A/N: Hi. Sorry for the lack of update. Uni is busy. Adjusting to living in a new country is also taking my time. Anyways, enjoy! And I'm seriously surprised that lots of you are still bothering with this story. Thanks so much <33 
But winter break is coming soon, so hopefully then I can finish this story and save you all from the trouble of waiting ><

His expression turned to something odd, a mixture of embarrassment and realization, and he moved for his phone. Some part of me expected that, but another part of me, an admittedly bigger part, wanted him to say "Yes, I did" and talk to me until I fell asleep in his arms, but I knew that wouldn't happen.

You heard that?

I just looked at him and he shut his eyes for a moment, rubbing at them with his fingers, before shifting about so he was sitting next to me, facing away. With my index finger, I took his chin and turned it towards me.

"What's wrong?" I mouthed.

He started biting his lip as he typed something slowly on his phone.

I'm afraid it won't sound right, when I talk. I'm afraid I'll mess something up. I don't want to sound stupid.

I rubbed at his shoulder and back and pulled him closer to me, deciding to use my phone to reply.

Jiyong you have an amazing voice… and you told me the only thing I've ever really wanted to hear. I've been thinking about you all day, and what you said. And I know you tell me you love me all the time, but it was because you said it out loud, while we were wrapped up in each other, that made it so special. You made my heart stop and speed up at the same time. I love the way you talk.

He turned to me after he read it and smiled a bit sadly at me.

Thank you. Really.

I kissed his cheek and pulled him into my lap, nuzzling his neck and rubbing his back. I knew it must've been a sensitive topic for him, it would be for anyone in his situation, and I could feel his shoulders tensing with the force of not crying. I rubbed the knots out of them and kissed his cheek, his neck, letting him stay there silently for a while. There was such a strong urge in my mind to ask him how long he'd been talking and why he didn't tell me, but I figured it'd be best to save the questions for later… Except one.

Do you think I could hear it again?

My heart raced when Jiyong opened and closed his mouth a bit, but then he just stuck his lip in between his teeth and looked at me sort of pleadingly. The expression he had made me regret asking him to speak for me immediately, as much as I wanted to hear his voice again.

You don't have to if you're uncomfortable with it. I just love the sound of your voice.

I got the same hesitant face and sad looking eyebrows and just shook my head lightly, kissing his cheek.

"It's okay," I mouthed to him. He still looked incredibly sad so I took the sides of his face in my hands and rubbed my thumbs along his cheek bones, below his eyes. With a little tug, I got him lying down next to me on the couch, a tangle of limbs and messy hair and then a dog came along, Charlie just can’t leave us alone.

We were like that for a long time, just lying there with Jiyong occasionally reaching out to Charlie’s head or letting him play with the string on his hoodie. The sun was long gone and the only light was coming from the TV. I could feel my mind slowly shutting off and my body getting heavy with sleep. By the way he was still and breathing slowly, I assumed Jiyong had fallen asleep in my arms.

It was only a few minutes after I had closed my eyes, not completely asleep, that I felt Jiyong move further up on the couch, until his head rested comfortably in my neck. I could feel his warm breath on my skin and his mouth near my ear. My heart started pounding, his was too, but I didn't open my eyes. There were a few more seconds of awful waiting, and then I heard a sound, his voice, the endearing impediment still in place, scared and unsure and barely above a whisper, but saying a phrase that never failed to make my gut twist in the best way possible.

"Love you," he had said.

I smiled a bit and opened an eye to see both of his, staring at me with an odd questioning as I raised the sign to him sleepily. He gave me a smile too, a small one, and a kiss that spoke more words than he ever needed to. And we both pulled ourselves off the couch, me turning off the TV while he scooped up our phones. He led the way to the bedroom, and I followed him, my hands on his hips, waiting to enjoy the feeling of waking up next to him in the morning.

