Chapter 4:

Dongwan stared at Minwoo as if not really believing what the man had said. Minwoo answered to his glare and was as serious as…well, as serious as you can be. Dongwan slowly felt the blood diminish from his head and make it paler as Hyesung and Eric seemed worried.

“But…but…why would I be mad at you, Minwoo-sshi?” Dongwan asked vaguely, not really knowing whether he should really hear the answer.

Minwoo crossed his arms. “Because…I was a douche.” He replied. “A huge jerk.”

“What did you do?”

Minwoo hadn’t really waited for a counter question as his eyes slightly dropped from Dongwan’s and he tried to come up with something. Luckily Andy found the time before him as he slammed his hand onto the table and screamed, “Can’t we just have a freaking breakfast without one single interrogation!?”

Everyone turned to look at the maknae, startled by the sudden yell.

“Every single morning someone interrogates another and we can’t eat in peace. Can’t we do it today and actually talk about something else than accidents, music or dancing!?” Andy continued. “All I want is to have a decent breakfast in comfortable atmosphere…thank you.” When he sat down, Minwoo bowed his head to bite his bread as he glanced at the maknae who nodded shortly and kept eating, under others timid scrutiny.

“Sorry Andy ya,” the hyungs said defeated.

…

Dongwan’s head was aching. He sat on his bed, holding his head between his hands, as he bit his lower lip and tried to growl the pain away. His fingers were rubbing his temples and his eyelids were tightly shut as he began to taste blood in his mouth and everything sort of started to spin around as he felt his whole body sinking into somewhere and, after floating in the air, he finally felt the hard ground under his feet as he valiantly opened his eyes and suddenly, he stood in front of Shinhwa’s dorm building, wearing the clothes he had had on before he out.

Dongwan moved his head around, since he pretty much didn’t see anything, until a voice made him shudder.

“Minwoo ya,” it was his voice, except that it wasn’t him, who was talking.

“What Wannie?” Minwoo questioned.

“I’m sorry.” Younger man answered. “That I’m a bother in the dance practice.” He added. “I’m very sorry.”

Minwoo angled his body so that he was able to see the man. The real Dongwan (who was watching this scene confused) gasped when his mirrored version started to cry. Minwoo’s forehead wrinkled sadly.

“Dongwan ah,” he murmured so inaudibly that the real Dongwan almost couldn’t hear it. “You’re not a bother to me.”

Mirrored Dongwan lifted his bowed head as he brokenly stared at Minwoo, who still had that frown on his forehead, and sobbed until the older man cupped his face and wiped off the tears, looking into his eyes so warmly and long that real Dongwan’s heart started to beat madly. That was not fanservice. That was not Minwoo’s duty to do that. That was something different.

“Minwoo ya,” Dongwan whispered.

“Wan ah,” Minwoo spoke steadfast. “You’re working hard. Keep doing that. You seriously aren’t bad. Don’t mind what others say, they are idiots.” He those slowly reddening cheeks, as the eye contact got more meaningful and intense. “Because if you care, your self-esteem wavers and you become sensitive and when you’re sensitive you cry, and I…I become angry when you cry.” Minwoo bit his inner cheeks and shook his head, still ogling into Dongwan’s eyes as he got closer a bit and mumbled, “And when I’m angry, I want to punch those who make you sad.”

Both of the Dongwans gasped at the same time and as if recalling this moment, the real Dongwan lifted his hand onto his chest and grasped the left side of it as he felt the heart beating rapidly under it. He closed his eyes for a second until he opened them again and watched the mirrored Dongwan and Minwoo just staring at each other. Older man the cheeks softly and the real Dongwan thought that he could feel it. Feel what he had felt then…years ago…at that bench in front of the building.

He recalled that moment.

The moment when he had fallen in love with Minwoo.

And before Dongwan could think through, he was back to his bed, headache long gone as he looked at the opposite wall and sighed.

Yes, he had fallen in love.

…

“OPPA!” Minwoo heard someone shouting and as he had thought, it was Amy. The girl ran towards him, waving her arm in the air as she smiled widely and shouted the word ‘oppa’ more than necessary. “Minwoo oppa~~~!”

The said man grinned, eyes narrowing to smaller versions as he received his girlfriend into his arms and kissed her gently onto the lips. She curled her arms around him and when they retreated, she slid her hand onto Minwoo’s and he entwined their fingers. Just walking in silence was nice as they plodded on the path of the park and moved their combined hands together. Minwoo tilted his head, flashed a smile to her and then pursed his lips as Amy halted her steps and made the man turn around.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Minwoo replied with a smile as he turned back around.

“I see something’s wrong oppa.” Amy spoke. “What is it?”

Minwoo sighed. “It’s about Dongwan.”

