a/n: okay... so first, i apologize for not updating for...weeks... apparently not only KARMA can be a , MIDTERMS too... but to make up for it, here's the next chapter, it's still on Kai's point of view because i'm such a sadist i enjoy making him suffer a bit because of ignoring Lia (evil laugh...not really, i can't laugh evily even if my life depended on it)...

thanks for reading, guys... and for those who subscribes... SARANGHAE!!!!!!!

“Where is she? Is she okay?” I asked once I caught sight of Kris-hyung. “What happened? Is she going to be alright? Hyung! Tell me what happened!”

Kris-hyung looked as if he was ready to cry himself, and that only made my heart beat faster in fear. He’s one of the strongest people I know and for him to look like a wreck means something must be really wrong.

“She’s under a surgery now.” Sehun answered me. He doesn’t look good either. “She was on the backseat of the car and when it swerved out of the truck’s way, the backside slid and got the harder blow. The driver only had some bruises. Lia…” he couldn’t even continue. “I was talking to her! God! I was talking to her when it happened.”

I watched as Sehun repeatedly run his finger through his hair. His face is distorted with anxiousness  and fear, and it made him look like the kid he really is.
I keep standing and watched as Kris-hyung paced back and forth in front of the operating room, and it might have been an hour or 3 before one of the doctors came out. Kris-hyung nearly toppled the doctor over in asking questions.

“Ms. Li is currently stable.” the doctor said and made the three of us sigh in relief. “But she suffered too much trauma on the head that she’s lucky she didn’t fell into a coma.”

“What?! Is… is she going to be okay?” Kris-hyung asked, slipping off of the calm persona he always wear. “Is my sister going to be alright? You just said she’s stable!” he demanded.

If I was the doctor I would have cowered with fear from the expression on Kris-hyung’s face.

“She is. But until she wakes up, we can never be sure to what extent the damage to her head had been. We will do our best, Mr. Li. We will keep you updated. Your sister will be moved into ICU and until she’s recovered consciousness, we will prohibit visitation.” with that, the doctor went off to his next patient.

Kris-hyung slumped down on the seat beside Sehun, hands clasped together with his head bowed. Sehun had this blank look on his face as if he had gone to space or something.

“Yah… you guys…” I tried to smile even if my heart is barely keeping on, “The doctor said she’s stable. Lia is stronger that the three of us combined! She’ll be fine!” I think I’m trying to reassure myself more than I want them.

My words seemed to snap Kris-hyung and Sehun out of their stupor.

“I’ll go tell mom and dad the news. You guys should go rest, alright?” Kris-hyung said, patting Sehun on the back and made his way out of the operation room’s waiting area.

I caught his arm before he can leave. But no matter how much I try to muster the courage, I can’t look at him in the eyes. “Hyung… I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know…”

A warm hug enveloped me for a brief moment but I know what Kris-hyung wanted to tell me. “Don’t blame yourself, Kai. You never wished for anything to happen. And no matter what, you are Lia’s best friend. Don’t you ever think that she’ll hate you.” he patted my back before leaving.

Hyung’s words comforted me for a bit and I found the courage to approach Sehun.

“I never blamed you, really.” Sehun started. He didn’t look at me but I know he meant what he said. “I just hated seeing you both hurt yourselves. Especially Lia.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I never realized…”

“It’s not important now. I just want her to come back as soon as possible.” Sehun said. He finally looked t me and somehow his eyes weren’t so empty anymore. “I can’t wait until she beat the living daylights out of you when she wakes up. That would be priceless.”

I managed to smile. “I know.”

Lia was in the ICU for three days before she was transferred to a regular room. I bet it was not only because of her better state but also because the people visiting the ICU’s viewing room to see her were all getting anxious and demanding. The hospital must have thought that the glass separating the ICU from the viewing room might collapse if they keep her there longer, thanks to some people who insistently tapped on it to try and wake Lia up. (thank you very much, Chanyeol)

A week and a half after the accident, four after Lia was transferred to her own room, she finally woke up and was coherent enough to talk with. She was immobilized though, four broken ribs, a fractured left arm and hips, and hydrothorax, complicating her stability for a bit. Fortunately the doctors managed to get her better.

Sehun and I had to attend classes, we’ve been missing so much this past weeks and the teachers could only be so understanding. Kris-hyung was there when she woke up though, along with their parents.
The moment we hear the news, it seemed like a huge weight had been lifted. Many of our friends visited the first day she came conscious but thanks to my overload of homework and projects (I may or may not have lied about my workload to Eunhee), I couldn’t visit her until a few days later.

