First Tear

"Will you make me stop? I think I'm starting to like you"
 

Is what his lips uttered after it touched mine.
And I think I'm just hearing things out.
Who knows if I'm being delusional... afterall, I was  k i s s e d   by him.

I parted my lips vexing to say something I don't even know what til I ended up staying silent.

But he made it clear that this is real by saying it the second time,

"I said, I'm starting to like you..."

Which leaves me downright speechless.
Ah crap, this is so unreal, I feel like crying...

"That!-- It's troublesome for me too!"

Oh.

"It's very disturbing... I don't like how I'm acting right now too..." he added

Must you say those words at me? What are you?!
The reality is I'm being rejected before I could even confess.

"...so I ask you... to help me for a while til this..."

Him liking me too doesn't mean we could be together. Like for this best example, after admitting what he feels, he also clarified how he doesn't like it. Bluntly speaking, He doesn't like to love me.

He let go of my hand and turned away to walk out the door.
That's the time when a tear fell from my eye...
The worst.

 

 

 

 

 

It came to the point where I would dream of Baekhyun... on my bed...  n a k e d .

Daebak-- no! I mean, What the hell?!

It only started with a light urge to kiss him so how damaged did I get to even have those kind of thoughts?
Aish, it's because he goes ranting on my bed cuddling me after he just came out from bathing
or he would do random aegyos like giving me a flying kiss while waving his both hands making a peace sign during performance stage
and other things that are too many to mention

oh, there would also be some times when he would just go STRIPPING IN FRONT OF ME
Good thing recently, he stop asking me now whether I want to bath with him

That guy is dangerous indeed. I need to keep my sanity in track.

In order to do that, I must keep distant for a while.

Argh, I know you might be laughing now at how idiotic I act, but try experiencing severe heart damage that I'm having, then you'll understand me.

"Chanyeol-ah, c'mon let's sleep" he suggested and that made chill inside... okay, I admit, it made my heart pound crazy actually.

But these past nights, I can't bare sleeping next to him. I'm terrified how I won't be able to control myself from ravaging him... as how I do it to him in my dreams at times.

So I would go sleeping in Kai's room instead, or on the coach, or wherever 'long as I'm not with him...

"What's the matter Chanyeol-ah?" he asked me, oh and if he only knew

"Can we... it may sound rude but... please don't come close to me"

Crap.

What did I just said?

"Oh. It IS rude. Fine!" He coldly replied as he dropped holding my hand

"Baek... no..." I tried to reach him but he turned his face away.

"I see... was I suffocating you or something? No, just tell me what's making you awkward..."

This is getting messed up. If only I could tell him...

"Baek, listen to me first... this isn't what you think..."

"What do you think I am thinking? Well, I'm sorry if I didn't notice it til now... that it came to the point where you really need to hit it to me straight--"

And he goes with I-don't-care-what-you-say-I-won't-listen-anyway-but-I'll-tell-you-everything-I-wanna-say

"I told you to listen first..." I claimed with a higher voice

But we both know there's no stopping him... now, even my head aches...

"Was it really a burden that I lik---"

Can't he just shut up?

My head aches... he's way damn noisy... and he won't freakin' listen to me...

So I kissed him.

 

To also inform myself that,
"...I think I'm starting to like you" I confessed to him

'think he didn't hear me say so I repeated it once again, this time to inform Baekhyun that I might have falling for him.

And guess what? he looked lonely... as if he's gonna cry any moment soon.

Ah . I messed up once again. I don't want to see him like this... I don't want to trouble him with my feelings... I just want him to be comfortable with me and I too with him.

That is why I told him to give me some time... and provide me some space to ease this heart of mine for a while.

He has gone completely silent after that. He didn't speak to me a word as I turned to walk out the room.

That night, I sleep on the coach.

 

 

 

"Bibimbab this early (morning)?" Sehun asked when the two of us entered the kitchen and saw Baekhyun mixing rice and other stuff from yesterday's leftovers in a bowl for breakfast

 

"muwonin'..." Baekhyun greeted us with his mouth full.

"But aren't you eating a lot, hyung?" concerned Kai asked Baekhyun

"Nope..."

He added another side dish on his bowl and resumed on digging his food. He is eating a lot. And I think what happened yesterday got some connection with that.

"...just eat...calmly, ok?" actually Suho hyung wanted to tell him another thing because lately, our manager hyung is incharge of our diet... things we would eat and vitamins we need to take. We're not a girl group to maintain a slender figure but our manager hyung wants us to stay fitter.

I went to sit beside Baekhyun and Sehun, as usual, sits beside Suho hyung.

Baekhyun paused for a while and turned to Suho hyung. The former knows our leader cares for him sincerely and he might be feeling sorry by now

"Yah, hyung is right! Eat all you can but keep calm! Well, your body figure is good anyway so you don't need to diet" I added to lighten up the mood

"How come you can tell? Have you seen my body thoroughly?" he wittingly asked

And it got me speechlessly flustered.

Just as I thought, he is venting whatever it is on the food, and it got something to do with what happened with us last night.

 

The air got a little awkward.
Sehun observes Baekhyun, he then looked at the me who is stealing side glances at Baek from time to time. Sehun and Suho hyung stared at each other. then our maknae turned to look again at Baekhyun who didn't give any damn and just kept on eating before he then turned to look at me too. And finally back to Baekhyun. He sighed and carelessly asks, 

"What? Did Chan-hyung make a move on you?" 

OMG SEHUN!- is what I'm screaming mentally.

Baekhyun wasn't able to reply... he splits all the half-chewed stuffs from his mouth directly at Sehun. Which I personally think he deserves that- cuz he can in' read the situation yet he devil-may-care asked the freakin' question just to satisfy his boredom, mischief, or whatever maknae-sanity it may be.

