Chapter seventeen: Date

“Are you really planning to stay her all day long?”

Hana lifter her gaze from the book she was reading and faced Lu Han. She nodded with an innocent face. “What else I can do? Junwoo left with his friend at the beach and Danbi is overseas with his family and she is coming back in three days”

Hana giggled slightly as she remembered how Junwoo begged her to let him go to the beach.  The little boy was excited and Hana just couldn’t help to crush his happiness. Maybe she was being a bit overprotective with him, but she worry for his safety. At first, she was indeed hesitating to let him, but she trusted Junwoo’s friend and his family. She trusted Youngjae’s parents. They’ll indeed take care of her little brother. And she trusted Junwoo too. Hana needed to let Junwoo get independent too.

Lu Han sighed. He knew Hana was in summer vacation and he thought she’ll be out with her friends, but instead she was stuck home all day long either reading or watching TV. He wanted her to go out, but he couldn’t force her. Then he came with an idea. “Hana, what about a date?”

Hana’s eyes grew wider and her cheeks got a bit reddish. “Date? But you don’t have work to do?”

“Yes, but the others can take care of my part,” Lu Han replied as he looked at the clock.

“But its summer and it’s too hot outside”

Lu Han smirked and sat next to her. Her gaze returned to her book, but he noticed she wasn’t reading. Hana was waiting for Lu Han to go and forget he mentioned the word date. “Are you turning me down?”

Hana’s cheeks turned reader. Actually it wasn’t like she didn’t want to go with Lu Han. She just preferred him to go work. “I am n-not” Hana knew he just invited her because she was staying all day in the apartment. She barely went outside. Why? She preferred it that way. She preferred to stay indoors. It was safer. She felt safe in the apartment.

“Really?” he teased when he noticed her insecurity, which he found cute. “Then why don’t you want to go with me?”

She wanted to go on a date with him. Deep in her heart she was happy. It was an opportunity to spent time with Lu Han. But there were many things she worried about. Would it be safe for them to hang out together now that she knows what Lu Han job is? What if something happens?

Lu Han saw her worry face and tried to comfort her, “its ok. If you don’t want, I won’t obligate you” He stood up, but he felt his arm being pulled softly. “I-I´ll go” With that simple sentence he couldn’t help to smile. He felt stupid, but happy. How a simple acceptance can make him felt so contented? Because it was Hana’s words.

Inviting Hana on a date it was something he wanted to do long ago, but he never found the excuse to invite her until now. He knew she realized it was just an excuse for her to go out. Hana never thought of the second meaning of him inviting her out. She just thought of it of a way for her to get out of her bubble for a while. Her mind told her he meant it as a brotherly way, but –deep in her heart– she wanted to believe something else, but she hasn’t realized it yet. Because, so far, Hana looked at Lu Han as a brother.

-

“Where are we going?” Hana asked as she closed the apartment’s door behind her. She changed from her comfy pajamas to something more casual. She was wearing denim shorts, a white sleeveless shirt and a pair of black converse.

Lu Han turned towards her and blushed lightly. He noticed her hair styled as a messy bun, making her neck and part of her collarbone exposed. Once again, he found cursing at himself to be thinking in that way about her.

“Lu Han, are you ok? Maybe we shouldn’t go after all,” Hana added when she didn’t receive a respond.

“You are really trying hard to stay home, aren’t you?” He sighed with a smirk on his lips, “Stop finding excuses to evade going on a date with me”

Hana pouted softly and walked, Lu Han followed her with a fond smile.

“So,” Hana started as she noticed Lu Han next to her, “Where are we going?”

Lu Han pretend to think about and then he answered honestly. “I don’t know”

Hana giggled with his answer. “You were the one with the idea of going out and yet you don’t know where to go. Silly boy” she whispered the last sentence for herself, but Lu Han managed to hear it too.

“Yah. Who are you calling silly?” Lu Han complained, “And you aren’t allowed to call me boy. I’m older than you”

“Ok, silly Lu Han,” Hana smirk victoriously as she giggled.

Lu Han shook his head with a smile. What I’m supposed to do with you, silly girl.

Both were walking next to each other. Neither of them knew where to go so they let their feet lead them. It was a really beautiful sunny day. And for a second, Hana was happy they went out. The brightness and fresh surroundings raise her mood. And Lu Han’s too.

Then Hana found herself looking at a flowery shop across the road. So she walked towards it making Lu Han followed her and wondered where was she heading to. Hana entered the shop and admired all the kind of flowers she saw. There was a bright smile on her lips and her eyes seemed to be captivated by them.

