Cancer. She had lung cancer.

The moment the doctor started explaining, blood drained out from his face and a sudden epiphany hit him. It was as though in that brief moment, everything suddenly stopped and he understood everything that had happened all this while. He understood why she had been feeling so tired all the time lately, and those occasional faintings. He understood now why she was suffering from those chest pains along with the terrible coughings. He understood why she seemed so eager to find time for them to spend together, even when he insisted that she should rest. He understood why she had been acting pretty weird lately. He understood.

Everything became absolutely clear.

His head hurt so much from knowing the truth it started to spin and he had to cling to Doojoon to keep from losing his balance by the time Doctor Ga-Eul finished her explanations. All of the members were there – Secret, B2ST, Miss A, Infinite, 4Minute, G.Na, MBLAQ. They had to be ushered to a private room to be kept away from prying eyes, gathering of such a large star studded crowd was too conspicuous. Everybody who was there listened in silent disbelief at the words they just heard, as if they were waiting for the doctor to laugh and said it was a horrible joke. Then the wailing began.

They waited there for hours before they could finally see her, who was still unconcsious. He stayed behind despite Zinger offering to be at Hyosung’s side, insisting that he should rest. He wouldn’t budge, so they had to agree to let him stay while the rest of them went back. Who would’ve figured everything would end up like this? It all started when JiEun gave him a call, breaking the news to him. He couldn’t believe what she said so he came and looked for Hyosung herself last night. He needed his questions to be answered but he didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect to see her like this.

Another hour went by but Hyosung still hadn’t wake up and Kikwang was getting desperate. He kept on bugging the nurse who was in charge, asking about her condition but the response would still be the same. Be patient. It had been almost a day but Hyosung was still unconscious and they’re telling him to be patient? He swore if it wasn’t for her, he’d probably beat the staff up.

He hated hospital. Ever since he was a kid, he just hated it – the smell, the surroundings. It just gave off a sad gloomy feeling to him. Like how he is now. He stared at Hyosung, who looked smaller and frail, almost as if she’ll break to pieces if he touch her. Seeing all those tubes on her stung him and his eyes started to brim again.

“Hyosung-ah. What can I do for you?” He pleaded as he sat beside the bed and watched her for a long time, thinking how much he loved her as he held her hand close to his heart. He softly ran his fingers through her hair then onto her cheeks.  Why? Why is this happening to her? Why not someone else? Why her? Why...? Thinking about it made him choke again, and he cried silently beside her before sleep induced him.

Please wake up, Kitee.

I need you...

Her eyes fluttered open slowly to a dim-lighted unfamiliar room, with an annoying beeping sound somewhere nearby. She realized that she was laid on a soft comfortable bed — with rails. Where am I ...? A long vertical blind covered up the wall beside her as she scanned the room and finally came to conclusion where she was. Hospital.

Her hands was all twisted up with clear tubes, and something was taped under her nose which later she realised it was a breathing tube. What happened ...? She could barely recall, except falling to the floor. Groggy, she propped up slowly when a sudden groan startled her, only to find out there was someone beside her bed. She peeked down and was surprised to find who it was. Kikwang was sleeping soundly with his head laid upon his hand, their fingers entwined in between.

“Stay ...”

Startled, Hyosung held her breath when Kikwang suddenly murmured but then he groaned again before turning his head the other way. She let out a shaky breath of relief that she didn’t wake him up, and sighed. She ran her fingers through his soft baby-like hair, and placed a kiss on it.

“I’m sorry ...” Hyosung whispered as tears were threatening to drop again. She really was. She was sorry he had to find out like this. She did him no justice for not telling him earlier and it won’t surprise her if he’ll be angry at her when he wakes up later. A frown lit on her face as she thought about it as she watched him sleep. Goodness, I love you so much I just can’t bring myself to hurt you Kikwang-ah. Her heart swelled seeing him like this, even in this weakened state, she felt like protecting him from being harmed.

She sobbed silently through the night as she watched his sleeping form, before she herself fell asleep not long after.

He was awakened when the nurse came in and did some check up on Hyosung, who surprised him by being awake. Her skin looked pale, and it shocked him even further when she looked so thin and frail. Had she lost weight overnight? Despite all that, she was still beautiful. She squeezed their entwined fingers, a flash of grimace when the nurse poke a needle on her other arms but she quickly concealed it with a smile.