Sehun kept me updated since he managed to spend at least a couple of hours with her everyday. But even so, I feel like there was something he wasn’t telling me. Other than, ‘She’s fine.’ and ‘She’s better.’, I heard nothing else. It must have been because she hates me or something, no matter what Kris-hyung said about her not being able to hate me.

I would have gladly accepted that she hated me...

But I was never prepared for this...

(a/n: Halt for a while. This is msSs407, because i think our brains are on the same wavelength as to how this story is progressing... alright, PROCEED!)

I finally got to have a free time after cramming up my late projects and homework, I managed to buy some fruits and visit Lia. I prepped myself for cold looks and cold shoulders, even for her to throw me out of the room.

But I was never prepared for a sweet smile directed at me when I entered her room. Lia is not a cold person even if she lashes out at me more often than not. But the kind of smile she directed at me when I came in is a little bit off. How can she smile like that towards me? It’s as if she had forgotten about what had happened only a few weeks ago.

“Hey…” I greeted, noticing that there was no one else in the room. Where were hyung or auntie? I understand that uncle got work, but Kris-hyung said he got a week off to help out on the hospital. Even Sehun said he’d be here today.

“Hi.” she greeted back, the soft smile still lingering on her lips. She’s got thinner and paler but there was a noticeable glow about her and I know that it’s a sign that she was getting better.

I walked over to the bed and awkwardly put the fruit basket on the bedside table. The whole bed was filled with plushies and stuffed toys and there were several balloons tied to the bedpost, all wishing her to be well.

“Looks like you got many visitors. The room’s packed.” I said. I honestly don’t know what to say. It’s more awkward this way without her sending me the same looks she did before she decided to leave.

“Yeah. Aren’t you all thoughtful! Mom said that you visited me the whole time I was sleeping! Thank you very much.” she said.

Silence reigned for a minute, neither of us saying anything.

I was just about to open my mouth, to apologize for everything before I chickened out, but she cut me.

“Uhm…I know it’s awkward but… who are you?” she asked.

“What?” I feel like the whole world had just collapsed under me. She can’t be…

Just then, the door burst open and Sehun came in.

“Hey, Jiatian, you owe me ten bucks for these melon cakes!” Sehun managed to yell out before stopping halfway to the bed. “Kai!”

“Oh, Sehun! You’re back! You know this friend here? I was just asking him his name!” Lia said cheerfully.

I looked at Sehun, asking him silently what was happening. If this was prank to get back at me then it’s so over the line.

“I…he’s… he is our friend too, Jiatian.” Sehun replied, looking at me rather than Lia.

“Oh? Just how many male friends do I have?” Lia laughed. “So, what is your name?” she asked me.

“I’m… my name is Kai.” I replied. I don’t know what came over me but somehow I don’t want Lia to know me as Jongin. Jongin who had ignored her feelings and kept on hurting her for the past few years.

“Kai…” she mused. “It sounds cool… but there’s something off.” she grinned. “It’s kind of a strange name, but I like it!”

My heart gave a strange leap with those very familiar words. (it's on chapter 1)

“Kai, let me talk to you outside for a second. We’ll be back in jiffy, Jiatian.” Sehun said as he dragged me outside.

“If this is a prank to get back at me I’m telling you to stop now. This isn’t funny! I’d rather have you hit me until I can’t walk, Sehun.” I told him.

“This isn’t a prank, Kai. And believe me, I would rather hit you to pulp than this.” Sehun replied. Since when did our relationship became like this? He must hate me real lot. “She’s got amnesia. The doctors say it might be temporary and she might regain her memories soon but… they also said that the are not really sure. It might take weeks, months, years even, for her to remember… and then she might not ever remember too.”

We were silent for a few minutes.

“I don’t really know how to feel. I’m so selfish that as much as I don’t want her this way, I also wouldn’t have wanted her to get on that plane.” I admitted.

“You were always selfish, Kai. That’s why you hurt everyone close to you.” Sehun replied.

“I do, don’t I.”

“Listen, Kai. I know that you care for Lia as much as I do but… I haven’t seen that smile since…forever. I know it’s so twisted of me, and you can hate me all you like, but can you… can you pretend that the past few years never happened? She’d had been hurting a lot and we both know she deserve nothing but happiness.” Sehun looked me in the eyes.

“What are you trying to ask me? Do you want me stay away?” I asked. “I can’t do that, Sehun. She’s my friend too. I’ve known her as long as you do.”

