Incarnation

Until the end, everything you do is for him.

Myungsoo laid on his bed, repeating what he said to Jieun over and over again. His eyes were warm, but the tears would never come out. There was so much more to his feelings for Jieun, but she would never know.

He closed his eyes and thought back to the first time he saw her.

The first time he saw her in the alley, getting bullied by the delinquents.

Jieun would never know that he fell in love with her at that split moment.

During the entire time he lived with Jieun, she was always so beautiful to him. Even when he treated her scar in the room to when she was crying over Chanyeol; every image of her in his memory was beautiful and shining as always.

But he was always a step slower.

He was sure his feelings for her started way before Chanyeol, but he never had the courage to show her. While Chanyeol made all the moves and got closer to her, he was always hesitant and watched her from the side, just desperately hoping that she and Chanyeol wouldn't fall in love.

But when he found out they had already madly fallen in love with each other, he knew it was too late.

But because of that last hope, he held onto her all this time.

Myungsoo closed his eyes and reminisced back to that one time in winter where Jieun had pulled Chanyeol and Myungsoo out to make a wish under the lamppost.

The three stood and stared at the scenery before their eyes. nobody dared to speak; there was no need for words.

Jieun slipped her gloved hand out and noticed a small white speck on her red gloves.

She looked up and saw that small specks of white snow were fluttering down, slowly landing on their head.

Jieun smiled broadly and nudged Chanyeol and Myungsoo, pointing at the sky.

"First Snow." She exclaimed. the three stared up at the sky. The dips of their mouth soon carved into a smile and so did their spirits. the three stood silently and watched as the snow fell down to earth. "Let's make a wish."

"Only stupid people make wishes." Myungsoo stammered with his arms crossed. Jieun grinned because she knew that it was Myungsoo who needed it the most at this moment.

The way she saw it, both of the brothers needed it just as much as each other.

"It's your loss." Jieun shrugged as she closed her eyes and put her hands together to make a wish.

Myungsoo surrendered and closed his eyes, making an unfeigned wish with all his heart.

He opened his eyes and sighed, staring at the ceiling.

That day, he wished for Jieun to fall in love with him like he did the first time he saw her.

He had never loved someone as much as this before; he wasn't sure if he was ready to let go of her.

His head knew that he had to let her go for the sake of her happiness, but his heart grabbed onto her like a father's embrace and refused to let her go. How would he let go of all the past emotions that he felt about her?

She was his first love.

He closed his eyes and rolled to his side, trying to get some sleep.

Suddenly, a creak at the door was heard and someone sat at the corner of his bed.

"Myungsoo," Jieun said quietly. "Are you sleeping?"

Myungsoo stayed in his spot, pretending to be asleep.

"I..I'm sorry," she said. "Sometimes... I don't know if I deserve all this love you're giving me."

Myungsoo only listened, not saying a single word.

"During the past year we've dated, we were happy. Right? During those moments, I was truly happy being by your side and it was heartwarming to know that you cared for me and treasured me more than you did for yourself. For that, I'm forever grateful to you."

She sighed.

"But... even when I'm with you, Chanyeol's always on my mind."

The tear that Myungsoo's been holding in finally rolled down his face.

"When a year passed, I thought... that I could erase him from my memory. But... I can't do that. My head tells me that I have to, but my heart won't let him go. Knowing this, I don't know if it is right to be beside you."

She sniffled.

"I know how much you love me, but I can't promise you the same heart back..." she paused. "The more I stay like this and deny how I feel, the more I will just hurt you and myself. So... I want to find Chanyeol's brother. I hope you can understand me... even if it's hard for you to understand..."

She stayed silent for a while before she stood up and walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

Myungsoo kept his eyes shut, only letting the tears flow off his eyes.

If he opened his eyes, he knew he couldn't control his emotions and he would go crazy.

It was clear to him now, she didn't love him back. She never loved him back from the start; she was only by his side to try and forget Chanyeol.

