BOOM
Fan MailLetter 6
-Nobody's POV-
Natalia had learnt from the letter that SHINee had already arrived and they were staying at a motel, with no star rating, at the moment. She was to pick them up the following day and bring them to her house. Her. House. When she found out, she literally screamed. She couldn't believe that her idols were staying at her house. It was more than a dream come true.
Now, they were all sitting down in her lounge room floor, looking at one another awkwardly. Taemin didn't like the silence so he decided to start off the conversation.
"So...Hi there! My name's Tae-"
BOOM!
The house rattled ferociously as it fell and crushed the boys and Natalia. They never got to have their first complete conversation.
The next day, it was all over the news.
"Shining Shinee is no longer shining"
"Shinee...gone?!"
"World without Shinee"
"Mass Suicide of Shawols"
It was terrible. The amount of shawols who couldn't imagine the world without their precious idols. So many lives were being lost after the loss of five great boys and one lucky girl who was so close to personally knowing them.
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LOL JOKES SORRY MATIES THAT IS NOT THE REAL "LETTER 6" SORRRYYY I just felt the need to do that. Im so sorry. LOL WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION?! But things happened way too fast ahahha. I don't even know why the house fell in the first place ahahhaha.
@Nataliette - Haha yesyes taemin is very adorable ^O^
@Mayleehm - I knooow hmm so sad D: What has the world come to?! LOL and thankyou.
@Tagongluv - Thankyou :) And we'll have to wait and see whether it's the manager or not. Teehee ^^
Ok, anyway, I'll update with a real chapter soon :) Promise.
Please dont unsubscribe, I promise I wont do that again ^^
xoxo
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21.09.11 Update+Review :)
Letter 6
-Kate's POV-
I think Natalia's dating. She's been so happy...I mean, it's not like I don't want her to be, but she's changed...in some kind of way...You can just tell. Even Jessica's realised something was up and she hardly takes notice of these things. Something fishy is definitely happening. I don't understand, though. Why is she keeping her guy away from us? Why hasn't she told us about him? Doesn't she trust us?
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-Natalia's POV-
"Oh mah gah, so much to do!" I whined, looking at the words that I still had to write.
In the shopping centre, I had met with Manager Choi's [A/N the manager of Shinee] close friend who gave me a letter from him and Shinee. I literally skipped the whole way home. When I reached my bedroom, I jumped onto my bed and opened the envelope ever so carefully, being careful not to tear it. When I finally got it open, I was devastated. It was all in Korean! And I couldn't read a bit. I sighed and looked at the swiggly characters on the sheets of papers.
"Ahh..." I said as I remembered. Another one of my friends, Holly, was currently learning Korean. I could get her to help! But then my happiness sunk as I remembered I couldn't let anyone know about this secret.
"Aish, dammit..." I said. "But she likes Beast, not Shinee...does she count?" I debated with myself for whether or not I should tell her but then decided against it since the manager had clearly said for this to be a secret. I decided the only way for be to be able to understand the letter would be the way I used to translate the emails I had received before...Google Translate. I sighed as I picked up the tablet [A/N this is a tablet, in case you didn't know ^^] to begin re-writing the letter up to the online translator. This was going to be a very long day indeed.
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-Nobody's POV-
"Hmmm..." thought Taemin. "How old Is the fan? Is she around my age, or older? It would be great if she was a noona, because then she could look after me!" He grinned at the thought of eating Aussie food. "Is this girl even Asian?" He knew she wasn't Korean, for sure, because she mentioned that she didn't know Korean.
The door creaked open and Jonghyun walked in.
"Hey Taemin, what's up?"
"Nothing." He replied. "Actually...I was wondering, how are we meant to communicate with the girl...Natalia? She doesn't know Korean..."
"She could be Japanese...or even Chinese! We'll be fine."
"But what if she's not any of those?! What if she's not even Asian?"
"That's ok! We can practice our English, then! My English is already good enough, though."
"Pfft," snicked Taemin. "Come on! Even though I had such a big accent when I sang Circus , my English is still way better than yours!"
"It is not!" argued Jonghyun. "And why so mean for? I'm still older! Have you already dropped the honour thing? You should be more respectful to me!"
