Destiny

 Jieun leaned against her bedboard, staring at the dream catcher that swayed in the wind by her window. It was something that was always there, but she never really took any notice of it. She closed her eyes and let herself succumb to the twinkling sound of the beads gently beating against each other. A whole week had passed since the incident at the streets, and her bruises were slowly healing.

 She hadn't really seen Chanyeol around the house. She understood that Chanyeol wasn't exactly in a good situation either, being under such fire. After all, Chanyeol was the famous teenage baseball player that was reknowned almost everywhere in the country. Jieun sighed and stared down at the jug filled with hot chocolate gripped inbetween her fingers. She felt as that she was only causing trouble for Chanyeol, because the society.. was on his side.

She was afraid to step outside, because she felt as if haters would come and kill her. She could only look outside the window, hoping that all of this would come to an end very soon. a soft knock echoed through the room, followed by Myungsoo who entered the room with a faint smile on his face. He was wearing a red padding jacket covered with snow, and his nose was rose pink due to the coldness. He closed the door behind him and sat on the stool by her bed.

 "You're getting better," he exclaimed and took his padding jacket off. "Once this heals, you can go outside again." he nodded and tucked the extra bit of hair behind her ears. Jieun looked down and sighed. the both of them knew, that the trauma was too big on Jieun and she wasn't ready to step outside. 

"The first day of the new school year is approaching soon," Myungsoo murmured. "you can't hide forever." Jieun shifted from her place and placed her mug down. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. Jieun felt gnarled inside, and more so because what Myungsoo said was true and she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her eyes grew hotter but she managed to hold her tears in, because she didn't want to show anyone that she was weak.

 Her phone was off 24/7 because of the unknown anti-messages that attacked her. even her facebook was full of posts and messages from the society, telling her to die. Jieun sighed and stared at her short fingers. "I'll figure something out," Jieun said hoarsely. "but right now, i'm not ready." she stared at the dream catcher swaying silently in the wind. "I'm still scared." Myungsoo nodded and breathed lightly.

"Whatever you do," he held her hand. "I'll support you." 

Jieun forced a smile and crept back into her ball. There was something else that was on her mind, something that she wasn't sure whether she should reveal to Myungsoo or not. She was embarassed, but there was no way Myungsoo would understand why she was so afraid without this reason.

-3 Days ago-

 Jieun sat in the waiting room, looking down at the floor. even at the hospital, she could hear gossips and murmurs about her flying all around the place. She was sent to the psychatric hospital to get treatment for her trauma that could have occurred from the shock - Mr.Kim insisted. She felt terrified surrounded by people who were mocking her. She wanted to run out of this place and hide in a hole, but that wasn't an option anymore.

"Isn't that Lee Jieun?" a middle schooler whispered to her friend as the two gossiped and sniggered amongst themselves. Jieun really wanted to punch those girls, but she knew she couldn't, and she wouldn't dare. 

"Miss Lee Jieun?" the nurse called. Jieun peeked up and followed the nurse into the doctor's office. The doctor smiled and glanced at her as she took a seat and looked at the doctor emotionlessly. The doctor flipped through his record papers and examined it silently. "Miss Lee Jieun?" "Yes." Jieun murmured under her breath. The doctor placed his papers down and glanced at Jieun with a warm smile.

He was a man of big build and his doctor gown seemed to fit perfectly on him; Jieun felt strangely comfortable with this doctor. "If you don't mind," he slipped out a pen and his note papers. "please feel free to tell me anything that is troubling you, making you afraid, hurting you, or anything of the sort." the doctor nodded and began jotting down a few details about Jieun.

She sighed and stayed silent. 

"Doctor," her voice croaked. "I'm afraid to step foot outside." she watched as the doctor was busy jotting down things with his unreadable cursive writing. "Wherever i go, i feel like people will talk bad about me.. even the people i see for the first time.. they'll point fingers at me.. everyone hates me." Jieun stopped there. The doctor had stopped writing and fell into a deep thought.

"Park Chanyeol," he said half-heartedly. Jieun looked up, surprised at the name. "So you were the young lady.." he exhaled and stared at her deeply. He rose from his seat and led Jieun into another door at the side. Inside the room were three nurses who were walking around the place, checking reports and getting things ready. inside was a fMRI machine, surrounded by two female nurses who were getting the machine ready.