“Annyeong.” She greeted, smiling valiantly after they were left alone and for a mere second Kikwang felt like everything was normal again but her cough broke his thought and he frowned. He could feel his anger raising as the realization hit him. How could she still smile after what happened? He had been going from shock to denial to sadness to anger and back again all the while she was unconscious, wishing everything was just some horrible nightmare but the harsh reality would always kicked in. He was in a mess.

“Why?” He choked, brows creasing and he could feel the angry tear started to well up again. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why?!”

Hyosung didn’t look as depressed as he was, or at least that was what he thought. But then again, she had been keeping this all to herself for the past god knows how long. He was hurt by that and frightened at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” Hyosung muffled. She couldn’t even look him in the eye, the hurt and angry emotion behind it scared her. Kikwang stood up and pulled away from their entwined fingers, leaving a bare spot for her to grab — it weirdly tugged her heart.

“How could you ...? After all we’ve been through together, how could you not tell me first, Hyosung-ah? Am I not worthy enough for you to share it with me? Don’t you trust me, kittee?” He snapped, angry tears rolled down his cheeks. “Don’t I mean anything to you ...?”

“Andwae. It’s not like that, Kikwang-ah!” Hyosung replied frantically. “I just ...”

“What? Did you think keeping it all to yourself would make it any better? Is that it?” Kikwang cut her short. “Whatever happened to our promises? Don’t be a hypocrite, Hyosung-ah!”

“I’M NOT!” She snapped. “I saw how they reacted, and now YOU! No one will look me in the eye, Kikwang-ah! I don’t want ... I don’t want people to be weird around me ...”

“Including me?!”

“Especially you!” She finally broke down, sobbing hard on the bed. “I don’t need another reason to cry on ... it’s hard enough as it already is ...”

“Wha ...?” Kikwang was speechless. He couldn’t believe right then how selfish she was being, everything she said just doesn’t make sense! For the first time in his life, Kikwang was utterly at lost.

She was breathing hard by now; already weakened by her condition and now her energy seemed to drain faster due that fact. You deserve this, Hyosung-ah. Don’t be mad at him. It is your fault after all. Calm down. Her heart wrenched when she saw Kikwang crumbled to the floor, completely broke down.

“I’m sorry ... I’m so sorry,” She whispered weakly as she slid off of the bed, making her way to Kikwang. It startled her when Kikwang backed away from her reach and distance himself, not wanting to be touched. It felt as if he just stabbed her with that.

“No, I’m sorry,” He wiped away his tear stain face and stood up. “I’m sorry for being such a worthless human being for you. Goodbye.”

With that, he walked away and out the door. Not turning back even once, she didn’t even get to reply. She stood there motionless, and Hyosung was brought to the very day when he first left her, all the painful memory rushed in so fast it hurt her head. Her legs shook so badly she had no other choice but to flop down on the floor, too stunned for words. She sat there, couldn’t even remember how long it had been since he left until the nurse came in for another check up.

She was helped onto the bed, seeing that she have no will to make it on her own. That got the nurse worried as well, but she didn't care.

She was numbed.

Is this how it feels like, to have your heart broken all over again ...?

“Hyosung-ah, eat up okay? We’ll be leaving in an hour.”

Joon nudged Hyosung, who was playing around with her food. She looked up from her breakfast, which she was pondering rather than eating, and just stare at him in daze before having a small bite just so he’d be satisfied. Joon sighed heavily. She had been like that for the past three days; like a living dead — memories flashed backed in his head seeing her like this a year ago.

“Eat up, jebal.”

Joon pleaded but that only made Hyosung irritated. She pushed away her food and frowned. “Joon-ah, I’ll eat if I want to. Don’t force me, please.” She muttered. He threw Zinger a frantic look of help. Zinger smiled weakly at him and ushered him out, leaving Hyosung alone.

“Let’s just leave her be. It’s pretty useless to ask her do anything for now, you know that right?” Zinger patted Joon’s shoulder. Just then, the B2ST members and Woohyun arrived, clad completely like someone’s undercover with their thick glasses and mufflers. Kikwang was nowhere in sight, as expected because he was the main reason why Hyosung seemed to be moping for the past three days. No one knew what exactly happened between them, except they weren’t on the good term, surprisingly. They were expecting him to be the one who’d be by Hyosung’s side at times like this. They stopped outside the room and exchanged a knowing glances, while Woohyun and Dongwoo rushed inside to see Hyosung.

“How is she coping?” Doojoon asked.