Just like how she was Myungsoo's first love, Chanyeol was her first love.

He was supposed to hate her for being in love with someone else while being beside him, but he couldn't hate her. He loved her too much to hate her, and he didn't want to hate her. No matter how much she hurt him, he was always that beautiful girl in his memory and that never changed in his heart.

Even at this moment, he wanted to chase after her and hug her, beg her to stay by his side.

But he now knew, love didn't work that way.

The harder he tried, the harder it would slip out of his hand.

Myungsoo's first love was coming to an end, just like that.

---

Jieun stood in front of Danwon High School, watching all the high school students walk into the school.

Jieun, now an adult, felt different looking at a high school.

This was the school that was printed on Jang Hyun's school uniform and she was determined to find him.

She walked into the school and toward the office, glancing at all the male students as she walked past. None of them looked like Jang Hyun which brought her to a disappointment.

She walked into the office and walked toward the main desk, holding the flyer in her hand.

"Can I help you?" the desk woman asked.

"Hi," she stuttered. "I'm looking for a student called Jang-Hyun."

"Your relationship to the student?"

"Uh," she hesitated. "Sister."

"He doesn't have any legal sister on his family registration-"

"In-law," Jieun forced a smile.

The woman looked at her skeptically twice before writing down his information on a sticky note and handed it to her.

"First-year class 7?" Jieun wandered as she walked around the corridor of the first- year classrooms, trying to look for the classroom. It was lunch-break, so students were either at the cafeteria or outside playing soccer. The classrooms were empty except for the students who were studying.

"Here it is-" Jieun looked inside the classroom and saw Jang-Hyun sitting in the classroom, alone.

Jieun knocked on the classroom door, immediately catching Jang-Hyun's attention.

"O..h?" Jang-Hyun stared. "You're the noona from yesterday."

"Hi, Jang-Hyun," she grinned.

"W..what are you doing here..?" he asked, shocked as he got up from his seat. "Before that, how did you find me?"

"We're going to see each other a lot from now on," she smiled.

"What..?"

"How come you're not eating?" Jieun glanced at the clock. "Lunchtime just began."

"I...'m not hungry," Jang-Hyun bit his lips, followed by a loud growl from his stomach.

"Come on," she laughed.

Jieun watched as Jang-Hyun gulped down all the school store food that Jieun bought for him.

"You don't eat the cafeteria food?" Jieun asked.

"I couldn't pay for this semester's lunch fee," he said as he sipped his banana milk. "So I just.. somehow manage."

"What do you mean?" Jieun asked, concerned.

"I work part-time, but I don't make enough to cover everything so I just gave up the lunch fee." He smiled awkwardly and continued eating.

"What about your other relatives? Don't they-"

"I don't have other relatives," he said quietly.

"Where do you live?" Jieun asked desperately.

Jang-Hyun stared at her weirdly. He didn't know who this woman was and why she was buying him food and demanding to know where he lived. Usually, he wouldn't have taken the food, but he hadn't eaten in three days and was starving.

"Uh," Jang-Hyun raised an eyebrow. "I don't usually tell strangers where I live..?"

Jieun pulled out the flyer that he gave her the other day and also pulled out a picture of Chanyeol.

Jang-Hyun stared at the picture of Chanyeol then back at Jieun who stared right back at him.

"What is this..?" he asked, a little shocked.

"Your brother," she said. "Your only family."

Jang-Hyun slammed the food down and rose from his seat, storming out of the store. Jieun, surprised, chased after Jang-Hyun whose footsteps were heavy as he rushed back to his classroom.

"Jang-Hyun," Jieun called out but he continued walking, ignoring Jieun.

Jieun sighed and used the final method.

"Chan-young!"

Jang-Hyun stopped in his tracks, slowly looking back at Jieun with a face filled with surprise and anger.

He stared at Jieun for a few seconds before he disappeared into the corner, leaving Jieun alone.

