The hope Minwoo had given shattered in an instant…

Andy’s wings were clipped. He had to stay in Korea for the investigation; his activities got suspended; there were nothing he could do, for Shinhwa, Sylvia, or himself.

Andy concluded his life was a joke; a cruel joke that was filled with misunderstandings, wrong steps taken and regrets. He blamed no one. It was his karma.

He should have accompanied Sylvia to collect her test result.  He should have realised she was ill. He should have mustered the courage to face the past instead of trying to disregard his feelings towards Sylvia. And he should not gamble, peer pressure or not.

Andy blamed no one but himself. He screwed up, badly.

The apartment was dark other than the flickering lights from the television and computer. The curtains was shut tight for days. The place was detached from the outside world, just like the owner of the house.

Andy’s eyes were on the television. The pain was unbearable, but his eyes remained glued. He saw Eric, Junjin, Hyesung and Minwoo apologising on Shinhwa Broadcast for his behalf. He felt he had disappointed them, and that he was a burden to his brothers.

A soft fluffy thing got onto Andy’s lap. Andy finally tore his gaze from the television and lowered his head. It was Jjujju trying to snuggle with him. The corner of his lips curled up lightly as he petted the dog he got because of Sylvia.

“Do you know I let your mother go?” He asked softly. “Do you know I have let your uncles down?” It was as if the dog understood. Jjujju got up, eyes holding Andy’s gaze, as if trying to reassure its owner everything will turn out fine.

The doorbell rang, followed by a series of knocking on his door. Andy could tell it was Dongwan from the knocking. Jjujju jumped off him and Andy plodded towards the door, at the same time willing Dongwan to turn away and return home in the little time he needed to reach his door. He was too ashamed to meet any of s. The knocking continued until the door was opened.

“Andy-ah!” Dongwan walked pass him and into the apartment. Dongwan was not alone. Junjin and Hyesung came too. Dongwan advanced towards the window and opened the curtains. Junjin switched on the lights while Hyesung placed the snacks and beers they bought onto Andy’s table and plopped himself comfortably on the couch.

“Andy-ah, it’s not end of the world!” Junjin placed his hands on Andy’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. Andy lowered his head. Junjin exhaled and and gave the younger man a light squeeze on his shoulders.  “Everyone makes mistake. You have us and we will get through this together.”

“Why are you even reading this crap?” Dongwan asked. The rest turned towards him. Dongwan was staring at Andy’s computer. “Andy-ah, netizens these days are unkind and full of crap. Don’t let them affect you.” Dongwan said as he closed the webpage on Andy’s screen.

Like what they did for Hyesung years ago, they partied, messed up Andy’s house, stayed over for the night before leaving the next morning. It was effective in some ways. Andy’s mind was finally distracted from all the negative things happening to him. Andy paused his cleaning when he was in front of his computer; Dongwan’s word returning to his mind.

Everyone knew it was hurtful to read the unforgiving and judgmental comments. But it was difficult to ignore them. Andy took a deep breath, went into his room, got changed and for the first time in weeks, went out of the apartment.

He went to cancel his house’s broadband services. Then he went groceries shopping.

It had been awhile since he had a good night sleep. But Andy slept well that night. It was a deep, dreamless slumber, without his usual nightmare about Shinhwa, Eric or Sylvia. The insistent ringing of the doorbell was what woke him up. Andy grabbed his watch and opened his right eye slightly to peek at the time. He jolted into a sitting position and stared at the watch, frowning. Was it spoilt, the date was wrong. It took him a while to realise he had sleep over 24 hours. 36 to be exact. He smiled and felt silly for being happy about sleeping 36 hours. But it had been some time since he felt this light hearted.

Andy marched into the living room to check who was at his doorstep; it was Eric. Andy quickly opened the door and embraced the older man. He knew Eric had no plans to travel for his sake, and he appreciated the older man for everything.

“You weren’t home yesterday?” Eric asked.

“I was sleeping.” Andy smiled sheepishly.

“Sleeping?” Eric frowned, then seeing Andy’s expression and realising the makane was finally lightened from his load, he smiled and ruffled the younger man’s hair. “Isn’t that what I am best at? Since when have you decided to learn that from me?” The older man laughed.

The two brothers played console and prepared a sumptuous meal for lunch after that, each preparing a few dishes they are best at.

“Andy-ah…” Eric placed his chopstick down and straightened his back. “I know it is still a few months to our anniversary, but we have to decide if we want to hold a concert now. Are you ready for it?”

Andy looked up at his hyung.

Eric took a deep breath and continued. “I know this is something to discuss with the rest, but I want to know how you feel about it first Andy-ah.”

Andy considered for a moment.

“Hyung…I can’t do it.”

***

“You are going to hold a concert without Andy?” Junjin was shocked by Eric’s decision. But he try to remain respectful. He was still guilt-ridden over how he treated the leader after learning the truth from Minwoo.

“The fans are not going to be happy about this.” Dongwan frowned. Shinhwa is forever six to him, he did not like the idea of an anniversary concert without any of the members.

“Does Andy know about your decision?” Hyesung asked, uncomfortable.

Eric nodded. He was not surprised by the reaction he got. In fact the members’ reactions were a lot calmer than he anticipated. “I’ve talked to him about it.”

“But we already had a period without Andy in Shinhwa. We had no choice then. Now that Andy is with the band, a concert without him is unthinkable!” Junjin argued. Even if Andy agreed, he would never allow this. He could only imagine how hurt the maknae would feel about it.

“I agree with Jinnie. We told the fans Shinhwa is 6. Eric-ah, this is going against everything we believe.” Dongwan said. If it was about the money of the venue or such, Dongwan was willing to forego them. Andy is more important to him.

“This is a big decision. So…what is your rationale?” Minwoo asked.

“To protect Andy…”

(Link to 17 May fanmeet translation) I used a lot of information from there. It hurts to know he is happy about sleeping for 36 hours =(