__________________________________

The following days were a blur of the inside of the bar, dog hair, Jiyong's smile, and silent TV shows. I would go to work, come home to feed Charlie, then either cuddle up with Jiyong or stop by his house for a few hours. We saw each other quite a lot during the rest of the week, and one of us always ended up staying at the other's house. It was almost like we were living together, but not quite.

Jiyong didn't bring up the subject of his speech for a while, and when he did it wasn't usually on his own, but he slowly opened up about it. I have a coach, is what he told me. And apparently he'd had that coach for quite a while, basically ever since he went deaf, but he was much more comfortable just signing, which was very understandable.

And over those few days, I decided something- I was going to show him my progress in learning sign language. I figured that if he could share his voice with me, I could share my signing with him. After a final run-through with my sign teacher that Thursday, I went to pick up Jiyong the next day for a picnic, a nice one, under a big tree in a park, somewhere we could be alone but as soon as I drove up to his house it starting raining. Not just drizzles; buckets. I sighed, my plan foiled by the weather, but then took the picnic supplies I had brought out of my car, carrying them up to Jiyong's house with me.

Jiyong had been looking worriedly out the window when I arrived, and opened the door for me immediately, greeting me with a kiss and knitted eyebrows. I smiled, held up the basket that contained all we needed for our picnic pleasures, and shut the door behind me.

We can have a picnic inside.

He looked up from the text, confused, and then saw me settling a blanket over his floor, taking food out of the basket, wine. Smiling shyly, he joined me on the floor, accepting the glass of red wine I offered him.

We sat on his floor, leaning against the big black couch he had, drinking good wine, eating good food, sharing the same glances and smiles. There were no words being said or typed, we just sat together, playing with the other's hands and giving sweet kisses.

It was near the end of our meal that the tickle of nervousness in the back of my head evolved into an irritation, one that was making my hands sweat and my mouth get a bit dry. As much as I had practiced, there would always be the fear of messing something up, of saying the wrong thing, that would be in my head… but then I looked at where Jiyong was sitting next to me, holding my hand, giving me the subtly but very happy look he always gave me, and I let go of him for a moment to get my phone.

I've been meaning to show you something for a while…

He looked at the text, then at me, a little curious but with the same sparkle in his eye that made my heart do something funny. I took a breath, swallowing thickly, and lifted my hands to begin the sentence I had been practicing for months, speaking along with the words my hands made, just in case.

'I've been learning sign language for you.'

I watched his face carefully and his smiled seemed to fade away, melting into a confused half-frown. I kept going, slower this time.

'Every Tuesday and Thursday I go to the community center for classes,' I continued. My hands were shaking a little, and I had to pause to open and close them into fists a few times. Jiyong was still watching me, almost expressionless, but with wide eyes.

'I wanted to learn for you, so we could talk together in your language, instead of just using our phones.'

I saw him swallow, blinking away tears that were making his eyes glassy. 'You didn't have to,' he signed.

It wasn't exactly the reaction I had been hoping for. 'But I wanted to.'

He shook his head, sniffing, rubbing at his eyes. 'I mean you shouldn't have to.'

'What do you mean?'

'You spent so much time of your life learning this for me and… that's so amazing of you, but I'm not worth it.'

I raised my eyebrows at him, confused. 'What? No, you're-'

The rest of my sentence was lost on him, as he continued anyway, hands moving faster than before. 'I'm not worth all of this; I'm just some deaf kid. Deaf kids should be with other deaf kids, and it was selfish of me to choose you, of all people. You deserve someone better, someone who can give you everything you want. You'll always be missing something, and it's my fault.'

Tears were running down his cheeks and he kept rubbing his eyes, didn't look at my face. I tried to tell him that nothing was his fault, that I wanted to be with him regardless of his deafness, but he paid no attention to what I was signing. He stood up suddenly, to put our empty glasses on the table, for some reason, and started pacing, walking around while still signing to me.

I couldn't catch what he was trying to say, his hands were moving so fast, shaking, and he wouldn't stand still. I got some things from him 'selfish,' 'my fault,' 'deserve better.' I wanted to tell him to stop, that it was okay, that I loved him, but he wouldn't even lift his head to look at me, I couldn't get his attention.

