Chapter 9:

A week passed and Dongwan didn’t leave his room. Minwoo waited. He waited in front of the room but he knew that the man he was waiting, wouldn’t come out. That’s what he deserved and Minwoo knew that he should’ve stopped trying but his heart said no. His mind said no. His whole body said no. They wouldn’t let him give up on such a matter and good god he realized that of course it was like that.

“Wannie,” Minwoo murmured, leaning his back against the door that suddenly cracked open, making Minwoo fall onto his back. “Dongwan,” he said without a tone.

Dongwan stared at him coldly.

“Dongwan,” Minwoo spoke again.

“What?”

Minwoo’s body shivered and heart fluttered when Dongwan stepped over him and turned his back at him.

“I’m sorry.” The main dancer tried but Dongwan’s back receded from him as soon as he had gotten up.  “I’m sorry Wan ah,”

…

“Amy and Minwoo broke up?” Andy asked confused when Hyesung had switched on the television and the scandalous news about the break up played everywhere.

Eric nodded.

“Why?” Junjin questioned.

Eric shrugged.

“Does Dongwan know about this?” Hyesung asked.

The members in the room looked at each other quizzically. The television kept keeping voice behind them and the silence between the four clueless members thickened.

“Why would he know?” Andy suddenly broke the silence. “He hasn’t left his room since the day he came rushing back after talking with Minwoo.” He added.

Hyesung sighed.

“What is it Sungie?” Eric interrogated.

“Do you think he knows?” Hyesung directed the question towards Andy who nodded. “Me too.”

Junjin blinked his eyes. “What?” he asked.

Hyesung and Andy turned to look at the two tallest guys of Shinhwa as they said in unison, “Dongwan knows the truth.”

…

Minwoo fell down after messing up the steps he had choreographed accurately while the music kept playing behind him in a full volume. When he got to a sitting position on a floor, he covered his face with his hands and heaved a devastated sigh that managed to break the volume of the music. He hadn’t seen Dongwan since the man exited his room and stared at him so murderously that Minwoo was sure he was already dead.

Or at least the empty, just discarded body that had no path to the happy future, he once had adored.

Minwoo switched off the stereo with his remote controller and stared at his miserable face through the mirror. That face used to have the happiest smile and charismatic glare in the human kind. Now it was dark, as if Minwoo had held a secret for years, and his wrinkles were inevitable. He lifted his hand onto his face and with the index finger he fondled the wrinkles that were around his left eye.

“I’m sorry Dongwan ah,” he murmured, eyes getting teary when his phone rang. Minwoo grabbed it and didn’t even say anything when Eric’s voice reverberated.

“Have you seen the comments Amy has said about you?”

Minwoo instinctively shook his head.

“You should…this might cause a lot of trouble to Shinhwa.” Eric answered. “And Minwoo,”

The said man sneered.

“Do something to this whole Dongwan thing…” Eric commanded. “…at least try. You love him.”

Minwoo’s eyes widened.

I love him…

…

Vague and silent guitar chords tuned around the dimmed room as Dongwan moved his fingers on the strings, humming small pieces of melody, and wrote something to his notebook. He had done that for a week and a half now and honestly he had no idea which day it was or what time it was. But he didn’t care since he just didn’t want to see Minwoo right now.

Never again…

 Dongwan lifted his head up, blinked couple of times slowly as he thought of couple sentences of lyrics as he played the strings and sang, “Where can I go so that these scars in my heart can be erased? My heart tries to disguise my sorrow until it hurts.”

Moving his fingers on the guitar, he let out the next words of the lyrics, “I'm nameless so I have nothing to lose anyway, and I’m still finding my way.”  

Feeling tears on his cheeks, Dongwan stopped playing and let the guitar fall down onto the floor as he curled onto the bed and lifted his legs onto his stomach. He just wanted to die. He just wanted to disappear. He just wanted to forget everything. He just wanted to leave Shinhwa and start anew. He just wanted to be apart from Minwoo…

Although that was one of those lies too, he had to live with.

As hard as Dongwan tried, he couldn’t prevent his heart to start beating every time the picture of Minwoo entered his mind. Maybe that was just normal after something so bad. He’d forget everything and eventually feel nothing, right? Right?

Dongwan groaned into the pillow.

“Dongwan ah,” Eric whispered. “Minwoo is still in the practice room so you can come to have that late dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.” Dongwan mumbled as an answer.

“Yes, you are.” Eric said steadfast. “COME!”