Amy again pulled the man around and stared at him seriously. Minwoo wasn’t afraid of that look even though he saw it a lot. Especially lately since he had begun to think of Dongwan. But there was nothing to worry about. Minwoo assured her more than enough. Amy didn’t even know about their relationship. If she had, Minwoo had been in deep .

“Why do you mind your head with that trash?” the girl snapped.

“What?” Minwoo frowned at the word ‘trash’.

“You’ve been absent lately.” Amy said dramatically. “It’s like I never see you oppa. It’s just your body.”

Minwoo cleared his throat.

“Amy,” he cut the stupid babbling. “You do realize why I’ve been absent lately, huh?”

The girl shook her head and pouted.

“Did you know…that my Dongwan lost his memory? Wait! Not entirely his memory but he forgot me. ME! For god’s sake. I’m his best friend and he forgot me! And you know what? I should be happy that he doesn’t remember me. But you know why I’m not happy?” Amy shook her head. “Because he has forgotten me!”

She bowed her head and tightened her grasp on the hand.

“And all I want now,” Minwoo said with a much calmer tone emitting his tender voice. “That he’d reminisce.”

“Why?” Amy interrogated.

“Even though I hurt him, there’re things I wouldn’t have wanted Dongwan to forget.” Minwoo responded, almost whispering even. “Never…”

…

Andy and Junjin were having fun while Hyesung and Eric were arguing about something when Dongwan exited his room and decided to see what his other members were doing. He sat down to the couch and switched on the television, trying to wake as little attention as possible. But it was difficult, especially when Eric slumped next to him and lifted his arms around his shoulders and gave him an awkward hug. Dongwan wrinkled his nose, because that was weird, but took the man’s hand into his and grinned.

“You seem much more Dongwan-like now,” The leader said, earning a raised eyebrow from the other one. “Don’t worry.” He said again. “It was a compliment.”

Dongwan laughed. “I know, Eric ah.”

“Is there any news?” Older man asked.

“No,” Dongwan lied.

“Oh,” Eric muttered.

“But I promise that if I recall anything, I’ll run to you.” Dongwan reassured, patting Eric’s shoulder.

Older man smiled widely before he jumped off the couch and ran to kitchen where Hyesung was preparing the food they had been arguing about before. Dongwan glanced at the two maknaes who were now playing jackstones (Andy of course winning) before he turned to look at the door that was being opened and the main dancer entered the foyer with his girlfriend.

Dongwan gritted his teeth as something painful hit his heart.

“I’m home,” Minwoo announced happily.

“Welcome!” Hyesung shouted from the kitchen in unison with Eric while the maknae were still focusing on the jackstones.

When the couple entered the living room, Dongwan got up from the couch and advanced the two of them hurriedly. Once he was in front of them, he bowed.

“I’m Kim Dongwan. Nice to meet you.” He said.

Amy blinked her eyes and Minwoo just looked at him.

“I’m Amy.” She introduced herself. “Minwoo oppa’s girlfriend.”

Dongwan smiled, eye wrinkles appearing, as he bowed again and asked the two to sit down. He tried to ignore the strident pain that affected his whole chest, and somehow it worked but every time Amy leaned in to kiss Minwoo and the other one lifted his hand behind her neck Dongwan had to close his eyes for couple of minutes. After doing that like three times, he felt a hand on his knee and when he slid his eyes open, Andy and Junjin were giving him weak smiles and nodding as if knowing something was wrong. But he just shoved his hand and stayed.

Because he was Kim Dongwan.

…

“Dongwan ah, you’re not a bother to me.”

Dongwan couldn’t sleep.

“Wan ah, you’re working hard. Keep doing that. You seriously aren’t bad. Don’t mind what others say, they are idiots.”

He rolled around on his bed.

“Because if you care, your self-esteem wavers and you become sensitive and when you’re sensitive you cry, and I…I become angry when you cry.”

He had sweat on his forehead and on his chest.

“And when I’m angry, I want to punch those who make you sad.”

Startled, Dongwan opened his eyes and moved up, covering his face with his palms as he kept gasping for air. There it was. The memory again. The memory he had forgotten, was no longer gone. He remembered every touch, every emotion, every single word and every single movement he did that night. He reminisced what Minwoo looked like, what he had done to make him feel better and how he had handled him in that situation. He remembered what they had worn and what had happened but what he didn’t remember was what happened after that.

Everything was blank…

Everything was cold…

Everything was unreal…

Everything felt fake…

Dongwan couldn’t turn back. He was going forward even though he didn’t want to. He had to face the facts. He had to do it. He was on an adventure now and there was no turning back.

No turning back.

He was going to retrieve everything whether he wanted it or not.