Chapter 8

It has been two month since Junsu’s mother’s death. The Kim family experienced the hardest time ever to go through it. Changmin kept silent almost a month later, but he had been back to normal now.

Junsu couldn’t be focus for a week, but he was so lucky to have everyone in his side. The company was handled by his personal assistance and with the help of his friends; he could recover no more than a week. And what did he do during those seven days? He was accompanying his father who was still in a comma at the hospital and deal with his brother. Fortunately, everyone had gone back to normal in the sixtieth day which was today.

Junsu had his work piling up in his desk. He was very busy recently. He flied to Japan at least three times in two weeks to take care of their new branch.

“You can go,” Junsu said, still looking at the map.  Taeyeon bowed a little, and then exited the room.

Junsu opened the map and read the papers. He had to study about it before he signed it. He promised that he had tried his best, but why did his mind still couldn’t be focus? He kept thinking about ‘that’. He had to make a decision about ‘it’.

Junsu messed his hair desperately. He put his pen and leaned back. What should I do?

Flashback

“It’s getting worse, Junsu-sshi. You should have a proper treatment. You can’t be stubborn like this.” The doctor said seriously. “It involved your own life, Junsu-sshi.”

Junsu stared at the doctor hopefully. “I’ll drink the medicine?”

The doctor stared back at him deathly serious. “You know by yourselves that the medicine just endure the pain and not heal it.”

Junsu silenced. He knew it very much. It was no need to repeat it again and again.

The doctor name was Cho Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was his private doctor. He had handled Junsu for a long time. There was no doctor in this world who knew him better than Kyuhyun.

“But I can’t stay here, Dr. Kyuhyun.” Junsu persisted.

“Then it’ll get worse faster.” Kyuhyun said. “You still have a chance, Junsu-sshi. You should take the operation.”

“I want, but I can’t…” Junsu whispered. He knew that his decision was bad for him. He knew that it meant he let himself die slowly. He knew it very well.

“Have you told your family, Junsu-sshi?” The doctor asked.Junsu shot him with a usual look which meant he didn’t yet.

The doctor sighed. “You should tell them soon, if you don’t want to regret it later.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell them, but not now.” Junsu smiled bitterly. Then he stood up and bowed. “I have to go, Dr. Kyuhyun. Thank you so much.”

End of Flashback

Recently Junsu often felt pain in his left chest, especially when he had too many thoughts. So he decided to check up to his private doctor. Then the doctor gave him a very bad news.

He knew that he wasn’t healthy anymore for almost a year. He had tried everything to keep alive except one, being treated in the hospital. If he was treated in the hospital which surely wouldn’t be a short time hospitalizing, who would take care of his family? Moreover, he had been fine for months with just took the medicine regularly.

Junsu was too busy to his own thought until he didn’t realize that Yoochun was already standing by the door, looking at him. When Junsu realized it, hetook his pen and began reading the papers again awkwardly.

Yoochun walked to him and sat right in front of him. “Are you okay?”

Junsu nodded slightly. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”

Junsu looked at his best friend curiously. “Why are you doing in my office?”

Yoochun sat down right in front of Junsu. “Why? Can’t I?”

Junsu frowned and then smiled, looking at him. “It’s not like that. Yes, you can come anytime you want. It’s just that it’s not like you.”

Just after Junsu read the papers again, Yoochun cleared his throat. Junsu lifted up his face, Yoochun was looking at another direction. Junsu raised an eyebrow at his friend awkward behaviour. There must be something in his friend’s head which was bothering him.

“I saw you yesterday…”Yoochun paused. “… in the hospital.”

Junsu stunned. Just with that sentence, Junsu could figure out what this conversation about. His heart began to beat faster. He wishedthat it wasn’t mean like what he thought now.

“In the hospital, I saw you, coming out from Dr. Kyuhyun’s room.” Yoochun stared deeply at Junsu’s eyes. And he promised that he saw Junsu was holding his breath automatically.“I know it…”

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The room was filled with silence. It was the first time ever happen, when both of them met. Junsu kept looking down and refused to look at Yoochun when Yoochun was speechless. Actually Yoochun was already preparing for the worst thing he would hear, but everything seemed vanished when he truly heard it coming out from his best friend’s mouth.

“Sorry…”

That was the first word that came out from Junsu’s mouth after he told Yoochun about his disease, except the recommended treatmentthing.  Yeah, he was badly sick. The heart disease that preyed on him when he was little came back when he was adult. He had known it for long enough time. But he didn’t have the courage to tell the others.

It was the first time, Junsu told his deepest secret to others, except Hyukjae. Hyukjae, who spent almost all his time following Junsu wherever his master went, would be the hardest person for Junsu to hide the secret. That’s why he never bothered to hide it from Hyukjae. But for others, theydidn’t have to be worried about himand Junsu also didn’t want them to know it, especially people he loved the most.

Junsu didn’t want to look at Yoochun. Because just by with one glance, he could know what Yoochun thought. And he wasn’t ready yet to know it. The only reason Junsu didn’t tell them about it in the first place was because he was afraid that theywould look down on him. He wastooafraid that theywould leave him.

