“I want to dance…again”

My stepfather looked up from his laptop, shocked.

I looked away from my stepfather’s stare and gazed at the black wooded floor under me.

Suzy always had a special connection with my stepfather. 

She was only 3 when my mother married Alexander Hale. Therefore she always saw him as her real father.

It wasn’t that Fei and I didn’t love him, it was simply that both of us remember life before him and only Suzy wasn’t awkward or wary around him during our first few years as a family.

Alexander Hale didn’t express himself well in words, but he made up for it in actions…sometimes.

He immersed himself in his scriptwriting, like I immersed myself in dance.

I tried writing a script once. The format itself was tiresome, but whenever I saw him typing and writing, he looked very content with what he was doing.

When Suzy asked to join my Dance class, I remember he went out to buy her all the necessary equipment. He was more comfortable with her, there was no doubt about that, but it was one of the reasons as to why I stopped showing enthusiasm when it came to dance.

It never bothered me that Suzy got most of our parent’s attention. She was the youngest and even I loved her blunt personality, but even though I did well without it, I would’ve liked some praise from him.

I honestly didn’t believe he acknowledged Dance as my dream.

He has never seen my performances, if he had he would’ve understood that just because I didn’t express myself like Suzy, it didn’t mean I wasn’t passionately in love with what I did.

“Dance? I thought you got over that”

My eye twitched in annoyance and I turned my gaze back on him.

His attention was back on his computer. 

“I simply wanted to ask you if you could transfer me to the Arts Magnet”

“Why don’t you focus on something else?”

“Like what?”

He shrugged.

“Something you’re more passionate about”

There it was. My suspicion was accurate. He didn’t understand.

“I am passionate about it”

“Then why did you give it up?”

He finally looked at me.

I didn’t want to tell him about the guilt I felt. I knew mentioning Suzy would only cause him harm. I know he is distant now, but he was apparently worse when Suzy died.

He was our only parent and he took both the hurt of a father and mother.

My mother died in a car accident when I was 8. I knew Alexander had it rough; he was left custody with 3 girls that weren’t even his, but he kept us and he loved us in his own way.

“Can you please just transfer me?”

“That’s not going to happen”

I rolled my eyes, “Why not?”

“If you were more enthusiastic about it, then maybe, but why bother if you’re only going to give it up later?”

“I’m not”

He sighed and rubbed his temples.

“You need to find something you’re more passionate about, like your sisters did”

“Fine” I turned around and walked out of his office.

I didn’t need his support in the past. I don’t need it now.

I’ll figure it out somehow. 

I only hope one day he'll be out in the crowd watching me, with a proud look on his face. 

I believe in you.