CHAPTER 24

A m b i v a l e n c e

~~

“Do you ever think of what happens to stars when they fall from the sky?”

“Do you want to know?”

“Yes, I’ve always wondered where they go to after falling.”

“Kyung, is it okay if I kiss you?”

“I guess.”

“There’s your answer Kyungie.”

“What do you mean?”

“For every star that falls, two lips meet. And as a final attempt to brighten the world it has dutifully watched over in its lifetime, these stars twinkle in our eyes.”

~~

KyungSoo reels in from a daydream. He could’ve just stayed in that place where it’s far away from the tribulations of his exhausted psyche, but reality is far from giving up on him. He doesn’t remember what happened last night, nor can he recall all the details of his morning with JongIn. All he knows is that he’s inside a taxi with him right now on their way to his dorm.

“JongInah~ I told you it was okay for you not to accompany me anymore. I’m sober now, I can take care of myself.” KyungSoo starts as he looks outside the window of the vehicle. He wonders if he can ask the taxi driver to drop him off where his worries won’t be able to catch up on him.

“Kyung, just let me drop you off in front of your dorm. It’s the least you could let me do so I know you’re home safe.” JongIn stares a hole at the back of KyungSoo. He wants so much to caress the younger boy’s nape, but decides for the best that it wouldn’t be wise.

JongIn affectionately gazes at KyungSoo who stirs from the window to lay his wit on the headrest. He had his eyes closed and whatever is going on in the other boy’s mind had to be important, urgent even. He takes KyungSoo’s hands in his and squeezes them lightly. It’s as if he’s channelling everything he wants to say through his touch.

KyungSoo opens his eyes and sees that JongIn is looking outside the window even if his hands are in his. Disdain maybe the word that could best describe how JongIn looks right now through KyungSoo’s eyes. There are so many questions and apprehensions swimming in both their heads that it’s impossible to even determine where to begin. They just satisfy everything with the qualified silence and contact existing between them. Perhaps this is enough, for now.

They soon arrive at KyungSoo’s place, and much to the paler boys protests, JongIn decides not to see him inside anymore and just stay in the cab so he can be driven back to his apartment. KyungSoo was standing in front of the window staring down at JongIn.

“JongIn, I really am grateful that it was you who found me,” KyungSoo gives the other a thoughtful smile. It was genuine. Heartfelt.

Was there supposed to be anyone else? JongIn presses his lips in between his teeth and forces a wry smile. His heart twists a knot of happiness and sadness for all the things he’s heard and discovered. He wants to be strong. “Remember when we first got here? We were riding a cab back then as well, right?”

“Yes JongIn. I still remember. Why?” KyungSoo raises an eyebrow in an inquiring way.

“The offer is still up Kyung.”

“What offer?”

“The one where I asked you to just stay with me in this cab until god knows where we end up in, or wherever the money in our pockets brings us. I could take on everything in this world if I knew that it was you who’s beside me. Please say yes, and I promise you’ll never regret anything. For having to pick that lone olive oil bottle and having to meet me, Kim JongIn. I promise to love you every single day of forever.”

“JongInah …”

“And if that’s not enough, I’ll love you until forever ends.”

“JongIn please…”

“I just, I just wanna be with you Kyung. We’ve known each other for almost seven months now but everyday, I feel that there’s this wall that’s been building up between us. And I don’t know who keeps piling up the bricks.”

“Please don’t,” There’s pain in KyungSoo’s eyes, he wants so much to run away and scream.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want you to be burdened by my thoughts but, there are a lot of things shaking and ing my mind up right now. And I’m scared…”

KyungSoo didn’t know what to say or how to respond. It isn’t just JongIn that’s conflicted, but him is as well. He holds on to JongIn’s hand through the pulled down window of the taxi and says, “I can’t really tell you what’s going on in my mind right now because I can’t make heads or ends of it as well. I just don’t want to rush things and have to fall apart in the end.”

“Then fall apart KyungSoo, what’s keeping you? You know I will be here when you do,” JongIn weakly smiles one last time as he ups the window glass signalling the taxi driver that their conversation is over.

KyungSoo was dumbfounded, but nevertheless he is a little bit relieved that their discomfited dialogue had already ended. He looks at the leaving taxi until it exits the dorm gates. The air about him seems too thin as he desperately gasps for air. He clutches his chest and sighs inaudibly. Today is the day he’s going to make a decision.

He turns around and a few good seconds, he sees ChanYeol walking from the main door.

“Yeoli, have you been there long?”

“No Soo, I just came down when I heard a taxi speed away. I knew it was you,” ChanYeol beams a smile of happiness and delight. “Where have you been? I was worried sick. I was calling you several times, you didn’t even return any of my messages.”

“I was, I mean I’m fine. Don’t worry I was safe,” KyungSoo whispers. Not minding the fact that he didn’t see any messages from ChanYeol on his phone. He shrugs this fact and chides himself that he must’ve erased them himself when he was drunk.

Suddenly, without a warning or even a slight notice, ChanYeol pulls KyungSoo to an embrace. He feels the warmth the taller was emitting and is quickly drawn to it, much like the night they shared their first intimacy. Only this time, KyungSoo’s getting a little bit comfortable with the simple touches that ChanYeol was giving him. It was a comfort that maybe his tired soul is longing for. An assurance that these arms wrapped around him will always be there whenever KyungSoo needed them.

The taller boy distances himself from KyungSoo and drinks in the shorter’s temperate face. This is the boy that ChanYeol will never ever let go of, ever again. The boy he promised to take care of until forever. This was KyungSoo. His KyungSoo. And he’d soon rather die than let someone else take him away from him.

ChanYeol leans forward and kisses KyungSoo’s forehead. The other closes his eyes and instinctively pulls the taller for another embrace. If this is heaven, then perhaps he wants to stay here forever. He wants to be swept and taken away from all the things that have been plaguing his mind. Anywhere but here is better.

They stand like that for a few good seconds until they both decide to go inside. There seem to be that saturation and familiar earnest sensation whenever ChanYeol is with him.

At this point, his mind is made up. This will be the last time he’ll indulge ChanYeol and his affections. He can’t forever be selfish and have the best of both worlds. He owes it to JongIn. He owes it to ChanYeol. He even owes it to himself.

As they both enter the dorm, a figure lay hidden behind the tall bushes outlining the open railing of the university dorm. He’s been there since ChanYeol welcomed KyungSoo back. He saw everything, the touches, the hug, and even the kiss.

He grits his teeth and balls his fist to the point of impassiveness. Something sinister seems to be edging in his eyes as his meek countenance is soon replaced by one that is ominous and menacing. Who is this person? Who is this once happy-go-lucky guy from Busan that radiated everything someone would buy from a pet store. Eager, smiling, and blissful.

One thing’s for sure, he isn’t JongIn anymore.

*****************************

Sorry guys for the late update. A lot on my plate these past weeks.

My new class just started.

2NE1's concert in Manila.

Kris' leaving EXO T_T

Plus the EXOPh Fan gathering event.

Anyhoo I'm baaaccckk!!!

So how was the chapter?

I hope it plays to your expectations guys.

I'm really waiting for comments, especially from my silent readers.

:)

BTW there is so much oosuɐɥɔ this era.

This one is my fave:

oosuɐɥɔ is now officially .

kkk~