Chapter eighteen: Visited

Next morning Lu Han woke up first because he was used to waking up early. He realized he was hugging Hana all this time and he inhaled the sweet scent of her hair and couldn’t help but smile. Even when his head was telling him to let her go, he didn’t. His heart was still beating fast. His heart was telling him to not let go of her, at least not yet.

Lu Han searched for her face and smiled softly at the sight. Her cheeks and her eyes were a bit puffy and her lips slightly parted apart. He touched her cheeks with the tips of his hand and felt the dry tears of last night. Even if she looked calm in her sleep, Lu Han wondered if she was ok.

With love on his eyes, he caressed her hair softly. Then, with all the courage he could take, he kissed her forehead. Lu Han thought it will wake her up, but it didn’t. Instead, Hana’s lips turn into a smile.

He kept on caressing her soft and long hair, and keeping an eye on her. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but he can´t. Even if he knew she won’t wake up, he didn’t want to take advantage of her. He didn’t want to taint her innocent lips. He didn’t want to taint her pure heart and innocent smile.

Even if it meant to hurt himself, even if all he could do was being nothing but a friend and brother in her eyes, even if it meant to shut his feelings, he would never tell her. Lu Han will never tell her that he loves her. Because telling her means dragging her into his world. Because telling her means exposing her to a cruel reality. And Lu Han didn’t know if Hana was able to hand such a real world.

Lu Han didn’t know how long he was caressing her hair so fondly, but the sunlight coming from one of the windows made Hana open her eyes tiredly. And the first thing she saw was him with a smile on his lips.

“Good morning,” she mumbled as he rubbed one of her eyes. Hana felt warm due to both still hugging each other, specifically Lu Han still hugging her, which Hana didn’t felt uncomfortable at all but made her heart a bit uneasy.

“Morning,” his voice was a bit husky that made her shiver. Never had she heard him talk with this morning tone before. “How was your sleep? Are you feeling better?”

Hana noticed him looking at her directly at her eyes which made her cheeks blush a little bit, but smiled and nodded shyly.

Actually, every time something like this happened she had nightmares, nightmares which left her with headaches all the day. Every time she reminisce such events Hana wasn’t able to sleep properly. Even if she slept next to her younger brother, she still had nightmares to the point she stood awake all the night. That fear kept on hunting her for several days. At least, three days in which she wasn’t able to even take a nap due to fear and insecurity. Three days in which Hana had to maintain herself up because she didn’t want to feel vulnerable and weak.

But this time was different. Why? Because this time she had Lu Han next to her. This time Lu Han was protecting her. This time, thanks to him, she didn’t felt fragile anymore. This time she didn’t experience any nightmares. This was the first time when Hana was able to sleep so comfortably after the reminiscence of her fear disturbing her.

With the realization her smile grew wider. She got closer and hugged him. As she buried her head in his chest she mumbled, “Thank you”.

“You’re welcome.” Lu Han didn’t know what she meant by thank you, but it made him happy she felt better.

“How long have you been awake?” Hana lifted her eyes full with curiosity.

“Not much,” he lied with a slight blush on his face. “Are you hungry? I’ll prepare anything you want for breakfast”

Liar. Hana giggled. She was sure he had been up really early taking care of her. “Don’t worry. I’ll prepare breakfast. With your cooking abilities we aren’t sure what food monster you’ll create this time”

“What you said?!”

Hana didn’t realize she was still in his arms, which made it impossible for her to escape. Then she found herself laughing because Lu Han was tickling her.

“S-Stop! I’m s-sorry,” she cackled as she hit his arm and chest.

Lu Han stopped and giggled at Hana, who was breathing with difficulty, but with a gleam on her face. Looking at her he just confirmed she was feeling better. There was no longer a gloomy look on her eyes, but a bright instead. There was no longer a sad smile, but a dazzling one. There was again the innocent and captivating Hana he was used to see every day.

“I was just joking, silly Lu Han,” Hana breathed in and out.

“I know,” he smirked which Hana hit his chest in response.

