We need to find you a donor in this really short time, which I’m afraid, is kind of impossible seeing the queue for itself is long ... but we can still try. Aside from that, we need to perform another scans to verify the size of your lungs and the ...

Hyosung squeezed her eyes tightly and shook her head, as if by doing so it’ll stop the words from entering her thoughts again. With shaky fingers, she ran them through her hair and took a deep breath. Dr. Ga-Eul asked her to do self research on her condition so that she'll be more aware of what was happening with her body, but she ignored it. What good will it brings anyway. There’s nothing she could do now aside from accepting what fate had given her.

As she stood beneath the summer sun at her hideout, she tucked her hair behind her ear, and just stared at what’s happening around the lake. Birds and ducks were making cheerful happy noises contrary to what she was feeling right then, and from a far she could see people across the lake enjoying their picnic basking under the warm summer heat – she marvelled at their normalcy. It’s as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

As if she’s not going to die soon.

Her legs were shaking so badly, it gave away and Hyosung fell knees first to the ground, too weak to stand up right at the thought of dying. Dying – Head lowered, she put her face into her hands; she had never felt so scared and alone right then. Why are all this happening to her? Was she a bad person in her previous life? Her mind suddenly flashed dozens of different images: the faces that she might leave behind if this disease consume her, and it was too much to bear. She bit her hand to stop the sudden deep sob from escaping and blinked away the tears that started to sting her eyes but failed. Her sob grew louder by the moment and it came out louder than expected, so she bit her hand harder not caring if it hurt ... because she was already hurting physically and emotionally. What difference does it make?

Suddenly, she felt arms slipping around her and pulled her closer to it. Even in her messed up state, she could still recognized who it belonged to and she sobbed harder. felt as thick and stick as paste, and she turned away, willing the tears not to flow harder and wrenched herself out of his arms.

“What are you doing here?” Restraining her sobs, she stood up and backed away from Kikwang, who had a pained expression on his face as if hurt from her action. Like she cared, for now, as she wiped her tear-stained face roughly, “Leave. I want to be alone. Please...”

“I’m sorry ...” He said gently, slowly approaching her with small steps. She backed away even further. “Please, forgive me. I’m really sorry ...”

“Being sorry doesn’t change a thing, does it?” she said. Though she could feel the sharpness in her tone, she couldn’t help it. She turned her back towards him. “Just leave, please ...”

“Hyosung-ah ...”

“Leave!” Her heart suddenly felt like it’ll explode. “I don’t need this right now! You’re just making it worse. Leave!”

“I’m not leaving. Not again.” He said even more gently, and it saddened him to see her being in such a distraught state. “Please ...”

Kikwang moved forward in an instant and took her back into his arms gently, but it seemed like it was the last thing she wanted because she kept on struggling to break free from him. When he didn’t let go, she turned around and pounded his chest.

“Let me go! I can handle this alone! I don’t need you! Let me go!”

But still he held her, and when she realized he wasn’t going to let go, she finally collapsed into him. And for a long time, she let him hold her as she cried until no there’s more tears to cry on. He whispered her words of apologies over and over again in the midst of her crying, and she hugged him back as an acceptance. The slow rhythm of him rocking her back and forth lulled Hyosung to sleep in his arms after much crying, probably due to being too exhausted, and his humming helped.

Sitting on the ground, he held her close to him and realized how very thin and fragile her body was then and her skin was so pale it was almost a lighter hue of gray. He was so dumbstruck upon receiving a call from Dr. Ga-Eul that morning when he was about to make his move to meet Hyosung – the cancer had advance to her entire left lung, and how they needed a donor fast before it is too late. He felt like the world was spinning twice the speed when she emphasized on being too late.

“Hyosung-ah, can you ever forgive me for neglecting you? I’m so sorry ...” He kissed her hair softly, his lips trembled from trying to stop the sob from escaping. He was startled when Hyosung suddenly sat up from his lap and faced him, her eyes were swollen from crying and she gave him a weak smile as she linked her fingers with him.

