a/n: hello my dear readers...i know i kinda of said that i'll revert to my previous writing style but it kind of does not fit at how i want to go on wiht this story so...

..this chapter's written because some are hating our dancing machine, hehe...

..and because i just love Kai,  i feel like it would be unfair to not give him a chance to redeem himself...

i'm thinking of concluding the story soon since i don't want to drag this for very long... but expect some more drama before it ends...

so yeah.. here we go!!!

“Oh, hey, Kai!” Lia smiled at me as I trudged towards the island counter, dropping unannounced at their house just like always.

“What brought you here?”

“Ah…I just miss you.” I mumbled. Crap it, heart, stop beating so fast!

“What?” she asked, looking up to me from the cake she was making.

“Uh, nothing! I just… I got nothing to do!” I lied.

She just nodded her head and continued making the cake, which, by the way, looks like it’s covered with green slime…no, more like a huge booger. I just hope it doesn’t taste as bad as it looks, cakes had never been her strong point in baking.

She glanced at me, catching me giving the cake a distasteful look.

“Yah, it’s not as bad as it looks!” she pouted.

“I hope so.” I teased. “Who’s it for?”

“Sehunnie. I promised I’d make him something since I lost on a game.” she answered, putting some more icing.

Yah, why does she’s always making him something! She doesn’t give me anything!

“You’re giving him a booger-looking cake as a price?” I scoffed. “Wow, you sure are weird.”

“Yah! Stop calling me weird! I’m not!” she pouted.

I just stuck out my tongue at her. I know, really mature, right?

“Why do I have this déjà vu feeling about this? It feels like we’ve had this conversation before.” she wondered out loud, looking at me straight in the eyes.

For a minute there, I think I saw recognition. There’s this flicker behind her eyes as if she’s back to normal. As if she remembers.
She shook her head a little and the spell was broken.

“Anyways, I’m going to give this to him later. I need to clean up that workroom. It’s so messy. I can’t believe I’m that messy!”

“Want me to help out? I got nothing to do!”

“Are you sure? You don’t have nowhere to be?”

“Yeah. I don’t really feel like going out today.” Especially with the bet going on. People I know always greet me with those creepy smiles on their faces. I bet everyone knows about the stupid bet! I would really kill Jongdae-hyung when I see him.

There was a bit of silence before she looked at me with a slightly confused and wondering look on her face. “Say, Kai… back in high school… was I…” she hesitated. “Did I ever tell you of me liking someone? Like a crush or something? An…unrequited one…” she had this nonchalant look on her face but the slight pink on her cheeks gave her true feelings away.

Now, what do I tell her? I can’t just tell her that she had been harboring feelings towards me all this while! That would just be…awkward.

“Uh… why are you asking? Is this about those compositions again?” I managed to answer smoothly. Heart, please calm the crap down.

“No. I actually haven’t read them since we were last in there.” she replied and then looked at me. “It’s just for the past few days I’ve been having these weird dreams. And then sometimes I would have these flashes of… memories. I don’t even know if they are my memories or they are from those dreams. It‘s getting me really confused sometimes.”

She’s looking at me straight in the eyes and I swear they’re oh-so-slowly drowning me.

“D-dreams?” Now I’m stuttering! Kai never stutter! Only Kim Jongin! Why do I always become Jongin when facing her?! I need to be Kai right now!

“Yeah, these dreams. I always dream about this person who has their back to me. In my dreams, I would be looking from afar, or sometimes I would be running after them, sometimes reaching out, but they always seemed so far from me. And then I would wake up feeling…sad. Sometimes I would even be crying.” she narrated, all the while looking as if she’s reliving all those dreams inside her head.

“And what about those flashes of memories?” I asked. My heart is starting to gallop inside my chest.

Are her memories coming back? Is she going to remember me at last? When she does remember, will she hate me? Will she still like me?

Would I have a chance?

“Like I’ve told you, I don’t really take them as memories. More like, they’re remnants of those dreams. Like I’m remembering things from my dreams.”

“Well, what are those then? What do you remember sometimes?” I hope I don’t sound as nervous as I’m feeling right now.

I feel like wanting to bolt out the back door, and stay and hear what she was about to say at the same time. I can even feel my hands sweating a bit. Gosh I haven’t felt this nervous since… never! I’ve never felt nervous just being near someone before! Only with her!

