She swore she could hear the sound echoed throughout the hallway if her heart beat any louder, and for that few seconds ... she felt whole again to be in his arms. But then his grip loosened way too soon, shattering her tiny bubble of happiness and she was brought back to reality as he stepped away from her.

“I’m sorry,” Kikwang said, not even glancing at her, as he bowed to Uncle Hong. “Annyeong, Hong-hyung.”

“Oh, Kikwang-gun. What are you doing here? Oh, what am I talking about?” Uncle Hong burst into small laughter, “Of course. I’m sorry, I forgot. I’ll leave you two be, okay?”

“Anya, I’m not staying. I actually have something urgent to discuss with you, that’s why I’m here. Erm, Hyosung-ah, can you excuse us please?” Hyosung was startled when he called out her name, he sounded so indifferent and cold. As if they were strangers. It wrenched her heart to be treated that way. He still hadn’t forgive her, it seemed. It killed her to know how awkward the situation was right then.

“Hyosung-ah, are you ready?” They were all surprised when Joon suddenly appeared at her side and seized her wrist, he then bowed to Uncle Hong. “I’m sorry, but we have to get going. President-nim and Kikwang-shi, annyeong. Hyosung, let’s go. They’re waiting.”

Joon pulled her away and immediately rushed them to the elevator, leaving Kikwang and Uncle Hong to stare after them. Joon’s grip on her wrist didn’t budge even when they’ve entered the elevator, and the next second she found herself in Joon’s embrace. Startled as she was, she just let him be and closed her eyes as she felt tears gathered at the back of .

“It hurts ...” The tears rushed up, and her words came out in a surprising high-pitched sound she barely recognized. A wall of glass broke in her chest, a wall she didn’t realize she built and put up for so long. “It really hurts ...”

Joon held her closer to him. She was pressed so close to Joon she felt his heart like a small throbbing pressure against her chest. His hands rubbed her back. He didn’t say, Stop crying, everything’s going to be okay, which is the automatic response people would usually say when they want to shush you up. Not Joon. He always know what to say to sooth her. He said, “I know it does. Let it out. Just let it out. I’m here.”

So she did. With her face pressed against his shirt, it seemed like she drew up all the pain and hurled it into his chest, heaved it with the force of , and he didn’t even flinch. Her tears soaked through his shirt; he was like a sponge, absorbing what she couldn’t hold anymore. She let him rocked her in his embrace until her crying wound down before she pulled back and looked at him, dazed by the force of what had just erupted. You failed, Hyosung. Didn’t you just made promise not to cry anymore? Stop it!

“Better?” Joon pinched her nose and smiled a sad kind of smile, and he wiped her tear-stained face. She nodded, suddenly aware of how close they were and she stood there awkwardly. Better, and guilty. Guilty, for being selfish despite knowing how he felt for her, and yet she would still yearn for his presence when she felt down. Guilty, for making him her pillar of strength and he didn’t even care whether she would love him like he love her. Joon should not be here, he shouldn’t be her Joon, when she belonged to someone else.

A new sob broke from her chest. She was hurting everyone lately, she didn’t know why it was hitting her so hard now. She was selfish, she was hurtful. She tortured the ones she loved. She felt the pain; pain for feeling pain over Joon. Pain for hurting Kikwang, too. And here she was, crying about it, not making anything productive to make it right. She wiped the last of her tears away with shaky fingers.

Andwae, Hyosung. They should never see you shed another tear now. There would be no more tears.

No more.

It’s the peculiar nature of the world to go on spinning no matter what sort of heartbreak is happening. Kikwang sat there on the apartment’s rooftop and stared into the air, into nothing, like he had been for the past hours. The sun had fallen beneath the horizon, the city sky was black now instead of reddish orange.

He watched the colourful city lights blinking from where he stood, he sighed heavily before taking another puff from his cigarette. It had been a while since he last smoke; he did stopped smoking when they got back together, she persuaded him to when she found out.

“Kikwang-ah, can you promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Can you please stop smoking?”

“Ah ... I’m trying to. It’s really hard once you’re an addict, you know.”

“I know, I’ve heard about it. But, it’s not good for your health Kikwang-ah. I don’t want you to suffer in the later days, oh? Please?”

“I’m trying, believe me. It’s really hard.”

“I’ll help in whatever ways I can. Let’s do this together, okay?”

“Arasso. For you, kittee, I will. Okay?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Promise. He smirked at the thought. It’s true wasn’t it, when people say promises were meant to be broken. She promised him there won’t be any secrets between them, he promised her not to lay his hand on any cigarette. Look what they both are doing now? He sighed heavily and ruffled his hair in distress. But as angry as he was at her, he can never bring himself to prolong the moment. He would always have a soft spot for her. He had come to his senses that she might not meant to keep this from him but when he thought about Joon knowing this before he did ... it hurt like hell, no kidding. It was as if she robbed away a part of his sanity for doing that. Is Joon more important to her now, not him? He wanted to scream, to keen in misery but he locked his lips and hunched in the dim darkness, holding the pain inside.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Kikwang was startled when he heard a voice behind him. He turned to see Joon standing by the door, smiling a smile that didn’t reach his eyes like it always did. Speak of the devil. Kikwang immediately felt his body tensed as Joon made his way to him, and propped down not far away. “I didn’t know you smoke?” Kikwang just shrugged to his question, annoyed with his presence as he took one last puff and threw it aside. A flood of silence filled the air as they both said nothing, busy contemplating with their own thought. And for once, he suddenly felt tired – tired with all that happened, tired of being angry, tired of avoiding everyone. He felt so very tired.

“How are you doing?” Joon asked, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know.” Kikwang continued to gaze into the empty starless night sky, his voice slowly cracking and once again tears stung his eyes. Damn it. “The person whom I treasured the most is suffering from cancer. How do you think I’m doing?”

