Shut up.

It was all I could think about when Myungsoo decided to tell me everything. Everything. He decided to tell me about our memories, and it was the worst time he could ever pick. It was the worst, because I had experienced something not-so-wanted just the day before, and I was still in shock.

Don't think about it, Lee Sungyeol. You didn't do anything wrong.

Myungsoo just talked and talked and talked, and although I had very strong feelings for him (because I loved him), I wanted him to shut up, and let me think. Everything was so, so confusing, and I just wanted everything to stop. Just for a mere second, nothing else. I wasn't asking the impossible, after all.

”There is this favorite memory of ours, when we were in the hallway.”

I decided to take a chance and try to listen to his boring words. I already knew everything. Everything. I got my memories back and it was so useless for Myungsoo to tell them to me. He just wanted to be sure, and I knew that, but I was annoyed and he needed to understand me, just for a moment.

”I wanted to go to my dorm, but you wanted to go to your dorm. Hahaha. It was funny.”

”Seriously, Myungsoo?” I asked, lifting my eyebrows. He looked at me with a confused expression, which was way too serious. ”There's nothing funny. You wanted to go to your dorm, because we had our first kiss there. Oh, to have our millionth kiss.”

Myungsoo looked almost surprised. ”How do you know?”

I sighed, and it was deep, and it was frustrated and Myungsoo noticed. ”I already told you. I remember everything. I got my memories back. Now it's like nothing never happened, and we can be together normally, okay?”

Myungsoo was quiet for a moment, before his lips curved to a shy smile. ”So, now it's not awkward anymore if I kiss you? It won't be the first one to you, right?”

I laughed. My boyfriend sure was adorable.

”No, it won't be awkward.”

With that said, Myungsoo came closer to me, and didn't even hesitate to kiss me. It was like it always was; sweet, delicant, but powerful enough to be considered as a kiss, not a peck. I felt myself smiling, and I felt Myungsoo smiling, because it had been so long.

It was probably weird for us to digest the situation so fast, but the memories were back again, and we wanted to act like it was normal now. And maybe it was.

But I am going to die.

Myungsoo kissed me again, and then pulled back. The sweet, warm touch of his lips was now gone, and I pouted.

It was funny. I was starting to be the old me, the lively Sungyeol who was shining like the sun itself. I could see that Sungjong liked it. (But Sungjong wasn't there now, because of a certain incident.)

”Oh, wow. It wasn't awkward,” Myungsoo said, taking my hands to his.

”I said so.”

Myungsoo smiled. ”You know, we need to start doing those normal couple things again.”

”Like what? Buying t-shirts? Eating ice-cream in a very sensual way?”

Myungsoo stared. ”No.”

I laughed to his innocence. ”Why?” I asked as I furrowed my brows playfully, trying to act my best that it was okay. That it was damn okay for me to die, just like that. It was cruel and all, but it was the best I could do.

I cannot tell them. I will live now, and I will make them all happy. And then, then I will die. Just like that.

It was cruel. Heck, it was freaking cruel and I knew what I was doing. But Sungjong told me it was the only thing I could do.

”Sungyeol. You didn't die because of this.”

”Because of what?”

”Because of this. Are you stupid or what?”

I didn't even realize his informal words.

”Probably,” I answered, slightly getting angry.

”No. No, you are not, hyung. You're very clever, and you should know by now, that you didn't die because of this chance. This chance to fix your life before dying, and you know it, so why are you acting dumb?”

Of course I knew. But I didn't want to believe it. Everything would be ruined. I would be the one to ruin it all, with my so-called life and words and actions.

What would happen to Myungsoo, then?

”I don't want to die, Sungjong. I cannot die. What about Myungsoo? What about Woohyun and what about Sunggyu and Howon and Dongwoo and what about you? What happens to you?”

”Calm down, hyung. Everyone will be alright. They will understand, and they will understand why you did it, too. They will, trust me.”

”You cannot trust Myungsoo, you can't never trust Myungsoo, never and never and never. He will not get over it, Sungjong. He will not.”

”He will,” Sungjong said, with a small smile which was obviously forced. ”I will stay with you, hyung. We will be dead, both of us. If even that makes you feel better...”

It probably didn't, not yet, at least.

”But hyung, I just wanted to tell you something.”

I stared at the floor, still angry.

”I like you.”

The incident was still there, in my mind, and I couldn't do anything else but wonder why. Why in hell would Sungjong like me? He was girly, he was organized and he was everything that I wasn't. He was pure and innocent (not always, though) and he seemed way too perfect for me.

I loved Myungsoo, and Sungjong knew that.

But everything clicked. The incident when I kissed him, and all the times when I was crying about Myungsoo and he was awkwardly saying it was okay. But it wasn't. He had been hurting all along, and he had been doing it alone.

I'm so sorry, Sungjong.

I almost felt like it was my responsibility to try. To try to return his feelings after my death. I felt like I needed to, and I really felt like I wanted to, as well.

It was strange.

But I loved Kim Myungsoo. I loved Kim Myungsoo more than I would never love Lee Sungjong, and it seemed unfair. It was unfair, because I was going to die, and he was going to be all alone.

I'm so sorry, Myungsoo.

”Sungyeol?”

Oh. I'm still with him.

”Ah, sorry. I spaced.”

Myungsoo chuckled. ”I can see.”

It was normal now, and it was okay. Almost.

”Let's get the t-shirts, now, shall we?”

Myungsoo looked shocked.

”Don't worry, no sensual eating. Promise.”

Well, I had always been bad with promises, anyways.

a/n: double update, guys!