What Heart?
The Distance Between Us
"Here I am once again I'm torn into pieces"
A/N: I've gotten really emotional writing this chapter, I'm sorry if this chapter is too dramatic, I've tried to make it as realistic as possible but...well, the emotional in me took over my brains. I apologize for this chapter in advance.
"Can someone remind me again why must we attend this stupid event?" Kyungsoo huffed as he adjusted his cuff links in front of the mirror.
"I don't know, manager hyung didn't say anything except that it's the company's annual dinner and dance and all of us must go so as to be respectful." Jongin shrugged as he struggled to tie his tie behind Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. These events are a waste of time. He'd rather stay at home and read his sappy romance novels of Nicholas Sparks than attend a useless event where he is forced to wear a tux and a smile. He would rather be at home wallowing, rather than attend a party, although it's a private party where there are no cameras around, but he still has to entertain the other seniors which he isn't exactly psyche up about.
"Ugh, I don't have any tie to go with this suit." Kyungsoo grumbled as he stomped his foot lightly. Jongin frowned, Kyungsoo has a lot of ties. He walked towards Kyungsoo's cardboard and began digging.
"What about this?" Jongin held out a red tie. Kyungsoo shook his head.
"Too striking."
"This?"
"Too dull."
"How about this?"
"Pink. Seriously? Pink with a tux?"
"This?"
"I hate bow ties."
"What about this?"
"Not a fan of pinstripe."
"This...?"
"Oh my gosh, did I really bought that ugly tie?!"
"What about the one with spots?"
"Jongin, seriously, me and polka dots don't go well."
"Fine, this?"
"I hate green."
"God! You're so hard to please! Why do you even buy all these ties if you don't like them in the first place?" Jongin groaned. Kyungsoo just gave a shrug. Jongin picked out one last tie and showed it to Kyungsoo, a simple black tie with light animal prints.
"Well, then you're left with this, unless you'd rather wear that pinstripe bow tie with little kitten patterns on it." Jongin said, waving the tie in Kyungsoo's face.
"That's... That's an Alexander McQueen multi-weave moire tie..." Kyungsoo said in a soft voice. Jongin raised his brows.
"Woah, the expensive stuff. So? What's the problem?" Jongin said. Kyungsoo looked down at his feet.
"Baekhyun helped choose that tie for me a few months back."
[FLASHBACK]
"Hyuuuuuung I really need a tie for the upcoming event!" Kyungsoo whined in the store, at the tie section, unable to decide on which tie to get. It is late at night, and the store is open only for them for private shopping. Baekhyun, looking bored and scrolling around his phone.
"I'm sure you'll look good in whatever you wear Soo." Baekhyun looked up from his phone and gave Kyungsoo a smile before looking back at his phone. Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo walked towards Baekhyun.
"Hyuuuuung!" Kyungsoo put both hands on Baekhyun's chest to gain his attention. Baekhyun looked at Kyungsoo.
"Fine, fine I'll help you choose a tie okay?" Baekhyun ruffled Kyungsoo's hair making him blush.
"Okay!" Baekhyun pulled Kyungsoo over to the other side of the store to look for more ties.
Pausing at a rack, Baekhyun pulled out a tie.
"Baby, I'm sure these would look good on you." Baekhyun said. Kyungsoo took hold of the tie and stood in front of the mirror. The tie is simple, but not too plain. The colours, formal and authoritative.
"It looks good, but how much is it?" Kyungsoo flipped over and saw the price tag.
"Omo! It costs 190000 won! It's too expensive!" Kyungsoo gasped. Baekhyun chuckled.
"I'll pay for it baby." Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun with shocked eyes.
"No way hyung! It's too expensive!"
"Nope it's not, I like the tie on you."
"But-"
"No buts! Besides, the tie would probably look good on your wrist as I tie you against the bed frame." Baekhyun winked, making Kyungsoo blush.
"H-hyung! You're a p-ert!"