Taemin just laughed in response and walked out of the room, leaving Jonghyun by himself, going over the basic English that he knew.
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A/N
SO SORRY FOR SUCH A SHORT CHAPTER BUT I REALLY CAN'T WRITE ANYMORE TT.TT I need to finish tabbing Ugly on guitar cus it's so frustrating cus it's so hard arrrgh ok anyway ahahha yes.
Shout out to
Thanks so much for subscribing ^^
Also, I applied for a review from a reviewer and yeah here's the link if you want it though :) Wait, no dw I'll just post it on this :L It's done by captivebeauty
Title: 4/5
"Fan Mail"
It's nice and simple, although it's a bit cliche if you ask me.
Foreword: 20/20
Yes! Finally someone who knows how to use a foreword correctly. I applaud you for not making any character descriptions like most authors here in Asianfanfics. As i said before, making character descriptions is a cheap way of describing your characters. Having character profiles, everyone is going to know the characters personalty, looks, etc, and that is just a lazy attempt to show how the characters are like in their story. So everyone who reads this, character profiles are useless and childish. Overall everything seems correct in your grammar & dialogue.
"Who would've thought that just by sending one simple fan mail would lead to such bigger events"
I really like how you basically summarize what the story is going to be about without telling so much details in just one sentence. Good job, keep up the good work!
Grammar: 18/35
"So I put my fingers on my keyboard and started…"
it should be like
"So i put my fingers on my keyboard and started typing"
You don't want it to end with a "..." your readers wont know what she is doing you know? Be sure to add every single detail so that your readers can get a better visual on what she's doing.
"My favourite song from SHINee is Lucifer"
Forourite is spelled like favorite.
I'm really glad you know your differences between "you're" and "your" I don't know why but that seems to be such a difficult thing to some people. But i do applaud you for that.
I'm not going to mention every single mistake on here but make sure you see those little spelling errors and it should be fine!
Dialogue: 7/10
Your dialogue was quite good actually, but the thing is that you need to know is that never capitalize everything in a sentence. Yes i know you're trying to prove that they are screaming, or that they are mad but please, using exclamation marks is a good way to go!
Example: “IT’S NOT A VIRUS! PLEASE! JUST LET ME CHECK THIS! PLEASE! I BEG YOU!”
"It's not a virus! Please! Just let me check this! Please! I beg you!"
You can get the same effect just by adding exclamation marks without using an excessive amount of capitalize letters.
Also, don't use the same letters to emphasize that they are whining.
“But daaad,” I huffed
"But dad!" I whined.
If you do that then you wont need those extra A's and your readers will know that she's whining.
Flow: 9/10
The flow of this story was quite nice. Better than most stories i read on here to be honest. There were some parts where it was a little bit choppy but overall it's tolerable.
Originality: 12/20
I've read quite a few stories when a fan sends an email to their "idols" and for some bizzare reason they actually get a letter back. To me, that seems boring and uninteresting and not to mention, cliche. Natalie, or should i say, the protagonist, sends a normal, typical letter to SHINee on how much she loves their songs, shows, etc and then she gets a call from their manager? I don't know about you but there was nothing interesting about her letter, if i was a idol, i would pretty much wouldn't give a damn. But suddenly, the whole SHINee members plus the manager take an interest in her over the most typical letter in the universe. Although cliche can be a good thing sometimes, if it wasn't for cliche storylines, then there wouldn't be a love story at all, right?
Overall score: 70/100
The lack of originality pretty much docked you down on this. Although, I'd rather have an unoriginal idea than a fic with endless amount of grammar mistakes and such. I really like your forewords overall and i hope you make it like that in the future.
Good luck! ^^
@FreakingOutFTW - Ngaaaws ahahha. I don't think I would be one of them, but I sure would be devastated.
@Tagongluv - Yeah, it is sorta real, isn't it? Ahaha let's hope that won't happen in real life though :/
@Nataliette - Well, good job for not unsubscribing!! :D
@mayleehm - LOL SORRY XD BUT THAT'S OK AHAHHA HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE THOUGH, even though it's a bit short ^^
@B2STHart - Oh yes, I'm just being typical Jessie ahahha. Yeah, Ive had this idea for a while but only decided to act upon it a while ago :P
Thanks for reading!
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