Everything had gone by in a blur - coming home on Youngjae's back, opening the hideout door to see Yongguk sitting on a chair, his new cast on, leaning over with his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking, sobs slipping out here and there, Himchan and Jongup standing there next to him, gloomy and sad looks on their faces, Himchan's hand on Yongguk's shoulder trying to comfort him. But in the back of his mind, he knew nothing could put Yongguk out of his misery and sadness that he was plunged into. Nothing.

You woke up bright and early the next morning, the first thought that came to your mind: It's Kai's funeral today.
The world came crashing back down, the heaviness of Kai's death still there, hovering over you and making it hard for you to get out of bed.

You sighed and carefully crawled off the mattress so you wouldn't wake the sleeping Zelo and Daehyun on either side of you.

The black mourning dress that you bought before was laid on the kitchen table, adding to the dark atmosphere in the hideout.

You rubbed your eyes and let out a small yawn. *Better make some breakfast and change...*

You went right to cooking, your mind still blank and tired.

*I should make something yummy...To do something about this atmosphere,* you thought, forcing yourself to smile.

You got to work, humming softly to yourself, mixing the pancake batter and setting out the dishes and utensils.

You heard footsteps a few minutes later behind you. You turned around and saw Zelo walking in, rubbing one eye and scratching his head. His hair was sticking up in random places, but it was cute.

You smiled and greeted, "Good morning! I'm making breakfast so wait just a bit."

You turned back around to flip the pancake over on the frying pan, but you suddenly felt two arms slide around your torso and hug you back to a strong chest. Zelo's chin rested on your right shoulder, his hair tickling your cheek. He had to almost bend over to rest his chin on you - your height difference with Zelo was a funny thing to see.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you blushed slightly but continued to cook.

"...Are you still upset?" Zelo murmured in your ear.

"Huh? About what?" you asked.

"About...Kai's death. You were really out of it yesterday. You're acting more...happy right now," Zelo observed.

You hesitated before nodding, "Well...I can't not be sad...He was a very good friend to me while I was working at that restaurant, and he treated me like a best friend and a little sister...I'll definitely...miss him."

Zelo made a face, "Hmph. I treat you that way too, ya know."

"Now, don't be jealous," you teased. "I'm just saying I'll miss him as a friend."

Zelo shrugged and straightened up, letting go of you. "Whatever. Ugh, my back hurts from bending over for so long..."

"Then you shouldn't have hugged me in the first place," you scolded jokingly, picking up the frying pan and making your way over the table. You slid the three pancakes off the pan onto Zelo's plate. "Here, eat. Oh, I forgot the syrup and whipped cream. Zelo, can you go get - "

"Got it," Daehyun interrupted, holding up the bottle of syrup and whipped cream cap in his hands like trophies. He walked in and sat himself down next to Zelo and set down the two bottles.

Zelo pouted, "Aw, Daehyun hyung, I was gonna get them for Bokyung!"

Daehyun narrowed his eyes at his dongsaeng, "Well too bad - you weren't quick enough."

"Aigoo, stop bickering you two! What's with you guys these days?" you said, making more pancakes.

"I don't know, Daehyun hyung is always the one who starts it," Zelo complained, rubbing his messy hair in frustration.

"Bokyung's right - stop fighting so early in the morning," a sleepy Jongup said, his shirt on backwards and wearing a black cap over his bedhead.

"Good morning, Jongup! Pancakes?" you greeted, smiling.

He smiled back and nodded, "Yeah, I'm starving."

"Can somebody go and wake up the others?" you asked, bringing the pancakes over to Daehyuna and Jongup.

"Zelo, go," Daehyun ordered, jabbing a thumb behind him and picking up a fork in the other hand.

Zelo gaped at him, "What? Hyung, don't order me around like that! Remember when Yongguk hyung said - "

"Don't speak my name when I'm not around to hear it," a deep voice vibrated.

Yongguk took Daehyun's head and Zelo's head and bashed them together casually, like a father would do to his sons.

In unison, Daehyun and Zelo both yelped, "Ow!", rubbing their sore foreheads. Zelo whipped around to Yongguk, who was sitting on the other side of him and calmly starting to eat. "Hyung! Why'd you do that?!"

"Because you two are a loud nuisance. So shut up and let's eat in peace," Yongguk said without looking up.

