CHAPTER 13

D i s a p p o i n t m e n t s

ChanYeol stirs in his bed and covers himself with a blanket. He scrunches his nose as he wills away the dream that he just had.

“Yah! Yeoli hyung! Wait for me!”

“Hurry up Soo! Run faster!”

“ChanYeol hyung! Slow down, I can’t run that fast!”

“Aish, Soo you’re such a slowpoke, hahaha! Hurry up!”

The two kids ran as fast as they could. ChanYeol’s favorite band was playing at their local mall and he insisted that KyungSoo accompany him on such an important event in his 9-year old life.

“Yeoli hyung! Pl-please wait for me. I can’t— “ KyungSoo accidentally tripped himself from running after ChanYeol. His left knee hit the stone cobbled street with force before he landed on his arms, elbows first. ChanYeol looked back and horror struck him as he saw the younger kid slump face down on the street. He immediately pelted back and turned KyungSoo to his arms.

“Oh my, Soo. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” The 8-year old KyungSoo’s eyes were welling up but he was fighting it.

“I-I’m fine hyung. Don’t wory ‘bout me.” He feigned okay as he tried to get up, “Let’s hurry so we can catch your favo—OUCH!” ChanYeol caught KyungSoo before he collapsed to the ground once again.

“Oh KyungSoo, you’re hurt!” He was looking at the younger’s boy’s left knee which was dripping with so much blood. It was skinned badly and KyungSoo can’t help but wince in pain.

“Hyung, it hurts,” KyungSoo said finally let his tears get the best of him. He cried away the sting he felt as ChanYeol lifted him up in his arms.

“I’ll get you to a clinic KyungSoo. Don’t cry hyung is here.” The younger muffled his sobs.

“But, h-how about the band you wanted to see? Y-you’ve been waiting for them to play here for a month now.”

“You’re more important to me than they’ll ever be Soo.” KyungSoo felt like crying once again. He buried his face on the taller boy’s shoulders.

“Hyung, I’m really really sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Don’t cry Soo, please don’t. You’re breaking my heart. I promised you that I’ll always be here and take care of you remember?”

“I know. I know. But how come you left me all alone? You never once wrote to me or even tried to call me. You broke your promise Yeoli hyung. You lied to me. You’re a liar!”

ChanYeol shakes his head. The last part of the dream obviously wasn’t a memory, but his mind appealing to his conscience. It was pure hankering guilt. Why is his conscience plaguing him? Did he not exert enough effort to connect with KyungSoo when he left the kid to move to a different place? Were the letters he wrote religiously, lacking? And even though he didn’t get a single response from his bestfriend, he kept sending letters anyway. So why is he the one being burdened with such reproach?

He wills himself to get up and dispassionately opens the curtains as the warm glow of the sun bathes him. This was the sixth day he hasn’t heard anything from BaekHyun, since the last time he was in his apartment. He recalls the blonde one explaining to him how he and KyungSoo met. He learned how strong their friendship has become over the past 5 years and how he eventually became his bestfriend.

Was that it? Was his conscience scolding him for taking away two of KyungSoo’s bestfriend’s away from him?

--

BaekHyun’s parents’ concern is growing by the day. He hasn’t been eating well in the past week and he’s getting thinner. They ask him what was wrong but he just tells them he isn’t hungry, or he’s tired, or he’s sleepy. They tried to call KyungSoo’s parents but he would stop them, telling them they would just be burdening the Do family.

He’s been spending the last 3 days in the park where he and ChanYeol flew kites before. He’s seated near a pond and is casually feeding the ducks pieces of bread. He’s amused at how their head will sink below water whenever he throws them food. He so wants to have such a serene and carefree life as the ducks. No school to think of, no parents who’s always up on their case, no ChanYeol, and no KyungSoo.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

BaekHyun looks up from where he is seated and sees ChanYeol sheepishly grinning at him. He offers a much weaker smile as he continued to feed the ducks. ChanYeol sits beside him and rests his back against the bench. He watches as BaekHyun obliviously throws food at the pond.

“I knew you’d be here.”

“…”

“Look Baekkie, I’m worried about you.  You can’t be like this forever.” He starts soothing circles around BakHyun’s back with his hands.

“You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand.”