"Your ert." Baekhyun gave him a light peck on the lips.
[FLASHBACK ENDS]
"So... Do you want to wear it?" Jongin asked, snapping Kyungsoo out of his thoughts.
Kyungsoo glanced at the tie. It holds a lot of memories for him. He looked at it with a forlorn expression.
"I'll wear it."
Baekhyun left the SM building in his suit. He is going to the event with his manager alone, as he had went back to the company for practice alone in the morning.
The event, the annual company dinner and dance. He has no idea why must he be there as these things are just a waste of time as they would be there just to eat, dance and maybe even be asked to sing on stage.
He is sure that his other group members were already there, thus things would be so awkward for him as he is joining in late.
About 20 minutes later, he and his manager has reached the destination.
Baekhyun walked into the room. The room, huge, like a ballroom. Tables with food piling off them at the front of the entrance, a bar at the right side of the room, a stage right at the back where currently Taeyeon is on, singing a sappy love song to god knows who, and a gigantic dance floor right in the middle where a few older couples were already dancing on.
Then, a certain someone caught his eyes.
Kyungsoo, looking all glamorous in his suit, standing there with Jongin and Sehun as the two younger tried to get him to drink some alcoholic spiked punch, while laughing at the lame jokes of the youngsters. He was compelled to compliment Kyungsoo.
Stilling himself, he slowly walked towards them.
"Hey." Baekhyun started. The three of them froze as they looked at Baekhyun.
"Yes?" Kyungsoo said, while raising his brows. The two younger felt awkward as the tension in the air is so thick that they could just drown then and there.
"You look great tonight." Baekhyun said in a small voice.
"Well thank you." That was all Kyungsoo replied. Baekhyun, didn't want their conversation to end so quickly.
"Your tie suits you too. It's a nice colour and pattern." Baekhyun tried. Kyungsoo looked at him as he felt a pang in his heart. Kyungsoo almost broke down then and there. Did Baekhyun forget that he chose the tie for him?
"Well thanks, you chose it for me months before you decided to screw that producer and screwed up our relationship." Kyungsoo smiled sardonically.
"You know what? I'm gonna get a drink. This red head here needs some jiggle juice," Kyungsoo said sarcastically, "lets go guys." Kyungsoo gestured to the other two as he walked away.
Baekhyun stood there awkwardly. He remembered paying for that tie for Kyungsoo. Gosh, why is he so stupid?
"You okay there mate?" Jonghyun asked as he approached Baekhyun. Baekhyun looked at his senior and smiled.
"Yeah, never been better."
"Now, shall we have our juniors to come up on the stage and sing a song?" Tiffany the emcee of the night shouted as the crowd in the room goes crazy.
"Now, who wants to sing a song for us?" Tiffany asked, eyeing the juniors. Baekhyun stood up.
"I have a song. For someone special. Someone who used to mean the world to me." Baekhyun said as the crowd grew quiet. Kyungsoo sat in his seat looking indifferent. He gripped his legs hard. Chanyeol looked at him.
"Hey buddy, you okay?"
"Yes."
Baekhyun walked up the stage and took the mike.
"The song that I'm going to sing today is an English song, 'When I Was Your Man' by Bruno Mars, hope you enjoy." The seniors whooped while the EXO guys sat around Kyungsoo protectively.
Baekhyun gave a sigh, before nodding to the pianist. Then, the music started.
"Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh
Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but he's dancing with another man."
Baekhyun looked to the floor as he felt tears rising. He looked up and faced the audiences before he continues to sing.
"My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like uh, uh, uh, uh
Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but he's dancing with another man."
Baekhyun closes his eyes.
"Although it hurts I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know"
His emotions, immense, heavy, filled with passion as he lashed out the note before turning into a light falsetto.
"I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours when he has the chance
Take you to every party cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done when I was your man!
Do all the things I should have done when I was your man..."
He ended the note with a soft touch.