“Kikwang-ah, it's okay. I’m really sorry too. I’m sorry you had to find out like that.” She squeezed their entwined fingers and look at it, “Can you forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you, why wouldn’t ...” Hyosung shushed him with her finger on his lips and she brought his hands to her lips and kissed it tenderly as one tear escaped from her eyes.

“That’s all I need to hear. Thank you,” she sniffled. She leaned towards him, letting him encircled his hands around her as hers were around him, and rested her head upon his shoulder. He kissed her shoulder and it was then she began to choke on her words. “I know this hard for you, I’m really sorry it frightened you as well. But I have something to tell you, and I’m sorry if it’ll break your heart further. M-My c-cancer ...”

“I know. Yes, I know. Stop saying sorry, this is not your fault, okay?” It was Kikwang turn to shush her up, and he tightened his embrace on her. His throat began to tighten again too as he took a deep breath. “I know this is a lot harder for you, and I know you’re far more frightened about it than the rest of us. Stop being so brave, Hyosung-ah. Whatever that will happen, I swear I’ll always be here by your side, always. If there’s anything I can do to take the pain away from you, I would. We’ll face this together, all right? No more secrecy. Lean on me, for once.”

“I love you, Jeon Hyosung.” Having him said those words, she felt all the pent-up emotion burst to the surface, overwhelming her fragile composure and she began to cry. She buried her face in his shoulder as he held her, thinking how much she needed him so badly to be here for her right then. His presence was what kept her fighting against what she was facing all this while. “I love you too, Lee Kikwang.” She whispered in hiccups.

They stayed that way until Hyosung pulled herself from him and stared into his eyes. “I need to break this to the girls.” Kikwang gave her a sad kind of smile and took her hands and they made their way to his car, already bracing themselves on what to expect from it.

“Secret’s activities will go on as usual with the exception of me being there, so don’t worry. I’ll be on hiatus until further notice. Again, I’m really sorry to everyone who’ll be troubled with this problem of mine. My fans, my family and my fellow friends ... I’m really sorry. Please do pray for my recovery, everyone. Thank you and goodnight.”

They watched as Hyosung bowed again to the press, before she braved through the mass amount of reporters and exited the room accompanied by her manager as camera flashes flashed about before the screen went blank. Doojoon switched off the television, and they all had the same expression pasted on their faces – dumbfounded, shocked. Not long after that, the girls cried while the boys hung their heads in disbelief.

“My poor baby girl.” G.Na kept repeating it while sobbing and she had to lean to Gayoon for support to keep herself from falling. Kikwang sat in his seat unmoving, still trying to make sense of everything that had happened. He fought the urge to cry when they all stared at him, as if expecting answers what they should do and all he could do was shrugged helplessly. He was lost too.

“Hyung, I’m really sorry. We hope we can do something about this ...” Dongwoon’s voice was full of sympathy as the rest of them took seats next to him. Kikwang shook him head, and a tear leaked from his eyes, he patted Dongwoon and faced them calmly even if he was on the verge of breaking down.

“Let’s pray for her.”

Hyosung was admitted to the hospital instantly after the press conference as Dr. Ga-Eul insisted they should perform the chemotherapy as soon as possible, already worried about the cancer cells spreading elsewhere. It was way past midnight but Hyosung couldn’t sleep. Sunhwa and JiEun were already snoring on the couch while Zinger was at her side, head propped against the chair facing the ceiling. Hyosung sighed at the sight; they didn’t want to go home, but chose to accompany her instead when she told them her sisters will be here anytime soon. Even her manager was there.

“Aren’t you afraid, unnie?” Zinger suddenly said, giving Hyosung a momentarily fright. Zinger pulled her chair closer to Hyosung and held on to Hyosung’s hand, squeezing it as she continued on, as if she had been contemplating it for a while now. Tears already formed in her eyes. “I know this sounds inappropriate, but why is God torturing you like this? You deserve a better life than this. This is so unfair. He’s too cruel to do this to you.”

“Ha Na, don’t say that.”

“It’s not fair, okay? Why you, of all people? Why ...?”