“Hmm, one time I kind of remember talking to someone. I don’t even remember what I was saying, it’s just that I was feeling incredibly sad.” there was that sad gleam in her eyes that I just want to wipe away.

“It seems like most of these dreams are bad. Why don’t you try just forgetting about them?” I suggested.

“Oh, but not all of them were that sad. I mean, these dreams, I felt the sadness of course. But even it’s like that, there were times when I would feel… at ease. Even if kept on reaching out to this person I couldn’t reach, and even if they kept their back at me, it’s sad but strangely enough I don’t feel resentful to this person. I don’t feel angry or anything.” she gave me a small smile.

It just tugs strings in my heart. Lia is really one of the purest people in the whole planet and I don't know what good I've done in my life to deserve this opportunity of being close to her.

“I’m being weird, aren’t I?” she grinned.

“You’re always weird. That’s one of the things I like about you.” I replied, smiling like an idiot.

And then it struck me. I just said I like her.

Oops. I guess I just slipped a bit there.

She looked at me for a few awkward seconds, the smile on her face slowly disappearing, replaced by a slightly surprised look.

Well, at least she’s not looking at me like I’ve just grown out another head!

“Ah, haha (clears throat)… should we go clean your workroom now?” I asked awkwardly before bolting out towards her workroom. Not without giving myself a mental smack on the face of course. I could just see Yixing-hyung waving a fist in the air with a “Good one, Kai! I got a hundred bucks on you!”.

Lucky for me, Lia did not bother or tease me for the slip back in the kitchen. We started cleaning the workroom in silence and eventually talked about nothing and everything as we compiled music sheets and notes and threw the used papers.

It’s like we’re back to normal. And I would give anything to stay like this with her. I start to wonder how it would have been if she had told me her feelings after Eunhee had broken up with me. Or better, if I had not been too caught up with pushing everyone away and building up barriers around my broken heart and noticed how she had always been with me all this while.

Or even better, if I actually had the courage to step beyond that line where our friendship open the way to a higher level of relationship.

I wonder how it would have been if we crossed that border. I’m pretty sure it would not be like what we have right now, our hearts bounded inside the pretense that what we feel for each other is solely platonic friendship. Of course I love her as much as I love Sehun. But I know that deep inside our hearts we wanted more than that. She had wanted us to be more than that. And I know I want us to be more than just friends.

And Sehun does too.

Ugh! Life is complicated.

“Yah, are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot lately.” Lia smirked at me, flicking my forehead slightly to get me out of my trance. “Earth to Kai!” she  grinned playfully.

I don’t even know what came over me but as she draw her hand away I held it back. I think I just miss her. A lot. This messed-up feelings I have for her is not even making things easy at the slightest!

Like a stupid boy entranced, I held her hand and put it on my face. Her hand is not as pretty as Baekhyun-hyung’s, or the softest hands I’ve ever held. Since Eunhee and I broke up, I’ve been out with one too many girls, held their hands and made them swoon. Heck, there had even been times when I only need to touch a girl’s hand and make her agree to have a date with me in a few seconds. But Lia’s hand feels much different than anybody else’s.

Just like that time when we went out to the amusement park, I couldn’t help but wonder how her guitar-calloused fingers fit perfectly with the dents between mine. And right now, her hand feels so warm on my cheek, comforting.

“I miss you.”

There. I said it.

Even though I look like a fool with her hand on my face while I had my eyes closed. No, I looked more like an idiot, short of being a creep.

I expected her to flinch away, or laugh at me being weird at the very least.

What I didn’t expect was another warm hand cupping my other cheek. It makes me warm and tingly inside. It’s comfortable and cozy. I want to stay like this forever if I could, just like this. Even with this squirmy feeling in my stomach like butterflies just decided to magically appear inside me and flutter about.

“I’ve heard lots of stories about you from everyone.” she said in almost a whisper.

I opened my eyes, nearly choking at how close she was to me. Her bright brown eyes are me in and I feel pleasantly lost in them. I feel like they are boring into my very soul but I’m not afraid at baring my heart to her. If it would have been anyone else, I’m pretty sure it will scare the death out of me, the reason I kept my guard up all this time after Eunhee.

But with Lia, all my barriers come undone. With her, I willingly open my heart out and strip my soul bare. I know with her, I’m safe.

“What everyone didn’t tell me…” she continued and paused for a while before she was pinching my cheeks and stretching them out,

“Is that you’re such a big sap!” she giggled as I flailed and tried to pry her hands off my face!

