Darkness and mist surrounded him, mimicking the world that was in his heart. He trudged the deserted place, losing sense of time. The mist started to thin and a silhouette appeared. He walked towards it, his heartbeat increasing with each step forward.

Was it her?

He strained his eyes, trying to see through the mist.

It really was her!

He started sprinting towards her but a sudden wave of anguish and grief overwhelmed him. He gasped at her as he realised that the feelings did not belong to him. Was this how she felt all these while? His own heartache intensified.

He endured the increasing anguish and grief that he was feeling with every step towards her. When he was finally standing behind her, he let his arms go around her as he buried his face into her hair. But in an instant, she disintegrated into the surroundings.

“Sylvia…” He wanted to yell, but it came out only as a whisper, his voice trapped in his throat.

The atmosphere changed abruptly. He was now overwhelmed by guilt; self-hatred and guilt.  After feeling Sylvia’s anguish and grief earlier, he immediately knew this feeling did not belong to him. He whipped around. There Eric was, broken and exhausted.

“No…it wasn’t your fault.” Andy whispered, tears forming around his eyes. “It was mine.” He tried to reach for his hyung; tried to hold his hand, but before he could reach Eric, the older man faded into darkness.

Andy’s eyelashes fluttered and his eyes snapped open. “Sylvia…Eric…” He whispered as he clenched his fist and shut his eyes tight, trying to numb himself of the pain…

5 months ago, after 2013 Shanghai concert

“Andy, look here!” Dongwan called.

Andy turned around, flashing his cutest smile as his right hand did a victory sign. Dongwan clicked on his camera and nodded with satisfaction at the image captured. Andy turned around and continued down the aisle. His lips curled into a smile when he heard Dongwan and Eric squabbling behind him. Eric had requested Dongwan to snap probably the millionth photo of him with his toys given by the fans. Andy noticed that this year, Eric had received an exceptional number of panda soft toys. He guessed that the fans were reacting to what the leader did to his co-CEO’s gift in last year’s storybook (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua-ufZQ1qPM); either they thought Eric really wanted the panda or they were just trying to protect the gifts given to other members.

Andy let out his breath and sank into his seat, exhausted. He closed his eyes for a short moment and something soft was shoved into his face.

 “Andy-ah, give my panda a bobo! He missed you!” Eric said cutely. Andy could hear the older guy settling himself in the seat beside him. Andy opened his eyes and did as Eric instruct, hoping that his hyung would turn his attention to someone else. Just as Andy predicted, Eric turned to Hyesung who was separated by an aisle from them after Andy kissed the panda.

“Aish, can you stop flaunting these pandas to me for just one minute?” Hyesung protested, failing at pretending to be annoyed. Andy chuckled and turned to look at the playful leader and his new victim, but someone at the aisle further from him caught his attention. His heart constricted.

Andy felt a strange familiarity towards the lady walking towards the economic cabin. Was she that someone from distant memories? Those memories that Andy had never dared let surface to his mind all these years, but deep down he knew they would never truly be forgotten.

The sight of the lady jolted his memories and bits and pieces materialised in his mind.

A group consisting around 15 Korean students stood in front of the departure hall. The seniors were nearer to the gate while the juniors standing slightly farther away. Andy, or rather Jason at that time, stood with the juniors, unable to remove his gaze from her, unable to decipher the many emotions he was feeling at that moment. His mind could not react other than taking in the scene, making this a permanent memory. It was as though he was outside of his own body witnessing everything.

Some of her female classmates were crying. She was tearing too, hugging each one of them. All the while with Eric diagonally behind her, giving her the moral support she needed.

This will be the last memory of her, Jason thought. After the emotional scene with the other noona, she would step through the gate and leave his life forever.

But that didn’t happen; at least not immediately. After bidding farewell to her classmates, she turned and walked towards Jason. And he finally felt something – a sharp piercing pain in his heart. So it was really true that too much emotional pain can turn into physical pain. He always thought it was exaggeration, but now he knew.

Sylvia stopped in front of him. There was something in her eyes that he could not fathom. She lifted both his hands and held them tightly in hers, like how she was holding his gaze with her own. A single tear escaped her eye and trickled down her cheeks. Again, Jason felt the stabbing pain where his heart was, but he did not react.

Sylvia inhaled, composed herself and gave him a smile. He realised this might be the last of her smile he would ever see. “Jason, please take good care of yourself. And promise me you will follow your dream. I can already imagine you standing on the stage with all the fans around it.” She lifted her left hand and ruffled his hair.

Eric, still diagonally behind her, placed his hand on her back and said quietly, “You should go in now.”

Sylvia let go of his hands and let Eric led her to the gate. Jason saw that she gave Eric a hug before stepping through the gate.

It was really over…

 “Andy?” Eric’s concern voice got Andy out of his reverie. He realised both Eric and Hyesung were staring at him with concerned eyes. “Andy, are you ok?” Eric asked; all traces of his earlier playfulness gone.

Andy hesitated if he should tell them who he thought he had seen. He chose not to in the end and pretended to sleep throughout the flight.

After alighting from the plane, Andy plodded behind the members and managers. He was confused as to what he was trying to achieve. Was he hoping that she would catch up so he can confirm that she was really her? Was he avoiding the leader so that he could clear his mind?

It was subtle, but Hyesung did not miss Andy’s abnormal behaviour. He stopped to wait for the younger man and placed his hand on Andy’s shoulder. “Tired?” he asked.

 “A little. But the concert was a blast” Andy gave Hyesung a smile, trying to reassure him. Hyesung, being the most sensitive guy in the group, obviously wasn’t convinced. But he knew Andy was not ready to tell. He let go of the maknae’s shoulder and entwined their fingers instead.

Andy did not object. He felt warm and thankful that he had someone to hold on to. They held hands until they reached the immigration and re-joined their hands immediately after both of them got through, all the way to the baggage claim area.

Hyesung finally let go of the maknae’s hand when he spotted his own luggage. At that moment, he heard a gasp, follow by a female’s uncertain voice, “Eric, Andy, Steve?”

Hyesung turned, took a moment to register who it was and as the name formed in his mind, he felt his jaw dropped.

“Sylvia…” Eric exclaimed happily.  

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I'm so sorry for doing this, but I really can't stand the choppiness of my original writing so I just had to re-write >.< I hope this version will make things clearer!