 "Miss Jieun," the doctor said as he grabbed a bunch of cords from the shelf. "We will perform a fMRI scan, please proceed to the machine." She laid down on the machine and stared at the ceiling as the two nurses stuck cord patches onto her head and headed toward the machinary area. She closed her eyes and breathed out as the machine activated and she entered the machine, finding out whatever it was that troubled her.

 She returned back to the desk and waited for the doctor to return. She watched as the doctor exited the MRI room with a handful of black scan papers. He dimmed the lights of the room and stuck the papers on the light board. He stared at the pictures and tried to explain it to Jieun in the most calming ways possible. "Miss Jieun," he sighed and nodded lightly. "I'm not going to drag this further, you do have a mental disorder."

 He continued on with the picture.

"Your receptors have reduced by an average of nearly a third in the anterior cingulate in the front middle part of the brain, the posterior cingulate, in the rear middle part of the brain, and in the raphe, the middle brain." Jieun listened to the doctor, completely clueless of what he was saying. her heart was troubling her, knowing the fact that she had a disorder meant that people would label her as a mental patient if they found out.

"Panic disorder." 

Jieun's eyes widened. "But.. i can't be.."

"Exposure to society took a bad toll on your brain." the doctor said as he printed out something and wrote something on it. He passed it to Jieun and turned the lights back on, focusing back on his writing. "I've prescribed you antidepressants for the month. you must get regular check-ups every month, or you'll have terrible brain damage in the later stages."

Jieun nodded.

-END-

 How could she possibly tell Myungsoo that she had panic disorder? It was no other than a mental disease, and Myungsoo was going to think the same. She watched as Myungsoo walked out of the room, retreating back to his. She wasn't sure if she really deserved all of this. Lee Jieun, a nobody,  surrounded by two boys who were literally the stars of the country. perhaps those comments were true, she didn't deserve to be around Chanyeol.

He and her were.. too different.

Jieun slipped on her thick cardigan and walked outside the balcony, the only place she could be outside. She was about to peek into Chanyeol's room, when she heard a loud slap emanating the balcony. she gasped and stuck to the wall, peeking through a small gap. It was Chanyeol and his parents, who looked very boiled up. Jieun gasped silently as Chanyeol looked down with his red cheeks drawing the shape of his father's hand.

"Park Chanyeol, i have given you numerous warnings about your baseball career. I clearly told you that this was the last straw, and if you caused any more scandals i would give you NO MORE CHANCES!" Mr.Kim screamed and grabbed Chanyeol by the collar. "Do you know how i raised you?! YET YOU GO AROUND CAUSING SCANDALS?!" Mrs.Kim pulled her husband off and split the two of them apart.

 Jieun watched in absoulete terror as Chanyeol looked down with a fist. 

"Your Fiance' is Suzy." Mr.Kim grit his teeth. "Even the articles were published last week, YET YOU GO AROUND MESSING WITH ANOTHER GIRL?!" Mr.Kim raised his hand to slap Chanyeol, but he held his wrist hard and tight. Chanyeol pushed it away and glared at his father with watery eyes. 

"Father," Chanyeol exhaled heavily. "have you ever thought of me as a real son?" Mr.Kim grew silent. "If you ever thought of me as a real son, you wouldn't- you couldn't do this to me. if you're my father, aren't you supposed to do what's best for me?"

"Suzy is the best for you." Mr.Kim said sternly, averting eyes with Chanyeol.

"No," Chanyeol shrilled. "You don't know what's best for me." he grit his teeth. "You know so very well that i want to play baseball, you know that my life depends on it. You never thought of me as a real son, to you i am just a boy you picked up from the orphanage."

"If we hadn't gotten you from the orphanage," Mr.Kim growled. "Do you think you would be living in this large house? What about the beautiful fiancee'? do you know how many other sons of rich companies have their eyes on Suzy? If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have even pursued your baseball career this far." Mr.Kim teethed, examining all the golden trophies and souvenirs in his room.

"Did i ever ask for you to adopt me? Did i ever ask for you to give me a beautiful fiance'?" Chanyeol sighed. "I don't understand, why i have to carry on your company when Myungsoo is your blood-bred son. Am i just an item that you can push your unwanted work into?"