“YAH! Li Jiatian! That hurts! A lot!” I whined as I massaged my abused cheeks.

She kept laughing though and I can’t help it if I kept on complaining about my aching cheeks like a kid.

“Why suddenly be a sap, Kai? Here I am, always having the impression that you’re the cool playboy who asked every girl in high school out.” she giggled as she put away some notes.

“Not all of them. There’s you after all.” I retorted.

Wow, that just sound so wrong.

She clucked her tongue at me, face void of emotion. I don’t really like that look on her face. After the accident, Lia’s emotions would be at her sleeves and it would be easy to read her mood. Seeing her with this vacant look is like seeing the Lia before the accident and I don’t like it. The guilt is eating me up.

“I know I’m not up to your standards, Kai. No need to rub it in.” there’s a wild grin on her face but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Crap. I just messed up so bad. How can things between us go like a rollercoaster? One moment we are connecting in much so many ways than just by words and now everything seems to be out of place!

“I don’t mean it like that!” I blurted out. Come on brain! Try to find the words to explain!

She smiled at the panic on my face. “I know, I know. I’m your best friend. Even if I don’t really remember, I kind of get it. Going out in a date with me would be like… going out with a date with Sehun!” she laughed.

I made a gagging face with that.

You’re wrong with that, Lia. I would gladly take you out on a date.

“But forget about that, what about these stories you apparently heard from everyone about me?” I asked suspiciously. “You should be asking about your life and not mine.” I pointed out.

“I know, I know. But I could help it if you’re one of the more mysterious people around me. I mean we’re supposed to be close but I don’t really know that much about you. So I’m really surprised that you’re a total sap.” she laughed. “Just how are you even like that? I would never guess you’re a softie. Luhan-oppa looks like a softie, but I kind of found out that he is the exact opposite. So I’m not going to stereotype you.”

I gave her a mocking ‘you-better-not’ glare.

“But they did tell me that you like Disney movies…” she started, stifling a giggle.

“That’s it. Who do I have to kill? Chanyeol? Baekhyun? Oh! Yixing-hyung! He’s such a gossip!” I crunched my knuckles and hope that she would take the red on my face as anger and not as how I really felt. Gosh! Why would my hyungs embarrass me like that! Oh right, because they are the bastards who call themselves my friends even though they just like to pick on me.

“I won’t tell.” she giggled.

“Yah, stop laughing at me.”

“I’m trying not to but just picturing you on the couch with Beauty and the Beast on is just… hilarious!” I can she she’s trying to stifle her laugh.

Her laughter is like bells ringing in my ears right now if only I don’t want to die out if embarrassment of one of my BIGGEST secrets being revealed to her. Yes, before the accident she knew that, she knew that I watch kid movies and sometimes she watched them with me. It’s one of the things I would gladly have her not remember. But apparently my hyungs hate me and they just have to tell her.

“Yah, stop it.” I whined.

“Fine.” she said as she took a breath and managed to keep a straight face. “If you tell me a sappy story, just one!, I promise I won’t even remember that tiny little detail about uber-cool Kai.”

A story? What the heck?

There was silence.

Then she started humming Beauty and the Beast.

“Ugh, fine!” I blurted. I kept my back on her, I can’t really deal with her teasing.

I hear some papers rustling behind me and I know she’s waiting for me to start a story or something.

“Once there was this boy.” I started. “He was one of the coolest kids at school, had many friends, got along with the teachers and even though he was not particularly good at anything, he had it going good for him.

One typical day as he made his way to school, he noticed an unfamiliar face. And because he’s always been too friendly at times, he approach this new person not knowing that said person was not that open to new friends. Needless to say,  they didn’t get along very well at first. But the boy insisted that he want this new kid to be his friend so he kept on bugging her, until one day she snapped and told him she didn’t want to be her friend. The boy was sad of course but he can’t force friendship to someone who doesn’t like it. So he backed away.
 

And then after a few weeks the girl who he was befriending with came to his house and apologize. She gave him a muffin and he gladly accepted it. He was so happy that they were friends and from that day onwards he promised he’d treasure their friendship and never let anyone or anything break it.
 

As the years go by though, things got more complicated. They were not kids anymore and as they grew up, so were their feelings. The boy didn’t even know how it began but he started paying attention to the girl in a different way than he used to. He thought it was normal but he never felt that same with some other girls.
 