On instinct, I called out his name, but on the second syllable it died in my throat, and I paused, watched him. I suddenly understood what he meant, that I would be missing something, that it was 'his fault.' He would never be able to hear me, that was just a fact, but he felt like it was his fault he couldn't hear me, would never hear me say his name or tell him I love him or sing to him. He felt like it was wrong for him to love me, and he could never give me the relationship I wanted. It made tears start to prick my eyes, falling out of the corners, sliding down to my chin.

Jiyong was still pacing the floor, his face scrunched in an angry expression, his hands flying around to make words, rubbing his face, gripping his hair. He looked like he was in pain, like he was miserable, hated himself. It was frightening me, making me panic, and I had no way to calm him down. I tried to reach out to him, to make him look at me, but he kept moving out of my grip.

One of the wine glasses hit the floor, sent there by Jiyong's hand, sending shards every which way. I jumped at the sound of it shattering, but he just watched it break, hands going to his hair again. He doubled over and pressed his palms into his eyes, making a terrible noise of frustration that sent chills down my spine.

He kept moving, barely avoiding the pile of shattered glass on the floor, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears slipped out, rolled down his red cheeks. I stood there, shocked, with my arm outstretched towards him, but at that point I really couldn't do anything. He was shaking, stumbling around as he paced.

More noises ripped out of his throat, like he wanted to scream but couldn't open his mouth, couldn't breathe. My chest squeezed painfully with every sound he made, and my throat felt thick when I swallowed. I wasn't aware of anything anymore, there was nothing but Jiyong and I couldn't feel my legs or my arms as I went to him.

I finally took him by his shoulders, stopped him mid-stride, grabbed his wrists and removed them from his hair. He struggled against me for a moment, trying to wrestle his wrists out of my grip, but then he stopped moving all of a sudden, letting his shoulders sag. He looked at me through teary red eyes, stared into my own watery ones, and I saw his face completely break. His eyebrows crashed together and his lips pursed into a straight line, trying to keep himself together. He collapsed into my chest, burying his face into my shirt and clutching the fabric around my sides.

I caught him as he fell into me, letting go of his wrists and wrapping my arms around his shoulders instead, pulling him closer to me, keeping him from falling down. Sobs wracked his body, first because he was holding them in, but then because he finally let them out. He kept trying to breathe through it, to somehow catch his breath, but he couldn't, causing him to make more heartbreaking noises, muffled from his face being hidden.

The sound of him crying, weeping, like that just… ripped my heart out of my chest, made my arms tighten around him, trying to convey to him that I wasn't going to leave him, wasn't going to let go of him. Not now, not ever. I tried to stop my own crying, tried to stay strong, for him, but I felt my eyes overflowing with wetness, and my body shaking with the effort of keeping them in.

We stayed there for a long time, long enough that my shirt started to feel damp against my skin and Jiyong's sobbing turned into pitiful sniffles. The grip he had kept on my shirt slowly loosened, and I pulled away from his body to look at him. He kept his gaze on the floor though, embarrassed, wouldn't look at me at all.

I brought my hands up to his face, brushed my thumbs underneath his eyes, scattering the remaining tears there. He still wouldn't look at me, just closed his eyes, his head hanging. I kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, the corners of his eyes, and he finally opened them, tilted his head up, to look at me through wet eyelashes.

He swallowed once and opened his mouth to say, in a very broken, strangled voice, "I'm sorry."

My heart broke all over again, and I felt my throat tighten, knew I wouldn't be able to say anything back. I put my hand on his cheek, and smiled very softly at him as watched the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. And I knew that he didn't need me to sign anything or say anything, he just needed me to be there. We didn't need any words then, whether they were signed or spoken or typed. We just needed each other. We were enough.

A/N: Why is Jiyong so broken? Maybe it's time for the past to come out..