6: True Colors

 

It's been a month since I met Kai and he isn't that bad. He's been pestering me to call him Jongin oppa but I won't, not with the 'oppa'. We were growing accustomed to seeing each other every day- since we saw each other every day (yes even on the weekends) to the point of comfortability.

 

I remember, it was already 1 in the morning and he just finished teaching me the steps to growl (which I found hard since I was more on ballet and jazz) and yes we weren't doing what we should be doing -in my defense we already practiced it for God knows how long- and since I was tired I lie down on the floor complaining.

 

"I want banana milk." I kept on repeating. He sat down beside me and flicked my forehead.

 

"You little kid, always craving for banana milk and the most random stuff." then he reached out in his bag and gave me banana milk. I sit up and with a wide smile on my face I said.

 

"Gomawo, Krong." he looks at me and I shrug. "What? I was going to spend some time with a complete stranger so I researched on you a little." I answer his nonexistent question.

 

"You're not the only one, you know but unfortunately you still have such a squeaky clean record but you're a loner. You've been here for what? 6 months and then you have only one close friend-excluding me- so... Why?" he asks baffled.

 

"Why what?" I asked, confused.

 

"Why don't you show them this side to you? This bubbly, happy, optimistic, beautiful Liu Ren?" he asks and even though he said so many things the only thing I heard was 'beautiful Liu Ren' and then I forgot about it. Maybe it was just my imagination when my heart skipped a beat.

 

"I'm shy." I tell him, pretending that my heart didn't just flutter when I looked into his eyes.

 

He throws his towel at me and we start throwing random -light- thing at each other.  After 10 minutes I called truce and lie on the floor once again and closed my eyes. Breathing deeply I tell him something I didn't let anyone else -even my parents or Dara- know.

 

"I'm scared." I gulp, a few moments of silence then he speaks.

 

"Why?" I chuckle, such a simple word -Why? - But it holds something heavier and the answer isn't as easy to get as it seems.

 

"Failure maybe? Embarrassment? -I take a deep breath once again- What's it like?" I ask him, opening my eyes and staring at the ceiling.

 

"What's what like?" he asks back.

 

"Standing on stage with hundreds of people watching you? Judging you and criticizing you?" I ask. I didn't mean to put in such a negative light but it's just the way it is. Most people judge, they criticize even if they don't know the person, it's the truth and it's harsh.

 

He chuckles, making his chest rumble and I couldn't help but look at him. He lied beside me, eyes closed as if remembering the very first time he stood on stage and a smile found its way on his lips.

 

"It's just like how it looks like. It's terrifying and the only thing that pushed me to do it was the adrenaline that comes with the fear. Sure, I was scared of criticism, of being judged -who isn't? - But if I let that stop me from reaching my dream, would I be able to live with it? In the end as long as you're doing what you love, what you're passionate in and you're not hurting anyone then its fine isn't it? I mean, the people don’t want to see anyone but you so you don't have to hide." he answers. I was dumbstruck, I didn't know he thought of it that way and just when I thought he was finished he speaks again

 

"Being an idol isn't easy, it's such a competitive industry and some are better than the rest but that's not always the point. It's the drive, the commitment to achieve something no one has ever even thought possible and the way I see it, you'd do just fine Ren." he says, sitting up and I blush. I've been staring at him for a while, did he notice?

 

I quickly sit up and smile, trying to hide my reddened cheeks. His words made me think differently and I feel like I've made the right decision. Something that for a long long time I've had doubts about.

 

"Aren't you going?" he asks, extending his hand to help me up. I wake up from my reverie and smile, taking his hand. He walks me to the dorm -as our routine- but just before I go in he yells.

 

"Ren! You're a butterfly, so spread your wings and surprise us!" then he jogs away.

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ANOTHER ONEE. :D 

xoxoxo Kyon Seul