Chapter 15 -   I'm Sorry for Everything 

Tok tok tok! Junsu’s secretary was knocking Junsu’s office room. Junsu made a ‘tsk’ sound and let her in. He was still reading the papers with another staff waiting him in that room. He might have a busy schedule today, but he was so excited to finish his work today so that he could go faster to the studio. He was scheduled to be on a mini concert of a music show this Friday night. Actually he was always excited whenever he had performance to make.

“Young Master, your manager called just now. He said that the recording for the music show was started faster than the schedule.” The secretary said. After receiving a nod from his boss, the secretary bowed and left.

Junsu finished the papers and soon, the staff left his room. He began to pack his things and be ready to go. When he was about to shut down his laptop, someone was knocking his door. He let the guest in, but he didn’t expect Hyukjae to be that guest. Wasn’t he supposed to be on the other branch, doing a monthly checking?

With curious eyes from Junsu, Hyukjae smiled and said. “I finished it early and immediately went here to check on you. You’re going to go to the music show?”

Junsu nodded. “Yeah, there is an urgent matter from them and the performing was rescheduled. Mine is faster than before, so I also have to be there faster.”

“Can I go with you? I’ve nothing to do ‘till tomorrow.” Hyukjae looked at his best friend with pleaded eyes. Chuckling, Junsu nodded and they left the room in a hurry.

*****

“I’m sorry, Mister. You can’t meet him of you don’t have an appointment before.” A woman employee in the lobby said to a man around his thirties. The man insisted to meet Junsu, even though he didn’t have an appointment to him before.

Suddenly the woman’s eyes focused on something else. It was Junsu and Hyukjae who showed up from the elevator and they were obviously in a hurry. The man also looked at them and somehow he looked alike beast who found their prey. He walked to them and cut their way. He was enjoyed the shock look in Junsu’s face.

“J-Joe?!” He said in a surprised tone. He didn’t expect to see him in such situation. But what more surprised him was that eyes which showed him the anger, more like furious.

“You bloody boy!” The man yelled as he brought his hands up to hit the boy.

Junsu was surprised and instinctively closed his eyes in fear. But as long as he waited, that hit never came. He shot his eyes open only to see that the man’s hand was being hold by Hyukjae. For a second, he felt thankful to that best friend of him.

“I’m sorry, Mister, you don’t hit my boss.” Hyukjae said as he let go the hand.

The man, who was called Joe, looked straight into Junsu’s eyes and Junsu knew instantly what made him act like that. Junsu stared back at Joe’s eyes and sighed.

“Hitting me wouldn’t change everything, Joe.” Junsu said, ignoring the crowd who was starting to be formed.

“But it would be a pleasant to see. You deserve it, at least, for what you did to my little sister.” Joe hissed coldly. The crowd’s whispering was loud enough to be heard. They knew at once what was going on right when Joe mentioned ‘his little sister’.

They exchanged gaze for seconds which felt hours and Junsu spread his arms in defeat all of sudden. “Then hit me as much as you like, Joe. If it satisfies you.”

“Just let him be, Hyukjae-yah.” Junsu said as he saw the protest in Hyukjae’s eyes, following by gasps from everyone. Everyone wasn’t expecting their lovely boss to be hit right in front of their eyes.

Joe wanted so badly to hit that boy, but it was before he stared at that pure brown eyes. Somehow he felt that the boy was also suffering after the separation. He just had a feeling that he wasn’t doing something right when he really hit that boy.

Since Joe did nothing, Junsu concluded that he was calming down. Then Junsu stared at the older deeply, letting the older to know what he was feeling. “I’m sorry for everything, Joe… for hurting her.”

Junsu looked away for seconds, before looked back at those curious eyes again. He knew the older was curious to death about that separation. Because all the older knew that everything was okay just before the separation. Not just him, but everyone should be the same.

“You can hate me, Joe, as much as you like, because I know I deserve it.” Junsu said the last sentence in a lower tone. “I’m very sorry, Joe.”

Suddenly, Junsu’s cell phone rang loudly, breaking the silence. With one move, he took it out from his pocket and answered it.

“Oh, I’m so sorry for being late. I’ll be there in minutes. Okay, hold on.” Junsu put down his cell phone and talked to Joe.

“I’d like to talk to you more, but I’m very late to a music show which means that I’ll have a big problem if they didn’t see me in any minute.”

Junsu leaned closer to the older and whispered something. “I have my own reason to break up with her, Joe. You know you love her just as much as I do.”

Junsu stood back in his position and bowed a little, before he walked further from the older. But it was only a few steps away when the older called him.

“What do you mean by that?” Joe asked as he turned his body around, facing Junsu’s back.

Junsu stopped and looked back at the older and then smiled. “Just believe me, Joe. I’m really sorry about this.”

