Story link

Review by Milo

Title [10/10]

Super cute, obviously romance, dropped within the first chapters and gives the reader a heads up to the overarching trope.

Appearance [10/10]

Nothing too flashy.

Description and foreword [9/10]

In your foreword you spelt ‘description’ wrong but, other than that small detail, everything is fine.

Characters [6/10]

Honestly, no one was spectacular and there were times when I felt the whole cast were clones. I think this comes from trying to handle a large cast of characters. You are trying and that’s obvious, and your characterizations are consistent with the fandom’s interpretation, but not as consistent as is ideal. This will come easier with practice.

Plot [35/40]

Very cute plot.

One thing I want to mention is that it’s important, even in fanfiction, to stay realistic. Small things within your story, such as Mieun’s immediate trust toward a random guy approaching her when she was alone on the beach, took away from the overall realism of your story. It’s not a huge issue given Mieun’s character and Kai seeming nice, not old or creepy, but this is the kind of situation where people get kidnapped. We live in an imperfect world.

Anyway, the plot progressed at a fair pace and nothing seemed out of place, no gaping plot holes that I could catch.

Grammar and spelling [7/10]

Again, most of your spelling errors are missed letters. Re-read your chapters a little more closely before updating and you should be fine. Word is usually good at picking up those things, too. No noticeable grammar errors.

Not exactly grammar, but your dialogue is just a bit…Stiff. (I’m immensely passionate about dialogue. Please prepare yourself for a lot of critique).

My suggestions are: watch movies and really pay attention to the body language that goes into conversation as well as the words! Don’t be afraid of verbal static, either! In addition, it’s important to vary sentence structure depending on the character, including diction and body language. For example, one character may fidget excessively and another may often touch others while talking, or maybe they repeat some words-start sentences with small Ohs or Ahs or Ums! Make someone wordy, long sentences and winding thought-processes, make someone else talk in short, even fragmented, sentences. Assign favorite words, big words, small words, non-words and slang to different characters according to personality and BAM you have a varied cast of characters discernible by their dialogue. This could also help you cut down on dialogue tags, as it will be easy to tell who is speaking, which streamlines your writing and quickens the pace of your story overall. In exact contrast to my last point, this will also help you expand dialogue tags and keep from being repetitive!

My last (I swear) tip for writing dialogue and conversation is (DRUM ROLL) people watch. I’m serious. Go out in a public place with headphones in, but don’t play any music and instead pay attention to the conversations going on around you and the mannerisms of the speakers. If this is too weird, try reading dialogue heavy books or fanfiction and take tips from the authors.

Dialogue is hard even for the people who do it well, so don’t get too down or anything, okay? If you keep at it, you’ll get better fast!

Overall enjoyment [8/10]

Not exactly my type but I like how, when I read your writing, I can see all your potential! If you actively seek out and absorb critique you’ll see massive improvement. I also suggest checking out yeahcharacterdevelopment.tumblr.com because as well as character development they frequently post How-To’s, articles, opinions, and writing advice from published and/or well-known authors.

Total [85/100]