Zelo facepalmed himself and sighed, looking dejected. You couldn't help but laugh. You realized just then that that was the first time you had laughed in a very long time. Long before Kai and Yongmi had died...

*No, don't think so much about them anymore. They're important to me, but these people sitting here in front of me are my priority right now. These people I have to hold onto, at least.* you thought, smiling to yourself.

Himchan and Youngjae came in, Himchan's arm slung over Youngjae's neck. They both made sour faces and protested, "Hey, how come you guys didn't call us to eat?"

"Nobody cares about you two," Daehyun said, rolling his eyes.

Himchan got red in the face and pointed a finger at him, yelling, "Hey, you! You disgusting, monotonous guy! Always disrespecting your hyung! What's with you all the time, you dark and gloomy boy! Somebody needs to discipline you ASAP."

It was quiet after his little rant, but everyone burst out laughing, a befuddled Himchan in the middle of it all. He looked around, confused, but laughed along anyway.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEWF2xh5E8s

"Sadness and Sorrow" from "Naruto" (OST)

You walked ahead of the B.A.P boys, an invisible string tugging you foward. Your head was blank, and you only heard the wind blowing softly in the background, rustling the leaves. A sadness that you couldn't explain was churning inside you, getting darker and deeper, almost strong enough to you in.

The tombstone was just in front of you, fresh and the carved words without any cracks or dust in them. It read, "Kim Jongin. A great friend who sacrificed all to achieve happiness for others."

Reading those words broke you down on the spot. You fell to the ground in front of the tombstone and bowed your head, tears bursting out of your eyes and sobs coming out endlessly from your throat. There was a stabbing pain in your heart, and you squeezed your fists, feeling anger and pain and sorrow all at the same time.

*Oh Kai...You never even told me what your real name was...Jongin, you were an amazing person that no one can replace in my heart...I'll never forget you.* you thought.

You felt the presence of the B.A.P members standing behind you, standing with an air of solemnity and a trace of sadness. None of them could bear to see you so distrought and so sad, but they knew better than to comfort you - they knew you wanted to be alone in this, to remember Kai on your own.

You closed your eyes and your mind took you back to the days when Kai was alive - laughing and teasing you in the kitchen, helping you tie your apron on, feeding you a piece of kimchi, wrapping the scarf around your neck, walking you home, taking you by surprise at the hotel in his soldier's uniform, and eventually taking the bullet that was meant for you...

His smiling face shone through your closed eyes, his eyes full of kindess and playfulness. That smile that always brightened up your mood. You would never get to see his face like that ever again.

After a long time of just kneeling there, remembering Kai, you lifted up your red face and stared at the writing on the tombstone one last time. Then you reached into your bag and pulled out the scarf that he had given you that cold night. You carefully wrapped it around the tombstone, making sure that the words were still visible.

*We'll all miss you, Kai. I'll have you in my heart until I die.* your thoughts echoed in your head and passed through your skull, transferring through the air to the ground where Kai's body lay.

Youngjae came forward silently and knelt down next to you, a bundle of white flowers in his hands. He placed them in front of the tombstone, muttering a quick prayer before he lifted his head and looked over at you. He saw the bloodshot eyes and running nose, and put a gentle hand on your shoulder. You looked back at him and he smiled a little in reassurance, "Don't worry, Bokyung. He's in a better place now where he can watch over you."

At this, you smiled back, realizing that you actually could in this situation. You started to feel better.

Youngjae helped you up to your feet. You turned to leave, but you still found it hard to have your back to Kai. The members understood and slowly walked ahead, leaving you for a few seconds to officially say goodbye.

*Kai, I know I'm being so fickle right now, but it really is so hard to let go of someone who isn't there anymore...Thank you for always being there for me and for cheering me up, thank you to being my friend who looked out for me, and thank you...for being born who you were.*

The surge of wind blew past you, pushing your hair back and chilling your skin. You closed your eyes and smiled, imaging Kai standing next to his grave, smiling an encouraging smile at you. You waved at him, the last tear streaming down your face. 

You took a deep breath and turned around, your heart now feeling much lighter and more stronger to move on without Kai. You knew he had your back, and you knew he was always going to be with you.

SUCH SADNESS AND SORROW TT.TT This was awkward to write because I didnt' know how to make this a sad yet happy (?) at the grave, but oh well D: did my best ^^;;

Anyway, please comment after my updates guyssss :) I'd like to read them as much as you like to read the updates! :P

-supergirl14