Everyone stood up and gave him a standing ovation. Kyungsoo looked away, before standing up and walking up to the stage.
Baekhyun ended the song feeling emotional all over, then he looked down the stage and saw Kyungsoo walking up towards the stage towards him.
Kyungsoo stood in front of Baekhyun. Baekhyun half expected Kyungsoo to cry and hug him or something like that, but instead, Kyungsoo took the mike from him.
"Wow, wasn't that fantastic?" Kyungsoo said into the mike and the crowd whooped, "now, what sort of main vocalist would I be if I don't sing a song too right?" Kyungsoo smiled. Slowly, Baekhyun walked down the stage and took a seat, watching Kyungsoo as everyone cheered.
"I will now be singing 'Papercut' by Jordin Sparks. This song means a lot to me, so hope you guys enjoy!" Kyungsoo smiled before nodding to the DJ.
The music began as Kyungsoo's angel voice filled the room.
"I'm ok, I'm ok
Don't keep asking me I might disintegrate
What you want? I moved on.
Everything is going well at least thats what I tell myself
I wish I was the *tinman so I wouldn't have a heart to break"
Kyungsoo's low notes resonated thought the room with feelings.
"I'm ok, I'll survive
I only think about you half of the time
All these tears are just drops in the ocean baby
You barely even cross my mind, no no
And it doesn't hurt that much
It was only a **papercut
Its only a papercut. papercut yeah "
Kyungsoo sang as he shot a side glance to Baekhyun.
"I forget that its there
You keep calling and calling you don't care
How it burns
How it stings
Just cuz you can't see it bleed
Doesn't mean it don't cut deep"
Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun fully.
"I wish I was the tinman so I wouldn't have a heart to break"
He fought back the tears as he continued singing.
"I'm ok, I'll survive
I only think about you half of the time
All these tears are just drops in the ocean baby
You barely even cross my mind, I'll be fine
No it doesn't hurt that much
It was only a papercut
Its only a papercut. papercut"
Kyungsoo faced the audience once more.
"The more I give, the less I get
Sometimes I wish that we never met
Cuz I was fine till you broke through
But don't worry baby, I'll get over you"
Kyungsoo's dynamics went from loud double forte to piano soft as he continued the next line in a soft voice while looking at the floor.
"By tomorrow or the next day, or the next day, or the next day"
Kyungsoo looked up as his voice rises with a crescendo.
"I'm ok, I'll be fine
I only think about you half the time
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah"
Kyungsoo screamed out the high notes pouring everything he had into it.
"I'm ok, I'll survive
I only think about you half of the time
All those tears were just drops in the ocean baby
You never even cross my mind
No No
Boy you wish it hurt that much
it was only a papercut"
He looked at Baekhyun once more, only to see blurry visions as tears blinded him.
"Its only a papercut, papercut yeah
Its only a papercut, papercut yeah
I'm ok, I'm ok"
As soon as he hit the last note, he ran down the stage to the toilet, leaving the audience in awe.
All of them felt the passion in his voice.
"That was awesome and passionate! So... Who's next?" Tiffany smiled awkwardly as she continued emceeing.
As the night drew on, couples found themselves on the dance floor, slowly dancing to the soft music in the background.
Kyungsoo is sitting by the bar, downing drinks by himself. He is spiraling, falling into a bottomless pit.
Yes, he will get over Baekhyun. But not today.
Sighing, he poured himself another shot of whiskey.
Baekhyun watches Kyungsoo from the other end of the bar. Kyungsoo had not notice him at all as he is drowning in sorrow and alcohol. Baekhyun remembers the last time Kyungsoo got drunk, and that was way before they got together with each other.
Slowly, Baekhyun walked towards Kyungsoo who is sitting at the bar all by himself. He took heavy footsteps, dragging himself slowly towards the one he still loves so much.
"Soo.."
Kyungsoo looked up from his drink. In front of him, stood Baekhyun in his glamorous suit.
