A/N: It was supposed to be two separate chapters, but i decided to merge them together. It is going to be a little disconnected in the beginning. 

Guilt: Ji Hyo's version

Looking at her Americano, she used the spoon to stir and stir again. It was only a few hours since her lover is gone, but it had felt like years. Maybe spending the last few days together the whole time was a bad idea after all, she never knew she would missed him this bad. The stirring action went on until someone called to stop her.

“Ji Hyo Unnie.” Ji Min woke her up out of her daze. “At this rate you are going, you are going to spill the coffee.”

“Ahh..” Ji Hyo was embarrassed by her action. “I was just… Trying to cool the coffee down.”

“The coffee had totally turned cold a long time ago!” Ji Min told her. “Ahh.. I missed being in love, being able to be so dazed thinking about someone.” Ji Min chuckled.

“Don’t tease me like that Ji Min Yah.” Ji Hyo told her best friend. “You had so many suitors; you just did not accept any.”

“I had not found anyone I could talk well with. Maybe you could introduce someone to me.” Ji Min teased.

The two best friends continued their conversation till Ji Hyo got busier. Ji Min was left waiting for Ji Hyo to be done so that they could have dinner together later. It was a rare opportunity since it was rare that the both of them were free for the week. By the time Ji Hyo was done, she saw Ji Min chatting with a familiar man heartily. Walking closer, she realized it was Gary who had been entertaining her.

“Gary Oppa.” Ji Hyo greeted him.” Since when you are here?”

“Since the time you were busy.” Gary told her. “I saw Ji Min being alone, so I thought I could accompany her.” It was a sweet and friendly gesture from Gary, Ji Hyo thought and she remembered how much nice Gary had been treating her ever since they knew each other. It was such a pity such a nice man was still single. At that point, a sudden thought struck her mind, Gary and her best friend were single. They seemed comfortable and happy when they were talking. She let out a devilish grin when she had something plan in her mind.

The plan that for the two ladies to have dinner somehow had changed. Ji Hyo invited Gary to join them and dragged Kwang Soo along with her. The four of them had dinner as per normal. During the dinner, Ji Hyo noticed that Gary and Ji Min were talking comfortably to each other, laughing and cheering together when they had the same thoughts in their mind. The actions she saw had solidified the plan she had in her mind. That night, she made Gary sent Ji Min home while she drove Kwang Soo. The suggestion of hers had surprised the three others but she tricked them by saying it was late and she preferred if a guy could send Ji Min home.

The next day, Ji Hyo had asked Gary if they could go to the karaoke/studio and sing their heart out and this time she wanted Ji Min to join them since she was free. With no suspicion, Gary had agreed and the three of them went to the destination. In the midst, Ji Hyo had phoned Kwang Soo to fetch her from the karaoke studio. Without the both of them knowing, she left quietly when Kwang Soo arrived and they went back to the café. A short while later, Ji Min noticed the disappearance of Ji Hyo and called her. She made yet another excuse to say that the café had an emergency and she needed to head back.

That same night, Ji Min had an alone talk with Ji Hyo when she had closed the café. “Unnie, are you trying to pair me and Gary Oppa together?” Ji Min questioned.

“Is it that obvious?” Ji Hyo asked.

“Yes.” Ji Min gave her a clean answer. “Unnie, as much as I appreciated your efforts, you should not have done that.”

“I just thought you two looked good together and it was very rare to see you get along with another guy.” Ji Hyo said.

“Unnie, that aside, you should have thought of Gary Oppa’s feelings.” Ji Min told her. “The way you acted, you are going to hurt Gary Oppa even more.”

“Maybe I should have, but he is such a nice person. I just thought you two can give each other a chance..” Ji Hyo replied and paused when she thought of Ji Min’s puzzling words. “Why would I hurt Gary Oppa?” She asked in bewilderment.

“Unnie, it’s going to be extremely hurtful for someone you like to try and push you with someone else right?” Ji Min answered. “Imagine how would you feeling if Jong Kook Oppa had tried to match make you with another guy, won’t you feel like the same way? I guessed it was difficult for Gary Oppa to see you and Jong Kook Oppa together, and now you are trying to push him with someone else, how will he feel?”

Ji Hyo was lost by Ji Min train of words. “What did you say?” Ji Hyo asked again. “Gary Oppa likes me?!” Her tone sounded like she was very surprised, this was the first time she had heard such words.