“I’ll go change now and prepare breakfast”

Hana walked towards her bedroom and stopped in the middle of her room with one of her hands touching her chest. She felt how incredible fast her heart was beating and how her cheeks burned. She was feeling a mixture of happiness, nervousness, anxiousness and excitement.

Hana couldn’t describe those feelings with certainty, but they were definitely something she hasn’t felt before.

 After she changed to a pair of shorts and a loose shirt, she started cooking. And when she finished Lu Han was waiting for her in the table with a smile. Hana smiled at him and placed down the food in the table.

“Hope you like it,” Hana said as she sat in front of Lu Han.

“I always enjoy eating your food,” Lu Han took a bite and smiled at the flavor.

“Lu Han, at what time are you leaving today?”

“In about two hours,” he answered as he looked at the clock. Then when he saw Hana’s expression he felt a bit guilty. She wasn’t even facing him, but her food and her smile faded away for a second.

“I guess you should leave earlier today because you missed yesterday,” Hana whispered almost inaudible.

“If you want, I c-“Hana irrupted Lu Han shaking her head. She didn’t want to bother him anymore for today. He already comforted her and calmed her. Thanks to him she was feeling better now.

“If I force you to stay, I’ll feel guilty,” she smiled, “You have work to do and I don’t want to bother you for the rest of the day with my problems. Besides, if anything happen I can call you, right?”

“I guess so”

Hana spent the rest of the morning watching television. Her eyes were glued at the screen, but her mind was somewhere else. Her brain was creating all different scenarios she had went through, it was like she was reminiscing those days, which in fact she was. Even if she was safe now, even when she felt the softness of the armchair caressing her cheek, which calmed her a bit, Hana still felt powerless. She was doing her best to control her emotions and remain calm. Even if her heart and head hurt, she was still trying to not lose herself. She had to endure the pain. Once again, she had to endure the pain running through her spine.

She had attempted to call Lu Han many times. But she restrained herself from doing it so. Calling him will carry small consequences. Asking him to come will inconvenience him.

She has to endure with it for a few more hours. At least, until Junwoo arrives.

Suddenly she heard someone knocking on the door.

The sound took her unwarned. Hana turned towards the door with lost eyes, as she was still deep in her thoughts, and looked at it confused. She woke up from her trance when she heard the knock once again. It was still too early for either Lu Han or Junwoo to be home. She stood and walked calmly towards the main door and opened softly.

“Hana?”

She recognized that voice, a male voice, even when she didn’t face him yet.

“Hello, Sehun”

Hana let him in. She wondered what brought him here. He should be with Lu Han, shouldn’t he? Or at least that’s what she thought.

“If you wondered, I have a college project due next week and since Lu Han owns a tons of books about my project’s topic I asked him if he could borrow some and he agreed,” he stated firmly not looking at her directly, but still he tried to not sound rude. He didn’t know her that well after all. And just by Lu Han’s descriptions Sehun couldn’t guide himself. He had to know her in order to trust her. “He also told me you can help me.” Sehun didn’t comprehended at first what his friend meant by that. Hana was just a high school student. There was some knowledge she wasn’t able to discern at her age. Or at least, that’s what he thought.

Hana nodded and asked him about the topic. Once she knew, she went towards the bookshelves and searched for the perfect book, or books. She choose three out of the seven possibilities. Hana returned with a smile and handed him the mentioned books. She even suggested which volumes Sehun should read that would help him.

“Hana, by any chance, have you read these?” Sehun asked as he lifted the books with a surprise gaze.

Hana nodded with a small smile decorating her face.

“Have you possible read all Lu Han’s books?”

She nodded once again shyly. “There were some books I stopped reading because I couldn’t comprehend” And also there were others Lu Han didn’t allow her to read, but she did.

“Impressive,” he murmured. “If you don’t mind can I stay a bit? There’s some research I need to do”

“Sure go ahead,” Hana answered and went back to sit in the couch.