Joe watched as Junsu running to his car which was already waiting outside with his favorite assistant, Hyukjae.

Joe was confused at what Junsu said just now. If Junsu loved her that much, why did he ever left her? However, he knew that Junsu never lied to him. Not even once, moreover, it was about his little sister. He wouldn’t dare to underestimate this. Junsu was doing wrong, but why did he sound so right?

*****

“Xiah Junsu!!!! I love you!!!!!” The fans cheered happily for their beloved singer.

Junsu hold up the microphone and closed his eyes. Right when the people on the earphone said to get ready, Junsu opened his eyes and the song began. Everyone became quiet once Junsu sang. They cheered as much as they liked, but no one here wanted to miss that angel voice.

I want to know if our souls till can be saved

Leaving our lasting marks, we are dating apart as time ticks away

Feeling the weight of love, if it is just a dream where everyone will not suffer

Sadness, please do not weep, even though we can see almost nothing

The memories are by our side, forever and ever

For me, happiness changing is lonelier, than happiness coming to an end

Even if our words are far away, if we feel connected

Our wounds will heal, though it will not be granted for now

How long are the rainy days that tear apart our smiles?

Junsu sang this song passionately as he always did to this song. This song was specially made for her; the only one love could survive in his broken heart. He wished that the girl would watch his performance and knew that this song was for their precious relationship. He wished the girl knew that the lyric in this song was truly come from his heart. He wished the girl knew that this love would always be in his heart. It was a very sweet of him, yet, stupid. He knew that more than anyone.

Sadness, please do not weep, even though the warmth has gone

I will be at your side, avoiding the cold blasts

Even if I touch a phantom hand on a sleepless night, I will feel tenderness

I want the strength to protect my only one jewel

Battling loneliness, I will live with aches and pains

Sadness, please do not weep, even though we can see almost nothing

The memories are by our side, forever and ever

For me, happiness changing is lonelier, than happiness coming to an end

The song was going to an end. He looked around once and spotted a girl who was wearing a blue loose jacket with hoodie staring at him sadly. The face wasn’t as clear as the eyes. Somehow he felt familiar with those eyes. It felt calm, for him. But when he glanced at the camera and back to her, she had gone. Junsu searched around and still found nothing.

*****

Sadness, please do not weep, even though we can see almost nothing

The memories are by our side, forever and ever

For me, happiness changing is lonelier, than happiness coming to an end

Heechan watched Junsu’s performance with amazed look. He looked so charismatic on the stage. But it wasn’t last longer, because soon Heechan found herself smiling sadly. She just noticed the lyrics. It talked about someone’s feeling after breaking up. That someone lived in pain willingly only for him/her beloved’s happiness. It reminded her about the state of the relationship between her and Junsu.

Heechan stunned. She wasn’t bother by the fact that he had dumped her, but she was more into the reason behind his action. She had known him very well. He always had his own reason for everything he did. But the strangest thing of the separation was that until now, he never told her the reason.

As she listened to the lyrics more, she became aware of something. This song was completely made by Junsu and its lyric was so match with their state of relationship. It couldn’t be that its lyrics were the inner feeling of him after they broke up, right?

When she was fighting in her own mind, she found Junsu, who was still singing on the stage, spotted her. He saw her.

“Oh, !” Heechan cursed under her breath as she made sure that the hoodie of his loose jacket would be enough to cover her. When Junsu glanced at the camera that was moving to him, she walked away as fast as she can. She looked at him for seconds before she really left the place.

Heechan entered his car hurriedly. She took off the blue loose jacket and put it beside her. She tooka deep breath to calm her down. She was freaking out when he saw her. She thought he had discovered her presence, yet, she saw a glimpse of his confuse look when she was walking out of the crowd.

She looked out of the back seat of his car and took a mini box. She took the ticket out from the jacket pocket and put it inside the box. Little pieces of a paper were the only thing inside the mini box. It was all the ticket she had bought to saw Junsu’s performance since they broke up. It wasn’t that she never watched his performance before the break-up thing, but she never had a chance to buy a ticket. Junsu always found a seat for her as well as for his best friends every time they came to watch.

She always wanted to at least see him after the break of their relationship. She wanted to know how well he walked on his life after he dumped her. Still, she couldn’t just meet him as usual just like before. She just couldn’t. That was why she reached the conclusion that just being an ordinary fan of him would be the safest way to not be discovered. She would do thing such as coming to his performance in every chance she could get and others.

She knew she was just like a coward, but she had a reason for that. She was so sure that he wouldn’t like any issue about them if they caught meeting, considering that she was just nobody to him. Oh, she was even so sure that he would never want to meet her again since he just dumped her. Even though they had a chance to meet somehow, it would be a very awkward moment, because of their last meeting which was not good enough to be remembered.

*****

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