Hyosung shifted closer and hugged Zinger, who was trying hard to contain her tears when she hugged her back. Hyosung held her as she started sobbing, rocking their bodies softly as she murmured her soothing words, to pacify herself as well. She felt herself being hugged, only to realize it was SunHwa, JiEun and their manager who seemed to be awakened in a sudden. She heard them sniffling, which made it harder for her not to cry then, so they all cried silently in the dim darkness of the hospital room.

“Life is full of challenges, and it happens so that this is one of mine. All I can do now is, be strong to face this and I hope you guys are too because ... all of you are one of my sources of energy that keep me going. Let’s not blame Him for whatever is happening, and just pray for the best. My believe in Him haven’t waver one bit, so I hope you guys won’t too.” She took a shaky deep breath and smiled. “Maybe God have better plans for me, and I need to be tested first before I can have it. Who knows.”

I wish.

Hyosung sat on the bench at the hospital’s garden, and took in a deep breath. The morning air felt so fresh, and it felt nice to be outside of the confined room. It depressed her to be stuck there all the time. How time passed by so quickly. It’s already in the middle of Autumn with the weather started to get chilly and the leaves were already falling off the trees. Pulling her sweater closer, she shuddered at the sudden intense cold on her skin.

“Okay, let’s eat before we start exercising. Look what I brought you.” Kikwang let Hyosung sniff the porridge and put it down before taking out a dozen more of other side dishes from the bag when he sat down next to her. “I cooked this all by myself, you know. Well with the help of Fei noona though, but I did most of the cooking. I swear. Okay, say aaa.”

Kikwang took half a spoonful of the chicken porridge and feed her, and he was delighted to see her eating it happily. Hyosung’s weight was constantly decreasing as each day passed by, her chubby cheeks slowly disappearing from her face and her skin was starting to take on a slightly grayish tint. Despite all that, she still looked beautiful when she smiled at him as she chewed on the food, as if everything was normal when it doesn’t. He knew her taste bud would be whacked as for now; she couldn’t taste a thing after going through chemotherapy, which she underwent three times since she was admitted. Her beautiful thick hair was thinning too, he knew it upset her but she never show it to anyone including him, being valiant like she was. It upset him when she did hat. She got tired easily too, effects from the drugs that was injected in her body, but Dr. Ga-Eul advised her to do a little exercise to keep her body healthy and for it not to give in to cancer.

She had been staying here for weeks because they need to keep a close monitor on her, just in case something happened, and Kikwang have been by her side every day since then. He would instantly drop by after he finished his schedule, even if Hyosung insisted he shouldn’t be seeing how busy he was. He didn’t care because he’ll forget about his own fatigue whenever he saw her. The hospital was like his second home; thank goodness they let him stayed there overnight whenever he came for a late visit.

“Baby, thank you for everything.” She squeezed their entwined fingers weakly as she lay on her bed after they finished their daily walk around the garden. She placed her other hand on his cheeks, and he leaned into it, “Get some rest later, okay? I feel bad that you have to be here all the time. I mean it. You’re starting to look like a panda with that dark circles.”

“Okay, okay. I will. Don’t worry about me. I’m Hercules, remember?” He wiggled his eyebrows, causing her to laugh and she pinched his cheek playfully. He loved the fact that all the problems between them had been resolved, because he couldn’t bear to go on a day not to see her smile like this. Just then, the door opened wide and noises could be heard. He sighed. “Ah, there goes our peaceful moments.”

“Hyosung-ah, annyeong!”

“Onnie, annyeong! Yah, give that back to me! I bought those!”

“But I picked it, so it’s mine! Move over, midget.”

“No way, it’s my money so it’s mine. Hand it over!”

“Yah, you two! Do you want to get us kicked out again? Keep it down, for goodness sake. Give that to me. Ergh,” G.Na stared at Joon and Min angrily, smacking them both on the head, took the basket of fruits from Joon and walked over to Hyosung’s side. She quickly composed herself and smiled. “Hi honey, how’re you feeling? Better?”

