Present

Siwon POV 

" It is not the same! It will never be the same without him!" 

I yell across the meeting table, making the other members jump. Tears are threatning to spill over, I never expected we would be called to SM so soon after his passing but the topic of the meeting today made my heart break. Lee Soo Man sighs.

" Siwon, I know how you feel and how it must seem but.." 

" We've only just buried him and now you want to replace him!"  Tears are falling down my cheeks, some of the members are starting to cry too. Leeteuk keeps trying to pull me back into my seat. I clench my fists.

" We haven't even mourned for him properly yet and you want us to welcome someone new to our group." I walked away from the table and towards the door.

" Know this, I will never accept this newcomer." I say and I leave the room. My grief takes over and I'm leaning against the wall, crying my eyes out. I slide down and hug my knees. I miss him so much.

Sungmin POV 

It shouldn't have surprised me that everyone was still thinking of me but it did.

Had I really touched so many people while I was living?

But it hurt also that those tears were for me. I'm making my members and everyone else miserable because they can't forget and seeing Siwon especially hurts me even more. He has changed so much and so have the other members.

I smile sadly when I realise that when I eventually make peace and leave, the members will never be themselves again. 

I see Leeteuk come out of the room and sit down beside Siwon. I miss Leader as well, he was always there for me  but I can't help but think I let him down.

11 and a half months ago...

Sungmin POV 

A week has passed and it's time to do the recording with SNSD. We are now at SM, in the recording studio. One of the larger ones so we can all fit comfortably. We have just gone through a few rehearsals so that everyone knows which part to sing. We are taking a short break while the sound manager gets the actual music track from his office.

I am sitting on the floor talking with Jessica studying the music sheet. We have known each other for years, used to play together when we were little. 

" Are you going to see your mother for her birthday?" She asks me, looking up from her music sheet.

" Nope, she mentioned that she had plans with your parents that day." I say

" Really, Mom never said anything to me."

" Maybe I should see her, Come with me?" I ask Jessica with a smile, she nods a yes and goes back to looking over her music sheet. The sound manager comes back and we start to actually record.  

Sunny and I had a disagreement. She would start to sing when I started and try to outshine me, I don't know if she did it on purpose but after that we finished earlie than expected. We all packed up and left the buidling. I walk out with Jessica, arms linked.

" So, I'll call you with an exact time." I said to her when we get to SNSD's van, I open the door for her and get hellos and bows from the other members. I wave and bow back.  SNSD leaves and I go to SUJU's van. 

Once inside the van, I put on my headphones and listen to my mp3 player. I look around the van, Leeteuk is in the front passanger seat, happily chatting to the driver, Kyuhyun is playing his PSP while Ryeowook and Donghae are in the back updating and talking about each others twiiter stats. 

Before going to the dorms, Leeteuk tell us that we have to pick Eunhyuk and Siwon, who have just finished filming an episode of Dream Team. After a few minutes the van stops and the door opens. Eunhyuk comes in first and sits in the back with Donghae, Ryeowook has moved and is sitting beside Kyuhyun. Siwon gets in and sits beside me. I smile and wave at him, he just waves and thats it. 

We arrive at the dorms and are greetly by an overly excited Heechul and Kangin. 

"What is it?" Leeteuk asks.

" SNSD has invited us to go clubbing with them! Can we go?" Kangin says as he and heechul are jumping up and down. 

" We've already asked everyone and they want to go." Adds Heechul

Leeteuk sighs, knowing that if he says no there will be a mutiny. he smiles.

" Alright! Lets go clubbing!" 

It's 9 in the evening and we are at the hottest night club in town. Everyone is having fun and letting loose, While everyone is on the dancefloor I am at the table minding everyone's drinks. Jessica decides to sit down with me after a few rounds of dancing. She takes a sip of her martini and uses a paper towel to lightly dab the sweat from her face. 

" You should get up and dance!" She says loudly over the blaring techno music.

" Then who will mind the bags?" I ask laughing. " Plus I don't think I can walk straight." I point to the amount of shot glasses on the table, Jessica stares mouth open and I just shrug. I turn my attention back to the dancefloor.

Sunny is trying to engage Siwon in a y couple dance routine but he keeps moving away and dancing by himself. Everytime she grinds against him, he moves away. I can't help but laugh at the scene before me. Jessica realises what I'm laughing at. 

" Don't let her catch you laughing." She warns

" Why?" I ask staring at her

" Coz she is a , She will have your nuts on a plate. She is in love with Siwon." 