She noticed Lu Han next to her. “Sorry to drag you here. It’s just that I found myself looking at them from far,” Hana smiled at the flowers. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

Lu Han eyed the flowers and agree with her statement. His gaze turned towards Hana and smiled fondly. And so are you.

“Have I ever told you why my mom named me Hana?” she wandered in the shop, Lu Han following her.

“No” Lu Han was looking at tulips when Hana asked.

“My mom loved flowers since little. And Hana means flower in Japanese. I guess I inherited that love too”

“What was her favorite flower?” Lu Han asked as he eyed her from the corner of his eyes.

“Himawari” Hana said in Japanese making Lu Han confused.

“Yah! Don’t talk to me in Japanese”

“Why shouldn’t I? Should I recall you the times when you talked to me in Chinese and didn’t bother me to explain what you said?” Hana raised her eyebrows at him. She waited for a response, and smiled victoriously and she didn’t get one. “Sunflowers. My mom loved sunflowers”

“And what about you?”

“Cherry blossoms,” Hana answered as she turned towards Lu Han with a glow on her eyes, “Since I was born on April and they flourish during that time I grow attached to them”. Then she faced the tulips next to her and added with a sad smile, “But I never been able to see them in reality; only on photographs. I guess it’s a platonic love”

Lu Han wanted Hana to see cherry blossoms. He wanted to make her platonic love real. He wanted to change her sad smile of memories into a bright smile, like the ones she always wore, like the ones that captivated him.

He promised himself he’ll be the one who will make Hana’s cherry blossoms platonic love real.

They got out of the flower shop and continued walking next to each other. They got to see different decorated storefronts. Some selling clothes and others selling jewelry. 

Lu Han bought Hana clothes. Even if the latter complained about it, he ignored it and pay for them as she tried to stop him. Hana knew it would be almost impossible to stop him, so she let him. Even if she didn’t was fine with the ones she had. Even if she didn’t have too many shirts, shoes or jeans to combine, she was fine with what she had. Hana didn’t want Lu Han to spend money on her. But the latter was so stubborn for her liking.

Deep inside she appreciate his act. Deep inside she wanted to buy more and more shirts, jeans and even skirts and dresses, but she couldn’t abuse Lu Han’s kindness. Even if, deep inside her heart, she knew if she asked him, he’ll accept.

Lu Han was carrying the two bags full of cloths for Hana. She thought of complaining on giving her one so they’ll carry one each, but ignored her thought. She knew Lu Han won’t give her one bag, so what was the point of insisting?

She was about to thank him, but noticed him looking at another storefront; the one next to her. Then she noticed him entering the shop, so she followed him. Her eyes wandered at the variety of jewelry. Necklaces, silver chains, fantasy rings, bracelets and funny and beautiful earrings. All of them were beautiful in a girl’s eyes. And Hana’s eyes were no exception.

It was an average jewelry shop. The prices were affordable. And what they sold was attention’s graving. It was a store made for young girls around fifteen to twenty. They didn’t send stuff made of gold or any kind of heavy and expensive material. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Lu Han looked at the different bracelets and his eyes stopped when he saw one he liked. He asked at the saleswoman to let him take a closer look at the object. And with a smile she gave the bracelet to him.

“I’m sure your girlfriend would love it,” she commented with a small smile and gentle look.

Lu Han took the object on his hands and smiled stupidly at the word girlfriend. The bracelet was silver and it had a pendant in the middle as an ornament, which complimenting perfectly the accessory; also there was two pearls at the sides decorating the pedant gracefully. When he saw the cherry blossom pedant Lu Han thought immediately about Hana. She just told him she loved that flower. “I bet she’ll do”

“Hana,” he called her, “come here for a moment”

The mentioned girl turned and walked at him with curiosity on her eyes.

She saw him putting a bracelet on her right hand making her eyes grew wider. “What’s this?” She asked when she saw the beautiful accessory on her wrist.

“Don’t you like it?” Lu Han’s gaze changed into a gloomy one. Didn’t Hana like it? Did he make the wrong choice?

Hana shook her head rapidly. “It’s beautiful, but… why are you putting this on me?” Her eyes didn’t leave the object on her wrist and Lu Han saw how she was smiling fondly at it.

“Why else? I’m buying it for you,” he answered as a matter of fact. He turned towards the saleswoman and paid for it.

“B-But you already bought me cloths,” Hana started to complain. “You don’t have to buy me more. I don’t want you to spend money on me” The last sentence was more of a whisper for herself.

