LUHAN - or how to let go of the past
Over the rainbow, second star to the right and straight on till morning
LuHan was a bit shaken. After seeing Yixing yesterday, all those memories he wanted to forget resurfaced. He looked at SeHun's sleeping figure beside him and guilt crept up his spine. How could he live so peacefully when he was the one who killed Yixing's love. And on top of that SeHun was wearing JongIn's clothes. Yixing said he didn't mind and that he was glad it served. He also said that he was happy LuHan had found someone but it was all so wrong.
Yes, the captain did found the Therianthrope, but it was not in the way Yixing meant. LuHan considered though. Was it? SeHun did kind of barge in his life but the blond didn't stop him. On the contrary, he was the one who kept him. He wanted SeHun near him. Was it selfish? But the boy was an orphan and he needed someone to take care of him. That's what the blond told himself anyway.
LuHan smiled as he felt a hand grabbing his shirt and he started patting SeHun's multicolor hair. He kissed the boy's forehead and breathed in his scent. And as much as he hated himself right now, this felt really good. Everything seemed right when he was with SeHun. And LuHan finally thought he understood what Yixing felt when he was with JongIn.
Thinking of JongIn again, LuHan wanted to cry. It's been too long since he ignored his feelings. Maybe it was a good thing that SeHun came into his life and that he ran into Yixing. All he had done was leave JongIn's room the way it was and decided to never open it again. But he didn't want to throw away any of his stuff. It was a self-punishment.
For taking JongIn's life.
Yet, the second he noticed SeHun was the same size as his former first mate, he just gave the clothes to the boy. Two years of redemption, was it enough? The problem wasn't if Yixing had forgiven him. Because he did. XingXing and his big kind heart. No, the problem was, he hadn't forgiven himself. LuHan had been struggling with this ever since JongIn was gone.
SeHun let out a cute moan in his sleep and the captain decided to get up because there was just no way he could focus with the Therianthrope laying on him like that. It hadn't been a week and everything was already so messed up in his head. LuHan wasn't used to warmth, and touch, and cheerful noises on his ship.
The blond quietly got out of the bed and went to knock on JongDae's door.
"Hey, what's up?" the Korean man asked, yawning and rubbing his left eye. "It's like," he glanced at the alarm on his night stand, "5AM."
"Can I come in?" was the only answer JongDae got and he knew something was up with the captain.
He let LuHan in and the Chinese man just stood there, looking around the room.
"It's time to move on," JongDae said and LuHan finally looked at him. "Stop punishing yourself like that," he patted the blond's shoulder. "I know you've made a big step by letting SeHun in, and me, in this room, and the clothes. It's time," JongDae concluded. "It's time you let go."
LuHan stared longly at the chestnut-haired man. He knew JongDae was right. If only he could find it in his heart to, no, scratch that. Enough was enough. Yixing had forgiven him, JongDae and Cecily too, and all the others. And JongIn. And maybe the moment he let SeHun in was it. He had finally moved on. LuHan could never completely forgive himself but he had made a promise to JongIn and it was about time he kept it.
'To live will be an awfully big adventure.'
He hadn't been able because he had shut himself from the world for the past two years. But that was over now.
"JongDae," LuHan suddenly said, making the younger one look up at him. "Would you do me the honor of being my navigator?"
A smile bloomed on JongDae's face before he threw himself in his captain's arms.
"Yes!!" the chestnut-haired man chanted in victory, waking Jason that was curled into a ball on the bed. JongDae picked him up. "You heard that?" he smiled widely while the lynx-rabbit mewled angrily. "I'm your permanent roommate now."
LuHan chuckled at the scene and thought to himself that he could definitely get used to this. He had to tell the good news to SeHun. The blond rushed out the navigator's room to go to his own but stopped before the sensor could pick up his movements.
Tell SeHun what? That he could stay? He already knew that. That he kind of liked him in a way that maybe was inappropriate? Yeah right, that should keep the boy on the ship.
LuHan stepped back from the door but it opened. For SeHun.
"What time is it?" the boy asked with sleepy eyes and he was the cutest and the-
OK. Keep calm.
"Early. Go back to sleep," the blond managed to say, ignoring the strong thumping in his chest.
SeHun pouted and played nervously with his stretched sleeves, like he wanted to ask something, but LuHan ignored it and ruffled the boy's rainbow-colored hair before pushing him gently towards the bed.
This was going to be a long day.
