I opened my eyes, but this time it was a lot more easier than at the last time I remembered waking up from the white room.

Carefully I sat down, and I felt my mouth hang open.

The room wasn't empty. It was a hospital room. A completely regular hospital room. If it wouldn't be so pathetic, I would've said that it was cliché as hell.

There was these normal kind of things and stuff around me – everything you could ever imagine to be at a hospital room. I heard a weird sound, and I figured it had to be that weird machine that was playing the sound of my heartbeat. Oh, I'm such a genius.

”Sungyeol.”

I recognized the voice immediately, but I needed to think few seconds who the owner could be.

Howon?

I smiled carefully, but I didn't feel pain this time. ”Howon?” I asked carefully, trying to make sure did I recognize the voice right.

I looked around me, but the sight was still pretty fuzzy. I saw a figure walking from the door to me, and I figured it would be Howon.

”Do you remember me?” he asked.

I thought about it, and then rubbed my eyes to see better. Somehow, I managed to see his face. He sat down to the chair next to my bed – to the chair where Sunggyu sat once as well. To the chair where Sungjong sat.

If he even is real.

I shook my head. ”Not really,” I answered.

He bit his lip, and looked at me. ”Thought so.” The bitter smile on his face was so sad, and I just wanted to hug it away. I felt bad for him. The disappointment in his voice was obvious, and it made me disappointed as well – to myself.

”Who are you?”

I just had to know. It was necessary.

”Lee Howon.”

I shook my head. ”I didn't mean that,” I said, keeping my gaze at his desperate eyes. I wanted happiness and hope back to them, so badly.

For a moment, he was quiet. He didn't speak, didn't move.

”I'm–”

I looked at him, waiting him to go on.

”I'm your bestfriend. At least I was.”

It was a little surprised, but to be honest, I had waited this. Why in earth would he be here all the freaking time if he wasn't something very important to me? And why in earth would he be so sad to notice that I have no memories of him? Why would the sadness be so obvious?

But shouldn't I remember my own bestfriend? Why did I dream of Sungjong, someone who I had no clue of – I didn't even know did he exist – and not my bestfriend?

Sungjong, the one whose name I didn't have to remember.

Why not? Why should he tell me that separately?

Was he even real?

I smiled. ”Nice to meet you, Howon.”

I remembered our last meeting, yes, but I still felt like I needed to say that. Now I knew completely who he was, and I knew that I needed to get to know him – again.

He smiled weakly as a respond, and I understood him. I understood that he felt terrible. But he wasn't the only one. I felt terrible as well. It felt terrible to know that I didn't remember my own bestfriend. It felt terrible that I remembered Sunggyu, and saw weird dreams about Sungjong, but I didn't remember Howon. It wasn't only his loss, it was mine as well.

What was wrong with me that I got punished this way? Did I do something wrong? Was I someone who actually deserved this kind of happening? Me or the people I loved? Because I couldn't name even one freaking reason.

Why didn't anyone tell me why I was here?

Why couldn't I just disappear?

Pain. It got me from nowhere, and it didn't give even a second to prepare myself to it. It got to my head, loud, clearly and painfully. And I felt immediately that it wasn't going to leave me alone anytime soon.

”Sungyeol?”

The voices around me disappeared, and I no longer noticed any kind of difference between a scream and a whisper. I knew that me and Howon weren't the only ones in the room anymore. But I didn't see enough to tell who were in there. My sight was fuzzy – it was small, the edges were dark and the center was very thin. My head was filled with a pain that was somehow familiar, but I didn't remember feeling it before.

Sungyeol.

Who was talking?

It was time for you to go. Why didn't you? Why didn't you die like you were supposed to? What are you doing alive, why are you feeling this pain that you don't deserve? I wanted to save you from this, Sungyeol. Why did you survive?

I didn't understand who was talking, or was anyone talking at all. All I understood was the words and the familiar voice, that seemed to talk inside of my head. Somehow I knew who the owner of it was.

”Lee S-Sungjong,” I managed to say from the pain. I didn't understand what was happening around me, so I focused on the voice.

”Sungyeol? He said something. Sunggyu!”

Forget my name, Sungyeol. I know what you've been thinking about lately. I'm not real. I don't exist. I'm there, where you're supposed to be.

”D-dead?” I asked. ”Am I supposed to be dead?”

And those were the last words that Lee Sungyeol will ever say as himself.

a/n: Two chapters updated, yayy! Hope you liked today's update. I worked hard for this fanfic, I really did. The plot, the writing, everything. I really hope you guys like this, and I hope I get more readers as well. Comments are important, please do that <3

I have really nothing to say this time, so I'm just going to leave like this. Hopefully I'll update the next chapter soon, right? It's not even my intention to leave you with these kind of happenings, keke. It just happens.

I love you guys <3 Please leave a comment, yes? Byeee.

Btw, does anyone else feel amused with those pictures? Coz I do XD Seriously, these chapters are dark and stuff, and the boys are always smiling like no tomorrow in the pictures I choose... well, it lifts the mood (just wanted to clear this out for new readers: before I had a poster I just randomly put some pictures above)