“But I want to,” Lu Han got closer to her and bent down a bit to reach her face. He signaled the bracelet as he added, “I want to buy this for you. Could you please accept it?”

Hana faced him and smiled affectingly.  Both knew what her smile meant. She didn’t need words to express she accepted the present. Because both knew each other well. Even if there were secrets between them, they tried to understand each other.

“Lu Han,” the mentioned boy hummed as he heard his name being called. He was waiting for his change, so he wasn’t facing Hana. Then he felt something touch his cheeks and soon realized what was. Someone just kissed his cheek. Hana kissed his cheek and it made his heart beat crazily. He wasn’t able to say anything but to hear her voice once again. “Thank you. I’ll use this every day”

When he turned at her he saw her wearing a delightful and captivating smile.

He couldn’t be happier. And all thanks to a bracelet. A bracelet he was sure Hana would love.

After shopping they found themselves sitting on a bench in a park. There were kids playing around with cheerful looks, teens in groups laughing and some couples walking around happily.

Hana didn’t know how they end up in a park. But it was the point of this date. Wander with no directions. It was just her point of view since neither Lu Han nor she knew where to go.

She just wanted to spent time with him. As a friend. As a sister. She wanted time to talk to him. There were many questions floating on her mind about him, about his job, but she hasn’t the opportunity to ask. And now was a perfect chance to do so.

“Isn’t it dangerous?”

Lu Han turned to Hana as he blinked several time before realizing her question. He knew what she meant about. He knew what she was referring to.

“It’s it ok to you to go out this freely?” She asked once again as she faced the ground.

“Don’t worry. We haven’t done anything bad for that people to chase after us,” Lu Han answered as he eyed the people passing by. Not yet.

“I hope someday I´ll understand why are you doing what you are you doing,” Hana said with a soft tone and sighed. “I hope someday you’ll trust me as much as I do”

“What do you mean by that?” There was a tiny blush on Lu Han’s cheeks and tried to keep his voice from trembling.

“I know there’s stuff about you and your job you haven’t told me about. And I respect the fact you want that to remain hidden. You have your reasons to do so,” Hana lifted her head and turned to face Lu Han with a sincere smile on her lips. “If there’s anything I can help with, no matter what, please tell me”

“Hana, I-I … I can´t …”

“Please,” she begged, “If you don’t, I’ll feel like I’m a burden for you”

Lu Han didn’t want to involve her more than she was already. She didn’t want to taint her innocence by the things he did every day. What she was asking for was more than he could handle.

He couldn’t agree nor could he say no.

“I’ll try”

That answer satisfied her. It wasn’t a yes or a no, but at least it calmed her down.

But there was a question that was bothering Hana days ago. She hasn’t had the guts to ask Lu Han about it, but now that they are conversing this comfortably she didn’t know if it would be appropriate to ask him.

She wasn’t sure about asking.

Hana found herself opening , but closing it afterwards. She wanted to ask at the same time she didn’t want.

“Shall we go?” Lu Han asked as he stood up. Hana nodded and followed him, still with the bitterness of the question on .

Have you ever killed someone?

She wanted to question that. It wasn’t difficult to vocalize those five words. But they were harsh. If they were sharp for her, she couldn’t image how Lu Han would feel.

Have you ever murdered someone?

Hana bit her lower lip and faced the ground as she walked, not paying attention where she was going.

She wanted to know at the same time she wanted to remain oblivious.

Hana knew those were intense words: kill, murder, assassinate. She knew it would leave an acrid feeling in once she said it; a souring taste she didn’t want to feel. And it would leave Lu Han uneasy with what to answer.

And she didn’t want to make it uncomfortable.

She felt someone bumping her shoulders as she walked by. Hana lifted her gaze from the ground and noticed her surroundings pretty crowded. There were people passing by in a hurry, most walking in the opposite direction as her making it difficult to take a step ahead.

Hana couldn’t see Lu Han in the crowd.

She felt lost. She felt scared.

She felt dizzy and her whole body became weak. She felt her eyes getting wet.

She was alone. She was insecure.

Her heart started beating crazily. This was the reason why she preferred staying indoors. It was safer there. Home was a place she couldn’t get lost. Home was comfortable and not crowed.

Why?

Because Hana is scared at crowded places.

The people passing by, ignoring her, made her shivered. The people passing by, ignoring your cries for help made her vulnerable. The people passing by, wearing judging looks on their eyes, made her fragile like crystal.

Never had she said a soul about her fear, because she was good hiding it.

Hana was crying silently as people bumped her shoulders. They gave her judging looks which only made her situation get worst.