Her reaction had surprised Ji Min herself. “You mean… All along you did not know that Gary Oppa had a huge liking on you?!” Ji Hyo shook her head hard and Ji Min was astonished.”Aish, you were definitely called Mong Ji for a reason.”

“Wait Ji Min, what is going on?” Ji Hyo asked.

“Ji Hyo Unnie, Gary Oppa had liked you since the day I knew him.” Ji Min began. “Even until now, his gesture had evidently shown that this feeling had not changed. He kept his liking for you even though you were with Jong Kook Oppa right now.” Ji Min paused. “I thought you knew because it was pretty obvious.”

“I didn’t know….” Ji Hyo uttered.

“You are really Mong Ji, everyone around knew about it! We thought you knew! We still thought you handled it pretty well.” Ji Min told her. She slapped her forehead and regretted not having this conversation with her best friend earlier.

“I just thought… we were friends… And Gary Oppa had just treated me like a good friend or little sister, that’s all. I didn’t know…”

“What have I done? Maybe I should not have told you...” Ji Min covered her face, regretting all the words she had told the confused person in front of her. “But whatever it is, since you had known about it, don’t do that anymore, don’t hurt Gary’s Oppa feelings.”

“I know…” Ji Hyo felt so sorry, she felt that she might had send the wrong signal to him, considering at times they were quite close together. “If everyone had knew, how about Jong Kook?” Ji Hyo thought to herself. If like what Ji Min had said, it must have meant Jong Kook had known about it.

“Do you think… Jong Kook Oppa knows?” Ji Hyo asked her best friend.

“Jong Kook Oppa is the most observant around us, what do you think?” Ji Min questioned.

She let a sigh unknowingly thinking about the fact she just known. She reflected and wondered if she had ever given any wrong signal to Gary leading him to liking her eventually.  The worse thing she could ever expect is Jong Kook himself knew about the fact. Had she make him felt uneasy when she talked about Gary? Come to the think of it, at times when she had mentioned Gary in front of Jong Kook, she noticed Jong Kook was slightly hesitant to reply her, especially when she was gibbering about something happy that happened with Gary. The day after they had fought, she observed Jong Kook’s face was gloomy when she and Gary had stepped in together. Now she began to wonder if it was due to she and Gary went out alone instead of the fight itself. What made it worse was she went out with Gary alone just a day after they fought. What would Jong Kook had thought about her even if he did not say anything. The thought of Jong Kook not being angry or upset at her when he had known the fact made her more guilt stricken than ever. She must had hurt two people with her thoughtless actions.

“I should do something about it.” Ji Hyo uttered. That day onwards, she started acting weird and avoiding Gary as much as possible. Whenever Gary came down to the café, she would try and go somewhere else. When Gary wanted to make conversation, she shut him off by a one-word reply. The situation went on for the next few days until Gary had wanted to put a stop to Ji Hyo’s weird behavior. He called her out and wanted to talk alone but she refused saying that she had to visit her parent’s grave on that day as it was their death anniversary. He wanted to accompany her but she mentioned she preferred to go alone. He made her compromised by saying he would only need five minutes of her time and met her at the café with Kwang Soo and Lizzy’s presence.

 “Mong Ji, what wrong? What happened?” Gary asked her while she stared at her coffee, avoiding eye contact with him. She made no response to his questions. He sighed and her reaction and started talking first. “You know, you could at least nod or shake your head or at least look at me.”

Ji Hyo slowly looked up and when she saw his sincere eyes waiting for her reply, she quickly looked away. “Nothing.” She coldly told him.

“Are you going to continue act this way?’ Gary once again questioned her. He wondered what is going on with her, clearly she was trying to avoid him after the day she disappeared back to the café. But he never understood what had changed ever since. They used to be talking like normal friends and he was contented with it. He could not understand why someone he likes was doing this to him. Ji Hyo continued to keep quiet and did nothing, at times she held on to the necklace that she had mentioned to him before it was a gift from Jong Kook. When he saw her action, she quickly let go of it. That time, he could only thought of something; he shook his head at this unbelievable woman. “I think I got it. I respect your decision. I will still be around if you need me.” Gary told her and left the café.