"Hey, *hiccup* you look *burp* dashing tonight." Kyungsoo said, alcohol really has a great effect on him, "god, I want you." He slurred, not knowing what he just said. Baekhyun gulped. He knows that taking advantage of a drunk Kyungsoo is wrong, but he just couldn't help himself. Kyungsoo looks so sad and lonely, and the fact that Baekhyun still loves him dearly, he just couldn't resist this opportunity to be able to finally talk to him.
"Soo."
"What?"
Before Baekhyun could come out with an excuse, an announcement sounded.
"Everyone please get a dance partner and join us on the dance floor for a slow dance."
Baekhyun looked at Kyungsoo while raising his brow, slowly, he bowed gracefully and held out his right hand. Kyungsoo looked at him skeptically. Baekhyun cocked his head to the right.
"It is tradition to accept someone when they asked for a dance you know?"
Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun's outstretched arm. Smirking, he took it.
"Sure, it is tradition after all, Mr Byun."
Baekhyun smiled. It's been days since Baekhyun smiled for real. Nodding anxiously, he led Kyungsoo to the dance floor. This did not go unnoticed by others, but others are mainly absorbed by their own dance partners. Soon, the song "Skinny Love" by Birdy came playing, and the pair began their slow dance, with Baekhyun's hands on Kyungsoo's waist, and Kyungsoo's arm slinging over Baekhyun's shoulders.
Come on skinny love just last the year,
Pour a little salt we were never here,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.
"Soo..."
"Yes?"
"I still love you."
I tell my love to wreck it all,
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Right in the moment this order's tall.
"I know."
"Why won't you give me another chance?"
"Another chance," Kyungsoo scoffed, "to hurt me again?" Kyungsoo cocked up his right brow, as if mocking.
And I told you to be patient,
And I told you to be fine,
And I told you to be balanced,
And I told you to be kind,
And in the morning I'll be with you,
But it will be a different kind,
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets,
And you'll be owning all the fines.
"So this," Baekhyun rubbed Kyungsoo's waist in slow circles, "us, you feel nothing?" Baekhyun breathed into Kyungsoo's ear.
"I feel nothing." Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun with an emotionless expression.
"I don't believe you." Baekhyun looked at Kyungsoo with deep sad eyes.
"I don't care."
Come on skinny love, what happened here?
le on the hope in light brassieres,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split.
Baekhyun tightened his grip around Kyungsoo's waist, then slowly, his left hand traveled down to Kyungsoo's hips, while his right hand moved up and interlace his fingers with Kyungsoo's fingers.
"Even when I touch you here? Even when our fingers would touch?"
"Nope." Kyungsoo said nonchalantly, eyes vacant.
And I told you to be patient,
And I told you to be fine,
And I told you to be balanced,
And I told you to be kind,
And now all your love is wasted,
Then who the hell was I?
'Cause now I'm breaking at the bridges,
And at the end of all your lies.
"What about when I did this?"
Baekhyun spun Kyungsoo around, then back hugging him, their cheeks rubbing against each other's. His arms, tight around Kyungsoo's torso.
"Nothing. I feel nothing."
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
And who will fall far behind?
"Does your heart really refuses to feel all these things for me?" Baekhyun felt his tears rising. He turned Kyungsoo back around to look at him.
Come on skinny love,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Kyungsoo leaned up to Baekhyun's face, so close that their lips were just centimeters apart. Baekhyun leaned in, ready to catch Kyungsoo's lips as he thought that Kyungsoo wants to kiss him. But then Kyungsoo breathed out as their lips almost touched.
"What heart?"
The song ended, Kyungsoo pulled himself away from Baekhyun. He stood a distance away from him, before speaking.
"When you broke a glass, what will happen to it?" Kyungsoo asked. Baekhyun looked confused.
"It..just breaks?"
"Yup, then would saying 'sorry' fix it?" Kyungsoo asked again.
