First Kiss

 Jieun's eyelids opened to the sight of the ceiling light dimly shining onto her eyes. She blinked twice to get rid of her blurred vision and groaned at the small headache that was bothering her. She shifted and managed to help herself up, leaning against the bed. She was in the emergency room and it was empty, and the only sound was the shuffling sound of the nurses as they walked back and forth through the area. 

She gripped her hands on the bed but strangely, she felt warmth. 

Her eyes were drawn to Chanyeol as he fell asleep, sitting as he rested his arms on the bed. Jieun could hardly remember what happened before all of this, and why Chanyeol was even here in the first place. She looked around and could feel the gossiping aura of the nurses as they walked past each other. Jieun didn't - couldn't wake Chanyeol up. She was mezmerized by the way he slept; like a newborn baby whose milky skin glowed in the sunlight.

Chanyeol shifted and slowly gained consciousness, looking around the place. He looked at Jieun and saw her leaning against the wall, trying to relieve her headache. He sighed and took her right hand, squeezing it lightly in his. His sigh seemed to release a thousand worries on his mind. The two were silent for some time before Jieun finally managed to utter a word.

"I'm alright-"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Chanyeol raged.

"Chanyeol," startled, Jieun looked into his eyes filled with genuine sorrow. "What's wrong..?"

He looked as if he could burst into tears, but seemed to be holding it in by biting his lips. He let go of her hand and ran his fingers through his hair, constantly sighing as if the world was about to come to an end. "What am i to you?" Chanyeol asked, staring deeply into her soul. Jieun wasn't sure if this was meant to be a rhetorical question; oddly, she had never thought about that question before. 

"What..?"

"Why do you always have to make me worry? Don't you have a mouth? If you're sick, tell me that you're sick. If you're afraid, tell me that you're afraid. I hate having to watch you suffer and know the fact that i can't help you because you won't tell me-" Chanyeol was silenced by a single teardrop that slid down his right cheek. He closed his eyes and looked down at his feet. He couldn't bare seeing Jieun's pale face and her crackly lips.

"Chanyeol, i'm really fine.." Jieun stuttered.

"Panic disorder is fine?" he questioned. "Fainting out of nowhere is fine? You're not fine Jieun you're hurt and i don't know why you're not telling me because i know that this is all my fault and-" Chanyeol was cut off by Jieun sobbing under her arms. She buried her head inbetween her knees and weeped as Chanyeol listened to her muffled cries. He raised his veiny hand and her head gently. 

The symptoms of Panic disorder will probably make her feel unreal or detached from her surroundings. 

The doctor's words spun in his head. 

"I didn't want anyone to know," Jieun croaked. "I was afraid that you would leave me if you realized that i was a mental patient. Because i'm.. different, you would have left me too." Jieun looked down and let her tears soak her face. Lost for words, Chanyeol stared at her meaninglessly. He didn't know what to think; except for the fact that she thought he would leave her over that. 

"The reason why you are this way is because of me." Chanyeol stated. "I'm not the kind of person to trash a person after hurting them." Jieun slowly raised her head and peeked into his eyes filled with ardent truth. She still had a hard time trying to trust him; right now it was hard for her to trust anyone. The whole world was her enemy and he was part of that world, how could she?

"The doctor said you can get discharged today." Chanyeol grabbed his coat, and her hand. "There's somewhere i want to take you." He tried to pull her out of the bed gently but she hesitated. He could see the fear written in her eyes. He nodded lightly and placed the mask over her face. He smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears, looking into her swollen eyes that still seemed to be beautiful.

"Don't worry," he whispered. "You won't need a mask over there."

.  .  .

  The two got off the taxi and walked through the tall black arched gate that read Seoul Cemetery park. In his hands was a bouquet of Chrysanthemums. Jieun could feel the emptiness of Chanyeol's heart as the two walked up the entrance hill, side by side. She looked to the side and saw the numerous graves all lined against each other with flowers before it. She didn't know why they were here, but she knew it was for a special reason.

 After some walking, they reached the top of the cemetary where large gravestones were aligned in a parallel manner. She trailed behind Chanyeol as they walked past a numerous gravestones with flowers presented before them. Jieun watched Chanyeol and his shoulders hunched down, yet comfortable. Chanyeol stopped before a special Jade gravestone with a few bouquet of flowers outlining the stone. 