“Im sorry Gary Oppa…” She mumbled to herself. That man still showed her unbound kindness despite her action and it made her guiltier towards him. He definitely did not deserve the treatment that she gave. She wanted to call out to him, but eventually she let him leave quietly. To her, it was probably the end of one great friendship she had. She really wanted to maintain this friendship, but it wouldn’t be fair to him. Bringing her emotion, she drove off the visit her parents’ grave.

She arrived there in heavy steps, this was the first time she had been here alone. She was used to have Joong Ki beside her to accompany her. Visiting her parents was not a pleasant one, she always got caught up the sadness she felt when she saw the two graves. She wiped off her tears that rolled down and prayed. Perhaps she needed someone beside her right now, someone to lend the shoulder on. Kwang Soo and Lizzy had to manage the café while Ji Min was busy on the day. If it was the last time, she would not have rejected Gary’s offer to accompany her just now. But after knowing his feelings, she can’t bring herself to do that. Her tears dropped even faster when the feeling of losing another friend had added on the overwhelming sadness she was already having.

 She thought of Jong Kook, she missed him. They had not been talking due to the time difference. As days passed, the missed call from Jong Kook got lesser but she presumed he was busy. She didn’t called him because she did not want to disturb him. But right now, she wished she was by his side in this moment. This was one moment she felt she needed Jong Kook by her side to feel the emptiness she felt within. Even though years had passed, she still feel the sadness as though the parents had just left her yesterday. She regretted being alone at their grave. She needed someone to talk to.  She tried Jong Kook but it ended in the voicemail as she expected. It was midnight in New York after all. She did not want to bother Kwang Soo as this timing the café was too busy. She tried to phone Ji Min but her phone was in engaged tone too. There was one last person to call but she could not call him right now because she just destroyed their friendship with her behavior. All this thought had made her felt more lost, alone and her eyes felt like waterfall.  In the end, she could only depend herself.

She gathered her strength to calm herself down. She started regulated her breathing, patted her face to stop her tears. She counted to three and left after sending her prayer; she walked out strongly and intended to leave. As she walked out in grieve, she saw a familiar person standing in front of another grave, not noticing her presence. She froze at the spot when she realized who that person was. “Why are you here?” She questioned the person in her heart. 

Guilt: Jong Kook's version

Looking at the window by the car, he thought to himself. “I am back.” He had a change of plan and decided to cut short his trip and go back to Korea early. In business point of view, this trip was fruitful. He had managed to accomplish something great for the business itself. Yet personal wise, he was bringing back an enlightenment that he only realized during the trip. This is enlightenment was supposed to be ecstatic, but he could not feel this way. Instead, he only felt the immense amount of guilt was attached with that realization.  He was supposed to be thrilled going back to Korea, considering the fact that he would be able to see someone that he was missing badly during New York. However, his heart was heavy; his anticipation was full of guilt.

Instead of going home, he made a detour and went to somewhere he avoided. He stood in front of her. He could only keep in silence. His eyes could only stare at her, he wanted to say something but he could not project his voice out anything. He closed his eyes and recollected the past few days in New York.

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The business meeting ended promptly and Jong Kook had much more spare time than he needed. He went around the street to get a gift for Ji Hyo and others. He then went to a nearby restaurant to grab and his thoughts wondered to Ji Hyo. He wondered if she was eating well, if she was missing him as much as he did. He was tempted to call her, but it was late at night in Korea and he would not want to disrupt her sleep. He started to wander around New York like it was the backyard of his house and somehow his footsteps led him to somewhere that had not cross his mind since he arrived to New York, the Empire State of Building.

Looking to the top, he pondered if it was fate that led him to face the music. He sighed and went up to the top level, telling himself he should not avoid the place. He stood at the exact same spot where he met her. Strangely, the thought in his mind was not her, but the one he was missing in Korea. His mind recalled on the first time he saw her, she was jumping around, being all excited in this foreign land that she had been anticipating to visit. However, his thoughts were only imaging Ji Hyo being by his side right now for the first time. She would be gasping while smiling to herself. Her facial expression would be blanking out while trying to appreciate the beautiful scenery in front of her.

The next day, he went for a routine morning run at the central park and remembered this was the first place he ever got to know her. But yet again, he only could think of Ji Hyo being all tired in the morning, trying to grab her dosage of coffee to perk her up. He smiled to himself thinking of Ji Hyo’s sleepy and angelic face that would be dreading to wake up in such early morning. His smile eventually disappeared when he stopped at the spot where he saw her dancing for the first time, bringing him back to reality.