That sudden yell from Eric, made Dongwan get up from the bed as he plodded towards the door and slid it open, meeting Eric’s serious eyes and absolutely fake smile. Not asking anything, Dongwan walked pass the man and entered the living room where Andy, Junjin and Hyesung were eyes glued to the TV, frowns between their foreheads.

“What are they watching?” Dongwan questioned.

“A talkshow.” Eric replied. “Amy’s the guest.”

Dongwan halted his steps.

“What?” Eric interrogated.

“Nothing,” Dongwan muttered and when he was about to get to the kitchen, he felt his blood beginning to boil.

‘I am the style that likes to share a lot of things, but he was not. Later, he started telling me things that were not true and often made up excuses, and upon seeing this, I decided to break up with him.’

“That’s a lie!” Andy shouted at the television.

“Andy, they can’t hear you.” Hyesung said calmly.

Dongwan turned his body 180 degrees towards the device that had Amy’s face parading all over, that disgusting smile all over her face. He was totally angry. He bit his inner cheeks as he walked to the computer room, sat down to the chair and started to write a reply to that conceited girl who had no idea about the real Lee Minwoo. Dongwan opened his blog page and began to write.

‘You think you would know him better than us who have been with him for 6 years? Seeing that Minwoo was making excuses, I'm sure it was because of you who was giving him a hard time. From now on, make sure to keep out any talk of Minwoo in your interviews. To talk about your ex-lover after the breakup is a very irregular behavior and foul thing to do."op on Twitter llkpop on F

Dongwan pressed the sent.

…

No one had thought that Dongwan’s post would gain public notice and therefore help Minwoo even more. Dongwan had just written the letter for Amy and her only but his eager fans had read it and then posted it to other pages and eventually it had gotten into a tabloid of some sort of gossip magazine. The witty guy of Shinhwa had become a hero. He had saved his band member from eternal sorrow by opening his mouth.

Amy had been humiliated though that hadn’t been Dongwan’s first intention.

“I can’t believe you did that,” Hyesung said touched.

“To our Minwoo,” Eric smiled proudly.

Dongwan remained silent and serious.

“Minwoo hyung will be happy when he comes back from the practice room. He’s been there a lot lately.” Andy spoke.

“Yeah,” Junjin nodded. “He’s had a pretty rough time now.”

Dongwan didn’t say anything to that since s knew what they were saying. They knew that every single one of them was in pain right now.

“Are you still angry at him?” Hyesung asked.

Dongwan glanced at him. “Yes…”

Others bowed their heads.

“But give me time. I know I’ll get over him and will forgive him when the time’s right.“ Dongwan explained. “All I need is time…just time.”

…

Minwoo heard the good news while he was in the middle of planning the choreography. He wanted to smile but something clenched his chest so tightly that he couldn’t do it. Although he was really happy that it was Dongwan who had helped him, he knew that there was no way he was going to be forgiven and if the thing he had to do was wait, he’d do that.

Even though it hurt.

So bad.

Perhaps Minwoo had told the truth about their relationship in the first place because he wanted to be as sad and hurt as Dongwan was. He was hurting everyone with his stupid and headless lies. And that’s why he was in pain now. Because he had done what he had wanted to do.

If that cost him loosing Dongwan that had to be done.

If that cost him his reputation, he had to do that.

If that cost everything Minwoo lived for and with, he had to do it.

“Haa…” the man gasped.

Minwoo took his bag and exited the room to the dark night, sensing that there was something wrong.

…

“Where is he?” Eric questioned.

Hyesung bit his thumbnail.

“He should be here already.” Andy added nervously.

“Minwoo hyung is just working too hard. He’ll come when he comes.” Junjin smiled.

Hyesung patted Andy’s thigh as the two most worried persons sat down and on and off glanced at the watch that ticked above them. Dongwan entered the living when he saw the concerned looks on his friends’ faces. He stopped next to Eric and stared at them in awe.

“What is it?” He questioned.

“Oh, nothing. We’re just waiting Minwoo hyung.” Junjin informed. “Sit down, hyung. The show starts soon.”

Dongwan frowned as he noticed the looks on the maknae and the oldest member deepening when his phone rang. Fishing it out from his pocket, Dongwan nonchalantly lifted the screen to his eyes’ level.

‘Unknown’ it said.

Pressing the ‘approve’ button, Dongwan put the gadget onto his ear and said, “Hi.”

“D-d-Dongwan,”

Dongwan’s eyes widened and heart skipped a beat.

“H-h-help m-me...”

Dongwan could feel his body getting heavier.

“Minwoo…”         

"H-h-help m-m-me..."