"Chanyeol-"

"I don't like Suzy. And i don't love her. I don't want to marry someone i don't love. And no matter what you say, i certainly am not going to marry Suzy. because, Suzy is not the one i love." Chanyeol sighed and looked down. Mr.Kim scoffed, as if son was posessed by a ridiculous love-sick spirit. "Then, who is this amazing Juliet you're in love with?" Mr.Kim demanded, taking a seat beside his wife.

"Can't you see?" Chanyeol whispered. "Jieun is the one in my heart."

Jieun hid behind the wall, no longer watching the scene.

Mr.Kim cleared his throat and glared at Chanyeol. 

"Did i raise you to chase some low-classed girl?" Mr.Kim said virulently. "If you're going to continue and do whatever you want, fine. because, i will take my own measures too." Mr.Kim and his wife walked out of his room, slamming the door behind him. Jieun peeked again, watching as Chanyeol barely supported himself up. He gripped the chair and sat down, staring into space with his tear filled eyes. He wiped the tears off and tried to hide his tears, but he ended up falling into a pool of tears.

 Jieun knew, that because of her Chanyeol was having the hardest time of his life.

"Why would you choose me.. over someone so beautiful like Suzy..?" Jieun whispered, peeking at Chanyeol who was crying silently in his spot. She wanted to rush and hug him tightly, but she knew that Chanyeol and her weren't meant to be. 

It was just their.. destiny.

.  .  .

[Falling in love - Yiruma ]

 Jieun curled up in her bed, tormented by the thought. She had to go outside today, because she needed to collect the school textbooks that she had pre-ordered. The thought of stepping outside was terrifying as it was. The morning sun was shining so pleasantly, but to her even the sun seemed to be mocking her. She buried her head inside her knees and hoped for a miracle, but she knew nothing would happen.

 She got out of bed and dressed herself layer over layer, and covered her face with a mask. she placed the hood over her head and walked out of the house, finally entering the very streets that she feared. Luckily nobody recognized her under the mask, but she felt as if someone would rip the mask off her face and pound her to death. Every single person in the streets looked so vile and cruel, veiled under their mocking smiles.

 The more she walked toward school, the more she could see her fellow classmates appear one by one. She knew that the mask wouldn't be much help, since everyone would recognize her once she entered the school buildings. She felt afraid, but it wasn't as if she could turn back now. Before her, was the large school building. People bumped into Jieun as they entered the school with their friends by their side.

 She sighed and entered like a shadow, with no existance.

She followed the sign to the senior book distributors. Everyone began to murmur as Jieun looked down with her mask covering her face. She could hear the same poisonous whispers that pierced her heart and shattered her confidence to a million pieces. She wanted to run out and jump off this building, but that was out of the choice. She watched as everyone distanced themselves from her, leaving a big gap. 

 She sighed and moved up the line, dead inside.

"Name?" the man asked unconsciously.

"Lee Jieun." she whispered.

"What?" he shot.

"Lee Jieun." she hissed.

"Student, speak up." he glared.

"Lee Jieun." she spoke out loud and looked down. The man stared into her eyes for some time, before scoffing and slamming the books onto the desk. "Good luck getting home." he sniggered as Jieun took the books and walked through the large crowd who were all staring at her. She could hear all sorts of cruel comments shot at her, but she didn't want to listen any longer. 

Her head was spinning and she felt sick inside. She felt a deep ache inside her head as if something was biting her brain off, and her vision was starting to get blurry. Only the growing resonance of whispers and mockery filled her ears and she could take it no more. She stopped in her spot and grasped her head, trying to ease the burning pain that was killing her inside. She dropped her books and fainted, but surprisingly, the fall was warm.

 Moments before her eyelids shut, she saw a face.

"Chanyeol..?"

A/N

Sorry for late update! my finals are finally over and i was hanging out with friends on friday so i had no time to update. There's one thing i want to ask you guys to do, if you subscribe, please don't unsubscribe then subscribe again. Honestly, i don't mind if you guys unsubscribe because honestly i'm writing for my own joy and subs are an extra little thing. but when i get notifications seeing the same person subscribe then unsubscribe then suscribe again, it kind of bugs me.. i hope you guys understand.

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