" I kind of figured that but I don't think Siwon thinks of her that way." I look back and laugh again, this time Sunny see me and gives me the death stare. 

" See, what did I tell you?" Jessica says sarcastically and shrugs her shoulders. I just laugh even harder and soon Jessica is laughing too. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I get up from the table and the room is swaying before my eyes, I take a step and a fall to the ground. 

Siwon POV 

OH MY GOD! 

Sunny is really starting to annoy me now, she keeps grinding her body against mine. I keep giving her hints that I am not interested but she's so dense. I  glance at our table and see Sungmin talking with Jessica, he then gets up and then falls to the ground. I quickly make my way over to him, ignoring Sunny completely. I get there and help him up. I hear him giggling and I look at Jessica to the shot glasses covering the table. 

" Did he drink all of them?" I ask her, my expression one of shock.

Jessica nods. " Yes he did, Just take him to the bathroom." 

I half carry, half drag him to the bathroom. I put him on the sink and I wet a hankercheif with cold water. I gently dab his face. 

" You a good guy, dongsaeng." Sungmin mumbles. " Taking care of your hyung." He smiles and tries to pinch my cheeks but misses. Drunk Sungmin is so cute, I continue to dab his face and he starts pouting at me, I shake my head.

I start dabbing the back of his neck. I repeat the process a few more times and then I wait outside so Sungmin can use the toilet. I'm swaying to the music when Sungmin comes out looking much better. We go to head back but he stops me.

" Thanks Siwon." He says looking up at me with those big beautiful eyes, he then stands on his tip toes and kisses my cheek, My eyes widened. He pulls away but i bring him back agaiinst me. I stare into his eyes and I lift his chin up and I bring my lips to his. He taste sweet, I'm in heaven. 

Sunny POV 

What the hell is wrong with him?! I am cute, y, adorable. Men are lining up to be with me, most men can't resist my charm. I hated the way he refused to couple dance with me but what frustrated me more was that damn fairy boy Sungmin laughing everytime Siwon stepped away.

I head to the bar and order myself another drink, on the way back, I pass the hallway that leads to the toilets and what I see makes my jaw drop. 

Siwon and Sungmin are in a passionate embrace, they are covered by a dark spot so they can't been seen. No wonder he didn't want to dance with me! That bastard! And it infuriates me that his partner is none other than Sungmin. My blood is boiling with rage. I got rejected for that fairy boy!  

Just you wait, Choi Siwon! I'll make you pay for this and I'll use your pretty boy while I'm at it. I finish my drink in one gulp and head back to the bar for another. 

Sungmin POV 

The next morning, I'm wishing that I didn't drink so much last night. Now my stomach hates me for it and my head is pounding. I run to the bathroom and lock the door. A few minutes later there are several knocks at the door followed by voices.

" Sungmin!!! Hurry Up!!!"

" Aish! Sungmin!"

" You are not the only one that drank last night!" 

I sigh and quickly wash my face. I open the door and it's the Three Stooges, Heechul, Kangin and Yesung. 

" All yours." I say walking past them and heading to the kitchen where Wookie is making breakfast, the smell engulfs me.

" Looks great Wookie." My mouth is practically begging for food. I go to the fridge and grab myself and orange juice, as I do, someone else comes in.

" Smells amazing Ryeowook." I hear Siwon say and I freeze, staying behind the open fridge door. I know that hiding is stupid but I can't face him this morning. My nerves are on edge and i keep waiting for Siwon to leave the kitchen. 

" Siwon, Can you go and see if Leeteuk is awake?" Ryeowook says.

" Sure." I hear Siwon say and footsteps disappear from the kitchen.

" You can come out now Sungmin." I close the fridge door to find Wookie, arms crossed with an amused look on his face.

" Why are you avoiding Siwon?" He asks me.

" I'm....That's..... I wasn't avoiding him!" I say stuttering my words, I mentally scold myself. Stuttering is how the member can tell I'm lying. Ryeowook raises his eyebrows, he is not convinced. 

" I'll tell you later." I finally say, waving dismissively and he goes back to cooking breakfast. 

I hate having to avoid him but one look in those eyes of his and I'm not myself. For the sake of our members I can't start a relatioship otherwise it will get more awkward and unbearable. 

yay!! Chapter 2 up.

sorry for the late update

been sick for the past week. 

Enjoy. :)