TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

“Look at me.”

Sora was deep in thought  as she stared at the blank walls of her bedroom. Blank. That’s how she’s been feeling lately. Blank. Empty. Alone.

She hated this feeling. Sora used to be okay with being alone. She used to like being alone.

‘To pick just one,’ he said. ‘To be happy.’

Sora knew the obvious answer was Kris. He makes her happy with every little thing he does. It made her happy when Kris would send a bouquet of roses every time an article came up with another made up rumor about her. It made her happy when Kris would send his routine goodnight texts even though she never replies. It made her happy when Kris would always say yes to her requests, no matter how busy he was. It made her happy when Kris would pretend to be doing something else when it was obvious he was watching out for her from the corner of his eyes. It made her happy when Kris would notice every little thing to take care of her, from the slightest shiver that signaled Kris to give her his jacket, to the hand on her stomach that Kris knew automatically to suggest a restaurant. Kris made her happy. 

And now Sora was unhappy because he’s no longer doing those things. And that right there was the problem. Sora didn’t like the fact that she’s happy when she’s with Kris but unhappy when she’s not with him. She hated even the thought of her happiness dependent on Kris. She hated depending on other people. Only she should be reserved the rights to make herself happy.

That’s why she doesn’t have any friends. She was always alone. Sora was the kind of person who never understood the logic of placing trust and care in people because there are ultimately too many variables and flaws in everybody that eventually leads to disappointment. She’s sick of being disappointed.  Sora would rather not rely on people for anything. She would rather not rely on Kris to be a reason for happiness…because what is to say Kris won’t disappoint? Sora didn’t know what to expect from someone like Kris; someone that was so different from her. 

Kai on the other hand was so much like her. There is never a mystery with Kai because she knew Kai as much as she knew herself. They both think the same and they both do the same. 

She knows Kai wouldn’t hurt her and Kai knows he wouldn’t be hurt by her. The both knew what to expect from each other. They both knew not to expect. Being with Kai was like being with herself. And that comforted her. 

But comfort didn’t make her happy. 

Sora glanced to her right and took a long look at Kai, who also seemed to be in deep thought, staring into the celling as she was. She knew they were probably thinking of the same thing. The expression on his face told her so. 

It wasn’t Sora that Kai wanted to be next to him. Sora knows that. But she also knows that he finds it comforting she is.

Comfort also didn't make Kai happy.

Kris walked a couple of steps behind Jiwon, enough to give her space while making sure he would be there to catch her if she falls. Kris can’t explain why, but he can’t help lately but to watch out for her.

Jiwon suddenly turned her back and Kris raised his hands for a moment, thinking she was about to trip over something.

“Thanks for doing this again.” Jiwon smiled brightly at him.

“Yeah. Sure.” Kris tried to put his hands down coolly while nodding.

To be honest, Kris shouldn't be doing this. Jiwon had asked him to take some photos of him to put in the portfolio that she has to keep consistent for her class and Kris should have said no due to the strict policy SM had for any type of photographers. But lately, Kris has found it hard to say no to Jiwon.

“The lighting seems to be good here.” Jiwon pointed to a spot by the meadows. “And it’s pretty.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Just act natural.” Jiwon lifted her camera in front of her eyes and focus in on Kris’s face.

“Natural?” Kris sighed at the unfamiliar word. He doesn’t do natural. Natural wasn’t in. Sultry and y was in. Kris has never done any photo-shoot where the expectation was natural.

Jiwon laughed to herself as she watches Kris grab onto a branch of the nearest tree, bit his lips and looked into the camera with a wink. “What are you doing?”

“I’m acting natural.” Kris put his hands behind his neck in embarrassment. 

Jiwon took a quick candid snapshot without Kris noticing. “You don’t’ act natural. You should just be. Don’t look at the camera. Look at me.”

And Kris did just that. Kris kept his eyes focused on Jiwon’s expression as she worked behind the camera. He found it cute when she would let out a slight gasp every time she told him to keep still. He watched how her arms trembled slightly from the bulky camera but despite that, Jiwon didn’t let loose of her grasp for one bit. Kris admired Jiwon’s passion, as she would move around the scene, lugging around the heavy camera only letting go to move a strand of hair from Kris’s face or tilt his body slightly toward the sunlight.

Kris couldn’t look away. There was something about Jiwon that kept him smiling the entire time,

“Want to see something I learned when I study abroad in Tokyo?” 

Kris looked up from his bowl of noodles and nodded at Jiwon.

Jiwon laughed before ducking her head close to her bowl, put a noodle in and pulled her head back up again. The noodle that she was slurping made a dramatic S-wave in the air. 

Kris laughed at the soup that was now everywhere on Jiwon’s face. “Is that the only thing you learned in Japan?”

“I know Japanese. Konnichiwa.” Jiwon simpered and wiped her face with a napkin.

“Is that knowing Japanese?”