“I know. And that’s not what I’m asking. For the meantime, can we just make her stay as she is? Oblivious to the heartache she had been suffering? Just until she regain all of her memories? It’s not going to be hard, Kai. You don’t feel the same towards her so there’s really no reason to remind her that she loves you unconditionally to the point where she forgets about her own happiness.”

Sehun’s words hit me like a freight train. I want to say something about his words not being true, but I know he’s right.

Days passed quickly and soon Lia was out of the hospital. She went home with her parents and Kris-hyung took care of her entrance to Berkeley, asking them to keep her slot for her just until the summer semester starts. If she haven’t recovered by then they would let it go.

Even after what Sehun had told me, I still kept close to Lia. When the spring break started, I decided to go back to my parent’s house for the meantime. Before the break, Lia spends time either home or on one of the shops she works part-time at. Even though it boggles me, I get…jealous. I am her best friend, but she gets to spend time with her brother’s friends instead. So I decided that for the rest of the spring break, I will spend my time with her and help her recover her memories.

“Where are you going?” I asked as Lia got out of her house, looking as if she was going somewhere.

“Oh! Kai-ssi! You’re here!” she beamed. “I’m going to meet Sehunnie at some Lay-guy’s café. Where are you supposed to be heading at?”

“I… I wanted to spend time with you.” I admitted. “I thought if we spend time together looking at some pictures or something, then it will help you recover faster.” And I just generally want to spend time with you, I thought. But I will never say that. That’s just…awkward, amnesia or not.

She smiled gently, “You are very thoughtful, Kai-ssi. But I already agreed with Sehunnie.”

What’s with the formality with me and endearment with Sehun? I am her best friend! I was first!

“Well, how about I go with you then? Maybe you’ll remember faster if Sehun and I help.” I proposed.

Her eyes lightened up with the prospect. She agreed and soon we were entering Lay-hyung’s café. Sehun was at the bar, Luhan-hyung chatting with him.

Beside me and Lia, Sehun had always been close to Luhan-hyung. A bad combination, the two of them.

Sehun always had the stoic face of a poker master, but he’s really a kid inside. Luhan has an angelic face, always open and warm, but he’s one of the few people that can make a dead person turn on his grave. Sehun had always admired Luhan and follows him around like a kid to his most respected hyung, and Luhan takes it to his advantage most of the time. Unfortunately, not all those times are for the betterment of society.

“Hey, Sehunnie!!” Lia called out as we approached. She sat on one of the empty stools beside Sehun and I sat on her other side. “Hi…uh…” she frowned as she looked at Luhan.

“Luhan.” Luhan grinned and slid a tall glass of lemon tea in front of her.

“Yeah! Luhan! I remember!” Lia beamed. She looked around, “Wow, this place really looks familiar…”

“Of course it is. This is one of your favorite hangouts.” Luhan smiled. “Besides, you were here a couple of days before the accident so I guess that accounts for the familiarity.”

“I was? What were we talking about? Who was I with?” Lia asked, eyes full of interest.

So she was her a few days before leaving… I didn’t know that. Usually, she spends her time here with me or Sehun or both. It had always been like that.

“I was here with you.” Sehun replied.

“Oh? What were we doing?”

So Sehun was here with her…

“You were talking about…” Luhan gave me a look. “About leaving for Berkeley. And things.”

Lia nodded in understanding but it doesn’t seem that she actually remembers.

“Wait, you said about them talking…” I grabbed Sehun’s arm, “Let’s talk.” I said and dragged him towards the hallway leading to Lay-hung’s office.

“What?” Sehun frowned.

“You knew! You knew she was leaving but you didn’t say a thing!” I accused.  If he had informed me then maybe…I don’t know! Maybe I could have fixed things with Lia. She could have avoided the accident. It could have never have happened.

“If I told you then what?” Sehun scoffed. “You were busy with your own life, Kai. You were so fixed with running after what you want that you didn’t notice what you already have.”

I glared at him. It had been a few weeks since we had fought about this thing about Lia, but I guess he would always hold it against me.

“If I told you, would you have stopped her from going? And then what? You had already stopped her from giving her heart to someone else who deserves her, don’t tell me that you were also going to stop her from going after her dreams?” Sehun mocked me. “I’ve known for long that you can be selfish, Kai. But I never though that you could go to that extent.”

“It’s not like that, Sehun!” I snapped. “I just wish that you told me so I could at least know that she was leaving!”