"No, but-"
"So a 'sorry' isn't good enough?" Kyungsoo stared hard.
"Well..no, but-"
"What about glue? Will it help?" Kyungsoo cut Baekhyun off. Baekhyun is sweating now. Why is Kyungsoo asking him all these? Is he really drunk?
"I-I could try, but-"
"Can you still see the cracks?" Kyungsoo asked again, piercing Baekhyun with his gaze.
"Yes..." Baekhyun understood where this is heading to right at the moment.
"Then can it still work? Fulfill it's purpose as a glass?" Kyungsoo asked in a soft voice.
"It...probably wouldn't as it-"
"Why not?"
"Because it is broken..."
"Because you broke it." Kyungsoo said. Baekhyun felt that the ability of speech leave him.
"And it would still remain broken, no matter whether you leave, or you stay, and you could never fix it by saying sorry." Baekhyun looked down at his feet, tears streaming down his face.
"By trying to fix it, someone would end up getting hurt, and it would still be broken forever." Kyungsoo said softly and sadly.
"Can anything make it the way as it was before?" Kyungsoo asked with a whisper. Baekhyun looked up, back into Kyungsoo's deep sad eyes.
"No..." Baekhyun's answer came out in a whisper that is so soft that for a moment, he thought that Kyungsoo didn't hear him.
"Now do you understand?" Kyungsoo looked away. Baekhyun nodded his head once.
"Now do you understand what happened to my heart?" Kyungsoo snapped his gaze back at Baekhyun, his voice trembling as he felt tears rising. Baekhyun finally understood.
"Soo... I would try everything to make it right again, please. Just let me-"
"Is everything alright here?" Jongin walked up towards the pair.
"Everything's fine Jongin, I was just leaving." Kyungsoo said softly as he turned and walk away while rubbing the tears away from his eyes. Jongin just sent Baekhyun a look of hatred before following Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun sighed,as he sat down at the bar and ordered himself another shot of vodka from the bartender.
He doesn't want to feel anything that night too.
Little did the pair knows that when they are having their encounter with each other, an amused figure was observing the both of them at the other side of the ballroom. Slowly, the figure turned and asked a manager that was closest to her.
"Oppa, can I have Do Kyungsoo's number? I have something I need to ask him about." The lady smiled sweetly.
"Sure, here you go." The manager typed a number into the lady's phone.
The lady smiled to herself as she whistled sadly.
"Time to do some damage control~"
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*tinman - a fictional character in the classical literature story "The Wizard of Oz", a man that was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the West to not have a heart. So the lyric "I wish I was the tinman so I wouldn't have a heart to break" meant that the person wish that he/she is cursed not to have a heart like the tinman, so that they won't have a heart to break.
**papercut - I'm sure you guys know what a papercut is, those cuts you got from flipping pages of books? Yeah. They seem small and significant, but when you accidentally touches it, woah, those cuts hurts like a mudaphuckah. So yeah...papercut.
Firstly, I would like to apologize for the late update. I wanted to update on Saturday but my friends hauled my out of my house as they said that its the holidays and I should be going out more instead of rotting at home writing this fic LOL and also when I wanted to update yesterday, my aunt dragged me out to babysit my two little devils nieces and by the time I reached home, dayuuuuuuum I was beat out. So...sorry for the late update ;A; please forgive me.
Papercut by Jordin Sparks has been my favourite song for years, I love it so much that I have to make Kyungsoo sing it. I'm terribly sorry for all the dramas I've written..... Anyway, the next chapter would be the last, then I'll post the epilogue :) so....yea..............please forgive me for everything :'( don't hate me, okay? Thank you all for reading this story even though it probably a lot :(
So.. Who's the mystery lady? Is she here to help? Or is she here to make things worst? Kekeke you'll find out soon. PEACE OUT! (^o^)v
P.S. sorry for the extremely long author note D: I love you guys~
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