They were all smiles when they came to visit her, but beneath those smiles were sadness. Kikwang knew, because he was too. They promised each other not to be sad when they visit Hyosung, because they didn't want to depress her. It'll affect her recovery process, said Dr. Ga-Eul. Prentending to be happy was hell when your loved one is suffering. It was a good thing Hyosung was placed in a single room; people had been coming to visit her non-stop ever since the press conference. Their fellow celebrity friends included, which was also another problem – the hospital was buzzed with reporters trying to get a glimpse of those who came and visited her, causing the hospital to be in a momentarily havoc as they tried to keep them away. She was so thankful to her boss and some of the other managers for hiring securities there for crowd control, but at the same time she felt guilty as well for troubling them. She did mention a few times that she wanted to get treatment at home, but was greatly opposed by Dr. Ga-Eul, afraid it’ll affect her health progress. Whatever more, they still couldn’t find a donor which upset Hyosung more.

A couple of days later, the temperature warmed up slightly, so Kikwang decided to take Hyosung out for a little sight seeing. After convincing and pleading Dr. Ga-Eul for hours, she finally agreed to let Kikwang take Hyosung out, seeing how badly he wanted to. Don’t tire her out, that was the stern warning Dr. Ga-Eul gave him and he happily agreed to it.

He had always wanted to take her hiking at Ingwangsan, but never got the opportunity to. Ingwangsan looms above downtown Seoul and it was one of Korea’s sacred mountains where it is the centre of folk-religious tradition and active centre of Shahmanism. A hike up to Ingwangsan, people are able to witness spectacular natural beauty since ancient times and if they’re at the top, they could also witness the glory of sunsets and sunrises. He wanted to show her all the wonderful things, something he knew she would want to see. He was so pleased to see how delighted she was when he told her about it.

Hyosung was bundled up heavily as she got cold fast, and they walked slowly at first as they walked up the hill, savouring the beauty of the nature and marvelling all the historical monuments there. As the gradient grew steeper, Kikwang insisted to carry her on his back even when she protested strongly saying how she was heavy and she would break his back but after much persuasion, she eventually gave in. She was as light as a stick.  Who was she kidding?

They reached the top in an hour time, stopping once in a while on their way up, marvelling the view from there. Hyosung kept on insisting that he put her down, embarrassed from the looks people were giving them, saying how they must have thought she was a spoilt girlfriend but Kikwang just laughed it off and continued on hiking up.

They sat on the bench at the edge of the mountain as the evening descended and at exactly the same moment, the sun was about to set in the opposite direction, turning the sky red and orange and yellow – it was such an amazing sight. The sun continued to sink further, casting its glow as far as the eye could see before finally vanishing itself behind the horizon. They sat in silence, embraced in each other’s arm as they witness the glory of God’s creation unravelled before their eyes. The moon rose to the sky slowly, joining itself amongst the billions and zillions of twinkling little stars that painted the night sky.

“I’m glad Dr. Ga-Eul agreed to let me bring you here. Everything is so beautiful.” Kikwang whispered softly in Hyosung’s hair as he tightened his arm around her, his heart was so content he felt like it’ll burst any moment soon. “What we just witnessed just now ... that. That is exactly how I feel about you. I really love you, Jeon Hyosung. You're the best thing that have ever appear in my life. I love you, so much.”

Hyosung who was watching everything in silence, raised her head from his shoulder and turn to face him. She stared at him with tears b in her eyes, the most beautiful smile slowly appearing on her face and she leaned over with both her hands on the sides of his face and she kissed his forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks, and finally a gentle kiss on his lips. “I love you too, Lee Kikwang, with all my heart.”

They stayed there until the next morning and got the chance to witness a beautiful sunrise in each other’s arms, he felt like he was the happiest man alive right then. He was scolded badly by Dr. Ga-Eul when they arrived at the hospital not long after for not bringing Hyosung back last night, but he was too overjoyed that he didn't care. It was worth it.

I'm so sad ... because this story is coming to an end soon. *cries. Anyway, might do another ... let say, three chapters before I end this, and prepare for the alternate ending. So, do anticipate for it! Sorry it took me such a long time to update!

Thank you for reading, my super gorgeous handsome lovely readers!

Without you, my fic will be nothing.

*hugs.