“She would have never leave if you knew and asked her to stay. Even if you didn’t ask her to, if she saw you before she left, I’m pretty sure her resolve would have crumbled.”

“Just how would you know, Sehun? How would you know?!” I couldn’t help but raise my voice.

“Because I care. I care about Lia. That’s why I would know!” Sehun snapped at me and left to go back to the counter.

He cares. When he said that I stopped Lia from opening her heart to someone else… does he mean… him? Does Sehun like Lia?

Lia had always been close to Sehun, in a much different way that she was to me. And after the accident, the two of them had been more inseparable. But… does that mean that Sehun likes her that way?

And now that Sehun seems to carve his own special spot in Lia’s heart… does that mean that Lia might actually like Sehun back? It’s not impossible.

But Lia’s in love with… me! How can she like Sehun? Even with the amnesia? The brain can forget everything but the heart won’t. Right?

“Aish! Why do I even care if Sehun likes Lia?! It’s not as if I like her!” I groaned.

“What if you actually like her?” someone said.

I jumped in surprised and turned, only to see Lay-hyung leaning on his door with his arms crossed.

“Hyung! You almost gave me a heart attack!’ I exclaimed.

“You were giving me a headache by fighting with Sehun so loudly, so I guess we’re even.” he grinned.

“How… how much of it did you hear?” I asked.

“Pretty much.” he shrugged and walked towards me. “So, like what I was asking earlier. What if you actually like her?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Well, if you don’t really care, then you wouldn’t care that much if Sehun likes Lia. He’s a good kid. You should know since the two of you are closer than siblings.” he patted me on the shoulder. “You better figure things out, Kai. Lia had been hurt before. If you care about her, then shouldn’t you let her be happy? And Sehun too.”

I looked at where Sehun and Lia were laughing at something Luhan was saying. It’s like back then before everything happened. We’ve spent so many times like that over the years and now… I wonder if Lia and Sehun shared so many moments like those without me in the picture.

Thinking about it… it kind of hurts.

But I guess I kind of deserve it.

“Oh, Kai! You’re here!” Lia’s mom grinned at me. “Lia’s out to Minseok’s place. With-”

“Sehun.” I finished. It had been like this for the past week. Whenever I came to visit, Lia would be out with someone else, mostly with Sehun.

Lia’s mom looked at me with somewhat knowing and sympathetic smile. “You know Sehun and Lia are friends, just like how you and Lia are. And you can even say that it’s the same relationship you and Sehun has.”

I slumped on the counter and watch as she expertly makes a masterpiece out of the vegetables. “I know that, auntie. But…”

“Guessing from how Sehun deliberately steals Lia’s time away from you that he scales the distance between our house and his almost everyday without fail, I’m guessing that Lia already told you about her feelings before the accident even happened.”

“You also knew, didn’t you, auntie?” I blew air to the bangs blocking my eyes, but it fell on the same place. “I’m a bad person, aren’t I?”

She smiled gently and patted me on the back. “You aren’t, Jongin. You are just young and has a long way in front of you.”

“But… the path I’ve chosen… is it the right one?”

“Do you think you’ve chosen right?” she asked me, still smiling knowingly.

There was silence between me and auntie, a comfortable one. It makes me think of all the things I’ve been missing, and why I’ve been missing them in the first place.

Auntie put a snack in front of me that I ended up cross-eyed to look at it from my position. “Why don’t you go join Sehun and Lia? You look bored to death.”

“I don’t want to disturb them.” I answered. “IF they wanted me to join them then they should have invited me. I guess Sehun wants Lia all to himself, the brat.”

Auntie giggled. “Aish, this kid. If you want to spend time with Lia, then shouldn’t you make an effort to have her to yourself?”

Hmmm, that’s an idea. “You’re right, auntie.”

“Of course I am!” she laughed.

“You sound like Lia. Before the amnesia.” I grinned at her. I suddenly realize something… “I miss her.”

“We all do, Jongin.” she smiles at me but I could see the sadness in her eyes.

I hugged her and I could feel the longing she was feeling for Lia. I don’t think I could miss Lia more than how auntie is missing her.

“I promise, auntie. I would do everything I can to bring her back. I won’t give up even if it’s the last thing I do.” I swore.
 

A/N: two quick questions guys...

first... i change my style of writing this fic, the first chapters were divided into two parts, the present and the past. from now on, it would only be on the present... IS IT OKAY????

second is... does my posting long posts bothers you guys?? i mean is it okay if my posts are like miles long?? hehe...

(i might or might not post tomorrow... please anticipate!!!!!)