“I know,” Joon said gently at first before he tensed up. “You’re not alone in this. We all feel the pain, okay? Please don’t act like this, Kikwang-ah. She needs you, and you’re hurting her if you continue on like this. Have you forgotten? The doctor warned not to stress Hyosung any further, it’ll affect her recovery. Stop it, jebal.”

“She needs me?” He mocked upon hearing it. “If she needs me, she would come to me in the first place and tell me about this. But did she? No, she didn’t. She went around to tell others instead of me. She went to you instead of me! What part of “she needs me” is that? I’m the one who’s supposed to be hurt here!”

Before he knew it, Joon slammed his fist onto his face and the impact caused him to hurl to the ground. He out for a second before he felt a weight atop of him, and another slam hit his face. He swore he could see stars, and the coppery tang of blood in his mouth. “YOU SELFISH JERK!” Before Joon could give him another blow, Kikwang quickly reared back and slammed his forehead against him. He rolled himself off whilst Joon was struggling in pain and rose quickly up, spitting out the blood from his mouth. He screamed in anguish as he charged at Joon and wrapped his arms around him, locking them and lifting, using the momentum to drive Joon back – he was slammed onto his back, and he could hear Joon’s scream of pain.

Kikwang brought his full weight down on top of Joon and hit him again, giving in to the rage as he unleashed his fury, before Joon drove his knees upward onto his stomach that caused him to reel backward against the wall. Out of breathe, he could see Joon rose and rushed to him with his fist aiming for his face. Suddenly he was tired, too tired, so he covered his face with his hands and braced for the impact with eyes shut tight. Strange, he didn’t feel any new pain aside from previous ones. He cracked one eye opened only to see Joon on his knees, slamming his fist on to the floor and screamed his lungs out in frustration. Then they both sat unmoving, until their breathing were regular again.

“Look, I’m not here so that we can fight. No. This is not about us to begin with. So shut up and just listen to me, please,” Joon continued on before Kikwang could cut in, his voice cracking, “What she did was selfish, and she hurts you and all of us even if she didn’t intend to. It’s not fair isn’t it? But come to think of it, is it even fair that she of all people ... was the one who suffered from this? Our sweet, bubbly, innocent Jun Hyosung – lost precious loved ones, who had faced so many disappointments in life one after another. I thought by now she should finally achieve her happiness, but look what came crashing down? Cancer. She’s suffering from cancer, Kikwang-ah. Has that not get through your thick skull? I know you feel betrayed with what she did but I think by now, you of all people should know her better. You should know she will always put other people’s interest first before hers – just like what she did with this. I’m sure she didn’t want us to find out like this either. She’s suffering more than you and I both suffer in total, so please. Out of all people, you know she needs you the most. Especially at times like this. I don’t want you to regret for doing this.”

Kikwang tried to explain but words failed him – Joon was right, he had been all along. Anger rocked through him like the whiplash after a heavy punch. He was mad – at himself. He was mad because he knew it all along but his anger and ego forbade him from doing what he should’ve been doing – be by her side. It was his turn now to let out a scream full of anguish, and regrets too perhaps.

“Kikwang-ah,” Joon murmured, suddenly beside him. He stared down at him with nothing but concern in his eyes, and patted him on the back. “It’s not too late. She is still waiting for you.”

By now his nose was running along with his eyes, smearing the blood on his cheeks and he stared back at Joon with mutual understanding. He should go see her now.

Hyosung lay facedown across her bed, tired. She could sense her body weakening as each day passed by; everything she did required twice of her energy to perform – even her passion for dancing. She couldn’t even dance ten steps without having to catch up with her breath and it upset her. Her dry coughs had become pretty regular too despite all the medicines she had to take to ease the pain. A day after she was discharged, she right away continued on with their schedule despite the heavy opposition from those around her, afraid it’ll affect her health. She appreciated their concern but she didn’t want to appear weak or be weak, she needed to fight off this disease and not doing anything would only make it worse – to her.

But how right they were. While doing rehearsal for the upcoming event, she suddenly felt a sharp, stabbing pain and doubled over, causing a sudden commotion amongst the staffs. They didn’t know, no one did aside from those who came to the hospital, and she pleaded them not to spill a thing. She felt like it’s not the time yet. Body trembling, she braced herself and wait for the pain to recede as the pain killer do it wonders.  And here she lay in her room after being told to get a rest from the show PD, concerned she might faint there.

Sighing, she rolled on to her side and reached for her phone – wrong move. Picture of Kikwang and her popped on the screen as soon as the backlights came around, and it upset her even further. She still couldn’t forget the indifferent look he shot her back in the hospital, and she was engulfed in sadness instantly. She felt a tightness in the back of as tear threatened to break, but she held it back, remembering the vow she made. Andwae Hyosung-ah, chin up. Don’t!

She was too caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t realize her phone had been shrilling beside her. She picked it up instantly, and Dr Ga-Eul voice could be heard at the other line and she sounded upset. No, not upset. She could sense fear in her voice. Hyosung immediately sat up and walked to the window as she listened intently as Dr. Ga-Eul explained further about her recent discovery on her tumour.

She was speechless when Dr. Ga-Eul broke the news; the tumour had spread further down to her left lungs – she needed lung transplant, fast and that was all she heard before her legs give out and she dropped down to the floor along with her phone, muted. Lung transplant. Cancer spread. Surgery. Everything was so messed and jumbled up in her mind, she felt it’ll explode any moment soon.

For the first time in her life, Hyosung felt totally hopeless.

Okay, that took forever to be updated. I'm sorry, my fellow readers. Thank you, especially iitadakimassu, for always being so supportive! ^^

Not forgetting the rest of my loyal readers as well. Love you, chingu!

<3