Out of his planned schedule, he decided to visit the places that were once meaningful to him and her. Initially he intended to avoid all these places, to prevent seeing the upset face of his love if he was to say about his trip. To his surprise, when he arrived at those locations, he could only think of how Ji Hyo would react and how happy he would be to have Ji Hyo by his side.

“What happened? What is wrong with me?” Jong Kook thought to himself. All day and night, he had gone to different places that were important to him and her, but he felt like he was emotionally betraying her. All he could think of was the one thousand miles away from him. The looks were alike, but the way he had imaged the both of them were too distinctive. In his memories, Seong Im would be jumping around like a little kid, being excited that to with him in the location. She would be vocal about how happy she was to be by his side. Ji Hyo would instead be blanking out like her usual self but she was actually digesting and appreciating the surrounding. Ji Hyo would quietly grin to herself because she is happy but would try to be playful and deny that fact.

It was like a taboo in his heart, he could not even say out her name without having pangs of guilt hitting him. Even in his mind, he could only refer her as just… ‘her’. The amount of guilt continued to pile up when the thoughts and feeling of her that used to be deeply imprinted in his mind seemed to be fading. It was less than a year when he last stepped into New York, even when he first went back to Korea, he was still grieving and feeling his love for her. He thought of those days when he stayed in New York, at certain night, he would still drop some silent tears when he thought of her, feeling all hurt that he had lost her.

Instead, all he could think of is the memories and feelings he had for Ji Hyo. He thought of how they fell asleep together, how Ji Hyo likes to lean on him and laugh when something funny was going on. Even on the day when he was drunk due to the grieving of her passing for a year, he could not remember the sadness he felt, but he only remembered how bumped into Ji Hyo and hugged her. “What happened to all the memories, feelings of sadness and happiness that he shared with her for the past few years? Did it just disappear in a flash?” He questioned himself in his mind. In the beginning he was still so confused on the both of them because he was not able to distinct his feeling but right now, the feeling of the loss one seemed to had disappeared.

He went to the Annual Function in New York alone, like the year before. Last year, most of his friends sent their condolence for his loss and as much as his face tried to cover his sadness, most of them could tell he was distressed. Nevertheless this year, most of them could tell he was happier, he was much cheerful than the past few years. After the function, he hanged out with one of his closest friend in New York, Mikey. “Jong Kook my friend, you looked very different compared to the past.” Mikey mentioned. “You seemed happier than ever, anything happened when you were in Korea?”

“I met this girl.” Jong Kook told him. “This girl… made me different.”

“Well, I’m glad you met her.” He said. “Someone that can bring my friend from devastation to exhalation.” The both of them laughed. “You know… no offence to Seong Im, she was a good friend of mine too, but you seemed happier to be with this girl. You are beaming even without her presence, I can’t imagine what is like when she is around.”

Hearing Seong Im’s name , the confusion thought came to his mind and his expression gave it all away. Mikey started asking him and he told him everything that happened in Korea. “At least one thing I know, even though they look alike, it didn’t matter to you at all.” Mikey commented after hearing him out. “If you did, you would have looked the same as before. But right now, I see you being happier than ever. Congrats you moved on. You just found yourselves a new love of your life, you were just not admitting it.”

“A new love of my life. Is that possible?” Jong Kook thought to himself. But his friend did knock a fact into something he had not realized. “I love Song Ji Hyo, and I might even love her more than I love her.” This realization hit him with more guilt than ever.

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“I’m so sorry Seong Im…. I really am.” Jong Kook finally managed to mouth something in front of her grave. “I don’t know how, and I don’t know why. “ Since when he had forgotten his feelings for her. She was supposed to be his true love, his love of the life, the one he thought he would spend the rest of the life with. No words could ever express how remorseful he felt, he did not even understand why did he came here after so long when he could only apologized to her. He could not bring himself to ask her for forgiveness, either way it would only increase the amount of guilt to her. He continued to stand there in silence, his eyes closed, feeling sorry for the one who was lying inside. He was not sure he stood there for how long , but some time later, he gave one last bow before he decided to leave. When he turned, the amount of guilt had gone to a new high when he saw her looking flabbergasted in front of him. “Ji Hyo.” 

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In Jong Kook's part, in case you are confused, most of the 'her' are referring to Cheon Seong Im.

Im sorry this chapter is very messy and as i wrote both part at the same time. T.T Sorry if it was too confusing to understand.