Other girls never manage to make his heart race when he’s with them. Other girls never manage to make him forget everything but this person in front of him when she talks. Other girls never make him feel butterflies in his stomach. Other girls never manage to steal his attention and keep it and make him not mind at all.
 

Everyday he noticed that his time was being consumed by the girl even more. He’d be talking to his other friends and out of the blue she’d pop inside his head and make him forget what he was saying in the first place. It’s disconcerting. And strangely enough, he didn’t mind that much at all.
 

As the days pass by, he would notice little things about the girl. Like how she takes out the tomato slices out of her sandwich before eating, or diligently arrange her locker as if she’d be thrown to jail if she leave it even messy at the slightest. He never paid attention at how she would pinch her nose lightly after yawning, but he started doing so. He started noticing how she would tilt her head to the right if she was actually interested on what someone was saying and to the left if she just was plain bored but doesn’t want to say so.
 

It was confusing at first but then he realized that he was feeling more than friendship towards the girl. Slowly, he had been falling for her.
 

And then he remember the promise he made when they became friends. He promised he’d never let anyone or anything get in the way of their friendship.
 

He might be falling for her but she might not feel the same way. And that would result to them losing the friendship they had build up over the years. That’s what he was afraid of. Just thinking of not having her smile back at him as carefree as she was doing at the moment make him sad.
 

He started asking himself if he was ready to risk their friendship and take the unsure step beyond that line. He contemplated about just telling her and getting over with it because it had been bothering him for far too long.
 

And one day he finally gathered up the courage to tell her. He waited for her at school but she didn’t come. He was actually relieved a bit because he had another day to polish out his confession but he was worried at the same time. He was supposed to walk with her to school that morning but because he felt like he might chicken out, he decided to walk to school earlier than usual.
 

Later that day he learned from another close friend that her grandmom died and she was so devastated she kept herself locked in her room. He couldn’t stand worrying about her so he ditched the rest of the school and went to her house.
 

He was told that she wanted to be alone and hadn’t let even her parents inside her room. And that she had been crying the whole day and hadn’t eaten anything. He knocked on her bedroom door for almost an hour, his knuckles becoming bruised and raw but she kept him out. Remembering the tree that was near her bedroom window, he went outside and climb up, not caring about the bruises on his thighs and arms after, and then sneaked into her room.
 

She was hiding under the covers and her silent sobbing tugged at his heart. It surprised him how she even know that he was already inside her room but he’s already sneaked up the tree before so he shouldn’t have really questioned it.
 

He never said a thing to her and just sat on the floor beside her bed, listening to her stifled cries and sobbing. He can’t even remember how long he just sat there but eventually a hand came out of the covers and reached out to him blindly. He didn’t give a second thought about it and held her hand. He didn’t say the words but he made sure she felt them: I’m here for you.
 

Hours had passed and he might have slept or not but the next thing he knew, she was sitting beside him, their backs on the bed and her head on his shoulder. She wasn’t crying anymore but he could still feel her broken heart. Her hands were intertwined with his and if it was a different circumstance he would have blushed and felt giddy just because of holding her hand and having her close. But his feelings for her just have to wait.
 

And then she told him those words that had eventually made him forget about confessing and taking what they have to a new level.
“I’m really glad you’re my friend. I’m not really sure what I would do if I lose our friendship. I never want to lose it, not in a lifetime, not for anything.” she told him.
 

That’s when he decided that keeping her by his side as a friend forever was more important than anything else. He was so afraid that he’ll lose her if he make it otherwise. So they stayed like that: the best of friends.
 

And then someone came along and he thought that maybe this new girl might be the one chosen for him. By then, he had buried the feelings he had for his best friend deep inside him and thought that whenever he as being protective towards her he was just being the best friend that he was.
 

This new girl made him feel how it is to love someone who loves you back. Other than being just a friend. The two of them hit it off like they were made fore each other. Everything was going smoothly and he never thought that it would end up the way it had.
She told him that she felt as if he was never really there at times. And most of the time when he looks at her, it seems like he wasn’t seeing her but somebody else. He was confused of course, not really knowing what she meant. She broke up with him and a month after that she left.
 

From then on he vowed to never open his heart again to somebody else. How can he when he was forced to hide his first love and his heart broken by his first girlfriend? He thought that real love was never for him so he put his guards up and wrapped his heart so tight so it will never break again.
 