The only thing she wanted now was Lu Han next to her.

How stupid of her! It was her fault of getting lost. It was the fault of the reason she wanted to ask Lu Han that question so badly that she lost sight of him. It was her carelessness that made her felt disoriented and scared.

She remembered how many times her father reprimand her because of that; carelessness. It was always due to her carelessness, even without even noticing it.

Hana felt weaker as with that memory. She sobbed silently, trying not to catch people’s attention.

She wanted to take a step ahead, but she couldn’t. Her feet were immobile, like if they were glued to the floor. It was like they were extremely heavy. Her body and her feet were heavy for her.

She felt helplessness because of her fear.

Hana touched her bracelet slowly as tears still felt from her eyes. Lu Han. She wanted to find Lu Han. But she wasn’t able to; all due to her impotence against her fear.

Why society was cruel? Why haven’t they noticed her state? Why haven’t they asked her about her state? She was crying in the middle of a crowded place for god’s sake! She looked like she was about to faint at any second!

It was reality. Nobody cared truly for a weak person. People will try to ignore people when they show their weakest state. People would ignore you if you show them your vulnerable self. And that was why Hana tried to be strong in front of her father. She didn’t want him to look down on her just by showing how weak she was. She didn’t want anyone to look down on her just by showing them how delicate, but real she was.

“Hana!”

She lifted her teary eyes and searched for the owner of that voice. And amongst the people, she found him. There he was, Lu Han, wearing a preoccupied gaze and walking at her.

The moment she spotted him her strength came back to her body. Hana felt her legs moving again, and she walked towards Lu Han.

“Lu Han,” she whispered for herself in a broken tone. It didn’t reach his ears. The moment he was close enough, Hana hugged him tighter, burying her face in his chest.

“Hana, what happened? Are you ok?”

She didn’t answer him, but cried in silent. Now that she had him this close, she didn’t want to let him go. He gave her fortitude and security.

Never had Lu Han seen her like that before. She was scared to death. She was vulnerable.

He didn’t know how he lost track of her. He just realized Hana wasn’t following him when he turned around at the crowd, and grew in alarm. So with an accelerated pace he started to search for her.

Lu Han knew Hana was crying. He didn’t comprehend why. But the only thing he could do was comfort her. So he hugged her too and caressed her hair kindly. “Don’t cry. I’m here so you don’t have to cry”

Hana nodded, but still cried. And now she had the courage to say what was on her mind. “For a moment I thought you left me”

For a moment, she thought of Lu Han as society. And it broke her heart to think about him like that.

Lu Han smiled, but scolded her in the kindest way he could. “Silly girl, how can I leave you? I won’t ever forgive myself if something happens to you”

He felt her hug him tighter.

She thanked him, in her mind, for always being with her.

This time, when they walked home, Lu Han made sure Hana didn’t get lost. He was always checking if the girl was walking beside him.

With every step they took, the day felt, turning the sky from bright to dark.

“I’ll cook something for you. Stay here,” Lu Han said once they entered the apartment. Hana turned slightly and noticed him enter the kitchen.

And with soft steps, she found herself following him. Hana peeked from the door and smiled. She was feeling better now. More calm and safe.

Hana walked at the dining room table and sat.

“Here”. There was a plate of messed bulgogi in front of her. Hana laughed softly as she remembered when Lu Han told her he only knew how to cook ramen, bulgogi and some chinese plates. She was the one in charge of cooking, but there was he, trying to, with his not so experienced cooking skills.

“Are you probably laughing at my cooking?”

“Maybe,” Hana took her chopsticks and ate, “But this came out better than last time”

“Really?” Lu Han smiled proudly. “I was more careful with sugar this time”

“And who suggested you that?” Hana as she continued eating.

Lu Han scoffed. He sat next to her as he placed his plate in front and ate. Indeed, Hana told him to add a certain amount of sugar next time he tried cooking bulgogi. She gave him other tips which Lu Han followed too.

“Hana, when it’s Junwoo coming back?”

“Tomorrow afternoon,” Hana smiled at her plate, “I still can’t believe I let him go this easily”

“You’re spoiling and overprotecting him so much you know?”

Hana hummed. “I guess this was a way to start to let him grow by himself”

Once they finish eating and cleaning their plates, Lu Han went to his room and Hana stayed watching TV until late. She wanted him to stay with her and watch, but she knew he couldn’t. Lu Han didn’t go work today and somehow she guessed he’ll talk with his friends to know what they did or what happened.

