December 26^th, 2014

I walked into my new apartment, baby in tow. I hold the carrier up for Kim Jin Ho to see.

“Do you like it?” I ask the sleeping baby. It was a small, quant apartment, that was in a building just off of the highway. The building consisted of a small square brick thing with four apartments and the landlord’s home. Most of my stuff was in storage at the moment. The door opened into the living room that was attached to the kitchen. There was a hallway off of the living room that broke off into three rooms at the end. The master bed room to my left, a bathroom directly in front of me, a bedroom next to that, and then a little further down the third bedroom.

I loved it.

The landlord turned out to be an extremely nice lady who was in her mid 60’s with grey hair and soft brown eyes. She was a sweet person, who on first meet, offered to help me with my new child.

I went to Jin Ho’s room right next to the bathroom to see the still drying paint, a bright blue with yellow giraffes painted over it. The crib stood in the center with a toy chandelier made of stuffed animals hanging over it. I smiled at the simplicity of it. Chen had done a good job when painting it. I could only imagine what the rest of the boys had said when he had gone home with paint all over him. Of course, we had to ask permission first from the landlord, but she just smiled and shook her head yes. Even suggested what the child might like. I already liked her as a mother, even though I had only known her for a few days. I set the carrier down and pulled the sleeping baby into my arms as I went to look out the window of downtown Seoul.

“Welcome home.” I whisper to him.

Jonghyun’s POV

4 Years later.

April 26^th, 2018

5:00 PM

I had hoped to run into Kat possibly while she was training here, until I had heard that she had cancelled her contract. That’s when Key and I got serious. We hired a private investigator to find her without letting the rest of the guys know. He had been searching for the last 3 years, but had no luck.

Until now.

He walked into the dance room while we were in the middle of practicing for the Collaboration Concert between different companies and their idols, and looks at me while holding a folder, not saying anything. I look to Key letting him know that he needed to step out with me also. We followed the man outside, the rest of the members watching us curiously.

As soon as the door shut, I pounce on the investigator immediately.

“Did you find anything? Any clues? Did you find her?”

He grunts. “You tell me.” He hands me the folder, and Key and I look through it eagerly. “It only took me 3 years, and put me through hell, but I did it.” He smiles smugly.

I frown, holding up a picture of Kat with Chen and a little boy who, oddly enough, looked a lot like me. The little boy was in between the two, holding their hands while walking on a sidewalk on a semi empty suburban street. The next photo showed the same thing, only this time, the little boy was pointing to a poster of SHINee. The one after that showed Kat explaining something to the boy with a slightly pained expression while Chen continued to hold his hand. The next photo, and the last one, showed the trio walking away from the poster of us, all looking a little depressed.

“What is this? When were these taken?”

The man shrugs. “These were taken earlier today. I saw them on the street and took pictures, then followed them home to get her address. She seems to have a kid. She must have moved on with that other guy in the picture.”

I shake my head. “No, that can’t be right. The boy looks nothing like him.” I stare at the picture, while Key speaks up.

“You know who that looks like?” He says, and I look at him.

“That looks like…” He trails off as realization dawns on us.

“You.” He finishes.

“Where does she live?” I ask him gruffly.

He rattles off an address, and I leave immediately, heading straight for her.

Kat’s POV

Earlier That Day

I sighed as I sat on the couch, watching Jin Ho present the project he did while he was preschool earlier that day, remembered what had happened while he walked home.

“Mommy! Wook!”

He lets go of my hand and runs over to a poster of SHINee, while still clinging to Chen.

“Is that daddy?”

I smile slightly, and nod walking over to him. “Yeah.”

“Will I see him soon?” Jin Ho gives me puppy dog eyes.

I frown and bend down to face him.

“Sweetheart, daddy won’t be home for a while. He’s really busy with work, so I don’t think so.”

“How wong?”

My eyes water up. “Not for a really long time.”

He pouts, and holds up four fingers. “Wike firty (30) minutes wong?”

I smile a little at his cuteness. “No, baby. More like 30 years long.”

His shoulders fall, and he backs away a little from the poster.

“Why?”

“Because he found another mommy.” I take his hand. “Let’s go home.”

Silently, he agrees and we all begin to walk down the street again.

“Mommy?” Jin Ho brings me back from my memory, his face showing that he was slightly worried.

“Hm?” I perk up. “Oh I’m sorry, love. I was thinking about something. Do you want to help me make some cookies?” I say smiling at him.

He jumps up and down as he runs to the kitchen yelling, “Cookies! Cookies! Cookies!”

I laugh. “Yes, Jin Ho, cookies. What kind do you want?”