She didn't understand what the problem was; she thought he had been searching for her all this time.

---

Jieun waited outside the school gate, waiting for Jang-Hyun to come out.

She watched as he rushed out of the gate, running as he kept checking the time on his wristwatch. She trailed behind him, watching as he rushed into a convenience store and changed into the uniform, getting behind the counter.

Jieun watched as he started restocking all the items, carrying three milk cartons that were stacked on top of each other.

Even when he wasn't done with stocking the items, he rushed over to the counter and scanned the items.

Jieun watched as a middle-aged man threw a pack of cigarettes at his face because he picked out the wrong ones. Jang-Hyun bowed down to him multiple times and picked out the right one and picked up the money that the man had thrown on the ground.

She didn't know that he was living this life as compared to Chanyeol, who was and still is living a luxury.

After four hours, Jang-Hyun exchanged shifts with another person and this time rushed again to a nearby Korean barbeque place.

He changed into his uniform and started to walk around the table, grilling meat for people and carrying around burning hot grills to change for many salarymen and women as well as people around his age who came to eat with their family. He was carrying Soju and beer and serving it to many people, even pouring them a glass as the old men and women roared in excitement.

Jang-Hyun's forced smile throughout his entire shift was prominent to Jieun.

After another four hours, the restaurant closed and Jang-Hyun walked out of the restaurant, exhausted.

Jieun trailed behind him and watched his shoulders dragged down by his heavy backpack.

"Jang-Hyun," Jieun said softly.

He looked back and seeing that it was Jieun, fastened his footsteps.

"Wait," she blurted. "Why are you running away?"

Jang-Hyun stopped in his tracks and looked back, annoyed. "What do you want from me?"

"I want to talk," she said. "About you, and your brother."

"What about Chanyeol?" Jang-Hyun raised his voice. "What about that who left me so he could have a good life?"

"He didn't leave you," Jieun said.

"Yes he did," he said firmly. "He left me there so he could go and live off a rich family because he didn't want to live like when he lived with me. I have to worry about whether I will have enough money to even eat one meal tomorrow, but.. but when I see the news, he's all the way in America ready to inherit a new company. He doesn't care about me at all; he doesn't care whether he has a brother or not."

Jieun was lost for words.

"I visit mother's grave every year for her birthday," he continued. "I stayed there for the whole day each year in the hope that he would come to visit her too and maybe we could somehow meet each other again. But for the past few years, he never came to see her. Not even a single year. He must know I come to visit mother every year, there's no way he wouldn't know. He would know that if he just came to see her, he could see me. But he didn't."

"That's not true," Jieun said.

"What would you know?" he shot. "You don't even know what happened at the orphanage."

Jieun only stared, not knowing what to say. "What happened Chan-young?"

"Don't call me that," Jang-Hyun raised his voice.

"Tell me Chan-young, what exactly happened that makes you so afraid and hate your only family?!"

"What is he to you, huh?" Jang-Hyun spat. "Why do you care so much about me and him anyway?!"

"Because.. he left me too," Jieun said quietly. "You or me, we both deny it but I know both of us want to see him again."

Jang-hyun went silent, staring at Jieun.

Jieun followed Jang-Hyun inside his Goshiwon, often referred to as a box room.

The only thing inside his room was a small kitchen, a bed, a small desk, and a small bathroom.

The wallpaper was peeling off and the floor was ice-cold because he couldn't pay for heating. Jieun stared at the kitchen and saw there was no food except for two packages of instant noodles and a bottle of half-finished water.

Janghyun pulled out the chair from his desk, offering her to sit.

"I only have water," Janghyun said awkwardly.

"I'm fine," Jieun said awkwardly as she looked around the state that he lived in.

"When did you start living like this..?" Jieun asked, appalled.

"Ever since he left me," Janghyun said, his voice half filled with anger.

"What happened..?"

"It was on the day the family adopted him.."

