I felt like crying out in pain. I locked the door to the bathroom as I felt the warm fluid run down my arm. It hurt to a certain point but began to feel good. I was raised in a household where we were raised to be exceptions within society's expectations of us. As a human, we've all had these type of thoughts at some point in one way or another. It would be complete bull if someone said they didn't, not once, think of it. P-Goon walked over to the door and knocked.

"Hyosang! Are you alright? Hyosang?"

I didn't respond. I shook at the memory of last night. It was all hazy as I was still hungover from all of that alcohol. I pressed more on my arm to cause myself to bleed more as I laughed. It felt better than anything else in the world. I started feeling light headed as I gently layed myself down on the floor. I closed my eyes. The last thing I remembered was seeing Jin's face. He had a disappointed expression on his face, a worried one too.

I finally woke up, finding myself in bed, in my own dorm room. I sat up and winced at the feeling. I looked around and didn't hear a word or sound. I wondered if anyone was here at all. Before I got up, Jin caught me by surprise. He walked in with a cup of warm tea and sat down by my bedside, handing me the cup.

"Drink."

"And if I refuse?"

"That's your problem. Not mine."

His words were harsh but rather warm. I knew there was worry in them. I sighed and took the cup.

"Thanks..."

I drank from it and frowned. It was horrid. I've never had tea like this before.

"Jin what the hell is this?"

"Stop complaining."

"I'm not..." I looked down at the tea.

I looked back at Jin and noticed those eyes I had fallen in love with. His lips were his best feature though. How I yearned for him. I knew I couldn't get back with him. I looked down and noticed something on his hand.

"You're still wearing our promise ring?.."

"This?" he blinked as he lifted his hand up to stare at it. "Oh, you're right.." he responded coldly.

"So.... How have you been?"

"Ok I guess.." he scoffed.

He's changed in a bad way. I didn't like it one bit. This wasn't the Jin I had fallen in love with.

"So --"

"I'm seeing someone else."

"O-oh! That's... great" I looked down and sighed.

"Yeah, He's really sweet.. and cares about me, a lot."

".. I did too Jin.."

"I know but I didn't want you to get worried about me."

"I'm... ok. Whatever." I was annoyed now. 

Looking at him made me angry for some reason. I used to feel maddly in love with him but now I just wanted to beat the crap out of him. Was I jealous? Was I possibly mad at myself for breaking up at him? Or was I mad at the fact that I didn't succeed in killing myself?

"Kidoh..." he held my hand.

He knew, at that very moment. I began to cry again. He leaned in and held me tightly in his arms. I rested my head against his chest as I sobbed. P-Goon peeked into the room to make sure that everything was going alright. He smiled and walked away to leave us alone. Finally, Jin pulled away and looked into my eyes.

"Hyosang... what's been happening to you? You've changed.."

I have?

"A-ah. I'm sorry."

"For?" he smiled warmly at me.

"For... this" I lifted his chin up and kissed him.

His eyes widened. At that moment, I knew I was going to be slapped. I didn't care anymore. I wanted him to remember that I was his first and that I'll always love and favor him no matter what. Thing is, he didn't slap me. He kissed back. He was with someone and didn't bother to pull away. He kept kissing me until we both pulled away. I looked into his eyes and held his hand with the ring in it into both of my own hands.

"Don't lose the ring..."

"I won't. I promise."

With that, Jin got up and left. I sighed and layed back down happily. It felt nice to finally feel something again. Eventually, P-Goon came in and looked over at me. He seemed to be worried too but he appeared to be worried about something else. I didn't know exactly what he was worried about. I wanted to say something but HoJoon and B-Joo rolled right in. Literally. They were both strangling each other playfully, arguing about who the 'better-ulzzang' was. We all knew and stated that both B-Joo and HoJoon looked japanese sometimes and that they could easily pass as Ulzzangs due to how they'd dress and look. I shook my head and P-Goon finally broke them up. He finally told them to just hold a fan vote on our fancafe and see who was the better ulzzang. We both knew the fan votes would simply turn it into a tie, again. We've tried it before and didn't tell them about it and the results always ended up in ties. Some people even commented saying why Hansol and Xero weren't in the polls. I closed my eyes and decided to sleep. Morning came along and I woke up, finding myself covered in sweat. I felt my forehead and felt really hot. I had caught the flu. All the members covered their mouths when they would come in to check on me. I sighed. I felt like I was dying, or more like God was punishing me. The only reason I broke up with Jin was ----

I couldn't accept it. Not yet. It was too hard on me to even tell anyone. Finally, the youngest, Yano came into my room and removed his mask. He was the most loving member of all. He cared about each and every one of us a lot. He put a cold wet cloth on my forehead and pouted cutely.

"Hyungnim? Why did you break up with Jin? I know that's what's been 'killing' you.."

I sighed. He was right. I looked at him and smiled gently.

"I haven't told anyone why yet.. promise to keep it a secret?"

"I promise!" he smiled and held up his pinky and locked it with mine.

"The reason I broke up with Jin was because I ---- "