“They all spoke decent Korean so I didn’t really have to learn much.” Jiwon defended and tasked herself back to her food.

“How long were you there for?” 

“One summer.” 

“Did you like it?” 

“I did. The people were great but I have to say that Madrid was much more fun. The art there was beautiful.”

Kris looked at Jiwon with a stunned face. Kris guessed Jiwon to be a country bumpkin who moved from to Seoul. “Spain and Japan? Anywhere else?”

“Just Hong Kong, Shanghai and Dubai.” Jiwon listed as though it was the most normal thing every.

“You’re parents must be wealthy.”

“Not really. Well they live abroad and make a decent living, so the money they give me living expenses that I save up for traveling.” 

“How long did you do it for? I mean why did you stop? You don’t have to be here. You like photography right? Travel more, take pictures.”

“As much fun as traveling was, I was lonely. I wanted to make friends in high school so I stopped my junior year and found a reason to stay.” Jiwon smiled at the memories of her first day in high school. She still remembered clearly how she walked in, took her seat and was greeted by a smirk that turned around and bothered her everyday since.

“Is that reason Kai?” Kris frowned seeing the smile Jiwon had.

“Yeah.” Jiwon replied honestly. To think if Kai didn’t turn around on her first day of school, she probably wouldn’t be here right now. If it weren’t for Kai though, Jiwon wouldn’t do a lot of things. She probably would stay her old cold and stoic self that never smiled at anybody. Look at her now. 

“Is he still a reason for you to stay?” Kris tried to gulp down his noodles as normally as possible.

“No.” Jiwon shook her head. ”I have other reasons now.” 

Kris smiled at Jiwon’s reply. Sure, Jiwon didn’t say the reason was him but he liked to think that it was.
     
“Thanks for offering to buy food by the way. You suggested right when I was hungry.” 

“Favorite flowers?” Kris randomly came up with as to continue their game of 20.questions.

“I like anything.” Jiwon shrugged. Kris nodded and when his head landed to the side of the path they were walking on, he swiftly bent down and picked a flower. 

Jiwon giggled when Kris handed her a random stem of flower. Jiwon hummed and continued their game. “Favorite color?” 

“Black.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why-“ Kris stopped mid sentence when he reached his hand out and felt raindrops.

“Don’t tell me-“

“It’s raining.”

“It’s probably not going-my camera!” Jiwon tried to shield her camera from the sudden rain pour.

Jiwon and Kris ran to look for the nearest shade. But because they weren’t in the central part of they city and far away from their bus stop, the closest place they found was inside a telephone booth. 

Kris and Jiwon were slightly out of breath when they reached inside the booth. When they calmed down, Kris started notice Jiwon’s slight shivers and automatically went to give her his jacket. 

“You’re going to be cold too.” Jiwon frowned.

“I would rather be cold than to be the kind of guy who would let a girl freeze to death in front of me.” 

Jiwon knew it would be no use arguing with Kris. And not to mention, she really was freezing and Kris’s jacket kept her warm. But being so close to Kris and seeing the bumps on his arms, she felt guilty watching Kris cold too. 

“So we’ll both be warm.” Jiwon decided as she adjusted the jacket as she widen her arms and hugged Kris tightly so that he and her both would be wrapped inside Kris’s jacket.

Jiwon was embarrassed she made such a move so she hid her face in Kris’s warm chest the entire time. 

Kris was probably blushing having Jiwon so close to him. And he should be the one that hugged Jiwon because he was taller. But instead, he let the munchkin who barely reached his chest wrap around him tightly.

They were both warm. Why wouldn’t they be? Their hearts were beating fast and their faces were as red as the amount of blood in the bodies would let time. And it was cold outside so why would they move. Yeah. The cold. That’s it. 
 

“How was your day?” Kai asked softly to Jiwon who just hopped out of the shower and into bed.

“Good. You?” 

“Good.” Kai bit his lips and replied. He watched Jiwon intently as she snuggled into bed and gave him a quick smile. 

She would usually give him a kiss. She would usually snuggle up to him instead of the pillow. She would usually tell him something insignificant that happened today. She would usually face him as she slept and pay with his hair, touch his lips or hold his hands. But all Jiwon did was giggle before putting her cell phone to her nightstand and turned off the lamps. 

Kai didn’t think much of it but he’ll admit… he’s finding it a lot harder to fall asleep than usual.

Kris read over the message he was about to send to Jiwon and made sure it didn’t sound weird.

The ‘goodnight’ part was formal. The ‘sweet dreams’ was thoughtful. But not to be too weird, Kris added a ‘so you won't be late with my breakfast tomorrow.’

After Kris hit sent, he closed the light too and shut his eyes. A couple of seconds later, he was a bit shocked to hear his phone go off and see a message from Jiwon. He didn’t expect a reply. 

‘You take care of yourself too. Goodnight. (^.^)’

Kris let out a light chuckle before falling right into sleep.