“M&Ms!” He yells, clapping his hands and continuing to jump up and down.

“M&Ms it is!” I yell back, and we start to grab supplies for the treats.

A few minutes later, after I finished mixing the cookie dough, the door bell rings. Grabbing a rag to wipe my hands on, I give to spoon to Jin Ho and instruct him to continue stirring and to not eat all of the cookie dough while I answered the door.

I began to open it when I saw who was outside.

Then slammed it shut again.

Just as I was getting back into the kitchen, Jin Ho asks me while stirring, “Who was it?”

I shake my head and smile. “No o-“

I get cut off by the doorbell again.

I walk over and pull the chain over the door, and begin to walk back to the kitchen when I hear knocking on the door. I yank it open impatiently.

“What do you want?” I hiss.

He smiles. “Am I not allowed to come see you?”

My frown deepens. “Get real, Jonghyun. How did you find me?”

His smile disappears. “I asked around.”

“Mhm, yeah. I see that.” I say sarcastically. “Otherwise you never would have been able to find me. Now, get to the point. Why are you here?”

He hesitates for a second, wondering if he was wrong, then gathering his courage, he says, “to see my son.”

I hesitate, shocked, then say, “No.” and begin to shut the door but he shoves his foot in.

“Yes.” Jonghyun says, clearly determined.

“No!” I argue, and try to shut the door, but to no use.

“I want to see my son.” He says.

“Mommy?” I hear Jin Ho’s voice behind me while Jonghyun and I struggle to shut and open the door.

I stop and turn around. “Yes sweetheart?”

“It beeped.” Jin Ho says, pointing at the kitchen. “Whose at the door?” He runs over to peek through my legs, but I move them together.

“No one, love. I’ll be there in a second OK? Why don’t you go back to the kitchen?” I say, smiling at him. He smiles back and nods, his head bouncing. “K!” He runs back into the kitchen. I turn around to face Jonghyun, my face tight.

“Leave.”

He looks at me with pleading eyes. “Kat, please? Just for a little bit. I just want to meet him. You don’t want him growing up without a father do you?”

“He already has one.” I say tightly.

Jonghyun looks at me incredulously. “What? Who?”

“Chen. After you left me, he was the only one I had left. I couldn’t go anywhere else.” I say softly, looking down.

“Kat…” He says, and I finally relent, and unchain the door, letting him step in. “Fine. But only for a few minutes. We are making cookies.” I shut the door behind Jonghyun and begin to call out but Jonghyun stops me.

“What’s his name?” He asks me quietly.

I give him a look. “Kim Jin Ho. His name is Kim Jin Ho.”

He smiles a little, noticing that I gave him Jonghyun’s family name. “I love it.”

I snort. “Good because I’m not changing it.” I say this, hoping he notices that I said “I’m” and not “We’re”. He does, judging by the slightly hurt look on his face. I feel a little bit of regret, and to cover it I call out to my son.

“Jin Ho! Come here for a second. I want you to meet someone.” He comes running out of the kitchen with cookie dough all over his shirt.

He looks at Jonghyun with wide eyes and runs to him, Jonghyun squatting down just fast enough to catch Jin Ho in an embrace.

“Daddy!” Jin Ho screams, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun’s neck.

Jonghyun smiles and tightens his arms around the little boy. “Yeah, it’s me.”

Jin Ho lets go and runs to me. “Momma! Can Daddy help us make cookies?”  And before I could answer, he runs up to Jonghyun and asks him, “Dada, do you wike chocowate?”

Jonghyun smiles and nods, and then the son grabs his father by the hand and drags him into the kitchen. While the two prepare the cookies to be baked by putting them on cookie sheets, I watch Jonghyun. He looks every bit the same as he did 4 years ago. I could feel my heart yearn to be with him. To sleep in his arms, and to kiss him again, but he broke it off to be with Key. I could feel my eyes start to water, and I excused myself to give them some alone time since Jonghyun would have to leave soon. I wanted him to. I felt like my heart was being tortured. I knew I was still deeply in love with him, but it was never going to work.

Drying my eyes and taking a deep breath, I leave the bathroom and head back into the kitchen to see Jin Ho sitting on the counter and Jonghyun leaning against it, laughing at something while eating left over cookie dough. I smile at their connection, but know that Jonghyun couldn’t stay here any longer.

“Jin Ho.” I say softly. “Why don’t you go clean up? Say good bye to dada. He has to leave now.” I lean down and give him a kiss on the head to stop his pouting.

“Why?” He whines. “Why can’t daddy stay?”

‘He’s busy.” I say, looking at him to see a pained expression.