“The same. I don’t know. She’s practically a zombie. I’m scared this’ll affect her before the surgery.” Joon sighed again.

“Same goes to Kikwang. He hasn’t been eating much, and all he did was dance all night long. If he gets tired, he’ll sleep IN the practice room. He wakes up, he’ll dance again. We just can’t get through him at all. It really hit him hard you know.” Hyunseung said. “I just hope they’ll solve it out soon.”

An hour later...

“I’m ready, Zinger. Sorry to keep you waiti ... oh! Uncle Hong!” Hyosung was utterly surprised to see him sitting on the couch, talking on his phone. Zinger was supposed to wait for her while she got ready, so she didn’t expect Uncle Hong to be there.

“Okay, we’ll be right there. Wait, arasso? Okay.” He ended the call and smiled up at her when she bowed at him. “Hyosung-yang, long time no see. I'm sorry for the late visit, I just got back from a meeting in Japan. Got here as soon as possible, you really got me worried back there. How are you feeling?”

“I-I’m feeling better, Uncle. I-I didn’t expect to see you here. I’m sorry to worry you,” she bowed to him again apologetically. Look what you did, Hyosungie. Instead of you alone, everyone got worried over you. Pabo! “Um, we can go now.”

“Hyosung-yang, wait. I want to talk to you. Come, sit here.” Uncle Hong patted the empty spot next to him and smiled at her. Hyosung debated whether she should, knowing where this will lead to. Confession time. She just didn’t feel like talking. Why is everyone pressing on her? She settled the mini-debate in her head and sat next to him anyway. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll help to ease this numbness she felt.

“I think you know why I’m here, right?” he asked.

“I guess so.” She replied feebly. She felt intimidated by him, not just because he’s THE boss of Cube but also because she sees him as her father figure. Since Secret were always at Cube Entertainment for recording, they eventually got close to Uncle Hong as well. And right now, it felt as if he was giving her a scolding even if he hadn’t say anything yet.

He leaned back further in the coach and sighed. “Look, I know I might not have the clear picture of what happened between you and Kikwang but I think I can roughly guess what it is.” Uncle Hong turned around and look directly at Hyosung and continued, “Hyosung-yang, why did you keep it a secret?”

Hyosung bowed her head down. “I’m sorry. I thought ...”

“You thought it’s better to not let anyone know and just suffer alone, right?” He peeked down to push her chins up so they were eye to eye. “Ah, this girl.”

She could only apologize repetitively as tears welled up and was startled when Uncle Hong pulled her towards him and embraced her. Shocked as she was, she felt ... warm. It felt nice, just like how her late father would hug her which caused her to sob even more.

“My dear child. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He said to Hyosung, his voice cracking, “It pains me to know you’re suffering like this, and it pains me more to know that I can’t do anything about it. I’m sorry ...”

Uncle Hong finally broke down into tears and Hyosung gently pat him on the back, murmuring to him that it wasn’t his fault. They talked in between all the crying. The two of them held each other for a long time as Uncle Hong sobbed until he was too exhausted to cry anymore. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, and push gently away from Uncle Hong to wipe his.

“Let’s just pray that I’ll make it through, okay? I’m not called the tough Jun Hyosung for nothing, right Uncle?” Despite her tears she laughed. “I don’t want to spend my days being depressed by this. I need to be strong, right? Help me be strong then, oh? Now, let’s stop crying.”

“What is this? I come here to console you, not the other way round.” He sighed and pulled Hyosung once more into his embrace. “You are right, my child. I promise you I’ll do my very best in whatever way to help you along with this. You have my word for it. We still have to figure out how to break this to the public though.”

Hyosung just nodded. Even thinking about it scared her. They stayed like that a while longer, Uncle Hong rocking her, and she felt like a child who’s in her father’s embrace once again. From that moment onward, Hyosung was determined not to shed a single tear because she felt it was the cause for everyone to do so as well. She needed to put up a fight against cancer, and being weak wasn’t the option. She have to.

She grabbed her GumWang as they made their way out, when she bumped hard into someone. That person grabbed hold on her before she could stumble backward, and her heart literally stops beating for a few moment upon realising who it was.

Kikwang.

Another update, which also means ... this story is coming to an end soon. *sobs.

I'm sorry if the past updates have been depressing too :(

Thank you, you for reading! I really do appreciate it!

Enjoy! <3

PS: Some of the plot sounds familiar right? It is actually! I'm a big fan of A Walk to Remember, so go figure :P