My lips quivering, I close my eyes. One more.

“… Don’t say it” Luhan’s voice whispers softly as he answers his phone.

“Luhan… I’m sorry”

“Ally don’t you dare say goodbye.”

“You know I love you right? You always listened to me, about my insane love for Chanyeol, and my fantasies. You were always there to drink wine and to eat ice cream. I don’t know what I would’ve done without-“

“ALLY DON’T YOU SAY IT! Don’t…” Luhan’s voice cracks.

“We should have a sleepover again-“ I close my eyes. The reality sinking in. I’ll never see him again, I’ll never see any of them again…

“I love you LuLu, and I always will”

I hang up. My chest becomes heavier. I dial his number and sit down on my bed. My world starts to spin beneath my feet. This will be the last time I hear his voice…

“Ally?” Chanyeol’s voice asks desperately

“Chanyeolie… I’m sorry”

“Ally, everything is okay, just stay where you are and I’ll come and get you”

My throat tightens and my eyes fill with tears. Why does he still care? After everything I said to him…

“Don’t… Just listen to me okay?”

This is it. My final goodbye.

“The day I met you, I thought you were an angel. I was right. You made me forget about my past, about my pain. You’ll never know how much you helped me. For the first time in my life I had friends who cared about me-“

“Ally, for once in your life stop talking! STOP IT”

I ignore Chanyeol’s plea and continue talking

“I had people who loved me for who I am. I will always be thankful for that. I love you so much Chanyeol. More than a friend, I loved you more than I thought possible, and I will always love you, even though you don’t feel the same. Just know that I never meant to hurt you and... I- I’m sorry…”

“Stop it. I won’t listen to this. Just stop”

My body shakes uncontrollably as my words get stuck in my throat. I my breath in, choking on my tears.

“I love you Ally, isn’t that enough? What more can I say to make you stop?”

“I’m so sorry!” I cry, ending the call.

I pull my legs up to my chest and hug them tightly. My heart breaks into a million pieces. Who knew saying goodbye would hurt this much.