Years passed and things seemed to be okay. He was happy. He get to enjoy his time with girls without risking a broken heart in the process, it was convenient. He’d never find real love that was for him so he settled being happy with anyone who was willing to enjoy he moment with him.
 

And then she came back, his first girlfriend. Somehow, she managed to make a dent on his defenses and made him think that maybe this time there was a chance with her. He thought that maybe this time, they can actually make it last. So he went after her again.
 

What he didn’t know was that his best friend had actually fallen for him over the years. He didn’t notice since he was busy raising up defenses and holding everyone at an arms length. He was so afraid to fall and be broken again that he chose not to acknowledge what he had always wanted in the first place. It was right in front of him but he subconsciously ignored it.
 

He made himself believe that he had a chance with his old girlfriend and spent time chasing after her. Because of that, he failed to see how distant he had become from his best friend until finally, one day, she just sort of gave up on him.
 

At that same time, he found out that whatever chance he had with his ex-girlfriend was already gone since she loved someone else.
 

For the second time in his life, he broke his heart. Not because he hadn’t had a chance with his ex-girlfriend but because he lost his best friend. He couldn’t believe that he let someone who truly loved him, and waited for him all this while, got away.
 

But he didn’t give up though. He promised himself that he would take one last chance and tell her about his feelings. Even if it seemed like he’s got no chance.”

I took a breather, my chest feeling heavy at the memories suddenly flooding my head. I can’t believe I just told her that story. Our story. Well, my version of the story anyways.

There was a comforting silence as we sat on the floor side by side. I didn’t even notice how we ended up with our backs to the wall and our sides touching. It would have felt awkward but it just felt comfortable. So right.

The last of the sun’s rays were pouring in through the window on the wall above our head, casting the whole room with a peaceful red glow and everything just seemed perfect. She’s sitting next to me and feeling so warm and open and I just felt like I am home.

“Then what happened?” she asked in a soft voice, almost a whisper. She was playing with her hand, making weird shadow figures on the floor using the sunrays from the window.

I don’t know why but I just felt like holding her hand so I did. She tensed for a moment but relaxed under my touch. She started playing with the shadows again, this time with both our hands. It’s quite relaxing, comfortable. Perfect.

I can’t find other words to describe the moments when the two of us are together. Just: perfect.

“Your story…” she said in that same whispery voice, as if she was afraid that whatever spell had enveloped us would be broken if she so much as raised her voice above a whisper, “It’s not over, is it? What happened in the end? Did he finally get his chance with his best friend? How did their story end?” she asked, tilting her head to look at me.

I turned and looked at her, gently holding her hands and stopping whatever silliness she was doing with them with the shadows.

Her face looks perfect like this. Her brown eyes that’s always full of life drawing me even closer, giving me calmness and making my heart race at the same time. With our faces just inches apart, I could tell that she was confused.

There’s that flicker of recognition in her eyes again as she slightly furrowed her brows while looking intently at me.

Can she remember? Can she feel it?

I remember what Luhan-hyung had said: the heart cannot forget.

I know that I shouldn’t be confusing her even more. But I’m afraid that she will never remember, and more afraid that if she does remember who I am to her, she would just end up hating me.

So I’m sorry, Sehun. But I just need to be selfish this time around too. I need her. If she can’t remember me, then I’ll make new memories with her. I will make a new start.

“How…” I started, my eyes kept flickering to those soulful eyes and soft lips. “How do you think they ended up…?” my voice sounds like just a breath instead of actual words as I leaned in.

Her eyes started dropping and my heart beats faster as the distance between us fades to almost nothing. I can already feel the warmth of her skin radiating to mine. Just a little bit closer…

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Suddenly the spell was broken (I could practically hear a screeching noise behind my head) and Lia blinked twice before we scrambled away from each other, our faces both acquiring different shades of red.

When I looked at the door where the person who INTERRUPTED us where, I growled inwardly.

OH SEHUN!!!!
 

a/n: wahhh!! i love Sehun!! i really do!!!

so... i hope it clears some things on Kai's part.. poor kid's got a lot of anti in this fic (sorry Kai if i made the readers dislike you T,T)

please anticipate the next chapter because i plan to have some serious fluffy drama to be written... not a promise that it's gonna be that awesome but i'll try my bestest best!!!

comments are loved! so please comment!! i would love to hear your thoughts about this!

see ya! (goes back to polishing the next chap)