http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BcJmDyCB-s

As the girls received another invite from Teen Top, Mizuki and Seoul thought that Rachel would stay home.

They were surprised when Rachel gladly went with them to the dorm.
“Are you sure you want to come?” Seoul asked.
Rachel nodded. “Don't worry about me.”
Mizuki looked at Rachel with uncertainty, but left the matter alone, and they continued to walk down the hallway.

It was L.Joe’s turn to open the door, and he was just as surprised when he saw Rachel standing with the others.
“Whoa, are you lost?” L.Joe joked, using his English.
Rachel rolled her eyes. “I missed you too, Byung Hun,” feeling a little weird after hearing her English for the first time in a long while.
L.Joe poked out his tongue. “Come in.”
The girls walked inside, and Rachel hid behind the other two, just to surprise the rest of the members.

There was a moment of awkward silence when Rachel appeared behind the other girls.
“Rachel?” Chunji asked, frowning.
“Mianhae Oppa, I ran away for awhile,” Rachel replied, twisting her lips.
Chunji laughed, Ricky and CAP joining in. “It’s alright,” he said with a smile.
“Where are–” Rachel cut herself off, not wanting to say their names.
“They’re downstairs in the spare rooms. After Manager found out they had a fight; they got kicked out until tomorrow.” CAP sighed.

Rachel nodded to herself, slightly glad that they weren’t in the room.

***

Changjo and Niel sat on the couch. It was quiet, the only exception being the TV in the background. As Niel turned over a page of the book he was holding, Changjo took a bite out of his apple.
“Look, we’re going to have to make up somehow so Manager will let us back into the dorms.” Changjo said, chewing.
“Well, how do you think we’re going to do that?” Niel asked back, closing the book.
“I have no idea. Truce?” Changjo felt his patience thin when he said ‘truce’.
“I don't think so.”

Changjo looked at Niel, confusion on his face. “What?”
“You heard me. I don't want to have a truce with you.” Niel looked back with determination.
“Alright, tell me why.” Changjo calmly replied.
“...Because we don't deserve to be happy.”
“...Hold on, that makes no sense. A truce will make us happy?” Changjo crossed his arms.
“In a way it will. We’ll no longer have a sense of insecurity or competition towards each other. We don't deserve to be happy, because we ruined Rachel. She’s not the same.” Niel turned his head towards the TV.
Changjo thought for a moment. “We don't deserve to be happy. I see what you mean now. So we’re supposed to have a contest towards each other?”
Niel nodded. “Until Rachel gets better.”
Changjo scoffed. “She’s not sick.”

Niel shrugged. “What is she then?”

Changjo kept his mouth shut.

***

Mizuki tapped Rachel lightly on the shoulder, piquing Rachel’s attention away from the game she was playing with Ricky and L.Joe.
“Ne?” Rachel turned her head away from the boys.
“Who did you pick?” Mizuki asked.
“What do you mean?” Rachel replied.

Everyone else in the room became quiet.
“Who did you pick?” Mizuki asked again, her eyes drifting over to Seoul for a moment.
“Do you mean out of the two?” Rachel asked, feeling a little uneasy.
Mizuki nodded, and Seoul moved to sit next to Mizuki.
“Well...” Rachel cleared , and everyone leaned forward in anticipation.

“Niel.” Rachel said clearly.
“Wait, what?” Seoul replied.

Rachel took a deep breath, and mustered whatever patience she had regarding the two.
“I chose Niel because...I thought it was time to move on. I loved Changjo for a while, but he never did anything until now, until there was competition. He was...too late I guess. I need to look forward to the future and Niel is who I see, Changjo is just my past...” her sentence hung in the air like mist, and it slowly evaporated as everyone but Rachel showed signs of confusion. Seoul and Mizuki were positive Changjo was the one for her, even the rest of Teen Top thought so.

Shock was the first and only emotion everyone had.

“Rachel, I would’ve thought you would have chosen Changjo,” Chunji said, crossing his arms.
“How would you know that I would have chosen him? It’s not like you guys are stalking me, are you?” Rachel replied, raising an eyebrow.

CAP took out a piece of paper from his book, and held it up. “Because of this.”
Rachel looked at the paper. “What is that?”
CAP handed it to her, and Rachel recognised the handwriting.
“I was in Changjo’s room looking for a new book to read, and I found that on the desk. It was open,” CAP looked at Rachel as she started to read the letter.

A flurry of emotions passed through her at that moment. Bewilderment, wonder, affection. She didn’t know what to think, but it did little to change her mind. Rachel folded the letter, and held it in her hand, realising that she couldn't let it go.

No matter who she chose, he was still her closest friend.

And her first love.

“Dear Rachel,
What can I say? We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. Every memory I have of tae-kwon-do and of school, you’re always in it.
You probably think I’ve been ignoring you, but to be honest, I’ve just been thinking of what to say.
So, here it goes………
Saranghae. I always have and always will but it makes me worry about you.
Sometimes, way more then I should. Like now.
I’ve always paid attention when you spoke, remembered everything you said and even sometimes memorised it because I found it that important. I know when your birthday is, I know how many siblings you have, your background, what schools you went to/go to now, what you want to do when your older and even what your interests are but I bet if I asked what any of mine were, you wouldn’t have a clue.

I wish I could go out with you, tell you how I feel and yet I don’t at the same time because I don’t want it to get awkward. I wish I could kiss you, feel your lips on mine but I don’t want you to push me away. When I think of you, Rachel, I get shiver down my back. Is that good or bad? I’ve never felt this way before, so I have no idea on what to do or say.

I’m too scared to ask you out because I’m scared that you might laugh at me and say ‘no’ or say ‘yes’ and it gets all awkward between us and that might hurt our friendship. I’m so confused. I have no idea on what to do.

My life was lonely without you. Life was....different. It didn’t feel right; it didn’t feel like MY life. When I was getting ready for our debut, the time apart from you was hard and lonely, but I never told anyone. I couldn’t even admit it to myself up until now……I just never want to be away from you again for that long. It’s too painful. I need you in my life whether you know you’re part of it or not.

Mianhae. I was such a fool. I let you slip between my fingers, and he took you away from me. You’d probably think I had no feelings for you but I love you so much that you consume my every thought, my every emotion. Everything reminds me of you. Everywhere I look, I see you. Everywhere I go, I feel your presence. Why won’t you look at me? Why won’t you see I’m always by your side? Can’t you turn your head once in a while?

Why can’t you be mine? Why must you be with him?

Saranghae,

Jonghyun.”