Myungsoo’s

Cause i don't wanna lose you now

I'm looking right at the other half of me'

the vacancy that sat in my heart 

is a space that now you hold

show me how to fight for now

And i'll tell you, baby, it was easy coming back her to you

Once i figured it out

you were right here all along

White. Everything that I see is just white. Am I in heaven already? I can’t feel any pain inside my body. I feel at peace at last, no more pain through my head, trying to stay awake for me not to lose my conscious. I like it here. Even if I didn’t wake up again, I finally find something that’s making me happy. Something that’s making me forgets everything that I can feel at the moment. I don’t want to feel anything more.

Myungsoo…please wake up….

I heard a voice is echoing through the room while all I can see is no one. Nobody’s in there except me. The voice is familiar but I can’t figure out who’s the one that’s talking but the sound is familiar like I’ve been heard the sound for while my life. But who is it? I can’t remember who the one that’s talking is.

Please open your eyes….please…..

I heard another voice as well and it’s getting louder. The person is asking me to open my eyes. But isn’t my eyes has been opened up since before? I look around and touching my face to make sure that I open up my eyes, and it’s true that I open my eyes, I’m not sleeping. What is this person talking about?

You said you won’t leave me…..

Leave me? What is this person talking about? I’m leaving out whom? I suddenly feel warmth being shot through my body from my hand. The warmth is getting warmer and I feel at peace. Like I belong with this warmth, like I’ve been feeling this warmth for a long time. The voice is keep asking me to open my eyes, not to leave her, the person said that I had to fulfill my promise, but what is it? I can’t even remember anything.

I’m trying hard to open up my eyes, like hard but nothing comes out. Before everything is starting to get blur, the white is getting changed into black, and the pain is getting back through my body especially my head. I’m sweating hard before I feel that what I see is changed. There’s still a white wall around me, but I see someone is holding my hand hard, and her tear is rolling down on my hand.

I’m moving my hand slightly before she’s looking up at me. She’s still crying but it’s quickly being replaced by a smile carving on her hand. It’s Naeun. She’s been the one that’s asking me to opening up my eyes before; she’s the one that’s been holding my hand. It’s always been here even though I forgot about her for a moment.

“Myungsoo….” She looks at me for a while, “Can you hear me?”

“Hello, baby….” I replied her slowly. My throat is dry, the voice that I’m trying to make is sound hoarse and I rub my forehead lightly, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh my God, you’re awake, I’m not dreaming!” She’s smiling in delight before she’s wiping her tears with her thumb. I’m following her movement as I see her pressing a button beside my bed before she’s turning her head to me again. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, really….” I replied her, “How long I’ve been sleeping?”

“One week. The doctor said that you’re supposed to be awake 5 days ago, but you didn’t. I’m so scared….I thought….I thought—“

She can’t continue what she’s been talking about as she’s crying once more. She’s holding my hand and burying her head on my hand while I’m trying my best to move my hand as it feels stiff. Well, Naeun said that I’m not waking up for a week, so I guess my body feels numb as I’m not using it for a while. I’m rubbing her head lightly before she’s looking up and all I can do is giving her a weak smile, “I’m here…for now I’m here. Don’t cry.”

She’s keep crying and crying as I don’t know what to say to her. She’s already known how sick I am, how weak I am right now as I can’t protect her anymore. Even she knew that I’m not going to make it. I know my body can’t hold it any longer, even I am feeling quite a surprised when I’m awake once more. The pain that I felt before is unbearable until I can’t even speak or move my body. All I ever feel is my body losing his balance without I’m known. I feel numb and limping, and the last thing that I feel is just pain in my head and nothing more.

I feel like dying.

“Mr.Kim, you’re finally awake.”

I heard another familiar voice and it’s true that Doctor Ahn is the one who’s coming inside my room. A nurse is following him from behind before I see her checking on my IV, and my blood pressure. I just notice that I’ve got more than one machine that’s being placed beside my bed. I guess I really am in my worst state. Doctor Ahn is checking my body temperature; asking me several questions about how I feel, and if I can move my leg or not.

I’m doing slowly what he said before he nods lightly, “Well, I guess it’s nothing serious in there.” He writes down on some papers before the nurse is leaving the room. He turned back at me, “Mr.Kim, I’m telling you the truth here. What happened to you a week ago is already your critical situation. Your body will feel the pain more than that you felt before. It’s going to get worse as you don’t take your treatment. It’s going to be painful.”

I heard what he said before I nod my head slowly. So, I’m already in a critical situation right now. I know that I’m going to die soon. “If only…if only you are taking your treatment, Mr.Kim, maybe just maybe that it can reduce the pain that you felt before.”

“I’m already told you doc, I’m not taking on any treatment.”

“Why?”

“Because….” I feel a little tug on my heart before I turn my head to see Naeun is watching us carefully near the wall. She’s covering up as I know that she’s trying to surpass her tears to falling down. Seeing her looking at me in this kind of state is just killing me slowly. It’s hurting me more than this. I turned my head back, “Because I will lose my memory. And this memory is the one that’s I want to take it with me until I die.”

“But, the probability you’re going to lose your memory is low, Mr.Kim, I’m already told you that before.”

“I know, doc, but if I have to die, it’s alright.”

Doctor Ahn is leaving out a heavy sighed before he nods his head lightly. “Well, after what happened to you a week ago, I’m not going to let you leave the hospital. You have to stay in here, getting a proper treatment, and I will see if I can do something. Go on and have some rest.”

“I’m already sleeping for one week; I don’t think I can sleep any longer.”

“Just take a rest. Don’t burden your body even more. I’ll go and check you up again later.”

I nod lightly before I see him getting outside my room. I’m moving my head slowly to the side as I see Naeun is still crying, harder, before I’m gesturing her to come closer to me. I need to feel her so close to me. I need to make sure that she’s here, with me. I just need her for now, it’s just her.

She’s moving slowly towards me before I’m asking her to sit on the bed. She’s looking at me rather confused before I’m trying to move my body into a sitting position. Naeun caught me quickly before she’s helping me and adjusting the pillow behind my back. She’s quickly sitting on a bed beside me while I’m pulling her hand and I intertwined our hands together.

“Do I make you worry?” I asked her before she nods her head slowly. “I’m sorry.”

“Why you didn’t tell me any