“Weren’t you there, huh? Weren’t you there when we practically ended our friendship??” BaekHyun jerks his body so that the other would stop whatever his hands were doing to his back. ChanYeol keeps to himself. He suddenly frowns and looks away.

“I was just trying to help you. I-I’m sorry.”

BaekHyun sighs deeply and glances at his companion who was looking away. Obvious disappointment coats his face. He can’t have this. He didn’t want ChanYeol out of his life too.

“Look Channie, I’m sorry as well. I didn’t mean to push you away. It’s just that, everything that’s happened really hurt me. And it still does.” He puts the empty bag of bread beside him and cups both of his hands on his lap. ChanYeol holds BaekHyun’s hands and stirs the younger to look at him.

“Baekkie, you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here. I know what’s going on. Can you not trust me enough to understand you?”

“Channie, you don’t know anything. It’s—everything so complicated right now,” BaekHyun takes his hands from ChanYeol and cups it again on his own lap, “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Then start from where it hurts the most.”

BaekHyun fidgets as he stares at his hands.

“You’re the first ever friend I made in this town since I arrived a month ago Baekkie. Hell you’re my only friend here. Don’t do this to me.”

“I like you.”

“Wha-?”

“I said I like you Park ChanYeol. I like you a lot.”

“Baekkie—“

“This is what you wanted right? You wanted to know what’s bothering me. Well there you go.”

“I thought, KyungSoo—“

“Don’t flatter yourself ChanYeol.” BaekHyun stares at the other guys’ shock-stricken eyes, “I’m still thinking of KyungSoo. And I am guilt ridden because my infatuation with you cost me to neglect him.”

“I-I didn’t know BaekHyun. I’m.. I’m sorry. I really didn’t know.”

“Babo,” BaekHyun’s stern expression melts as he sees ChanYeol’s despondent reaction, “I’m not blaming you for anything. This is just about me, alright?”

ChanYeol smiles feebly

“Is it okay?”

ChanYeol turns to look at BaekHyun, “Okay to what Baekkie?”

“Didn’t you hear what I said earlier?”

“About what?”

“I said I like you.”

Oh, that.

“You know what, forget about it Channie.”

“No, no. I mean, it’s—it’s okay for you to like me,” I guess.

A million things are running through ChanYeol’s mind right about now. He wasn’t expecting a confession from the other, not especially when he thought that KyungSoo’s the one that’s solely running on BaekHyun’s mind. Because KyungSoo is the only thing running in his mind right now.

“It’s not right you know?”

“What’s not?” ChanYeol asks, confused.

“That I’m confessing to you even though I have more pressing things I should be thinking of.”

“As long as it helps you lift some weight off your chest, what does it matter?”

“Because Channie, I feel like I’m burdening you. I don’t want you to be awkward around me just because I said I liked you.”

“Why would I be?”

“You should.”

“Do you want me to be?”

“I mean no. Of course not.”

“Then why are you worrying about me Baekkie?”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Right, you shouldn’t.”

“Thanks Channie. I’m really happy that I met you.” BaekHyun rests his head on ChanYeols shoulders. The taller boy musters a wry smile as he looks beyond the pond. The sun is almost setting and the sky is painted a rich color of orange and yellow.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Sure. What is it Baekkie?”

“Can you always be here for me?”

A familiar pain wrenches ChanYeol’s gut. He promised to take care of only one person in his life, and that’s KyungSoo. He can’t possibly promise another person his exclusivity.

“Sure.” ChanYeol grits his teeth, he had no choice. He didn’t want to break the fragile BaekHyun. He assures himself that this was just small talk, nothing serious.

“Thank you Channie.”

“I mean, that’s what friends are for right?”

BaekHyun’s heart sunk as ChanYeol mentioned the word friends. Of course they were only friends. What’d he expect? ChanYeol willingly hugging him at his admission of his feelings for him? He contents himself by shifting his weight onto ChanYeol and leaning closer to him. He knows that this is just the beginning of a string of disappointments. But what the hell.

“Right, friends.”

******************************************

Poor BaekHyun! But at least ChanYeol is cool with it.

Whew it's 31°C here in Manila and I am sweating bullets.

How was your week guys?

Anyhoo, just a quick update. Longer even.

I promise to keep future updates this long, because Chapter 1-12 was a standard 3 pages on my Word app.

This was 5 pages. So yeah. :)

How was it? Did your heart ache for Baekkie?

Comments my chinggus! :)