In loving memory of a dear wife and mother

Park Yeh-Jin

Died 7th February 2005

Aged 32

 Jieun watched as Chanyeol placed his bouquet of flowers before the stone and smiled vibrantly at the stone. Jieun watched him as he showed no tears and managed to show a bright side. He sat down and stared at the gravestone silently for some time, as if he was absorbed in his own world. Chanyeol could have never looked so much at peace before that stone, Jieun thought.

"Jieun," he waved. "Come and greet her. It's my mother." 

Jieun nodded and knelt down beside him. Jieun stared at the small picture engraved at the top of the stone, of a beautiful woman with black hair, skin like pearls, and Chanyeol's eyes. "Mom," he exclaimed and slipped out his school ID card. "I'm finally a high school senior!" He chuckled and glanced at the photo of his mother stuck at the top of the stone. Jieun glanced at him. She knew that inbetween every silence he made, there were tears waiting to be cried.

"It's surprising how time goes really fast, huh." he nodded. "Before you left, i was only a short elementary school child." He shifted from his seat and noticed Jieun sitting there awkwardly. He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Mum, this is my girlfriend, Lee Jieun." He laughed. Jieun wanted to rebut, but she had never seen so much genuinity in his eyes, she couldn't.

To him, this moment was everything.

"Well," his laughted died down. "She's not my girlfriend yet. Remember how you said you wanted a daughter-in-law with beautiful eyes? I fell for her because she has beautiful eyes." He held her hand and let another silence flow through the air. "Don't worry mum," he smiled. "You don't have to be jealous." His voice hummed and grew into a whisper. He released Jieun's hand and knelt, wiping the tombstone with his sleeves.

"I wonder how Chan-young is living," Chanyeol asked his mother. "He would be in his first year of high school now, right? Sometimes i wonder if he looks just like me. But what i wonder the most is.. why he's not looking for me." 

Jieun watched him silently. It mustn't be easy to talk into the silence, but he seemed to have no problem with it.

"I'm everywhere on the internet right now," he sighed. "He must have seen me at least once." He looked down at his veiny hands which seemed just like his life, complicated. "But then again, he might not have any access to internet. right?" He eye-smiled.

"I miss you mum," he whispered. "I wish time would go faster, so that i can see your face again."

He continued his long one-sided conversation with his mother.

*  *  *

 "Thank you," Jieun whispered as Chanyeol passed her a warm drink. The two sat at a bench in a park near the cemetery filled with trees that were still decorated with the lights from Christmas. The park was nearly deserted and the only thing making them company was the beautiful light shining in the early darkness. Jieun held the drink in her hand, not bothering to drink it. 

"Sorry." Chanyeol murmured. 

"For what?"

"For bringing you here today. It wasn't appropriate-"

"No," she nodded. "It was nice seeing your mother. If anything, i should be sorry for invading your time.."

"You're the first."

Jieun glanced at him.

"You're the first friend i've introduced to my mother."

"Oh.." Silence flowed through them. Jieun could feel his internal sadness rubbing onto her; she found her eyes getting watery. She sniffled and wiped the never-ending tears that seemed to blur her vision. 

"If you don't mind me asking," Jieun continued. "Who is Chan-young?"

Chanyeol opened his mouth to rant, but instead he smiled.

"Park Chan-young. My brother."

"Brother.."

"My real brother." 

"What happened..?" Jieun asked.

"After my mother died, my father ran away with another woman and left only me and my brother. At that time, all my relatives were overseas and as kids, we had no money to travel, let alone survive in this country. In the end, we had no choice but to go to our grandparents' house on my father's side. But they were too frail to look after us and the government ended up throwing us into different orphanages. and that's.. how we were separated."

"I..m sorry." "Don't worry about it," he chuckled. "If we're fated, we're bound to meet again." Chanyeol turned his gaze toward Jieun and saw her twinkling eyes shining toward him. He was lost in her eyes that was like an ocean full of stars. Her eyes were so familiar, so warm. "You have my mother's eyes." he blurted and covered his mouth. Jieun only smiled, because she knew.

"Thank you."

Chanyeol was lost in her eyes, unable to take his eyes off hers. His heart was aching of his mother, and because of this girl before him who took up his whole heart. This person before his eyes resembled the very two women he loved in this world. 

With slipped actions, he closed his eyes and crashed his lips against hers.

Their world had stopped.

A/N:

omygod. This chapter is SOO CHEESY i deleted this so many times..

I really need a pat on the back for getting myself through this lmao. I really cannot stand cheesy things but with writing, i'm trying to overcome that. I figured that this story was warping too much into the angst plot of it, lol. I should work on that..

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