I pat Baekhyun's back for he almost chokes but he lightly, nah, purposely... brushed my hand off so I gave him a glass of water instead.

I almost forgot. Sehun got completely frozen that time. He probably got a mental breakdown. I just hope he still breathes. Our leader hyung just took a towel and wipes clean Sehun's face.

 

 

 

 

The M-members waited for us at the car park when we arrived late night here in China.
Tao clings to Suho hyung excitedly. Soon as Sehun spotted Luhan hyung, he went towards the latter and holds his hand. And did I also mention about Baekhyun back-hugging Jongdae? What the hell?! Everyone's acting like they've been reunited with their long distance lover.

"Tao, you got tanner..." Jongin teased Tao

"As if you got fairer. Where's my present? I told you to buy me some" Tao asked Jongin

"Oh right, I got it covered Tao, here" Baekhyun replied instead as he pulls out a couple of bamboo leaves from his backpack

Other members, including me, don't have any idea what Baekhyun's thinking but no one beats Tao's jaw dropping

"What's this?..." Tao asked as he stares at the bamboo leaves confusedly

"Your favorite food... pandas love eating bamboo leaves, right?" Baekhyun wittingly answered

"Aish, I don't eat grass...." Tao pouted as Baekhyun laughs; and Suho hyung lets out a huge smile as he hugs Tao. I really think Suho hyung adores Tao a lot more than anyone of us. He even treats Tao like a baby panda more than our own maknae, Sehun.

"Yixing hyung..?"

"He's still damn asleep in the car with Minseok" Kris hyung answered. And I wanted to comment on how he dressed fashionably. Other M-members looked as if they just got up from bed but he seems like he's going to some kind of photoshoot after here. With his glasses and leather jacket. Yea that's Kris hyung, he wears tinted eyeglasses even at night

 

"Pfft-- I wanted to ask this hyung. I thought it's because some fans might recognize you that's why you wear glasses but you can take them off now right?" Baekhyun asked Kris hyung when we're inside the car. We're supposed to be in other car with the K-members but because Jongdae whines about them being in the dorm while we will be staying in the hotel; Baekhyun asked him if he wanted to switch places with him instead-- to which Jongdae gladly accepted.

And I don't know what 's really wrong with me that I even asked Tao to switch places with me too.

"It's because my eyes are really ugly right now" Kris hyung answered as he took off his glasses to show us his puffy eyes.

We burst out laughing

"Yah, what happened to your eyes, they're popping out!?" Baek asked while trying hard to stop himself from laughing more

"It's because he slept the whole day yesterday when our fansigning event got cancelled" Yixing hyung answered. Wow, he woke up already. 'guess we got a bit noisy again.

"Daebak! Hahahaha, how come Tao's isn't?"

"He's way excited for you guys that he couldn't sleep"

"Darn. This is why I love this hyung!" Baekhyun said while sliding his arms around Kris hyung's shoulder

Before I knew it, I'm already irritated.
 

 

 

 

Twelve of us are able to eat together after the filming of variety show we'll be guesting. We also invited manager hyung but he had prior engagement so he just warned us to stay put and avoid causing problems afterwards.

I... am trying hard to catch Baekhyun's attention but he's busy attending Kris hyung. He even gets constantly amazed with hyung's small gestures or little mispronounced words.

"Hyung, your brows are crossing... just an inch til they'll meet" Sehun whispered to me.

Argh this guy too, can't he just leave me alone?! I made a quick scan around the table to find Luhan hyung flirting with Minseok hyung.. ooh~ so that's why Sehun's brows are kinda similar to mine too. Maybe he feels better that I'm not doing any good here too

"Baekhyun-ah, do you want to stroll downtown?" Kris hyung asked

"Sure! Sounds fun!"

"I wanted to come with you too!" I shouted immediately

"Aish, don't!" Baekhyun teasingly joked... half-meant.

 

 

Now, why did I say I wanted to come too?
When they look like they're having a date and I'm the nosy third wheel
 

And I think Baekhyun is doing it on purpose... showing off how close he got with Kris hyung.
Keeps calling hyung 'Duizang duizang'
Linking arms with hyung
Acting like a little kid; doing various aegyo in front of hyung
Think he even enjoys how I look jealous right now. Because he knew very well that I have feelings for him
 

We went to the town center and got excited at sight of water fountain. It's when you stepped at the floor and little water fountain flows out looking like a rainbow due to the reflection of different colored lights

"Let's push Kris hyung at the center" Baekhyun whispered to me

Kris hyung felt a chill so he took two steps backward. But he was late for Baekhyun already caught him in the arms and I followed. We pushed him in the center as he screams,

"Hajimaaaa~!"

We laughed so hard. Of course when you dragged hyung in the center, it means we'll be dripping wet too together with him.
 

My eyes got completely locked by Baekhyun again.
It's hard to look away from him. It feels very nice to watch him laugh without a care. I miss hearing his voice next to me. And I also love the warmth of his arms that subtly touches mine. And I also longed for him to look straight in my eyes once more... it's been a while since he really looked at me.

Only him can make me feel this way.

I'm not laughing anymore. I found myself smiling.

Being this way with him is very comfortable. Just as I thought. We only need to be friends. It's easy and convenient.

I want to stay forever this way with him.

I reached out to cup his cheek. I felt him cringe a little and he immediately stopped laughing. I frowned at how he turned to look sad all of a sudden.

"Aish. Really. I'm so done with you." He said.

My hand that was touching his cheek falls on its own

...

And I felt my heart crushing into pieces.
 

 

-O.o-

updated hehehe,, thanks a lot for reading this though updates are so slow T.T~~~ hope you had a nice day ^^

and i also wanted to thank you guys for dropping comments ^^~ *blush blush* please feel free to drop your thoughts about this fic ^^~