After the awkward morning, the captain ignored everyone on the ship and sat in his chair to take the commands of the Ariadne. It took his mind off of things and relaxed the Chinese man. LuHan wanted to plan this whole Huang Farm and wedding thing but everything came back to SeHun. Every time he tried to concentrate, his thoughts somehow ended up on the boy.
Jason had join the captain on the deck for his afternoon nap and that's when LuHan realised he had skipped lunch and was still going nowhere on his planning.
So like he always did recently, the blond called JongDae for help.
"I think SeHun-ah should stay in," the Korean navigator suggested, reminding his captain what Cecily said about the hunters.
"You and me then."
It was all that needed to be said.
LuHan liked that about JongDae. He liked to play dumb but he was the smartest really. Always quick to catch up and conveniently there for anyone who needed help.
The captain met the Korean man through JunMyeon but over the years JongDae became a true friend.
A friend who was loading a gun.
"Just in case," the chestnut-haired man looked at Luhan with a hint of a smile.
He was enjoying this.
"You should too," JongDae added and this time he was smirking.
LuHan sighed but stood up nonetheless to fetch his desert eagle in the bottom drawer of his night stand.
In the room, he found SeHun on the bed, trying to read Peter Pan. The Chinese man smiled at the sight and thought he wanted to protect the boy no matter what.
"I don't understand," SeHun lowered the book. "Peter is lonely, right?"
LuHan just nodded, trying to think of a way to get his gun without having the young Therianthrope notice him.
"But if he kills the lost boys all the time," the rainbow-haired boy continued, completely oblivious, "he won't be able to make friends."
The blond thought that SeHun was just adorable, but quickly waved the thought away.
"Well," he said instead, sitting on the bed to hide the night stand in his back. "He just wants someone to play with. In a way, he's like the fairies too. He only has simple thoughts and emotions."
The boy considered a moment and lifted the book back up.
"Well, I think it's sad."
LuHan listened to SeHun while discretely slipping his desert eagle out but before he could manage to hide it in his hoodie's pocket, the silver shinning caught the Therianthrope's eye.
"What's that?" SeHun sat up to have a closer look. "Is that a gun?"
LuHan looked into his beautiful blue and grey orbs.
You're afraid and confused. I get it.
The captain spoke up before the boy could.
"Yes," he said in a calm voice. "But I don't plan on using it. It's just in case. To protect you."
LuHan insisted on the last words and SeHun put the book aside to hug the blond.
"I'm sorry."
The boy's voice cracked and LuHan knew that SeHun was trying really hard not to cry.
"It's my fault, isn't it?"
Honestly yes. It was all because of SeHun. But LuHan couldn't say that. He didn't want to say that.
"It's safer for you to stay here, for now."
LuHan added the 'for now' even though he believed there was a really small chance that the Therianthrope could ever be safe anywhere out of the ship.
The boy wanted to protest again but the Chinese man shook his head with pleading eyes.
"Stay here and don't worry." He cupped SeHun's face with both hands and kissed his forehead. "I'll be right back."
The rainbow-haired boy still seemed worried but he neither showed it nor did he try to stop LuHan.
"I trust you."
LuHan and JongDae arrived at the farm and to be honest, LuHan thought it would be bigger. Then again, he wasn't the expert on farming.
The place had two half-timbered barns and at the far end, you could see a cottage, which was propably were the Huangs lived. According to Yixing, they were five. The grandparents, the parents, and their adopted son. And LuHan assumed that it was the latter who chased SeHun down with the pitchfork.
They walked towards the first barn to meet the old man who was feeding the cows.
"Excuse me," LuHan said in a loud voice, to be sure he was heard. The old farmer greeted the two with a wide smile but soon frowned.
"I'm sorry, we are no longer in business," he started and JongDae and LuHan felt bad for the poor man.
"Yes, we know," the captain stopped Mr. Huang. "Actually, we're looking for-"
What was his name again? Huang...Zi...?
The captain didn't want to risk saying it wrong so
"We're looking for a boy with a pitchfork?" Luhan frowned at his own words because it sounded as bad said aloud as it did in his head. Maybe he should've said 'the Huang boy' or even 'your grandson', something like that.
Well, too late now. Stupid.
But the blond couldn't finish cursing himself because a tall, raven-haired boy came in.
"That would be me."
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Yes, Tao is finally here !
And please don't kill me for JongIn, I love him very much too.
And let's not forget,
--> Happy Birthday Wufan!! <--
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