Sehun took his laptop out of his backpack and placed himself in the table near her. Actually his college’s project wasn’t the main reason why he was there. Lu Han had asked him to come and check up on her too. At first, Sehun thought of just borrowing the books and leave, but after he sensed Hana’s lost eyes and small answers, he decided to stay for a bit. He might look cold and firm sometimes, but he was able to know when others are feeling sad or depressed. Because he didn’t talk much Sehun preferred to analyze and judge people by the way they acted.

Time to time he checked her and noticed her looking at the TV, but not paying attention at the program. She was too lost in her own thoughts. Sehun sighed and decided to talk with her a bit.

“Hana,” his voice sounded and felt like he was far, when he wasn’t. She turned towards him with crystalized eyes. That look made him feel a bit uneasy. It was like she was about to cry. “Say, how’s school going?”

“Fine,” her voice didn’t match her painful gaze. “How’s college going?” She was trying to keep the conversation going too.

“Fine too”

“That’s good”

Both kept in silence for a few minutes. For Sehun it felt like eternity, but for Hana felt like seconds. He was still trying to concentrate on his project, but he couldn’t. Why? Because there was a girl next to him who he knew was not ok. In fact, he didn’t know the reason for her silent behavior and sad smiles and he wasn’t planning on asking her. But he couldn’t remain oblivious about her current situation and ignored her when the main reason he decided on staying was to, at least, made her company.

“Hana, come here and help me with this”

Sehun had to do something to distract her from the hurting thoughts her mind was playing. At least, try to. He indicated her to do some concept maps in order to organize the information better and try to relate the topics.

“Isn’t this supposed to be your work? After all is your project,” Hana emphasized ‘your’ on her sentence.

“Just help me, ok? I’m pretty bad at doing essays or organizing information,” he answered not looking away from his laptop. And what calmed him a bit was the small chuckled that came from her lips.

Hana was pretty aware of his intentions. And she was really thankful to him. She was sure Sehun was trying to distract her. She didn’t ask further or complained until she finished and was satisfied with her work.

Both didn’t notice time, because when they did it was already ‘late’. At least, it was late for Sehun. He haven’t gone towards the bar yet and his ship was about to start. He also had to do some researches and help his friend with some tasks.

He told Hana he had to go and she didn’t refuse. This presence helped her calm herself. Even if was just for a few hours, she was thankful. And before Sehun could go she told him.

“Thanks for accompanying me today,” Hana bowed and then faced him with a smile. A smile Sehun had seen before. The smile he saw the first day the met. A simple but sincere smile.

Sehun smirked, not to her but to himself. He turned to leave and added, “See ya.” He wanted to add a ‘Take care’ but he couldn’t. He didn’t like to express his feelings that much.

Once he was out, he took his cellphone and send Lu Han a message.

I told you to come home early. I already left. –Sehun

It didn’t take him long to receive an answer.

I’m already on my way back. Is she ok? –Lu Han

She is. –Sehun

Sehun didn’t want to acknowledge it at first, but he knew Hana’s eyes longed for his friend. He put his phone away and started his way back towards the bar.

It didn’t took long for Lu Han to arrive and when he did, he noticed Hana speaking on the phone. He saw how she lifted her head and smiled at him gracefully. He noticed how her eyes sparkled and smiled back. His heart beat racing as he walked near her.

“Don’t worry. Take your time and drive safely,” Hana, who was speaking with Youngjae’s mother, said still with a fond smile on her lips. “Take care”

The moment she hung up, Hana stood up and hugged Lu Han, who immediately hugged her back. “Welcome back,” she whispered.

Having his presence near made her stronger and safe. And she did notice him coming way early as expected, but she didn’t care. He was here and that’s all that matters. She won’t ask about it because she just wanted him for now.

Lu Han noticed she shivered when they hugged and also saw the disoriented look her eyes reflected before she noticed him. He knew she was still nervous and scared. And somehow he guessed it would take her a few days to feel comfortable again.

“You can sleep with me today too”

Hana broke the hug and faced him with a shy look on her face. “Can I?”

Lu Han nodded and Hana whispered, “Thank you”

He then ruffled her hair fondly and caressed it behind her ear.