There was a small commotion outside the front door, making JaeHwan look up from where he was on the couch. His eyebrows scrunched up slightly as he looked at the door, watching as the door handle twisted. He looked away, back down to the phone that was resting on his lap. He didn’t want to greet the others really, especially since he knew they had just gone looking for HongBin.

Letting out a soft breath, JaeHwan only listened as the door pushed open. There was a small but excited conversation going on, making him glance up just barely.

His entire body and mind froze when he did though. Looking up, he saw HakYeon leading the way in, kicking his shoes off before putting them away in the shoe cabinet. He was followed by Ravi, who was smiling and laughing about something as he kicked his shoes off, sticking them where they belonged. The two moved out of the way to reveal the source of the excited conversation: HongBin.

The younger boy was smiling slightly, but the was still something off about him as he kicked his shoes off, shutting the door behind him. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, obviously having dressed for the warmer weather they had been having. When he smiled at a comment Ravi made, his smile didn’t form those little dimples everyone knew and loved, and his eyes didn’t crinkle up the same way they normally did. He looked like he was forcing himself to be happy to be home.

Blinking, JaeHwan couldn’t believe that he was really seeing his younger brother. He swallowed, looking from HongBin to the other two. He wanted to be anywhere but there, not wanting to know what was going to happen when his brother caught sight of him. He was about to try and make a break for it when another excited voice entered the room.

“HongBin!”

Head jerking to look, JaeHwan saw Hyuk come out, a smile spread across his face at the sight of his friend. The two smiled at each other as they greeted each other, smiling at each other happily.

JaeHwan pushed himself from his seat, not wanting to be the cause of any more distress. He looked at HongBin only long enough to see him just barely spare a glance for him. This caused JaeHwan to cringe, a huge pit forming in his stomach as he turned and went to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Leaning against the door, JaeHwan felt his stomach twist and lurch with everything that was happening. He was glad HongBin was safe, but now he felt like he was never going to be able to show his face either. It was already hard enough for him to try and live in the house with everyone looking at him like everything that happened anymore was his fault.

While he couldn’t argue with the big problem that seemed to be lingering like the large white elephant in the room, JaeHwan didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore. He balled his hands into fists as he leaned his head back against the door.

This was the first time he had been sober in a few days, and with his brother returning he knew he shouldn’t go back to drinking. When he looked and saw the half empty bottle of soju sitting on his dresser though, he went to it like it had called his name. Not even bothering with the cup that was sitting beside it, he unscrewed the lid and took a swig, leaning against the dresser as he looked up at the ceiling.

What kind of life am I living? He swallowed, the alcohol stinging as it slid down his throat, but he was used to the burn. I’m forced to run from everyone in my house, even when something happened that I had nothing to do with. Lifting the bottle, he took another drink. I’m sorry to everyone…. I’m just such a liar anymore…. Even to myself. He took the bottle with him as he went back and rolled into his bed, finding that it was the place for him to be anymore.

Taking another drink, he let out a breath at the familiar sting. He could hear them all talking and buzzing around in the living room, trying to get anything out of HongBin about where he had been or what he had been doing. Biting his lip after he took another drink and set the bottle against his side, JaeHwan felt that pit in his stomach twist even more, knowing he shouldn’t do what he was doing. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to take the silence from his brother that he knew he was going to get.

Staring at the ceiling, he hugged the bottle to his side like it was a good friend. I’m sorry, HongBin….