But now was different. It had been revealed, so Junsu didn’t bother to hide it again. Even the first thing in his mind wasn’t about this revealed disease, but how Yoochun knew about it. He perfectly hidden it for months, then why it has to be discovered this time?

“How did you know?” Junsu broke the silence.

“When I saw you left, I talked to Dr. Kyuhyun. I made him talking.”

“And did he tell you everything?” Junsu wished he didn’t.

Junsu meant ‘everything’ was really everything include the treatment thing and others. Yoochun was silent for once again. As Yoochun knew it, He nodded slightly. Junsu was frozen just by that. He really didn’t expect this.

“He told me that you didn’t tell your family yet about this. Do you?” Yoochun stared deeply into Junsu’s eyes. He couldn’t find anything, except the shock. Just by Junsu’s dark expression, Yoochun could tell that he didn’t do it yet. “Why, Junsu-yah? You should’ve done it now.”

“It’s not the right time to tell about it, Yoochun-ah.” Junsu made an excuse.

“Then, when will it be, if you always said that? I bet you even didn’t try it once.” Yoochun insisted.Even they had been friends for a long time; he still couldn’t understand all of Junsu’s way of thinking.

Junsu leaned back on his seat and looked away. “How can I tell them, Yoochun-ah? Tell me…”

He was silent for a moment. “How can I, when my father still is in comma in the hospital and my brother was just down like that? I can’t let him down again, Yoochun-ah. I just…can’t…”

Yoochun was speechless. Junsu was right. His family was in the worst condition right now. Junsucouldn’t bear to add new problem for them.He wouldn’t have heart to tell his family.

“Then, how is about the other thing? I heard that you have to be hospitalized to get a proper treatment. Why did you reject it? Think about your condition, Junsu-yah. Your family, how will they react if you get worst in the future?” Yoochun said helplessly. He knew pretty well, if Junsu had made a decision, then there would be no way to change it.

“That’s why I choose this, Yoochun-ah. My family still needs someone who can handle everything while my father is sick.”

Junsu stood up and walked near the glass wall in his room. He stood there in silence for few seconds. He could watch clearly the water fountain in front of the main building. He could watch the busy activity out there.The world was so busy, but why did he feel lonely? It was happy enough for him to can see the world working today. He didn’t wish to stand hereforever. He just wished that he could stand here for few years from now.

“And Changmin still needs his brother… Can you imagine what he will be if I won’t be there for him?” Junsu said in a low voice, almost whispered. But it was loud enough to be heard by Yoochun.

The tears wetted Junsu’s eyes. His heart shattered into pieces with each tears dripping out of his eyes. It was tears neither for happiness nor sadness. It wasn’t a regret tears either. I tell you, it was a worried tear. The tears which came out just by thinking if he would really die soon.

Yoochun felt guilty. He realized that he was too far doing this. He shouldn’t make Junsu like this. He shouldn’t let his friend down. Unknowingly, Yoochun was already walked to Junsu and hugged him. Junsu shed his tears helplesslyin Yoochun’s chest. Just like always when he had a problem.

“Take it easy, hm? I’ll give you my best support for everything. Whatever your decision will be, I’ll be here for you, okay?” Yoochun patted Junsu’s back slowly.

Yoochun hugged Junsu tightly. “You can tell me anything, Junsu-yah. Anything.”

Yoochun kept silent. His gaze was blurred. Unknowingly, the tears already came out from his eyes. He knew that Junsu just needed a support for now. He had to know that there were at least one people who would be there for him. He had to know that he wasn’t alone.

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Junsu entered the Seoul hospital. He headed to his father room. As soon as he came, the two bodyguards who secured his father room bowed to him politely. He replied it with smile, then disappeared into the room.

He walked to the left side of his father. He kissed his forehead lovely. “Good evening, dad. I come again for you.”

Junsu took a chair and sat down beside his lying father. He held his father’s hand. He didn’t know that he wanted to give his father his own strength or just the opposite. Maybe he wanted his father to give his strength to him. Today was a very bad day to him.

Usually when he came here, he would give some reassuring words to his father. He would lend his strength to his father to keep him alive. But it didn’t apply for today. Everything just was the opposite. He was the one who needed support. He was the one who needed strength to face this cruel world. He came here helplessly as a son who needed something to lean over.

“Dad, what should I do? I don’t even ing know what to do.” Junsu spilled out his feeling.

He was confused. He didn’t have a choice for his own life. If he left to the hospital, then his family would fall apart. There were too many things he couldn’t leave. And all of that wasn’t for him, but for his beloved family. Who would pay his father’s treatment costs? Who would take care of his brother? Those questions were the first reason why Junsu didn’t want to be hospitalized. He was ready to sacrifice his own selves for his family.

But then he remembered a beautiful face which belonged to Heechan, his lovely girlfriend. He loved her so much until he couldn’t bear to watch the tears coming out of that cheerful face. He couldn’t let his girlfriend crying for him. He was afraid that she would mess her life if he was really gone.

But, no matter what he thought now, he couldn’t make her feel better. He already chose his family over her. He already chose to die for his family than lived a happy life with her where his family was dying for him. He did everything just for his family. Family would always be number one in his mind. That’s why he really did everything for them.

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