When Hana realized how late it got she entered her room. She took a shower and changed her clothes. And the moment she laid in her bed she knew she will not be able to sleep alone. Never was she able to when things like this happened. If Junwoo was here, she’d go to him. Someone else’s presence next to her made her calm.

She knew she had no option. So she took one pillow from her bed and walked towards Lu Han’s room. Hana knocked the door and he opened.

“Hana, is there anything you need?” Lu Han asked. He noticed her hugging a pillow with her trembling fingers. In his eyes, she still looked scared and insecure.

“C-Can I-I sleep with you? J-Just for tonight,” Hana begged softly. Her tone seemed like she was about to cry.

“Sure”. He hated seeing her like that; so weak and fragile.

Hana lay on Lu Han’s bed and it was as comfortable as hers.

“You’ll fall if you stay that far”. She noticed him laying almost at the edge of the bed, when she was comfortable.

Lu Han was lucky that they didn’t turn the lights on, because Hana would be able to see how nervous he was and the red color in his cheeks. The only light illuminating them was the one from the moon.

“Did I make you preoccupied this afternoon?” Hana spoke softly, “I’m sorry”

Lu Han turned to her and shook his head, which Hana was able to notice. “Can you explain it to me?”

Hana inhaled and exhaled. This will be the first time she’ll be mentioning her fear to someone else. “I’m scared of crowded places. I develop a fear of being alone in crowds”

Lu Han seemed to understand the situation better. “But what about the time you where to the bar? It’s get crowded there”

“It was different from today,” Hana said turning her gaze to the ceiling, “My fear only appears when I’m left alone at open places. I don’t know why but somehow I wasn’t panicking the moment I was at the bar. That time I didn’t felt scare at all”

“It’s weird I know,” Hana tried to laugh, but her heart ached.

“It’s not,” Lu Han comforted her. Hana faced him with a broken gaze. “I’m scared of heights”

“Really?” Hana mumbled trying to keep her tears from falling.

Lu Han got near and placed her in between his arms. He didn’t care she hear his beating heart and noticed his insecurity anymore. He only wanted her to not cry, to not feel fragile and weak.

Lu Han hummed at her small question. “Do you know how it started?”

Hana nodded. She felt warm and secure in his arms. And it gave her more confident to talk about her fear longer.

“Remember I told you about my mom and when she passed away?” she started and Lu Han hummed her question remembering the time they talked about it. “I got kidnapped six months later. My father paid for them as an exchange of my freedom. He was so angry at me at that time. And as a punishment of my carelessness and weakness he used to leave me alone at crowded places”

“Places I barely knew of. Places I barely remember now,” Hana sobbed at the memory. “He left me alone and no one helped me at that time. And somehow crowds felt like they were so deep that I got drown by people walking beside me. I tried walking home by myself but I never made it. I never made it”

“How?” Lu Han didn’t know how to ask how she was able to be here now. There must be an explanation.

Hana understood what he meant and answered with tears on her face. “My father was always following me. Never once he ever helped me. He left me in my agony. He knew I was desperate even if I wasn’t showing it. He knew I was scared, but until the moment he wasn’t satisfy he didn’t help me”

And no even once I was able to see his face in the crowd.

Hana cried at Lu Han’s arms as the memories floated in her mind. This was the second time at the day she made his shirt got wet by her tears.

Lu Han hugged her tighter and caressed the back of her head. He softly kissed the top of her head and tried to calm her down. He was able to comprehend her reaction now. He knew why was she so scared, pale and fragile. Deep inside, he felt guilty too. The images of that day came to his mind the moment Hana mentioned it. The reason why her father punished her that way, he found blaming himself too.

Hana was fragile as porcelain. Even if she pretended to be strong on the outside, in the inside she wasn’t. It’s just a façade to prevent people for hurting her.

“I’m here,” Lu Han whispered softly, “No one can hurt you now”

I’ll be there to protect you no matter what.

Hana and Lu Han slept in each other’s arms.

And due to her cries, Hana wasn’t able to notice Lu Han’s beating heart.

author's note:  

Here's a photo of how I imagine Hana's cherry blossoms bracelet look like in case you wonder:

 (credit to the owner of the image I used)

This is the longest chapter I ever wrote for this fic so far, and the one I loved writing the most. The little made me feel excited and the ending was just… I needed it to be a bit angsty xD I hope you enjoyed it!

And I wanted to share with you my other fic HERE. Feel free to check it out. Lately I've had so many GOT7 feels so I decided to start a fantasy fic with them as the mains. (But Painfully Captivaiting it's giving me more feels~)

Good luck and see you soon!