A man and a woman, dressed in very formal attire got out of their black car and walked toward the Orphanage office, catching the attention of all the children at the playground. Among them was Chanyeol and Chanyoung who stared at the two who slowly walked toward the office and shook the head director's hand.

"I've never seen the head director smile like that," Chanyoung said curiously.

Chanyoung, only 8, had no idea what was about to happen.

Chanyeol only stared at the two dimly.

"Who are they, hyung?" Chanyoung asked, tugging on Chanyeol's sleeves.

"I don't know," Chanyeol shrugged. "Stay here."

Chanyeol said to his brother and walked into the building, lurking around the office. Chanyoung watched his brother in curiosity, wondering what he was doing. Chanyoung quietly crept toward the building to scare his brother and saw him eavesdropping behind the office door.

Chanyoung imitated his brother and did the same, hearing a conversation that wasn't meant for him.

"We want to take one of the Park's child," the woman said as she sipped her coffee.

Chanyoung stood on his toes and realized that it was the woman and the man from earlier.

"They are brothers, it is a better choice to take both of them-"

"We only need one, director." The man cut off.

Before Chanyoung could listen to any more, Chanyeol grabbed Chanyoung by the wrist and dragged him out of the building, all the way to the playground.

"What are you doing?!" Chanyeol screamed.

"I was..copying you..!" Chanyoung said, about to burst into tears. Chanyeol never screamed at Chanyoung except for when he was very angry.

"I told you to stay here!"

"We are the only Park brothers here," Chanyoung said. "Are we going to be separated?"

"No," Chanyeol said as he wiped the tears off Chan-young's face. "Of course not."

"That man and woman look really rich hyung," Chanyoung said. "If he takes both of us, will we be rich too?"

Chanyeol sighed and nodded with a weak grin.

From afar, Chanyeol saw the man and the woman walk out of the building and ran toward the Orphanage garden with his brother.

"Chanyoung, let's play hide and seek."

"Suddenly?"

"I'm going to count to one thousand very slowly, and you have to hide somewhere in this garden and never come out until I find you. Okay?"

"Ok," Chanyoung said excitedly as he went deeper into the garden and hid, waiting for his brother.

Chanyoung looked back once and saw Chanyeol walking toward the man and the woman, walking inside the building with them.

"It was the next day, I realized they adopted Chanyeol because they couldn't find me so they took him."

Jieun only listened, shocked.

"Chanyeol hid me so he could be the only to go to the rich household. I thought I was supposed to miss him and want to see him again, but what will I say when I see his face? He's not even looking for me. He already has a fiance and a company in America. Me showing up will only cause trouble in his life."

"No,"

"I don't want to see the bastard who abandoned me for his own good anyway," Janghyun said quietly.

"Are you sure about that?" Jieun asked.

"What?"

"Are you confident about not seeing him for the rest of your life? Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?"

"What difference does it make if I see him?"

"He's been looking for you too," Jieun said. "He misses you."

"Don't lie to me," he said sternly. "I'm not a kid like I was at the orphanage anymore."

"Fine," Jieun stood up. "You've made your choice."

Jieun gave him a paper with her phone number written on it.

"If you ever change your mind, contact me. I'm sorry for taking your time." Jieun shut the door behind her and left Jang-hyun lost in thoughts.

Jang-Hyun stared at the number on the paper, lost in thoughts.

He sat on his desk and picked up the picture frame that he had flipped down for many years.

He stared at the picture of him and Chanyeol, sitting side by side, smiling.

"Did you really look for me..?" He questioned Chanyeol in the picture who smiled brightly as ever.

I haven't updated this in forever but this is one of my favorite stories that I've wrote on AFF so I should probably come on often and update alot.. Winter break started for me this week so I finally had the time to come on AFF and write. I've been super busy with school now that I'm a sophomore in College the workload is really piling up.

Updating this chapter really like relieved a lot of my stress haha

Thanks for reading~