“Listen to you mother, Jin Ho.” Jonghyun says smiling. “I’ll come by again soon.”

Please don’t. It hurts too much, I think.

“I need to talk to mommy anyways.” Jonghyun says, ruffling Jin Ho’s hair.

“Fine.” The little boy grumbles, and walks out of the kitchen, and down the hall into the bathroom.

“What do you need?” I say, frowning.

Suddenly, Jonghyun leans in and kisses me hard, as if he couldn’t wait any longer for this moment, and everything depended on it.

I pull away quickly, holding my hand to my mouth. I look at Jonghyun with wide eyes. “What are you doing?!”

“Getting you back.” He answers, moving my hand away from my mouth and kissing me again, while wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. I try to push away, but he just holds me tighter to him. My knees start to go weak and slowly, ever so slowly, I wrap my arms around him, glad that I could have this again. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. His confrontation still hurt from four years ago, when he told us that he was with Key, but I couldn’t help it. It was like trying to not eat chocolate. I just couldn’t. He kisses me deeper, and I let him. Finally we break apart with a gasp, our foreheads still together. “Jonghyun.” I say.

“Hm?” he hums breathlessly.

“Why?”

“I missed you. A lot.” He says, bringing his hand to my face. “I still love you.”

My breath holds. “What about Key?”

“It’s over. It ended a long time ago. I never truly loved him. I only wanted to be with him because he acted like you, and you were never around when I wasn’t busy, so I spent a lot of time with him.”

“But lunch…” I trail off, not fully understanding.

“It was too late. I thought we actually had something, so I started to spend more and more time with him.”

“Is he alright with this?”

“He helped me.” He kisses me again.

“How did you find me?”

“We hired a private investigator.”

“When?” my voice wavers.

“A few months after you left. Just after Key and I broke up.”

My eyes water at the fact that they had been searching for so long, but one thing nagged at me.

“Why did you really come here?”

He leans away and looks at me. “What I told you was the truth, well, half of it. I wanted to see you again. I wanted to ask you-“He grabs both of my hands. “I wanted to ask you to come back to me. I’m prepared to beg, but I’m not leaving with a no.”

“How do I know the same thing won’t happen again?”

“Because I won’t let it happen. I want you to go through with your career as a trainee, which I heard you broke off. I want to continue as a singer. It will be hard, but I’m going to spend every single second I have off with you. And hopefully, you’ll do the same with me. I loved you then, and I still love you now. Kat, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. When we met all those years ago at that concert, I knew I wanted to be with you. When I asked you to marry me, I was convinced that there was no one else for me, and I was right. That thing with that girl was a mistake that I learned from, and I still can’t believe you came back, even after that. I still can’t believe that I actually thought you were doing something on your runs. I was so blind when I thought Key and I could actually be happy. You know what caused us to break up? You. All I could think about was you and dream about you. I would say your name in my sleep. These are all mistakes that I will never forgive myself for, but what I am asking you now is to forgive me.” He drops my hands and takes my now tearstained face in his. “Kat, I want to spend forever with you. I want to make all of my mistakes up to you for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me, so please Kat, marry me. This time, we won’t take forever. I want us to be together. We’ll get married as soon as possible, so we can be happy. We can tell the world that we have a beautiful, beautiful son! Please, Kat, come back to me.”

He looks at me with the biggest eyes I had ever seen. I listen for Jin Ho but I couldn’t hear him, so I figured he was probably hiding in the living room, listening in on our conversation. I knew what was best for him, and I knew what we both wanted. I knew what my answer was. I took a deep breath and I could see Jonghyun visibly tense.

“I…” I hesitate. “OK.” I whisper.

Slowly, Jonghyun’s face breaks out into a huge smiles and he wraps his arms around me, picking me up and swinging me around the kitchen. I laugh and slap his shoulder. “Jonghyun! Put me down!” Jonghyun sets me down carefully, and kisses me with so much passion that my knees buckle beneath me, but he catches me.

“Jin Ho!” Jonghyun calls out, and the little boy comes running from beneath the counter.

I smile at his little hiding place. Jonghyun picks him up and starts swinging him around. Jin Ho smiles at me and gives me a thumbs up over Jonghyun’s shoulder, surprising me with the fact that he knew what we were talking about. Setting him down, but holding his hand, Jonghyun wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him. Kissing me lightly, he says, “Let’s go home.”

~~~

can I just say thanks for all of the support everyone has given me while i wrote this story! It took me forever, I hope you  enjoyed it while it lasted. :) thanks again! Hopefully you keep reading my stories k? I'm going too start a new fanfics soon thats going to include a lot of idols. Stay posted! :) <3